A/N I can just picture this happening so vividly it's quite amazing. XDD We all know Ed has absolutely no table manners...haha :D

So anyway, I'm pretty stuffed with exams right now but I'll try to update regularly, since whenever I have a few hours to spare I get started on one of the continuously increasing list of ideas my mind comes up with. XD They're all pretty amusing and I can't decide which one to write first!

By the way, I've written a smutty one-shot but I don't know if I should post it or not...If I do that will mean that this fic goes up a rating to M...I'll post it sooner or later, I'm sure about that, but I just don't know if I want it to be 'sooner' or 'later'. An opinion on this would be appreciated xP Do you want the smut now or later? lol

Title: Table Manners

Rating: T

Warning: Language and a suggestion at the end...;p

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Roy carefully cut into his steak, holding the knife in his right hand and the fork in his left. The delicious smell entered his nostrils once more, making his mouth water.

He had been waiting all week for this moment; this Friday night that he had a date planned for him and Ed to one of his favourite restaurants. It had been at least a month since they had been on a proper date, but it was understandable, Roy thought. He was a newly promoted Brigadier-General after all and his workload had increased dreadfully.

Admittedly, he had missed his lover this stressful week, but finally things had started settling down, the news of his promotion no longer such a shocker. Actually, Roy thought they should have anticipated it sooner or later.

But now, all thoughts of work were shoved roughly to the back of his mind, and instead much more mundane and light ones took their place. He was here with Ed, at his favourite restaurant, eating delicious steak and wearing comfy clothes. What else could possibly make it better?

From across the table, he could hear Ed shovelling down her own steak, chewing with a mouth wide open and making pleased noises every now and then. Risking a glance towards her, a mildly amused smile stretched his lips at her laid-back and totally apathetic look. She was slouching rudely in the chair, hands dirty from picking at the steak with her fingers. A moustache of sauce decorated the space around her lips, and there were even faint traces on her nose. Despite what some people would call an embarrassing look, Edeline seemed utterly unconcerned, unaware even, of her state. She only had eyes for the food in front of her, it seemed.

"So," she drawled, snapping Roy out of his musings. She cast a glance at him to determine if he was listening, and after swallowing, continued. "You mentioned Havoc's got a girlfriend."

Roy raised an eyebrow at her unexpected question, but decided a bit of small talk wasn't going to hurt. Setting his utensils down carefully, he took a hold of his wine glass and took a sip, before wiping his mouth with a napkin. "That's what he said."

Ed snorted, shoving another piece of steak in her mouth before swinging it down with a large gulp of wine, leaving the immaculate glass with greasy fingerprints when she set it back down. "Think she can handle him?"

"To be honest, I don't know her."

Ed shot him a glare, a familiar scowl taking over her features. "What?" she spat angrily, "Disappointed he found someone you haven't fucked?"

Roy sighed and picked up his fork, before jabbing a piece of the meat on his plate. "You know I don't care who he goes out with anymore, Ed," he said softly, placing the steak in his mouth soon after.

Ed huffed, picking at the meat on her plate with her greasy fingers and shoving another piece in her mouth. She chewed noisily as she took a large bite out of the bread, a handful of chips ensuing. Roy watched, eyebrows raised and a small smirk playing at his lips in amusement.

"You know," he started as he cut another piece of the steak. He paused before going on to give her a pointed glance. "You could use some table manners."

"Don't need 'em," was her immediate reply, a mere second before her pink tongue darted out to lick at the greasy smudge around her lips. Roy shook his head and observed her as she brought her feet on her chair and crossed them. "I'm comfier this way. No-one gives a fuck how I act anyway. You're so pristine all the time. Makes me sick, you know?"

Rolling onyx orbs, Roy settled for sipping his wine again as Ed shoved all the types of food they had on the table into her mouth, apparently trying and succeeding to stuff them all simultaneously.

"You're my lover," he told her matter-of-factly. Their eyes met, Roy's expecting ones with Ed's bored ones.

"And that's supposed to mean something?"

