A/N: Ah, did you guys enjoy the brief make out last chapter? I was experimenting because I never wrote a make out before...
I wrote most of this being pissed off... so yeah... XD
Well, I'm the kind of writer that makes sure I don't rush the story. So, nothing really happens... Just a bunch a fights, a few realizations, a load of tears, and some singing. :)
I REALLY hope you guys like it! Please Review and like my Facebook page! :)
Chapter Track: Nickelback- How You Remind Me
Stan was sitting down on Clyde's bed, looking stuff up on Abraham Lincoln in his American History textbook. He reached the end of the Civil War chapter, sighed with relief, and tossed his book on the floor.
"Dude, I'm done." Stan said to Clyde, who was researching on the computer.
"Me too. It's almost four." Clyde informed.
"Wanna just hang out?" Stan asked.
"Sure." Clyde pushed away from the computer and sat next to Stan. "Did Kyle stay after school?"
"Yeah, he has Honor Society till 3:30" Stan automatically replied, flipping through his notebook.
"That has to be the lamest thing ever."
"It is… Kyle just does it because it looks good on a college application."
"I'm sure you would know…"
Stan gave Clyde a look, "Not funny..."
"Well, what am I suppose to think, Dude! Kyle comes on you at every fucking party confessing his love to you or whatever and then I see you both swapping saliva in the boy's bathroom!" Clyde argued.
"Dude, I- I don't know! Fuck, Clyde."
"How about you just… talk to me about it."
"Dude, that's gay."
"At least it would be openly gay…" Clyde joked
Stan was baffled by this remark.
"I'm not gay!" Stan demanded.
"Okay, okay! Just, tell me about your feelings." Clyde persuaded.
"No, Fuck you! That just made it sound worst; I'm going for a walk." Stan got up and walked toward to door.
"Why?" Clyde questioned.
"I need some god damned fresh air! What's up with all the questions?"
Stan shut Clyde's front door behind him and started to walk on the side walk, he planned on going around the block once or twice. The wind was cold, very cold. He stared at his feet as he went to pull his hat lower, when he realized it wasn't there. "Damn it." he mumbled, clutching his hands over his ears.
"Looking for this?"
Stan looked up only to be face to face with Kyle, who was holding his hat. Kyle approached him and placed the hat on his head, nice and snug. Stan turned his head with closed eyes, Kyle's hands slowly retreating from Stan.
"Dude," Kyle said. "We gotta talk."
What's he doing here? God, couldn't I have one day without that feeling…
"No," Stan denied. "we've got nothing to talk about."
Kyle's eyebrows sank.
"God damn it, Stan. How can you say that?" Kyle said, softly yet harshly.
"Because, Kyle. There's nothing to discuss." Stan stated.
Stan raised his head to see Kyle's face. He looked… sad.
"Are you mad at me?" Kyle wondered aloud.
Stan sighed. He knew Kyle would think that…
"No, Kyle. I'm not mad at you." Stan reasoned.
"Yes, you are! You're mad! You're regretting it!" Kyle exclaimed.
"Well, yeah. I'm regretting it!" Stan retorted.
Kyle's face stiffens.
"Let me remind you that you're the one that started the whole mess!" Kyle pointed out.
"Yeah, that's what you think…" Stan muttered.
"No, it's the truth! You're the one that kissed me! You didn't stop! You just kept going!"
"Are you regretting it?" Stan questioned with a cocked eyebrow.
Kyle didn't move. Stan could tell he was thinking.
"No, not exactly…" Kyle admitted.
"I see…" Stan reasoned.
"What?" Kyle questioned.
"You liked it." Stan concluded with a smirk.
"You did, too!" Kyle spat.
"So?" Stan defended.
Wait…
"So, you admit it." Kyle pointed out.
"It doesn't mean anything…" Stan mumbled.
Kyle took another step closer, his arms around himself for warmth.
"Yes it does. We both liked it." Kyle pointed out.
Stan didn't answer.
"Why'd you do it?" Kyle calmly asked.
"I- I gotta go back to Clyde's…" Stan excused himself and turned the other way, walking as fast as he could.
"Whatever, we'll talk about this tomorrow." Kyle called out. "At your place."
Stan stopped in his tracks and listened to Kyle storm off.
Fuck, I did invited him over, didn't I…
Stan shook off the lingering feeling and walked back towards Clyde's. He soon noticed Clyde leaning against a fence. Stan gave him a look.
"The fuck are you doing?" Stan hissed.
"You were taking a while and we have to finish soon, so I came out to get you."
"Did… Did you hear?"
Clyde smirked.
"Yep. Kyle didn't even notice me… he was too busy staring into your eyes." He joked.
