From beyond the grave…
Chapter III: Aftershock…
Nate…
It can't be…
Mitchie led me out of the room. Shane was quickly on her tail, but she nodded, tears in her eyes, signaling him he had to stay. He sighed, trying to smile but it disappeared as fast as the door was being shut. I looked at him for what would be our last meeting… In a hospital… As I thought it'd be way more years… When he would run here, to meet me and the child… But the truth was… It was just otherwise… We'll never be together anymore… We'll never have children… I'll never be happy again…
At least, all relatives were here… For once in every funeral… One thing that may make him smiles… He hadn't seen his cousin since he was like 2… Distance… Such a big word for such "strong" family bonds…
Lies.
That's all that it is: lies…
Never trust someone who just admitted being devious…
Never trust someone you know who has had lied…
Never trust your enemies neither close persons…
Never trust anyone…
You're on your own in this world and will always be.
But still, they were all here, in just a so simple phone call… As the phone had never ringed before that event… And now, they were mourning this "loss"… How could they say those things while keeping a straight face? How? He had barely begun to live… It was just the simplest night of a simplest day of a simplest city… And it was just a simplest accident that he paid with his life… Because of a drunken driver… He could rot in hell, I just don't care! He stole my everything away from me!
Nate was the center of attention… Well, his body… But his spirit will always wander among us. I know it. He was laying flat on the bed. They had just taken away the machines and pipes… He was so peaceful… His eyes were closed… I could never see them again… How deep they were, how many emotions they could hold, how many horizons they've seen… How many persons have seen them… How much love they could show… Everything vanished… As they covered his body with the sheets… His perfect face will never be seen again… His ears… His bright and malicious smile, his perfect set of teeth… His soft brown hair… Curly hair… With that small curl that kept bouncing on his forehead when he was running… His strong and warm arms… He trained hard to gain some muscles… He did… And now… I could clearly remember when he was beside me. That was merely hours ago…
###°###
The doorbell rang quickly. It was him. I knew it. He rings it in a small harmony that formed our "secret password". I grabbed my bag, stuffing last things inside before rushing to the door.
-I'll be back before midnight, Mom! I'll have my cell phone if you need to call me!
-Oh, sweetie I-
I slammed the door shut before my mother could even finish her sentence. But I tripped on the wooden floor and fell… In his arms. He caught me just in time. I quickly raised my head and… Eye contact. His deep brown chocolate eyes met mine. He smiled and his eyes crinkled in the corner, a sign of the wrinkles that would show in old age. He would be a handsome older man, later on…
-Oh, sweetie! Are you alright?
My mother quickly opened the door but I got up before. She cautiously eyed Nate, who smiled shyly at her, scratching the back of his neck. He was a rock star, he had sung in front of billion people, had been interviewed by many televisions of many countries, faced crazy fans, and all that celebrity stuff… And the only thing that could break him in two was his feelings.
-I'm fine Mom, it's alright…
-Alright… Go and have fun but don't be too late…
-Yes, Mom…
-And Nate…
I started to walk down our path as she talked with him for a second or two. He politely talked with her, even thought he was bright red. Strange he still hadn't lost his way… He must have been training…
-Don't worry, Madam Gellar… We'll be careful…
And with that, she smiled brightly, closing the door but I knew she was watching us from behind the windows… I smiled watching him walking towards me, staring down.
-So, what was that talk about this time?
-Something gross…
-I knew it…
-You know everything…
He opened the gate for me before we found ourselves on the sidewalk. He quickly kissed me on the lips, and showed me his arm with a shy grin. It's the true Nate Gray. Shy but helplessly romantic inside.
-Shall we go to the pond…?
-We shall…
I smiled brightly, taking his arm as we walked like that, arm in arm… We were lost in each other's eyes… I even thought I caught a glimpse of heaven in his sparkling brown orbs… How handsome he was with this brown and white shirt… It was matching with his eyes… Then, arm in arm, lost in the contemplation of each other's eyes, we walked down the streets towards our spot…
###°###
I walked out of the room in Mitchie's arms, his kiss still on my lips…
I could still feel the cool air in my hair, his hand clasping mine…
I could still feel the pulsating heat in the streets as we circulated in town… When the stars came out to play, shining brightly, like no other time… When the colors were so bright and colorful…
Oh, my…
I'll miss him so much, and I already did.
How could this happen? Killing a young man just because you thought you were capable to drive even if you were drunk! You should be dead, not him! He did nothing bad in his whole life! The worst thing he had done was brawling with the bully! But it was because of me… He bothered me… And I was his girlfriend, so… But still, it wasn't so bad… He had protected me!
Oh my…
You can't imagine that pain… I missed him so much…
I walked into the lobby, facing the entrance. That was the same sky… The same stars… The same cool air… But everything turned flavorless… A perfect night never seemed so dull. Mrs. Gray came over to me. She had left the room with a destroyed Shane holding her. He was crying, sobbing but kept saying it was okay… But it wasn't.
