Shepard

From: Ka'hairal Balak

Back off, human. I was Shepard's archenemy first!

Balak


Ain't nobody got goddamn time for this

From Zaeed Massani

Shepard sent me this email address after she told me how you Cerberus [REDACTED] ran like what that [REDACTED] of your mother did to me when I walked into that backdoor pile of shit they called a brothel. Did I mention she loved it rough?

It's goddamn pathetic to call yourself a professional hit man and then have the bullocks to gloat while your ass is hanging in the wind? HA! I bet that limp [REDACTED] Vido had more courage than you do. Well until I lit him on fire...

Just so you know, Shepard is going to kill you and when you're dying and about to meet the maker, know this: I'll be laughing and pissing on your bloody grave.


Be on your guard

From: Falare

I don't know who you are, but my mother told me many unflattering things about you and how you have tried to compare your lowly self with Commander Shepard. I owe Shepard not only my life, but my mother's, so pray to the goddess we never meet because. I will slay you with my brain...


FEAR ME

From: The Biotic God

Fear me, lesser mortal! For I am the bringer of justice and you, a scoundrel of the forces opposing my divine light! I shall snap you in two like a twig! You shall bow down before my inevitable victory! When the great winds blow, you will fall before my might!

Brace yourself. My biotic storm is coming.


Inspiring Quote!

From: donotreply inspringquotes

Hello, Kitty Litter! This is your new inspiring quote:

"Are you hungry, Ser Pounce-a-lot? I have some dried mackerel you could nibble on."

– Anders (Dragon Age Awakening)

Thank you for subscribing to Inspiring Quotes of the Ages! Your next inspiring quote will be ready in another thirty galactic standard minutes!

[This is an automated message, please do not respond to this mail.]


A reminder

From: Admiral Steven Hackett

Kai Le- No, I can no longer call you by that name.

Kitty Litter, you were a great asset to the Alliance back before all this bullshit started. Your superiors saw great potential in you – I saw great potential in you. You were the definition of the ideal soldier; your missions were completed flawlessly, any unit you led into battle would return home with minimum casualties. You represented the Alliance in the Inter-Galactic Annual Twister Tournaments and were the champion for two years running. If you had stayed on in the Alliance, I have no doubt in my heart that you have risen among the ranks, maybe even surpassing myself and becoming an admiral of your own fleet one day. But you threw that all away.

You were a great soldier once, you can be again. I am giving you this chance, Kai- Kitty Litter. Please, reconsider your position and the circumstances. I doubt you will have another opportunity to change your mind. There will be obstacles, but with your previous track records and Twister Tournament medals, I am positive the Alliance will eventually be willing to forgive you your betrayal. Our rank in the Twister Tournaments has fallen dramatically since you have last taken part and it has given many of our more senior officers the blues.

I trust that you will make the right decision.


A/N: A very short update but hey, it's better than nothing, eh? I am now in the UK for my studies (hence the lack of activity) and bloody hell, but it's cold!

- Kasumi

P.S.: I decided to redact parts of Zaeed's message to keep the T rating of this fic.