"Andromeda was my favourite cousin. No, Andromeda's not on here either, look. Andromeda's sisters are still here because they made lovely, respectable pure-blood marriages, but Andromeda married a Muggle-born, Ted Tonks, so -"

- Sirius Black, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Chapter 6: The Noble and Most Ancient House of Black

Chapter 4 – To Learn

The dancing duo collided together after side apparition bumping bodies as they spun into each other. She leant into the crook of his neck whilst Sirius rest his hands on Marlene's waist.

As her hands travelled his chest, Sirius was heavily distracted. His eyes, grey and fathomless were looking out into the depths of Marlene's flat instead of the girl herself. His mind still played on the events that had lead him to this particular moment.

"Hey Sirius, will you dance with me? Shouldn't leave a girl dancing alone at a wedding…"

As Sirius recalled her honeyed tones, he gently turned to face Marlene. "Well, you're certainly a good dancer," he told her, only to notice that she seemed pretty distant herself. Before he could ask he what the problem was, she rushed out of his hold, limbs waving in the air as she rushed to her bathroom. The sound of her being sick was thankfully for the marauder a turn off.

"You all right?" he called out to her worriedly, only to be greeted to more noises of Marlene being sick, so he decided to leave her too it and looked about her home. The little flat was ideal for one, clearly a girls paradise, her clothes tucked away neatly unlike his own which were chucked this way and that when he was bored of them. Marlene's home also littered a variety of photographs, she had a large family. Sirius had met them, her father and brother large supporters for the Order and represented a face for good at the Ministry.

She finally stepped out of the bathroom, looking drawn and pale and Sirius put down a photo of her with her older brother to look at her in her drunken state.

"You should get some sleep…I'll sleep on the sofa," he told her and she nodded feebly in his direction. Even in her own little way she was beautiful and Sirius wondered after all the failed relationships he had he'd never seriously dated Marlene. He also thought of Peter, little Pete who was desperate to prove himself since he was eleven years old.

She was still in her bridesmaid dress as he helped her into bed; she was like a ragdoll, all limbs and no strength. How much had she had to drink anyway?

"Thank you Siri…" she said gently into her pillow as Sirius sat on the bed next to her. He pulled hair out of her face and set buy a bucket and a towel he found in her bathroom. "You're…very kind."

"Welcome to what Moony used to do for us all in the boys dormitory." He said softly. "I've left you a hangover brew I found in one of your cupboards, I'll sleep on the coach and go home later. Just in case Remus does pretend to be a man for the night."

He's not even sure Marlene knows what he's talking about because she seems pretty scattered. Remembering he's still in in his best man robes and he pulls off the tie, which had been loose from dancing earlier. He thinks again of Wormtail again, and his deal with Remus and his stomach clenches. What was it with him and his impulses? Remus had been right; he should have left it alone.

But who would have been able to make sure Marlene was home safe? He assured himself. This was…not fate, but it was meant to happen he knew. He had decided that a long time ago things happened for a reason, that he was friends with James and Remus and Peter all for a reason; apart from being his closest friends that is. There was a reason he was in Gryffindor, why he was in the Order. It was less about choice for him and more about knowing where he was needed.

"Just get some rest hun, I'll check on you before I leave in the morning."

"Sirius…"

The handsome man who had been stretching turned back to look at her, and her eyes bleary and tired looked back at him.

"Would you have danced with me tonight even if I had told you I didn't…would you have still tried?"

Sirius blinked in surprise, "Don't know…" he watched the young order member carefully. "Perhaps, I might not have done if I had thought you were embarrassed of me…" he shrugged, "but you know, you have nothing to be embarrassed of, I'm quite a catch."

Marlene smiled, but he sensed suddenly that the smile was not for him; her eyes were closed as she settled into her pillow. "Goodnight Peter."

Sirius opened his mouth to speak, half surprised half unsure but Marlene was already asleep, a smile he'd not seen all night planted on her lips.

"Well, I'd not seen that coming." Sirius said to himself, before turning back to her little living room and making the sofa his own, settling into the fabrics and hoping that his own hangover in the morning wouldn't make for too sore a head in the morning to come.

He should have just gone home. He shouldn't have been out late on his own. He should just called the knight bus. Should have.

The Order kept saying never go anywhere without letting anyone know where you were going, that it wasn't safe. That you might come across trouble.