Lies.
Mitchie let go of me to break down in her boyfriend's arms… I lost the love I loved the most… Mrs. Gray hugged me, trying to suppress sobs but she couldn't. She lost her youngest son. As Shane and Jason loved to play with their father, Nate preferred to stay home and play with his mother. He loved his father too, but he wasn't that active kid… Of course, he'd go and play with his dad too, like his other brothers would play with their mother too, but… It was his temper… He was like that.
We both cried, remembering how perfect Nate was… I'm pretty sure that there'll be no match for such a perfect angel… But… How could that happened? How could a strong power let a drunken driver kill a young man? He had barely begun to live! I know we're meant to die sometime, but not like this! How could IT let him die this way! All those stories about Daniel with lions… They hadn't eaten him! He was the straightest person I've ever met in my whole life! And this is his reward? Dying there, with his brothers and friends, helpless, suffering…? This was not supposed to be like this! He was supposed to live until he was old, not young!
-Oh, sweetie! I came as fast as I could when I heard about-
Mrs. Gray let go of me and I walked steadily towards my mom. I couldn't look anyone in the eyes. I sobbed quietly on her shoulder as I heard her cry. She whispered me some pathetic "It'll be alright"… But it won't. I couldn't take it anymore. I prayed. All night long. That night, I prayed for this to be just one big joke… I prayed for him to revive… I prayed to die… At least, we'd both lie somewhere in the sky, at peace, in each other's arms… But a metallic sound woke me up. My mom got up from the chair, still crying.
-I… I take her home… She needs some rest…
-Yes… We all go through a lot… My sons will visit Caitlyn tomorrow to check on her and cheer her up… I think they need to be together in this moment…
-I agree with you, Danielle… I'll see you tomorrow then… We'll pray for you… Be strong… We'll always be there if you need anything…
-Thank you… It means a lot…
Then, we were off. I sat in the back of the car. I turned around to see the hospital slowly fading away with some police cars parking in the front of the building… That night, I left my heart inside of it… In Nate's eyes… And it was just the beginning of the nightmare… Because, of course, when something's screwed up, it's just not that thing, but tons of other things… In short, it's your life…
###°###
I sat there, playing with my hands, in the nurse's office… I didn't know there were so many students here… In fact, I didn't feel good and told Mitchie, who sent me there without any other choice than to come back when I'll feel better… My stomach hurt so badly, stupid cramps, ugh… And I was the last one… Why are they even here? Ah yes, I remember now… P.E. exam… If I wasn't in good mood, I wouldn't go either… Nate walked past the room, anxiously clutching his bag, looking for something inside… He was sweating and I could tell he was very upset… I still sat there, watching him disappear in the corner… Silly Nate, never paying attention to the surroundings when he's upset… Not so perfect…
-Caity'?
I lifted my head up a bit from my stomach; just to meet two chocolate brown eyes… Those made me melt just by one single glimpse of their color… Nate came back? Weird…
-Hey, what's up? You're not the kind of student that would go to the nursery…
I waved at him and he instantly sat beside me. That's then that I knew why he was so upset; the doorbell just rang through the corridors of the high school…
-You're going to be late, Nate, go…
-I'm the kind of student who skips Music Class when a friend who's not fine…
He snuggled closer, putting a protective arm around me, not breaking eye contact. I could tell by the look inside his eyes that he wasn't upset anymore about classes… But about me… Maybe I went a little pale because he seemed scared as a small shot of pain run through my stomach, making me shiver. He smiled a bit, trying to comfort me.
-What's wrong?
He said that so softly, in a small whisper that only I could hear. He kissed my temples, patiently waiting for my answer. How patient he could be sometimes… He was not the one who would get angry and raise his voice. He was so quiet, calm and comforting… I shook my head, my face turned red… How could I tell him? I stared at him; his eyes were soft and warm… I looked down, still red. That's when he picked my head up, making me stare into his eyes; he then sat closer to me, if it was even possible… I didn't know this chair was big enough for two people to sit on. I backed away a bit, knowing some people were staring at us… If you ever were in some high school nursery, you'd know that when two persons, especially a boy and a girl, were waiting together, it was for certain problems, and not just a simple headache… I looked at him from the corner of my eyes, smiling shyly.
-It's nothing Nate, really… My stomach's just bothering me. You should go to your class now…
-I won't 'cause knowing you're not fine is making me sick… Come on…
He struggled closer, still staring at me. He rubbed my stomach softly, while holding my hand. Then, he smiled looking down at my stomach. He scared me by the look he had…
-I know what you have…
-What?
He chuckled, leaning in, his lips almost touching my ear.
-It's just your "not so lucky days"…
-Wha-
Blood rushed to my face and I went even redder. I looked at him, astonished. He was too, as he shyly smiled at me, still holding my hands. He got up, tugging slightly on them, nodding.
