Author responses to reviews of the third chapter of Immortality in the Verse posted on either this site, Harry Potter FanFic Archive or Archive of Our Own.
Jhotenko:
I like how you're showing Harry's struggles with immortality. I suppose an immortal wouldn't realize they were in certain deadly environments.
Two small issues: One: It should be mokeskin not moleskin. A moke is a magical creature.
Two: When you write dialogue, try to keep one speaker per paragraph, otherwise it can get confusing.
Nice take on Harry's 'saving people thing.' Trying to save the magical creatures sounds like something he'd do.
I look forward to your next post.
Author Response:
Jhotenko, again thank you for the review. I went back and changed all references to moleskin to mokeskin, my mistake. I appreciate the tip about writing dialogue, when I incorporated it into my story it made the story much easier to read and look a lot cleaner.
Ace Trainer Jessie:
wow ! I can't wait to read more. I also like how Nick stayed around with Harry. umm if there house elves left. Could they help take care of the other creatures ?
Author Response:
Ace Trainer Jessie, thank you for the review. I also thought that Nick would be the sort of person, or ghost, that would help Harry out even after his Hogwarts years. I put Nick into the story because I couldn't figure out a way for Fawkes and Harry to "communicate" without it being silly or Harry seeming crazy, so I added Nick even though I hadn't originally planned to as Harry's sounding board and companion. This enabled Harry and Fawkes to communicate without speaking and provided another link to the books once Harry delves deeper into the Firefly universe.
Also, the house elves along with the other verbally intelligent magical creatures were manipulated by the traditionalists into waging war against to coalition. So by the time Harry meet back up with Nick, the house elves would have already been slaughtered along with the centaurs, goblins and other creatures.
Chapter 4
Harry had done it. Through the combined efforts of the Master of Death and his Deathly Hallows he had completed his mission. Inside his mokeskin pouch resided all of the magical creatures Fawkes, Nick and himself had been able to find. The pouch catered to all of magical creatures within its borders, it was essentially a large country landscape within a pocket dimension. The mokeskin dimension that Harry had created included every terrain he and his companions could think of, there were mountains, lakes, deserts, snow, forests and more. The mokeskin dimension would enabled its inhabitants to survive beyond the Earth and because its environments were constructed to appear Earth-like, the magical creatures would hardly notice that they weren't actually on Earth, but that they lived inside something that was once given by a half-giant as a birthday present to a boy whom was becoming a man on his seventeenth birthday.
It had taken Harry a while to accept the workings of the animal kingdom and the natural behaviours of the magical creatures within the mokeskin dimension. Harry's "saving people thing" had extended to the inhabitants of the mokeskin dimension, for a while he couldn't stomach that the magical creatures had created a food chain and that it meant that some of the creatures that he had worked so hard to save were being killed. It was only when Nick and Fawkes had once again reprimanded him for his interference within the mokeskin dimension that Harry accepted what his companions were telling him. With a tone akin to a parent explaining to their child that the tooth fairy wasn't real they had told Harry that him being the one who had saved the creatures, meant that he had to let them live.
"Harry, harry, harry," sighed Nick, "it is natural for those creatures to act as they are. You must know that even in the muggle world this happens among their animals. Harry you are treating them like your pets, you told me that you wanted to save the magical creatures of the world, and we have done a mighty job of it. But Harry you have to realise, you can't play god with them. You created a sanctuary and you have to let them live out their lives within it just as they would have on Earth."
"But they're dying Nick," said Harry exasperatedly.
"For goodness sake Harry, they are not dying. They are fulfilling the circle of life; they are living by their instincts. They kill to feed themselves and when they die their children will do the same, it has been happening since the dawn of time and so help me Harry you have to let it happen now. Your sanctuary has to be that, a sanctuary. A home for the magical creatures and not a cage. Harry you have saved them and now you have to leave them be." Nick said giving Harry a ghostly stare which seemed to implore Harry to accept this.
