A/N: You asked, so here it is: more of the Mustang gang's reactions. I'm way too cruel to Falman and Havoc to own Fullmetal Alchemist.
"Lieutenant Falman?"
"How can I help you, Hughie?" The boy was definitely Riza's, all right. It was one thing to know that the youngster would be well-behaved, but to be saluted every time he came to Central, even while off duty, was almost unnerving. Vato had seen Hawkeye train her dog. He wondered occasionally if she'd used a similar method on her son, and then thanked his lucky stars that he was only her former coworker.
"Permission to ask a question, sir?" Really, and people said that he was uptight about military procedure… They were at a party, or more precisely, just outside a party. Falman had stepped out front of the Hughes place to take in the warm sunshine, ignoring the looks of disbelief Fuery and Breda shot him. It was at least forty-five degrees Fahrenheit out here. Compared to Briggs, it was hot.
"Speak freely, Private Hawkeye," Falman told the small boy, only half-joking. Hugh Hawkeye would be a military brat, if there was anything bratty about him, but mostly he was just military.
At those words, Hughie at least relaxed his stance, rocking nervously on the balls of his feet. "Well, I asked Al and Lieutenant Havoc and Sergeant Fuery, and they wouldn't answer me…" Alphonse Elric was probably the only person over the age of eighteen that Hughie didn't feel obligated to add at least a "mister." It wasn't "Uncle," but it still made Falman wonder how he did it. "Lieutenant Havoc told me that you had a better understanding of the word, so I ought to ask you. So, Lieutenant Falman, what's a bastard?" The eyes were innocent-looking and brown, but for just a moment, Vato saw Roy Mustang staring up at him from beneath that slicked-back short black hair.
No, this was something purely out of Jean Havoc's evil sense of humor. Mustang wouldn't have had to get involved. If Falman was lucky, the colonel wouldn't even have to hear about it. "Where did you hear the term, Hughie?" he hedged, trying to come up with an innocuous definition that did not include the words "Jean," "Kain," or "Hawkeye is going to kill me." Vato's mind refused to cooperate. She'll shoot me in the spine and then have Roy slow-roast me while she uses me for target practice. Then she'll let Hayate have a new chew toy…
"At school, sir." If anything, Hughie looked more uncomfortable than Falman did. "John said that I was one."
Oh, Vato thought. He respected Riza Hawkeye's abilities, but he wondered sometimes if she should have pushed the Fuhrer harder for retirement, or at least an individual pass around the fraternization laws. But she and Mustang were stubborn, and the Homunculi's attempts to frighten them into submission only made them more determined than ever to rid the country of all the remaining Sins and their Father, to boot. In the meantime, Hughie was left to struggle with less immediately dire problems. Falman supposed that it was the only proper route, but that didn't make it a fair one. All of Mustang's dogs deserved a little more happiness, and Hughie hadn't volunteered for this.
In this instance, neither had Falman, but he had long ago learned that being under Roy Mustang's command meant doing far more than shooting at the enemy and writing reports. If it meant explaining some awkward things to two of his former colleagues' son, it was still not quite so bad as some of what he had had to do under General Armstrong. "In a certain sense, I suppose he's right. Technically, a bastard is one whose parents were not wedded to one another when he or she was born. This is no reflection on the quality of the person's personality or moral fiber, however."
"So… it's okay to be a bastard?" Hughie asked, stilling his nervous rocking.
"As far as this definition of the term goes, certainly." Falman was feeling rather pleased with himself, up until Hughie Hawkeye started towards the door and then turned back around.
"Permission to ask one more question, sir?"
"Granted. Go ahead, Hughie." Falman should have known to run for the hills, but he had to get cocky, didn't he? It probably went back to Havoc's complaints about Vato's status as a field-stupid pencil pusher.
"Why does Colonel Mustang get upset when Major Elric calls him a bastard?" There was no question in Falman's mind: Hughie Hawkeye was most definitely Roy's boy. That follow-up went beyond Havoc-caused havoc and Breda-like manipulation to downright dirty fighting tactics. Hugh's father would be so proud. "Isn't he one, too?"
"Yes," Vato Falman said with feeling. "They both are." With any luck, Mustang and Hawkeye would kill Havoc first. Jean would be easier to catch, especially if Falman "accidentally" knocked over Havoc's wheelchair and deflated the tires on his way out of the country. There were times when living on Drachma's border could be a very, very good thing. Why, then, did those times always have to come while he was visiting Central?