Shiver

An Until Dawn Fanfiction

Synopsis: They'd all survived the night…all except for one. But was he really even worth saving at that point? Sam sure thought so. In the aftermath, Sam reflects upon her perceived connection with Josh, her grief, and her incessant guilt from not being able to save him.

Ending: All Survive, +Josh

Rating: T/M; Cursing, Sensuality, Sexual Innuendo, Gore, Horror

Character Pairings: [Sam, Josh]

A/N: I've been so touched by all of your amazing support and reviews. Nothing, and I mean NOTHING, moves me more than being able to touch and affect others. This has truly been such a fun fic to write, albeit emotional for me as the writer as well. If it doesn't scare me or move my own heart, how can I expect the same for you guys? I know these chapters are pretty long, by the way. When I was working on past projects I got into the habit of at least hitting 10 pages in a word document before I posted. I am trying very hard to be a novelist and I know that longer chapters are more time consuming for you guys (and me, to be honest) but there's something always so much more fulfilling to me sending out a good, solid, quality chapter. I'm more interested in quality over quantity. That said, we are moving on. Please continue to offer your support, suggestions, and questions or just let me know you're reading and interested. Every little comment is totally appreciated. Much love.

Also, if you get a chance check out "After" by IEatBooksForTea.

I've also added some ChrisXAshley in this chapter. Enjoy.

CHAPTER 4:

Sweet Release

Josh Missing – Week 2 (cont)

Sam felt a tinge of guilt not being able to go into Chris' house and face everyone; but how could she? She was almost completely certain that the night was going one of two ways: either they were sitting around, drinking and trying their best to push the events out of their minds completely, ignoring the fact that one of them was still down there – or – they were openly discussing Josh's descent into madness to try to forget about the creatures that had truly tormented them, as though that would justify their ability to move on.

"I had to watch him get sawed in half," she could picture Ashley saying to the group, her eyes big with residual fear and her voice shaking, Chris holding onto her tightly for moral support. "He punched me in the face."

"The guy was a looney toon. There's nothing we could have done, he did it to himself," Emily would have concurred, all of them content in blaming Josh's sanity for his own demise. All so they could sleep better at night.

The hardest part was that Sam had always been a naturally empathetic person. She understood where they were coming from. What Josh had done to them – to all of them – was horrific. But no one knew Josh like she did, the Josh that cared about people far too deeply for his own good. The Josh who would do anything for his friends, had he been in his right state of mind, had he stayed on his medications. They didn't owe Josh anything.

Especially now.

And yet, Sam couldn't stop thinking about the events that had led to the night of the prank in the first place, and her stomach swirled with guilt and remorse. If only she hadn't hurt him the way she did, if only they hadn't had their falling out right before he truly went off the deep end. If only she'd been able to carry his burdens on her shoulders. Even though she knew that she shouldn't, Sam felt like at least some small fraction of this was her fault.

She'd tried; God knew she'd tried. All she wanted was to help him get better.

But now, laying awake in her bed once more, tossing from side to side, trying in vain to think of anything other than her own heartache and regret, she knew exactly what it felt like to be slowly watching yourself go insane.

She stared at her ceiling, wishing she could go back in time to the time that he lay beside her and just by being there for him made her feel in control of her own grief. Now, she was alone. Not in the sense that people didn't care about her, but more no one was there to understand her the way she had been there to understand him.

The darkness of her bedroom played tricks with her eyes as she watched the lights from passing by cars paint lines across her walls, growing and stretching and then disappearing. Even though she should have been drifting off, she felt her heart racing and she found herself beginning to try exercises that Josh had told her about from his therapy sessions.

Big breath in, 1-2-3-4, exhale 1-2-3-4. Big breath in, 1-2-3-4, exhale 1-2-3-4.

"Sam," she heard. She froze, her skin feeling as though it were being pricked by a thousand needles as a wave of cold washed over her. She swore in the blue dark around her she could see her own breath.

"Sam," the voice said again. It was reminiscent of someone she'd heard before, but not for so long. There was also a sinister sound to it, something cold and evil. She squeezed her eyes shut.

This isn't real. This isn't happening, she repeated in her head. This is a product of stress and grief. This is not real.

"You can't ignore us for long," another voice, eerily similar to the first but slightly different. She cupped her hands over her ears, refusing to open her eyes. She just wanted the nightmare or hallucination to go away.

Suddenly, as soft as a feather, she felt something tracing her neck. Her eyes popped open, and Sam felt her heart stop and her breath hitch as she saw Hannah and Beth standing above her, staring down.