"It means you should be a bit more...tidy, in public at least. At home it's just us so I don't mind. "

Grabbing the salad bowl, Roy kept the conversation light as he added more to his plate. Truth be told, he really didn't mind Ed's way of eating, and since he knew the blonde wouldn't even consider listening to what he said, he just pushed it to keep the conversation alive.

Ed scoffed, but as she had opened her mouth to offer a witty reply, a burp escaped her instead and she grimaced, rubbing at her stomach. Roy raised an amused eyebrow, a smirk threatening to appear. Ed appeared completely unconcerned and continued on with her food as if nothing had transpired. When Roy just kept staring at her, she tore her gaze away from her food to cast him an annoyed look. "What're you lookin' at?"

The smirk crept up his face without his consent and he shook his head mutely in amusement and slight exasperation. "You really need table manners."

"No, I don't."

Grinning, Roy chuckled lowly. "You just burped while in a restaurant. You are in dire need of table manners, Edeline." Giving her a mock-admonishing and disapproving look, Roy refilled his glass, and then went to fill hers.

Ed shrugged. "So?" she asked, unperturbed. Her face lowered back to her steak, and Roy took notice of her now dirty nails with a grimace of disgust. "Is anyone even looking at us?" Ed looked around casually while Roy kept it discrete, watching the dining people around them out of the corners of his eyes. Then, she turned back to him with an indifferent look. "See?" She went back to her food.

Roy sighed, and went to grab his fork when he realised he was full. He set it back down and leaned back on his chair comfortably as he waited for Ed to finish so they could go.

The blonde took notice and raised her head to look at him with a curious frown as she chewed obnoxiously. "You done?" she inquired, eying his nearly finished meal with interest.

Roy rolled his eyes at the almost lustful look she was sending his dinner and picked up the plate, extending his arm towards her. "Take it." Ed complied without a second thought and dumped all the contents on her own plate before handing the now empty one back to Roy. Staring at her plate, Roy shook his head slowly in disbelief. "God knows how you can stomach this much."

"Don't get me started on God, please," she muttered irritably, shoving food in her mouth like a baby would with its big, chubby hands. "I'm hungry, you can't blame me. This week you've been coming back from work really late so I was the one who had to make dinner."

"But you didn't."

Ed looked at him, golden eyes masking a faint sheepish look. "No, I didn't. And that's why I'm fucking starving. Do you know how hard it is to live on toast and snacks for a whole week?"

Roy leaned forward, perching his elbows on the table after making some room by repositioning his plate and glass, and placed his chin on top of the weave his fingers formed. "Believe it or not, yes, I know. And that's because I had no dinner when I came home this week."

Ed had the decency to blush in embarrassment at that, but then she growled, clearly defensive. "Well, you can't blame me that I can't cook to save my life!"

"Apparently not, since you nearly starved both yourself and me."

She shot him a withering glare before opening her mouth wide and sticking her tongue out, giving Roy a very repulsing picture of the chewed food in her mouth.

"That's very mature, Ed," he said, not batting an eye. Ed scrunched her face up, huffing before slumping in her seat.

"Whatever, asshole." She shifted slightly to the side, and promptly lifted her feet up, propping them on the table and crossing them lazily. Bringing her plate to rest on her lap, she got on with stuffing her face.

Roy surveyed the room surreptitiously, hoping no-one was paying any attention to them. Before it had been easy for people not to notice her blatant rudeness, but with her feet propped up on the table like that and her plate sprawled half on her stomach, half on her lap, he wasn't so sure her behaviour would remain unnoticed for much longer.

Onyx eyes stopped on the corner of the room, where a waiter was eying them with disapproval, and Roy leaned forward to whisper, "Ed, if you keep this up we're going to get kicked out."

The blonde turned her lethargic stare towards him and cocked an eyebrow. "And why would that happen?"

Rolling his eyes with exasperation, he inclined his head discretely towards the waiter, even though he was out of Ed's field of vision. "That waiter over there is staring at us. And from the look on his face, he doesn't like what he's seeing."

