Hedwig and Snape: Hooters

AUTHOR'S NOTE: TYPING CRAP UNTIL I CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING BRILLIANT. TYPING CRAP UNTIL I CAN COME UP WITH SOMETHING BRILLIANT. TYPING CRAP UNTIL I -curls up into a ball and sobs hysterically-

Many days later, after everything was restored, the six-foot tall steroid-stuffed Hedwig walked around in a string bikini shaking her enlarged 'chest bumps', swollen stomach area, and enlarged buttocks. She lifted her arms up and exposed her armpit bushes.

She turned on the television and a commercial of Hooters came on. Now Hiring! They announced.

'Hmmm... ' thought Hedwig, looking at her own gigantic 'hooters', 'I think I will apply!'

Hedwig walked into the bedroom where Snape laid, reading a book. She walked near him and slapped her butt causing jiggles upon jiggles, "YOU WANT SOME FUCKING SEX?" she screeched, her voice deeper than it was and similar to Barry White's voice, "Oh BABY."

Snape screamed and made an attempt to jump out a window, but Hedwig blocked it and knocked Snape to the floor.

"You know, Snape," continued Hedwig, pinning Snape to the floor with her foot, "after all these years of taking steroids, I have an extreme liking to your ASS for some reason… plus," She ripped off her thong, and Snape screamed bloody murder at what she exposed. "Yeaaah." She went on. "I'm…going to have to change my birth certificate information."

"Holy sh—" Snape fainted.

"Oh and I'm going to apply at Hooters, can you drive me there?"

Hours later, after Snape regained conscious, the two went into a car outside their house. Snape took the steering wheel and Hedwig sat on the passenger side.

"Have everything, dear?" asked Snape.

"FUCKING DRIVE ALREADY BEFORE I TAKE A GIANT SHIT ON THIS SEAT!" she screeched.

Dumbledore suddenly appeared in the backseat. "Oh, mommy, daddy!" he cheered, smiling like a child, "Are we going to Disney Land? YAY!"

Hedwig got a broom and started stabbing it at him, "GET OUT. NOW."

Dumbledore frowned and walked out of the car. So did millions of possums.

"Fucking backseat driver." Muttered Hedwig. She poked Snape on the shoulder with the broom and shouted, "DRIVE NOW, SNAPE, OR IT'S ANOTHER BROOM-RAPE."

Snape whimpered and started the car.

"HEY!" shouted one of their neighbors, "THAT'S MY FUCKING CAR!"

"IGNORE THAT FUCKING SHIT-MONSTER!" screeched Hedwig, practically stabbing the broom into Snape's ribcage. "IT'S FUCKING GOING IN YOU, TONIGHT!"

Snape shrieked and slammed the pedal down sending the car flying at 195mph.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" screamed the two.

"SNAAAAAAAAAAAAAAPE!" growled Hedwig, "TONIGHT, YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOU!"

Many difficult hours later, Snape finally crashed the car nearby a Hooters restaurant.

"GET OUT, NOW!" screamed Hedwig, "THE CAR IS GOING TO EXPLODE."

She grabbed Snape and ran away from the car in slow-motion as it exploded.

"OH SHIT, I FEEL IT COMING!" cried Hedwig bending over while running, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHH!" she released gas from her bumhole, which reached the flames of the explosion and ignited her bottom, sending her and Snape ROCKETING into the Hooters restaurant breaking a window and causing the entire building to burst into flames.

"HOLY FUUUUUUUUUCK!" she screamed, flying into the air, "WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO EAT BEANS THIS MOOOOOOOOOORNING!"

Hedwig and Snape continued to rocket into the sky, into space and straight to the moon.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHH!" they screamed, "FUUUUUUUUCK!"

"I HAVE AN IDEA!" yelled Hedwig, looking at Snape, deviously.

"NO HEDWIG, NOOOO!" cried Snape breaking into tears.

"SHUT-UP!" she shrieked, stuffing Snape into her fiery bumhole, "TAKE IT LIKE A MAN!"

Snape instantly dissolved and died. The fire coming out of Hedwig's bumhole didn't stop, it continued to explode out like a flaming volcano and she continued rocketing to the moon.

Hedwig never experienced TRUE panic until now.

"HOLY FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!"

TO BE CONTINUED…