But Peter didn't listen, not after the wedding. He just wanted to be alone to digest the actions of one of his best friends.

He began wondering the streets of London until very early in the morning, the morning fog had neatly settled on a very quiet town. Despite the fact he was in a wedding suit he looked like a tramp, large rims of tiredness around his eyes and his hair sticking in all directions.

Why was he so stupid? Why did he think that Marlene would be interested in him?

He turned a corner, muggle London always so quiet he hadn't expected that anyone would be in his path. The dark figure caused Peter to twist and fall, clumsy little Peter. Clumsy, unfortunate Peter.

"It appears Karkoroff was right. He did see you out here on your own."

Peter's feet turned to ice as the Dark Lord stood in front of him. The marauder reached for his wand but Voldermort was quicker, the young man's wand clattered behind him and the Dark Lord pointed his wand directly between his eyes.

"A-Are you going to kill me?" Peter stammered, his eyes wide with terror as the dark lord, The Dark Lord whom he'd been spending the last 3 years hoping he'd never face personally – on his own – was here right in front of him. Just him.

The Dark Lord didn't answer; his eyes instead decreased into slits and flicked his wrist in Peter's direction.

He didn't need to shout what Peter knew was coming, something that fortunately up to now Peter hadn't experienced. The man was on his knees, buckled to the floor with the force of the Cruciatus curse. Peter could only describe it as the force of thousands of sharp daggers penetrating you all at once and then at delayed intervals. His eyes watered as he continued to convulse on the floor until it finally stopped and he lay, staring upwards at the London Sky, his heart racing. He didn't realise he had been screaming until he realised the raw feeling in his throat. His mind was only able to focus on one thing at a time.

"I'm going to delight in torturing you before you die," Voldermort said, "But yes, you will."

Peter's eyes still watered as he tried to think straight, but it appeared his question had changed something in Voldermort's face and he flicked his wand again. It wasn't a cruciatus this time. It was worse.

Peter knew very little about Legilimency and how to defend from it. He knew that Dumbledore had encouraged his Order members to take that study seriously now they were out of school. Now, as Peter was staring into Voldermort's twisted face he knew that all of his life would be on display and he could do nothing but watch as he could see in his own minds eyes his memories before him, with his friends, his recent way of life, of Marlene's smile and Sirius's dancing...

And the Dark Lord's reaction was to simply laugh. He laughed so much that Peter wasn't sure if he would prefer the pain, it was just as painful to bring up all the memories again.

Suddenly, The Dark Lord forced Peter to his feet. There was something in his face that Peter wasn't sure he could read. It wasn't quite satisfaction or humour, he was sure that he would recognise that but he hadn't thought he would see humour in the Dark Lord's face.

"You're something of a tag-along are you, Wormtail?"

Wormtail. Peter's breath hitched as Voldermort used his nickname; only his friends called him Wormtail, only ones who knew he could turn into a rat, the only ones…

Voldermort was staring right into his face again before throwing him down. "You are the lowest of the low, Wormtail. A rat. A piece of vermin. Is that what they think of you."

Peter continued to shake from where he was on the floor, and Voldermort leaned in. His eyes widening with a strange sense of satisfaction.

"I can make you powerful, Wormtail. I can put you to good use. I can…make you important if you will help me."

Peter started to shake his head, but it was slowly, his mind still ticking over the results of his actions. He even tried to retreat slowly from where he was on the floor but Voldermort continued to walk forward so there was very little of a gap between their faces.

"I can make you better than all of them…I can make them aspire to be as good as you, Wormtail."

Peter's eyes started to widen a little wider, his own imagination getting the better of him. It had been a bad idea to turn himself away from Voldermort because he was suddenly in pain again, a surprise turn of events. The cruciatus sent Peter again in to spasms and screams and when that finally died and Peter's cries died the Dark Lord smiled.

"You will join me or you will die. You will be my spy on the Order or I will make sure personally that I will rip your body apart and you will not die until I say so."

Peter's breathing heavy and his eyes still watery continued to stare at the Dark Lord.

"If you join me Wormtail, your friends will regret the day they ever considered you just a tag-along. Regret that they never showed you respect…."

Voldermort's wand teetered between them until finally Peter made his choice.

He raised his eyes to the Dark Lord and swallowing hard he finally nodded.

Voldermort smiled and without another word he apparated leaving Peter, leaving his spy, to pick himself up slowly from the pavement and make his way back home.