But they weren't Hannah and Beth. Their skin was decaying, their eyes milky and lifeless. She wanted to move, wanted to get up and run, wanted to scream but no matter how hard she tried she was paralyzed, feeling as though some invisible force was holding her down.

"Why so scared, Samantha? Aren't you glad to see us?" Beth asked, her voice hypnotic and singsong in a way that just added to the growing panic in Sam's frozen body.

"I thought you were my friend," Hannah joined, and as she spoke, Sam could make out a mouth of sharp, gnarled teeth. "I thought you were brave. But you just left him to die down there. Just like you left us."

"You left him to die," Beth echoed. "You said you cared about him. You said you'd be there for him… but you lied. And now you're no better than the rest of them," she berated.

"But it's okay, Sam," Hannah chimed, her voice suddenly sweet as her long arm reached out to run a bony, rotting finger down Sam's cheek. "We're taking care of him. He's with us now." Sam watched in horror as a figure moved in between the dead twins. Illuminated by the moonlight was the terrifying vision of Josh, who'd taken on the same horrific form as his sisters.

"Josh," she managed to choke through jagged, shallow breaths. He stared down at her, his face almost recognizable despite his appalling appearance. Even still, Sam felt her heart ache but just being able to see him again, no matter what he looked like.

"Are you giving Sammy a hard time?" he droned, slight humor in his voice. His eyes flickered from sister to sister. Hannah smirked, those teeth visible again.

"Of course not," she replied. "We're just surprised she's letting you rot down here with us, Josh." Josh moved in between them, lowering himself down to Sam.

"I'm not surprised she didn't come," he murmured quietly. Sam hated the way his eyes looked, long gone were the gray ones that she'd looking into so many times. His breath was rank, like death and decay. She tried to turn her head away but her body still refused to move. "It's not like she ever loved me anyway. Isn't that right, Sam?"

"Stop," she whispered. "That's not true..."

"Isn't that why you dumped me in the first place?" he asked. Hannah and Beth clicked their tongues and shook their heads, their barely recognizable faces cloaked in disappointment. Josh stood, suddenly looking unnaturally tall once again, his sisters and he taking a step back from the terrified girl.

"You know, Sam," he began, taking a second to glance back from sister to sister once more. "It's really not that bad, down there. Maybe you should come on down..." he suggested. And then, as quick as they'd appeared, they disappeared in the blink of an eye.

As soon as they were gone, Sam felt the immeasurable weight lifted off of her chest. She shot up, her face hot and her head dizzy, her heart in a panic. She broke into a fit of tears as she grabbed ahold of her knees and began to rock herself back and forth, trying desperately to pull herself back from the sorrow and the madness.

Mid May 2014 – Three Months since the twin's disappearance

Sam stared at her clock on the wall, unblinking, as it struck 8:00 p.m.

Josh had officially been released from the hospital for four hours so far and she had yet to hear from him. She glanced down at her phone apprehensively, but nothing had changed since the thirty seconds she'd checked before.

She sighed, tossing her phone on the bed and plopping down beside it. She'd already called him twice, but his phone had been off. She opened her contacts, ready to call once more, although she really didn't care for this desperate feeling that caused her to obsessively wait for him. The last thirty days had felt like forever; she had no idea how much she was going to miss his incessant texts and phone calls while he was away. She'd never seen her phone quieter than after the day he got taken to the hospital.

According to Chris – who's parents were as close with the Washingtons as Chris was with Josh – the doctor had said that he'd indeed suffered a seizure as a result of a withdrawal symptom, just like they'd thought. She closed her eyes and tried to picture something, anything other than what he looked like writhing around on the floor, his eyes rolled back and his limbs stiff and convulsive. She hated reliving that moment in her head, but it was something she didn't think she'd ever forget.

She'd initially offered to pick Josh up from the hospital, but Chris said that Bob and Melinda, most likely in guilt-stricken for leaving their sick son so often just to get away from the memories of their daughters, we already doing it. They had planned to pick him up and take him to his favorite restaurant for dinner as a celebration for his 'path to wellness.'

But Sam was incredibly happy that they'd finally taken the chance to spend time with him. Josh needed tons of love and support if he was ever going to get well, and deep down Sam saw his whole seizure as a bit of a blessing in disguise. The medicine before hadn't been working, only made him feel foggy and weak. She just prayed that the therapy he'd endured at Ocean View Hospital had proven successful, although she still maintained a slight fear that he wouldn't be the same Josh when he got out.