Ed snorted loudly, making Roy wince and look around quickly. "Bullshit. Why would they wanna lose a customer because of nothing?"

"Ed," Roy started, sighing. "This is a rather...high class restaurant. One discourteous customer doesn't mean a thing to them."

Ed shrugged. "Well, they better get used to me then." Wriggling slightly to get a better angle, the blonde licked her lips and moved her feet almost into Roy's face, causing the man to lean back with a frown.

Glancing at the waiter, he grimaced when he realised he was walking towards them, a heavily disapproving frown on his young face.

"He's coming, Ed."

"Huh?" Before she could ask what he meant, a young man dressed in a tuxedo halted just before their table and glared at Ed's feet.

"Excuse me, Miss, but would you mind setting your feet down from the table?" The young man's voice was patient and almost unemotional, though the annoyance could be easily detected.

Shoving a handful of chips in her mouth, Ed chewed and answered, "I'm comfy though."

Roy chuckled in spite of himself and leaned back in his chair to watch the scene unfold, but not before getting a disapproving glance shot his way from the young man.

"Ma'am–"

"Don't fucking call me that!" the blonde shouted, making Roy bite his bottom lip to stifle his snickers as several heads turned.

The waiter seemed shocked beyond belief, and Roy instantly knew the date was coming to an end. There was no way they weren't going to get kicked out now, possibly banned from the place or whatever as well. Shame, Roy thought, he really liked the restaurant.

Eyes narrowing to slits, the young brunet crossed his arms. "I think it's time for you to leave," he stated, glaring at Roy as if gauging his reaction to that. If that man thought he was like Ed then he was very mistaken.

He had calmly sighed and was ready to stand, when Edeline shot up from her 'comfy' as she called it place on her seat and gaped. "What?" she screeched. "Y-You bastard! You can't kick us out!" By now the whole restaurant was staring at them and Roy was desperately pursing his lips in an attempt to stop the chuckles from bursting out. She acted as if he hadn't warned her...She probably hadn't believed he was being serious.

"Well, yes I can. Now, please leave."

"The food's amazing by the way!" she cried as a last attempt at salvation.

"We appreciate the compliment, but I have to ask you to leave."

The blonde growled, wiping her mouth absently with her sleeve and staining it with sauce and grease. "Wasn't complimenting you fucker anyway," she muttered. Turning her golden glare to her partner, she stared as if waiting for him to use his diplomatic skills to get them off the hook. When Roy stared back innocently, she took a deep breath and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Fine," she started calmly, "We'll go." Offering a sickeningly fake smile at the waiter, Ed turned around, blonde hair slapping his face. Then, she promptly hoisted her plate, the chips, the wine, the bread and the salad bowl in her hands and turned to a very surprised Roy. "You ready to go?"

Roy stared inquisitively at the plates, making the blonde raise an eyebrow. "What? she asked rudely, "The food here's fucking badass, I'm taking it home with us."

"You can't take the plates–"

"Who the fuck asked you?" Ed snapped at the waiter, glaring daggers at him over her shoulder. He looked scandalised by her foul language and that only made her roll her eyes.

Roy couldn't help it, a chuckle escaped him and he had to press his hand to his mouth to muffle the snickers. Standing up, he watched with amusement as Ed somehow managed to balance the plates on one hand long enough to shove the money at the stunned waiter's chest, and then started walking past him and towards the door. On the way she paused, looking back over her shoulder with a cocky expression. "Come on, Roy. I'm in the mood to ride my Mustang."

The words were so unexpected that Roy spluttered, chocking back on what was a mix of a laugh and an embarrassed squeak, a hot flush washing over him and making his clothes suddenly a little too stifling. She just said that in front of the whole fucking restaurant!

A smirk made its way onto his face when he took notice of the confused faces of the waiter and the rest of the restaurant. They didn't know what his name was that was why.

Grinning now, Roy walked up to the waiter and placed a few more cenz in his palm. "Here's a tip," he said with a wink, before sauntering after Ed.

A/N damn...aren't they simply MADE for each other!? Excuse me while I just go fangirl in the bathroom now...