4 days later…

As per usual, Remus Lupin exited the bathroom to the mess that Sirius had created. If he didn't know any better he was sure that Sirius was using him as his own personal maid. Remus really couldn't abide all the mess the marauder was making and after furious attempts to make Sirius clean he ended up doing it himself. He just had to remember that unfortunately, he couldn't find anywhere else to live and he didn't want to sleep rough again.

Remus had only just finished tidying the place before showering as he was planning to meet his parents as promised after their discussion at the wedding. What he came across was a load of dishevelled clothes that had been tucked away out of Remus's gaze and a very messy kitchen.

"Damn Padfoot, am I going to have to put a collar on you before I get you to tidy after yourself?"

Sirius Black appeared from the bedroom, running a hand through his hair to shake it. "It's just my clothes, relax."

"Relax?" Remus frowned, "It took me an hour to do all those cleaning spells and adjust everything in here after you wrecked it. That's just not…well, it's not on."

Sirius laughed but didn't deny it. Besides, he loved winding Remus up. "Don't have a cow Moony, I'll clean up before she comes over,"

The other marauder rolled his eyes, "and speaking of your little date, I wont interrupt. I'll go see Peter or something."

Suddenly Sirius started to laugh, he laughed so much that he had to hold the edge of the sofa that he had been leaning on.

"Oh man, I must be predictable for that response…"

"Yes, you are."

"Well all I can say is, you have nothing to worry about – come back to the flat, I promise…no funny business."

Remus turned to put on his coat. "I've been promised before and I've seen more female skin than I've ever seen in any of your dirty magazines."

Sirius smirked still, chucking Remus over his satchel. "Be sure to give Mummy Lupin a big kiss from me."

Remus saluted, and then without a moments hesitation he apparated to his parents home.

The Lupins lived in Yorkshire, where they had been living since Remus had left Hogwarts. Lyall had finally retired from his position at the Department for Regulation and Control of Magical Creatures and this was their reward. The cottage was something the couple had always wanted - something simple and permanent. Remus had enjoyed helping them move in over the summer of 1977 and they'd even set up a basement for Remus – just in case.

Today, the June sun settled over in the east, giving a beautiful glow over the cottage. His mother's old Volkswagen Camper parked on the side basking in the same summer glow and Remus enjoyed coming there to pretend that sometimes the war was all in his head and going home was the only place he was safest.

As he entered the little blue cottage with a smile, which was left open for him, looking through to the small set up, a little wooden table an open plan kitchen tiled in lots of beautiful earth colours where his father stood tapping the kettle.

"'Lo Remus" his father said, his face turned away. "Your mother is in the garden out the back. You're later than we expected you…"

"I'm really sorry, I was arguing with Sirius…as per normal."

Remus smiled, closing the door behind him. As he did he sniffed, he could smell something salty in the area and he turned to look at his father. The man was still hunched over the kettle as he poured tea for the three of them and noticed the old wizard's hand was shaking.

"Dad?" Remus stepped towards the counter. Lyall Lupin's face was a mess of tears, which he had been trying to fight because his face was also red faced and lined like the werewolf had never seen it. His son went the colour of porridge, his hand took his fathers ushering him to put down the kettle – the bloody tea could wait.

"Dad…what is it?" Remus rubbed his hand over his father's back, not sure what else he could do. Had something happened? A friend passed away? Had the ministry denied him access to his hard earned pension? What could affect his father so?

"Your mother…she…she's…"

Remus didn't need his father to finish; he blinked quite a few times hard before rubbing his father's shoulder a little more. Lyall took his son's hand and gave it a squeeze.

"She's waiting for you in the garden, I'll be out…in a minute. I'm just being silly…go on." Remus just nodded carefully and walked past the table, out towards the stable door to see his mother sitting at the patio.

Hope Lupin was reclining in a wicker chair, her face serene as she sat in her matching wicker hat, her hands rest on the arms of her chair with a lemonade on the glass table in front of her. She heard the door and turned gently towards Remus. She was in a beautiful dress, he knew it because she had also worn that dress the day he had come home from Hogwarts, she had nicknamed it "The Big Event" Dress.

Today clearly, was a big event day.

Remus swallowed hard as he sat down in the hard wicker chair next to her and for a moment he didn't even have the courage to speak. He sensed he knew the answer to the question. To hear it out loud would destroy him he was sure, but he had to hear it with his own ears.