"Asshole." Stan grunted.
"Yeah, I'm the asshole," Clyde replied sarcastically, looking past Stan. Stan turned around and saw Kyle walking away in the distance.
"Whatever." Stan stormed off to Clyde's bedroom, Clyde following him. He angrily sat down on Clyde's bed.
"You… you wanna talk?" Clyde asked.
Stan needed to talk to someone, he thought he was about to bust.
"Whatever." Stan agreed, trying to not sound desperate for someone to understand.
Clyde sprinted across the room and grabbed a pencil and clipboard. He sat next to Stan and wrote something down.
"Okay… Um, when Kyle confessed that first time… How did you feel?" Clyde started the interview.
Stan laughed. "Dude, you sound like a therapist that doesn't know shit."
"Just share your God damned feelings!" Clyde demanded.
"Okay, fine! Well…Um…"
"Go on…"
Stan gave Clyde an irritated look.
"Um, well. The first time… I liked it. I don't know why, but I liked it…" Stan uncomfortably admitted.
"What did you like about it?" Clyde quickly asked.
"I don't know, dude! I liked that he… likes me."
"I think you mean 'loves you'" Clyde joked.
"Dude, whatever." Stan brushed off the joke with an eye roll.
"What about the second one?" Clyde added.
"Oh, um… Well, you saw! He confessed his love for me, or whatever, and I brought him home before he fucked up even more."
Clyde stared at him. "You cried."
"Yeah?" Stan questioned.
Clyde stayed silent.
"Why?" He finally asked.
"I don't know, Dude! I… I was just confused…" Stan admitted.
"About what?" Clyde questioned further.
"Whether he was telling the truth or if he was just stupid and drunk…"
"Does that matter to you?"
"Yes!"
"Why?" Clyde asked, again.
"Because… if what he was saying wasn't how he felt… then…" Stan started
"Then, you'd be heartbroken?" Clyde finished for him.
Heartbroken is what girls feel when they find out a boy doesn't like them… No, this is different.
"I guess…" Stan reasoned.
"So, you like him?" Clyde concluded
"I don't know!"
"Then why'd you make out with him in the bathroom?"
"Fuck, dude, I don't know! He gives me a weird… feeling…"
"When do you get the feeling?" Clyde asked, pretending to write everything down on paper.
"All the time! When I look or talk to him! When I think about him! When I'm around him!"
"Okay… Um…is it a good feeling that you get?" Clyde asked, uneasily.
"Yes! I fucking love it! And I don't know why!" Stan practically shouted.
"… Yes you do." Clyde stated.
"What?" Stan questioned, as if he hadn't heard.
"You know damn well why you like that feeling!" Clyde fussed.
"No I don't!"
"Yes you do!"
"Tell me then, Clyde!"
"Because you love him, you retard!"
"No I don't!"
"You can't blame raping Kyle in the bathroom all on that feeling, dude. It's because you love him and you couldn't control it."
"And you suddenly know everything?" Stan questioned
"Why'd you bring Kyle home?" Clyde asked, ignoring Stan's comeback.
"What?" Stan asked, wondering why he changed the topic.
"After that party, you brought Kyle home, but you didn't the first time… Why?"
"Because! I needed to get him out of there!"
"Why?" Clyde repeated.
"Because… the first time… I cried afterwards, okay? I drove around and cried to a sad song."
"What did you cry about?"
"Dude, I don't fucking know. I wanted to be next to Kyle, to hold him and comfort him while he cried to me. It hurt, you know. He cried to me about me not hanging out with him anymore… I didn't think he was so… emotional about that…"
"Why did you stop hanging out with him?"
"Ugh, well, he confessed in front of everyone! I didn't want people start talking…"
"Because you were scared they would think you're gay?"
"Well, yeah. But I didn't want him to know. I didn't want people bothering him about it. He was drunk, he didn't know what he was doing!"
Clyde tapped his pencil on his clipboard.
"So, who kissed who?" Clyde asked.
"In the Bathroom?"
"Yeah…"
"Oh… Um… Me…"
"Did you like… hug him and THEN kiss him, or did you full on rape him?"
"Dude!" Stan exclaimed.
"Answer the question!"
"I pinned him to the God damn wall and made out with him." Stan admitted, as if it wasn't a big deal.
"Dude…"
"Then I gave him a hickey…" Stan added.
"Dude…" Clyde muttered. "Um, well… did he like it?" He quickly added.
"I'm pretty God damned sure he did. He moaned… a lot…"
"Let me guess, you got a boner…" Clyde joked.
"Dude!"
"I mean did you like that?" Clyde asked with pretend seriousness.
"Well… yeah…"
"Okay. Dude, I have a theory…"
"What is it?" Stan questioned, trying to take a peek of what he wrote down.
