The next day was more difficult. As much as she tried to convince herself that Murtagh would not be contacting her through Thorn, she could not shake the feeling that it was him who was trying to enter her mind. Her reasoning was quite straight forward. For one, the presence was just overwhelming, and while she protected herself so as not to allow it entry, it never really tried to penetrate deeply within her. It was just… there. Then, Elva never sensed any danger, so whatever the presence was trying to do, it was not offensive and would not cause her sorrow.

'Surely an enemy would cause me sorrow,' she told herself.

No, it had to be Thorn. Who else would have such a boiling presence, if not a dragon?

And while the thought comforted her, it also made her sad to think that Murtagh was not the one contacting her. Thorn's presence in her mind brought it forward, once more, the fact that she felt so alone and helpless. She kept hearing Jörmundur's voice in her head, telling her she needed to concentrate on the matters at hand, rather than worrying about things she couldn't have or change. Murtagh was one of them.

But how was she to feel better when… every night, the burning fires of Thorn scalded her mind? How was she to stay put, when the object of her desire was so near? No, she had to find a way to communicate with Thorn, find out if Murtagh was okay, and why he wasn't the one talking to her. And she had to do it without alerting anyone to the possibility.

'I shouldn't have told Trianna,' she thought. But immediately after she slapped herself mentally. It would be foolish not to take precautions, so telling her had been the right choice. In case the presence was hostile, it was good to have Trianna nearby, but until it proved to be so, intervention was not necessary.

And so, when she met her magicians that morning and Trianna gave her a knowing look, Nasuada dismissed it with one of her own, hoping that Trianna would understand that there had been nothing to worry about. Of course, once everyone had left the office, including Jörmundur, the magician stayed behind.

"My lady," she said.

"Did you feel anything last night?" Nasuada asked.

"I can't be sure, why? Did you? I did not hear the bell ringing."

"No. The attempt was too brief," she knew she was lying, but in telling Trianna that much, she ensured she would still be on the lookout, should things turn sour. "By the time I had reached for the bell, the presence was gone. I suppose the barriers we put up are working."

Trianna eyed her suspiciously.

"And did you use the new mantra I taught you?" she asked.

"Yes, I did. I kept repeating it for a while after the presence was gone, in case it tried to come back."

"Good. It should protect you. It has no meaning to it other than distracting you, much like the old man's tale you used to recite before."

"'Lost in clouds of gray and silver,'" Nasuada said, closing her eyes, "'I twirled and twirled until it dwindled. How wonderful colours my eyes can see. How wonderful, and there is no one but me.'"

"Keep telling it to yourself, and you should be fine."

"Yes, thank you, Trianna."

'How wonderful, and there is no one but me.' She shook her head against her pillow. She had been repeating that phrase over and over for about an hour after feeling just one pinch of the strange presence. Only that, and nothing more, no other attempt, just that brief moment of heat, much like the first time she had felt it a few nights ago. 'What is he playing at?' She allowed herself to think at last. 'Why tease me in such a way that I cannot grasp his true identity? Why, Murtagh? Why, Thorn? Wh… Lost in clouds of gray and silver, I twirled and twirled until it dwindled. How wonderful colours my eyes can see. How wonderful, and there is no one but me. Lost in clouds of gray and silver, I twirled and twirled until it dwindled, How wonderful colours my eyes can see. How wonderful, and there is no one but me..."

The heat had hit her like a rock, breaking through her stream of thought, battling its way in, not violently but forcefully. Nasuada squeezed her eyes shut, repeating her mantra over and over, until the presence was gone again.

'… How wonderful colours my eyes can see. How wonderful, and there is no one but me…'

When enough time had passed, Nasuada lay there with thick tears streaming down her eyes. How cruel it seemed. The mantra that was supposed to protect her, free her mind of stray thoughts, was actually rubbing in the fact that she felt so alone, the fact that Murtagh was not connecting with her.

'Thorn!' she screamed with her mind.

But only silence and cold surrounded her.

The morning after that, she felt drained and somewhat paranoid. That her heart wasn't into what she was doing was evident, more so, when Jörmundur gave her a meaningful look. He knew something was not alright, and even Elva was eyeing her warily. Although, to be honest, Nasuada was looking warily at Elva as well. Something was off with the girl, and Nasuada couldn't quite put her finger on it. Usually the girl scowled at everyone, and looked rather sickly when too much sorrow surrounded her, but that morning she looked, if anything, overtired. She had dark spots under her eyes and looked even paler than usual. She hadn't looked quite as bad the last time Nasuada had seen her.

As Elva walked to the balcony to get some air, Nasuada followed her, standing next to her and leaning her elbows on the railing. She looked at Iliera, rising before her, and the people who worked and did their best to make a good living. Alagaësia was full of honest people who, given the chance, wanted to live in peace. And peace she had achieved in those years.

"You don't look too well," Nasuada said after a while. "Are you ill?"

"I cannot say," Elva replied, her voice dull. "While I can sense misfortune in others, I cannot when it comes to myself."

"I see."

"But do not worry, I can still sense if something is wrong. And I can tell there is something really eating away at you. Let it go, it will only make you suffer more."

Nasuada eyed her, and wondered if Elva was aware of what was going on. Could she tell exactly what was making Nasuada worry?

"Being alone and feeling alone are two different things. I understand that. Like you, I am surrounded by people, but I am alone. The difference is, perhaps, that I am used to it, whereas you wish for something more, something you cannot have. And that is what's making you miserable."

"You do know a lot more than you should."

"It is my curse, and I bear it. Your curse is to be queen, and you have borne it quite well. Continue to do so."

They looked at each other, until Elva lowered her gaze.

"Now, if you excuse me, I need to lie down."

Notes:

So what's wrong with Elva?