"Why is dad crying in the kitchen?"

Hope turned to look at him as she picked up her lemonade and took a sip. She seemed to be considering her reply very carefully before placing down her glass. As she did Remus took her now free hand.

"Mum. Please. Why is my dad - who never cries openly - crying in the kitchen?"

"Must you be so blunt?" Hope said and Remus's throat tightened harder.

"Must you be so dismissive? What is it?"

Hope finally did, and he saw himself in that white face that stared back at him. Her hand squeezed his and his heart started to break.

"The doctors have been running tests on me for the last two weeks. It so happens that I have been diagnosed with breast cancer."

Remus knew from Lily about cancer, knew what it did to her family members. Remus's hand slowly started to squeeze his mother's harder without even realising. He opened is mouth a couple of times to speak but he didn't know what to say.

"Isn't there—"

"Your father has been looking for weeks…there's nothing. I'm a muggle remember." She gave a small sad smile. "There's nothing he can do for me."

Remus's eyes softened, looking down at her hands. His eyes not focusing as his mind seemed to reel with this news. He continued to blink but no tears came, even if they seemed like they should, wet but no tears.

"Mum…"

"They have given me a few months, maybe longer. There are options, muggle treatments that I have been offered. I've decided instead to just stay at home. Your father's potions will keep me going much longer, and let me keep my dignity."

Remus couldn't meet her gaze any longer because he was afraid of what he would see there. How his father was standing in the kitchen was a miracle to the werewolf now.

"I don't want your dad to see me in that state, you understand don't you?"

"I do." Remus said, and even his voice sounds alien, raw and ragged like he'd been shouting for hours. "I just…mum…are you okay? I mean…" he couldn't word his fear, he just wanted to take away all this fear and worry that she must have to know she was going to be gone soon.

Despite it all, Hope Lupin smiled and her hand breaking out of her sons to stroke his hair back out of his face. "I'm fine, love. I promise. With all that's going on at the moment, I think your father is fearful he'll wake up to hear he's the only Lupin left."

Remus's heart tightened, they knew he was in the Order, though didn't know half the things he'd gone through. That and being a werewolf were enough to give both of his parent's reason to worry about him. He couldn't imagine what it would be like for his father to suddenly lose her, to lose his son all at once.

"I promise I'll be careful..."

Hope nodded and kissed her son's forehead and suddenly Remus was five again, sitting on his mother's lap as his father told him stories about his work with Non-Human Spirituous Apparitions. His shadow puppet spells that caused Remus to clap and his mother to laugh as he told the story again at how they met.

Lyall finally joined them in the garden, three teas in large over necessary mugs and he sat next to Hope in his own wicker chair. His face was dry but his eyes were lined in a way his son had never seen.

"Not long until the foods ready," Lyall said, "We've got chicken tonight, your favourite."
Remus smiled softly and he nodded. "You didn't have to go to the trouble…"

"Nonsense. We don't see you with all those night shifts you do for Dumbledore." Lyall said and he could even hear the annoyance in his throat, which Hope, tried to dispel by squeezing her husbands hand.

"We enjoy having you. How did the rest of the wedding go anyway? Did you dance in the end?"

Remus began leaning back in his chair as he went into detail about the rest of the Potter's wedding. He was happy to divulge and pretend this was just a normal dinner with his parents as the sun was setting now and the garden was turning orange to red as the sun started to fade. Though as he spoke, and when dinner finally came, and as they sat together Remus chewed as his mind distantly continued to remind him that after tonight, he may only have a few nights left with his mother. That after tonight, his father may well be a widow.

Death had never felt so close and far away and as he said goodbye that night all he wished for was to disappear to bed and not have to come face to face with Sirius and any of his floozy muggle girlfriends he was trying to impress.

The werewolf was greeted to the sound of giggling. Lots of giggling. Remus almost swore, he wanted privacy tonight, perhaps he should just turn round and out again perhaps to Headquarters because he was sure The McKinnon Family would let him sleep in the spare room for the evening.

Until a small little pink haired girl tripped down the step from Sirius's bedroom into the living room where Remus had apparated in.

"Ouch!" The word was drawn out as the little girl pulled herself up. She was wearing denim shorts and a huge muggle rock band t-shirt black with white drawings. Remus wasn't sure if it was one of Sirius's but he was sure he'd heard of the name Led Zeppelin before.