"You're a total fag…" Clyde concluded.
"Dude!"
"It's true! You're, like, so gay for Kyle, it's not even funny…"
"Dude…" Stan said, questioning Clyde's seriousness.
"Like, I always thought you had a bit of gayness to you… but… God damn, Stan…"
"Dude…" Stan repeated
"Well… yeah…" Clyde finishes.
"What am I supposed to do!" Stan exclaimed.
"Um… I don't know, date Kyle?" Clyde answered as if it was obvious.
"No! I'm dating Wendy!"
"You're dating Wendy as a denial of your feelings for Kyle." Clyde pointed out.
"Dude…" Stan mumbled, pressing his hands onto his forehead.
"So, break up with her and go have sex with Kyle tomorrow after school." Clyde joked.
That's the last straw.
"I'm leaving."
"That doesn't make you less gay, Dude."
"Fuck off." Stan said, flipping him off before he walked down the hallway.
"WE NEED TO DO THE POSTER STILL!" Clyde yelled after him, as if nothing happened.
Stan shut the door and started walking. He didn't drive to Clyde's because it seemed useless, but it wouldn't be so useless now; it was colder and Stan silently thanked Kyle for bringing his hat.
I wonder what Kyle's doing right now…
An image of Kyle popped into Stan's mind.
Stan shook the feeling away.
"Maybe I do like him…" Stan considered.
Stan thought some more.
"No. I'm dating Wendy…" Stan assured.
"You're dating Wendy as a denial of your feelings for Kyle."
"Fuck you, Clyde…" Stan muttered to himself.
○○•○○
It was last period, science. Mr. Garrison didn't teach that much, he just let everyone talk. No one was sure why, but no one complained. Stan sat behind Kyle, now. Everyone switched seats because Mr. Garrison is so distracted and Craig took Stan's original seat, next to Kyle. This gave Stan an excuse to stare at him, though.
And boy, did he stare.
What if this is all a phase… what if we're wasting our time? But, God… I want to kiss him again…
What's wrong with me? Kyle's my best friend! But I… I…
I don't know how to explain it! Does it mean I… have feelings for him?
Does that make me gay? Damn it! I'm not gay!
But… he is cute…
No. Even if I do have feelings I can't share them. I have to keep it in…
I just… I just wanna kiss him again… Damn it. That's so hard to tell myself. Even if I do wanna… why should I try anything? It's not like we can do anything around people…But, God. It felt so good: his lips, his hands running through my hair, his heart beating, faster and faster.
What about Wendy? I can't just break up with her… I would need a reason. Maybe we could just date behind her back…?
Wow, I can't believe I'm even considering that…
Would Kyle be okay with that? What does is he thinking about it?
Damn it! I need to talk to him!
Stan focused his wondering mind to Kyle, as if it wasn't already there.
Why does he do that to me? How? How does he make me feel like this… Is it his hair? His voice? His eyes? His… everything? Good God, I feel like a school girl.
Maybe I should just accept it. I like Kyle… Does that make me gay?
I don't know and I don't care… I just want him…
Kyle was asleep…Listening to his Ipod… He looked peaceful.
Maybe this would work… We could just do what our hearts want behind closed doors…
Stan jolted when he heard the bell. Stan gathered his things and poked Kyle. He yawned and looked up.
"Good morning, Sleeping Beauty." Stan joked.
"Shut up." Kyle replied, with a laugh.
Kyle shut his Ipod off and gathered his things.
"I'll meet you outside, okay?" Kyle informed.
"'Kay."
Why are we acting as if nothing happen…?
Stan packed his book sack and swung it over his shoulder.
I wouldn't mind being with Kyle behind Wendy's back…
Stan shook the thought out his head and walked outside.
Why'd Stan put himself through this…again?
He felt a tap on his shoulder, so he looked behind him.
"Hey." Kyle greeted.
Stan gave a weak smiled back.
Kyle started walking and Stan followed; they didn't talk, it was as if they were saving it all for when they were alone…
Stan knew he wanted Kyle, but he didn't know if it was worth it.
They walked up Stan's front lawn; he unlocked the door and let Kyle in. Kyle set his bag on the couch and Stan set his next to the door, watching Kyle's every move. Kyle stood still for a moment, then he turned and faced Stan.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" Kyle questioned. Stan winced at Kyle's tone.
That was kind of expected…
"Me? Why can't we talk about you?" Stan spat back, he wasn't losing a fight, especially this one.
"Because, you started this shit!" Kyle reminded.
That's what you think…
"That can be your little secret." Stan snorted.