"You look awfully bored." Sam stopped breathing for a moment and a smile crossed her lips. She peered over her shoulder to see Josh leaning against the doorway of her dorm room, flashing her that trademark smirk and those eyes – pools of green. "Is this all you did the whole time I was gone? Sit around waiting for me?" She rolled over and off of the bed, landing on her feet quickly as she closed the distance between them.

"You're here," she sang in a slight squeal, throwing herself into him and nearly knocking him off balance. Josh chuckled as he readily wrapped his arms around her, his face lowering into the crook of her neck as he took in her scent. "I swear it feels like it's been forever," she spoke into his shoulder before pulling away and planting a kiss right onto his lips. Josh blushed a bit, as Sam was never generally so brash in her romantic gestures. "What was it like? Are you okay?" she asked, her eyes full of concern while simultaneously drinking in his presence.

"It was intense," Josh said after a moment of searching for the right words. "I barely escaped," he teased. "I'll never be the same again."

"Stoooop," Sam laughed with a roll of her eyes.

"No. Really. They are going to make a movie about my experiences there." If Sam hadn't known him like the back of her hand, she might have taken him seriously. He was always such a good actor that sometimes it was hard to tell when he was joking. "They're gonna call it Boy, Interrupted. Hits theaters next fall."

"You're ridiculous," Sam chuckled again. Her mouth hurt from smiling so hard, just relieved that he was finally back. She really hadn't any idea how much she'd missed him until he was there, in the flesh and she could reach out and touch him, talk to him. Her smile began to fade a bit as she thought about the more serious aspects of what he'd just gone through. She took him by the hand, leading him toward her bed and sitting down beside him. Even once they were sat, however, she couldn't bring herself to let go of his hand. "How was it really?" she asked.

"You know how those places are," Josh sighed.

"Not really," Sam replied. He leaned back a bit, his own smile fading as well.

"We're really gonna have to talk about it, huh?" he asked. Sam scrunched her nose, nodding slowly.

"Sorry Joshie. 'fraid so."

"Ew, what? No. Don't call me Joshie. My uncle George called me Joshie." Sam cocked an eyebrow.

"Your uncle's name was George Washington?" Sam asked flatly. He raised his eyebrows. She would probably never know the truth to that question. Either way, it didn't matter. Josh was the master of deflection. "Wait, nevermind! Stop avoiding the question!" she finally blurted, her voice rising. She knew him all too well. "Are you…okay?" she asked slowly. Josh brought her hand up to his mouth, pressing a kiss into her knuckle.

"Yes. I'm fine. I'm actually better than fine."

"Really?" Sam smiled, her eyes hopeful. Josh chuckled.

"Yes. Really. I went through detox, and then a looooooot of therapy sessions with the awesome Dr. Hill. Then they got me adjusted onto a new medication and so far it seems to be working. I haven't been having any real side effects… I feel good," he assured.

Sam was so happy she felt like her heart could burst. She scooted in, wrapping her arms around his neck and pressing her lips to his. It was soft, at first, but soon Sam found herself growing hungrier and hungrier for a closeness with him.

Since they'd started seeing each other, they'd kissed and slept intertwined in each other's limbs, but they'd yet to even discuss taking it any farther than that. With Josh's delicate mindset and her inexperience they'd just mutually –and silently – agreed to let things unfold naturally.

Sam unclasped her hand from his, beginning to allow herself to explore his body, his arms, his torso. The desire inside of them had combusted into a confounding fire the more they allowed themselves to fall into the moment. Josh ran his hands down her back before he slowly began to lower Sam onto the bed, and this time, she let him. Typically by now, Sam was in her head trying to convince herself why everything they were doing was wrong, but she didn't want it to stop.

Josh parted her lips with his tongue, taking in her sweet taste. Sam was lightheaded and totally captivated, she was fairly certain that she was under his spell completely at this point. His lips trailed her lips, her jaw, her neck, and Sam let her head fall back to really feel his breath on her skin. Cold hands found their way under her sweater, inching higher and higher ever so slowly, until he'd cupped a strong hand over her breast. Sam's eyes opened wide – up until this point no one had ever touched her like that before. Josh stopped kissing her when he felt her body stiffen under his touch. He peered up at her with deep, concerned eyes.

"Sam, is this okay?" he asked quietly. She hesitated, and Josh immediately removed his hand. "We don't have to do anything you're not comfortably with," he assured, bringing his hand up to brush a wisp of hair from her eyes. "I won't be upset. I would wait forever for you," he promised, his head lowering to place one simple kiss on her collarbone. Sam held back an involuntary shudder. She wanted this… oh God did she want this. But she knew she wasn't ready. And having Josh being so kind and understanding just made her want it even more. She sighed, sitting up, and Josh following suit.