-Come on, you're dizzy, warm and your stomach hurts… Plus, you only have two classes left… I'll ride you home…
-But-
-Don't worry about lessons and homework, Mitchie will meet you tonight, I'll tell her and make sure she does…
-And about y-
-Caity… It's just Music class… Do you think that I, Nate Gray need to know how to read a partition? I already do! I'm a teenage rock star! I play drums, piano, keyboard, guitar, cello-
-Alright, alright… You're always right, Natey… How do you-
-I'm just a musician, not a magician… I just want to better myself and make people happy… But you… It's different… You're my girlfriend, you know that?
He led me outside, towards his car. I thanked him warmly, giving him a small which he gladly took. I just felt better in some seconds of my life… The sky just may fall over us, the whole world may burst, the ground may split in two… I didn't matter… It was only us, and us only… Nothing that would happen would split us…
###°###
I felt someone tap my shoulder, I jumped out of my thoughts, trembling, and I looked up. It was only my mom.
-Mom, I had a really really really bad dream…
-About what, sweetie?
-It might sound crazy but… I dreamed that Nate died…
Her face went really pale, and she looked down at the carpet.
-It was… True?
-Sorry, sweetie… I'm so sorry…
I looked down at the floor too as she hugged me tight… This time, I didn't sob. I promised myself I wouldn't. Because Nate would cry too, seeing me sad… And I don't want him to… I sighed as my Mom looked at the mess I made with the covers… It was like a tornado had been there for the night…
-Come on, your friends are downstairs, waiting for you…
-What time is it?
-It's 2 pm…
-What!
-Don't worry, you could grab a bite with the band whenever you want, you were tired and needed some sleep, there's nothing wrong in that…
I nodded, getting up, stretching. Then my eyes fell upon a picture… Of me and Nate, when we were at the park, just when he asked me out… Mitchie took it from the bushes and gave it to us… Nate did some modifications, adding brighter colors and such before giving it to me… I remembered that he told me "No matter what will happen, I always keep the ones I love in my heart. And there's a special spot, just for you… And only you. Never forget it."… I haven't forgotten… Ever… I felt numb, like very numb...
When I finished sobbing in my room, dressed up and fresh from the storm, I got down. My mom was talking to Mrs. Gray. Everyone was here. I was greeted by the band, the two thirds of Connect Three… Jason kept on a straight face, probably not to show his sadness. Shane's eyes were watery as well as Mitchie's… Without anymore words, we walked outside. I heard it. I heard the truth…
-We already made funeral plans… We have contacted everyone, it's scheduled to Monday. Of course, we'd like you to come… We know how close Nate was with his friends… Especially Caitlyn who was his girlfriend… But if it is too much emotions, we understand that-
It's Saturday... Wow. I can't believe it… I walked away; I couldn't take this anymore… If life had taken everything away from me right now, then it has only one thing left to do… And that was to take me too! I sat on the sidewalk, crying my eyes out. The band quickly followed me. They all gathered around me, and soon, everyone started to cry… The worst thing was that even Tess Tyler, the bully tough girl of the town, was crying from her window when she saw us crying there… It must have been something if she was crying…
-Oh Caitlyn… We all miss him so much… But we have to be strong… At least, for him…
-It's okay to cry… Even though I never knew I could!
In our sadness, we somehow managed to chuckle when we heard Tess yelling and crying in her house… It was kind of funny… Maybe it was a sign from Nate to say there's nothing to cry about…
In the end, we'll hold each other soon… In the blackest of rooms.
-Group hug!
Even when Jason was crying, he could still be funny… I swallowed my sadness, almost chuckling, getting up.
The rest of the day passed me by so fast… I wasn't paying attention to anything now…
I kept playing old memories in my mind… Reviving them, those lost moments…
Those warmhearted moments…
My past…
Before the funeral, I opened my bible… I remembered that Nate used to be very straight and sometimes, when I couldn't sleep; he'd tell me stories from that book… But it wasn't the same now…
All those characters, all the suffering, pain… These disasters, deaths, end of time…
How and why?
If he believed in those stories, that was because there must have been something bigger above our heads! Something universal, timeless, infinitely way stronger than Humankind…
But could that Big Thing allow such crimes to be committed?
All those things the book told about… This darkness…
Are we the ones to blame, the misery, the pain…? Have we deserved this? If so, why? The beast which dwells inside each heart will find its way somehow, somewhere in time… Then we will remember all of the suffering `cause if we fail it will be in vain
Is the heart of stone, no empathy inside…?
Does this darkness have a name…?
This cruelty, this hatred… How did it find us?
Did it steal into our lives or did we seek it out and embrace it?
What happened to us that we now send our children into the world like we send young man to war, hoping for their safe return but knowing that some would be lost along the way…?
When did we lose our way?
Consumed by the shadows, swallowed whole by the darkness…
Does this darkness have a name?
Could it be…?
Was it…
Your name, Great Power?
If there was something great and infinitely good above our heads, it wouldn't be this way…
Never…
Or would that mean…
That "Hell" conquered the "Paradise"?
Maybe…
Then, everything was lost…