Title: Lost, Not Found
Prompt: # 4 - desperate
Rating: PG
Word Count: 356
Summary: He tried sometimes to keep up. But even the best can fall behind.
Notes: None of you will probably understand this, but I don't care.
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Even the best can fall behind. Beyond Birthday paces in his mind and tries to fit the pieces together, but the ending result is no less confusing than what he had been given to begin with. And so he thinks, idly, that maybe this is not the time or place or life that he is meant to lead.
He touches walls and people, and they slip from his fingers like a portion of something beautiful. L is there, but L is always there and B clenches his teeth and cries out in fury. Had he not been there, what would be the final product? Would he be in a better place, would he be in a better life?
Better people, he thinks, that can do better things. B has been the best, and yet he is the worst and he knows that there are better things for L. And oh, he'd keep up if he could---he's tried time and time again, but fate is quicker than his hands. A heart is quicker than fate, however, and B wonders if his has ever really been there at all.
L is there, pacing with them, but they don't say a word to one another or even spare a passing glance. B thinks that it should have been like this, thinks that the first "I love you"s were mistakes---glitches in destiny that he would like to erase.
Now he is blind but sees far too much, and he can't sleep and he can't eat because he wonders if L is doing these things. He wonder if, somewhere, L is happy.
Without him.
He wonders if this world is made of lies, or if the world is real at all. He can't count the stars, but God knows how he'd like to. He'd count the stars and bring them back--
--if only just to be back again.
(And these lies are lies are lies, and B knows that he has fallen.)