The girl watched him suspiciously and Remus was about to speak when Sirius appeared and waved.

"Did you trip kid?"

The kid, the pinked haired girl nodded before looking back to Sirius. Remus having the memory of his dinner blocked out by this fascinating site raised an eyebrow.

"Isn't she too young for you Padfoot?"

Sirius barked a laugh, and squeezed the little girl in a bear hug who tried to resist but Remus could see behind her pretend tantrum was a twinkling brown eyes. She really loved the attention.

"Remus, this is Andromeda's six year old daughter, Nymphadora."

The girl, Nymphadora, suddenly went red in the face and resisted Sirius's hug with full force. Along with her face suddenly her hair went just as red, which caused Remus's mouth to open wide in surprise. He'd never seen anything like it in his life.

"My name is Dora, Padfoot! I told you a million times."

"Right, right" Sirius said nonchalantly, he noticed Remus's face and grinned widely "You'll get used to it. She's a Metamorphagus. Show Remus here what you can do kid"

Dora's hair shifted back to her average pink then, now with the heads up from Sirius, her face changed completely. Remus was staring right at his own face. Well, almost. He could tell it wasn't his face, because it was still girlishly round, and it wasn't quite his nose. His eyes though, muddy brown and his hair stared right back at him.

"That's what you call a party trick…" Remus said with a smile, and Dora reappeared beaming at him.

"I can do other stuff, ducks and things, but mum doesn't like me doing it."

"Why not?"
"The other children think it's weird."

Remus's whole body laughed at that one. "Nothing wrong with being weird," he told her, before looking to Sirius. "I imagine this one was chasing you because it was bedtime?"

He'd left his parents pretty late, much later than he imagined a six year old should be up.

"But she's at Uncle Sirius's house…." Sirius said with a pout. "She's allowed to stay up late and eat ice-cream which mummy and daddy get a night to themselves."

Dora also looked extremely upset about the idea of going to sleep. Her eyes looking to Remus pleadingly.

"She'll never stay again if she doesn't go to bed before midnight, you know what Andromeda's like..."

It was in that instant Remus wondered if he would be a good parent or not because suddenly Sirius and Dora were fighting to get bedding sorted so she could sleep soundly in Sirius's room. He continued to chid her about her name which you could hear through the other room and Remus chuckled to himself as he made them both hot chocolates. When he entered Sirius's room they had turned it into a fort and Dora was surrounded in blankets and miss matched pillows.

"Only Sirius would build his cousin a fort," he said to himself under his breath as Remus passed the pair hot chocolates and sat with them amongst the pillow debris. For a few minutes Sirius entertained Dora with his own renditions of Babbity Rabbity and the Cackling Stump and the story of the Three Brothers before Dora was finally starting to settle thanks to the extra thick hot chocolate.

"We'll be in the next room if you need us" Sirius said to her gently as her pink her started to settle to a blue as she started to doze. The little one didn't answer and they left the door open a crack as they set up the front room for now the two of them to sleep on the sofas.

"She's cute." Remus said as he gathered up his sheet.
"She is, nothing like Andromeda though, gets all that spunk from her father."
"Ever met Ted?"
"No, but I can't see any Andromeda in her at the moment."
"She's only six. Children change. Sometimes for the better."

As the men settled to sleep, Sirius turned to Remus, his black mess covering most of his face, he needed to get it all cut.

"How were your parents anyway?"

Remus had been so distracted; thankfully, he hadn't had time to let that troubles him. Now it was back to focus and he swallowed.

"Fine…they made my favourite for dinner."
"Lucky git…"

Remus smiled, a little, before turning over to sleep, his head burying itself into his pillow as he tried to crush those thoughts from coming back but he had no choice. With the darkness came perspective. His mother was dying and he was facing death almost on a daily basis and children were becoming orphans as easily as people were become death eaters. Why was he suddenly feeling that the world he was fighting for was falling away at his feet and he had no idea how to get back to solid ground?

He steeled himself against what he suspected what would be his recurring nightmares and closed his eyes to the sound of Sirius's snoring, wishing that like Sirius, he could switch off the world whenever he liked.

Thank you so much for the reviews so far, mean a lot. Already wrote roughly 12,000 words for this I can't believe it :D Thank you for all your support!