"Maybe we should take a little break," she suggested. Josh gave her a small smile and a nod. She brought her hand to his cheek, turning him towards her. "Josh, I really want you. I just need a little more time," she said lowly. He nodded, leaning in and pressing another kiss onto her forehead.

"You can take as much time as you need," he said, taking her into his arms and bringing her back against the headboard. "I'm just lucky to be here with you at all. I'll take it however I can get it."

"Thank you," Sam whispered, her heart filling exceptionally full.

"No, Sam. Thank you," Josh reciprocated, his cheek pressed up against the top of her head. "For everything."

"Can you at least sleep over with me?" Sam asked.

"I'm not going anywhere," he said. It was a bizarre feeling, to be the one feeling needy. She couldn't believe how much better she felt just having him there with her, and in such good spirits. She hadn't seen this Josh since before Hannah and Beth's disappearance. She thought back to that night while she lay there, contently listening to the sound of his breathing.

When they'd gone up to the Washington Lodge that February, Hannah had been just gushing about Mike coming up.

"Hannah, don't forget he's with Emily," Sam had warned, always the logical one. "I just have a bad feeling about this... I don't want you to get hurt," she explained. But Hannah was far too excited at the prospect of spending any kind of time with Mike at all, no matter who he was attached to.

"Oh, please, Sam. It's Mike, his relationship have a shelf life of three weeks, max," Beth giggled as she packed her bag for the trip. "Besides...it's Emily. How long do you think he could possibly endure that?"

"Sam, when are you gonna get a boyfriend?" Hannah asked. "I swear you're like asexual or something."

"There's nothing wrong with being asexual," Sam defended, defiantly crossing her arms. "Besides...I'm not. I just...haven't met anyone I'm interested in," she mumbled, helping Hannah fold her sweater and place it in her baggage.

"Well, what kind of guy are you interested in?" Hannah asked. "It would be nice to not be the only lovesick one around here," she muttered.

"So far, I would classify her type as nonexistant," Beth joked. Sam didn't mind; she, Beth, and Hannah had always had this kind of friendship and she knew her friends meant well. Sam thought for a moment, trying to piece together what she would describe as the perfect guy for her.

"Well, he's gotta be kind. Loves animals. And funny. I like them a little bit goofy..." she rambled off. "Brown hair, light eyes... tall..." she continued. Hannah and Beth looked between one another, erupting into a fit of giggles. Sam hated when they did this - it was like a psychic twin connection that left her wondering, always. "What is so funny?" Sam yelled, throwing a pillow their way but missing the both of them.

"Soooooo, Josh, basically?" Beth blurted. Sam's face turned red... the description fit too well.

"No, not Josh," she grumbled, her eyebrows pulled down and her face in a pout.

"Sam, when are you just going to admit that you like Josh?" Hannah asked, nearing her friend and shaking her lightly. "This is seriously more frustrating than watching Chris and Ashley's little song and dance. At least they know they like each other and choose to do nothing about it..." she groaned.

"You guys said I couldn't like Josh," Sam challenged.

"Yeah, when we were like 10..." Beth retorted.

"You could be our sister!" Hannah cooed, far too excited for her own good. She extended her arms out to pull Sam in for a hug, who pulled away. "My best friend and my brother..." she sighed whimsically. "You'll have beautiful, weird, animal-loving little babies."

"Cut it out!" Sam chuckled. "And anyway, Josh doesn't like me, okay?" Both of the sisters froze, once again looking at one another and back at Sam. "What?" she snapped, impatiently.

"Sam, Josh has liked you since... like...middle school," Beth confessed. "I thought you knew that?"

"What? No!" Sam scoffed.

"No, really. Like, he specifically made us promise we'd make you come," Hannah confessed.

"Why didn't you guys ever tell me?" Sam asked, her voice more serious now. Josh liked her? After all this time of convincing herself that she didn't like him it turned out that Josh liked her?

"I thought it was obvious..."

Sam missed them both so much. She'd never gotten along with anyone like she'd gotten along with Hannah and Beth... she figured that's why Josh felt so familiar and comfortable to her. She glanced up at him, happily and contently holding her in his arms. She wondered if he was happy, wondered if he was truly better. She hoped so. He peered down at her, presumably feeling her eyes upon him. He leaned down and gave her a quick kiss before he blurted,

"Wanna watch a scary movie?"