"Oh, and you pinning me to the bathroom wall and forcing your tongue down my throat isn't starting shit?" Kyle pointed out, flapping his arms around in irritation.
Touché…
"That's an exaggeration!" Stan shot back, knowing Kyle still had a point.
"No it isn't!"
"Yes it is! If you wanted to, you could of have pushed me off, easily. But you didn't, why is that Kyle?" Stan asked, turning the tables.
"Yes. I could of…" Kyle started "and I didn't. You wanna know why? Because I didn't want to!" Kyle honestly admitted.
Wh… Where's this going?
"You… You didn't?" Stan stuttered, taking a step closer.
"No, I didn't. I liked it! There. I said it." Kyle folded his arms and looked off to the side, refusing to look at Stan. Stan kept quiet, not knowing what to say.
"Um…So…" Stan started.
"Yes, I like you," Kyle answered before Stan could ask.
"Oh…"
"Let me ask you something." Kyle demanded.
"Okay…" Stan agreed.
Kyle still had his arms folded, but he looked back at Stan, and took a few steps closer.
"Why'd you do it? Tell me honestly. I deserve an answer." Kyle requested, his eyes filled with emotion.
"I…" Stan took a breath and closed his eyes.
Should I just say it? I guess he's right… he deserves an honest answer.
"Because," Stan started, trying to find words. "You were standing there, staring at me. And I couldn't help it! Every time you look at me like that I get that fucking feeling." Stan admitted, speaking as if it was all one word. "We were alone and my heart was being an idiot and I wasn't thinking straight…" Stan added, his voice getting shaky.
"And I remembered that look on your face from the party and I couldn't tell you I was sorry because you didn't know and I…" Stan continued, though neither of them could understand what he was saying because Stan wasn't talking. He was sobbing.
The tears came hard. Stan didn't close his eyes out of fear of them falling, even though he could feel them streaking his face. Stan focused on the blurry image of Kyle.
Kyle took Stan in his arms and let him cry on his shoulder.
"Dude, it's okay…" Kyle comforted.
"No, it's not! And you know it!" Stan wailed.
Kyle kept silent. Stan felt him rub his back, for some reason making him cry more.
Kyle sighed and started to softly singing. Stan tried to stop crying to listen, tears were silently falling. Stan always heard Kyle sing to Ike whenever he was upset… but never this song; Stan couldn't put a name to it…
Stan listened to the sound of Kyle's voice and focused on the lyrics, "I had to find you, tell you I need you, tell you I set you apart. Tell me your secrets and ask me your questions. Oh, let's go back to the start..."
Kyle's voice was soothing… Stan was so caught up in the song that he stopped crying altogether and let Kyle hold him in a hug.
I want this. I know I do. I want to be with Kyle. I can't deny it. But, fuck, does it have to be so confusing?
God, I can feel his heart beat…
"Nobody said it was easy… It's such a shame for us to part… Nobody said it was easy… No one ever said it would be this hard… Oh, take me back to the start…"
That's so true it's not even funny…
"What song it that?" Stan asked, not moving a muscle. His voice cracked.
"The Scientist, by Coldplay. Why?" Kyle softly whispered into Stan's ear.
"It's really…" Stan tried to find a word, "pretty…"
Kyle chucked and pulled away from the hug.
Stan looked into Kyle's green eyes.
Why can't things be easy? Why do they have to be so fucking hard?
Stan didn't realize he thought that because of the lyrics he just heard.
"I'm guessing you don't wanna talk anymore… right now…" Kyle assumed, brushing Stan's hair from his face.
Stan felt Kyle wipe away a tear and he nodded, afraid that his voice would crack again.
"Wanna just, go up to your room and hang out?" Kyle suggested.
Stan nodded and Kyle pulled him into another hug.
"It'll be okay, dude..." Kyle assured.
Tha-Dump
"I hope..." Stan admitted.
I really... really fucking hope.
Awesome reviewers:
Black hearts
reyrocks
WxTxR
StanIsSexy100
animekitten03
Blank? You don't have a name... XP
A/N:
I know, it was short, but I finished and I tried adding more words but there was so much I could do! X(
Anyone remember the song Kyle's singing? It's from the first chapters song. ;D
OH MY GOD! NEW SOUTH PARK SEASON STARTS THIS WEDNESDAY! HOLY CRAP! XD
I love you guys... :)
Kyle's chapter is next, I didn't make them lovers yet (hehe) because I want to show what Kyle's feelings are about the current situation. :P
I don't know where it's going after this... I truly, truly don't. I know I'm doing random shit until around chapters 15-19
They won't get together until around chapter 7... :P
I like to have a slow developing plot... :)
Review or I shall haunt your dreams (Thanks WxTxR for making that me and my beta's inside joke! :P)