Josh Missing – Week 3

"What do you mean they called off the search party?" Sam yelled, even though Chris was only sitting a few feet away. She glanced over at Mike, sunken in on the couch beside him. He seemed to be processing the news in silent reservation. Chris sighed, his eyes misty and forlorn. "They can't do that!" she shouted, her heart in her throat. Sam began to pace, running her fingers through her hair and trying for once not to cry.

"I talked to Bob and Melinda about it this morning," Chris said quietly. "They said..." he paused, lowering his head and staring at his hands. "They said that their hearts couldn't take another year of this."

"So, that's it? They are going to write off the only child they have left and just move on?" Sam choked. She brought her thumb to her mouth, beginning to chew on her nail nervously. "No, that's not how this works, guys. We... we have to do something. We have to go talk to Detective Roland."

"What's the point?" Mike finally blurted, his voice harsh and deep. Sam stopped her pacing, her eyes locking in with his. She wasn't going to back down from this challenge. Sam gritted her teeth.

"He needs our hel-"

"Oh, jeez… wake up, Sam! The guy was a psycho!" Mike shouted, standing up to meet Sam's gaze. She froze, taken aback with Mike's outburst. Chris watched them carefully, rising slowly to break up the argument.

"Mike, man, lay off," Chris tried, but Mike was too heated to drop it. He continued on his tirade.

"Do you really want more people to die at the hands of those things? Josh couldn't even make it out of the caves that night because his brain was too fried, there's no way he survived down there. It's been three weeks! It's time to accept the fact that he's dead, Sam! HE. IS. GONE."

"Dude," Chris sighed. "Not cool," he added, shaking his head and sitting back down on the couch, dejectedly.

"How can you be so cruel?" Sam mused, her voice low and her eyes narrowed. Mike ran his hands over his face exasperatedly, groaning, but then finding his composure.

"Look, Sam…" Mike calmed, walking over to her. "I know you and Josh had a thing, or whatever that was… but it is just too dangerous. We've already suffered enough loss. We can't lose you, too." Mike drew closer, placing a caring hand on her shoulder, but Sam jerked it away as she backed away from Mike slowly.

"Don't touch me," she hissed. "I don't care what you say. I am going after him. I've sat idly by for weeks now trusting that they'd find him. It's not enough."

"Then you're just as fucked up as he is," Mike mumbled, falling back down into the couch in defeat. Sam realized only the day before she'd told Mike he was insane for even considering the prospect of going back in the mines, but hearing that the search was called off she realized that no one else was going to do it. And after her nightmare the night before… She had to go. No one deserved that fate.

"You guys can either come with me, or I am going alone. Either way, you can't stop me," Sam insisted.

"Damnit, Sam! This isn't a frolic in the woods! We made it! We escaped and you are seriously entertaining the idea of going back?" Mike asked in astonishment.

"Yeah, Mike," Sam spat, her eyes intensely tracing Mike's face. "Yeah, we escaped. We survived," she added, folding her arms across her chest. "And I don't know about you Mike, but I haven't been doing too well since I've been home. And maybe I am just as fucked up as Josh, maybe I am a little bit crazy, but I swear to God if it were you down there in those mines…" Her eyes moved to Chris. "Or you… or me… he'd be the first one down there to drag your asses back up."

"You can't go alone," Chris finally said after a long pause. Sam's eyes fell to Chris, his head in his hands. He peered up at her through parted fingertips. He groaned, leaning back. "I never wanted to ever go back there again. But…"

"You've got to be kidding me. You too, now?" Mike chuckled, frustration painting his face.

"Chris?" All three of their faces looked up to see Ashley watching them hesitantly from the hallway. She stepped out, wringing her hands together apprehensively. "Chris what are you guys talking about?" she asked, yet it was clear from her worried expression that she'd already heard the whole thing and realized just what Chris was about to agree to. Chris stood timidly, nearing Ashley as one approaching a skittish animal.

"Ashley, he is practically a brother to me-" He'd barely gotten the words out before Ashley broke into sobs, shaking her head frantically.

"No, Chris! Nonononono, you can't," she cried. He tried to near her but she pulled away, her balled fists gently punching his chest. "You can't go back down there. Please, Chris."

"Shhhh, Ash…" he said soothingly as he pulled her arms down and kept them still, but she continued to cry and attempt to wriggle from his grip. Chris reached up and took her face in his hands, forcing her gaze to his. "ASH! It's okay. I'm not going to go, okay?" He leaned down and pressed a kiss firmly to her lips, and that seemed to be enough to calm her, although the tears still fell. He pulled her in for a hug, gently rubbing his hand down the length of his back. Still, over Ashley's shoulder, he peered over at Sam and she knew by the look on his face that he was simply telling her what she needed to hear.

To Be Continued…