Harry soon realised that his companions were right, and as such he appointed Fawkes and Nick as the mokeskin dimension's caretakers. Harry had then expanded the pouch further, aside from the magical creatures, the mokeskin dimension now housed a storage facility underneath a mountain range that was home to the mokeskin dimension's dragon inhabitants. While travelling the world and collecting as many of the magical creatures that Nick, Fawkes and himself had been able to locate, they also preserved certain aspects of wizarding and muggle culture that had been abandoned. Though most of the wizarding world's culture had been abandoned in favour of death or muggle integration in preparation of the exodus. The muggle culture had been all but outlawed. The Alliance had disbanded almost all forms of entertainment in favour of their efforts to evacuate Earth. Harry and his companions had stored within "The Library" as Nick had dubbed it, a vast collection of muggle literature, music and film, as well as such wizarding artefacts as spellbooks, brooms, butterbear, fire whiskey, wands and an assortment of magical devices that Harry had deemed useful or important.
Killing time before the exodus, Harry had been working his way through his duplicate collection of the Hogwarts library. Unlike other abandoned books that Harry had just taken, he had only duplicated the literature of Hogwarts in the hope that someone might collect it before the exodus. For the first century of his existence, he hadn't read much. He certainly knew a lot, but that was mostly from experience, with what would soon become the greatest collection of muggle and magical knowledge at his disposal; Harry hoped to be able to learn all things he had once wanted to and a 125 year journey seemed like a great time to do so.
Relief had flooded through Harry a few months before the exodus, the coalition had sent a message to what was left of the wizarding world. The coalition had piggybacked the Alliance broadcasts to deliver their message, at the conclusion of the Alliance broadcasts a spell was spoken through the radio waves. The spell put the muggles in a sort of trance for the duration of the "special" broadcast, this enabled the coalition to speak freely to the scattered witches and wizards of the world without being overheard. The coalition stated that the hoped that the remaining witches and wizards of the world were prepared for the exodus and that they wished for them not to isolate themselves from the muggles, but try to interact peacefully with them as both themselves and their children would be spending over a century in the presence of muggles. The coalition had also said that although there wasn't an overt presence of a magical government or society, they were still there. This meant that magical secrecy was still expected to be upheld for the duration of the exodus. The coalition finished their first broadcast in years with the promise that the magical world would survive on the new worlds and to stay strong.
The broadcasts were infrequent during the exodus and never brought with them good news. A couple months after Harry had successfully boarded an ark with Nick and Fawkes within the moleskin dimension along with the library and the magical creatures, and coned his way into receiving a private bunk, when the passengers all suddenly went into the familiar trance. The coalition said that there had been incidents in which witches and wizards had broken the secrecy act and tried to enlarge their meal rations. This had resulted said witches and wizards being caught, charged by the Alliance as thieves and executed. The coalition ended their broadcast in the same way, stating that secrecy was key to the wizarding world's survival and wishing the witches and wizards luck.
There were some people aboard Harry's ark that he knew were magical. While he feigned a trance like state during the coalition's broadcasts, because he didn't want to be recognised as Harry Potter, other witches and wizards didn't, this enabled Harry to identify such individuals and keep tabs on them. The other passengers aboard the arks spent most of their time playing cards and procreating like bunnies, Harry spent his time developing his already formidable skills. In the first few years of the exodus, Harry had learnt to art of becoming an animagus. Harry could now successfully turn himself into a large black dog, which Harry had chosen in honour of his godfather, he now set his sights further. The books that Harry found throughout the world had detailed many things not taught at Hogwarts. Harry was particularly interested in the possibility of multiple animagus transformations. Although his bunk was adequately sized for a large dog transformation, Harry had retreated into the mokeskin dimension for the practicing of his next transformations. It was a few short years before Harry had added more transformations to his animagus skillset, Harry now could transform into the large black dog, a Hungarian Horntail that looked just like Flint and stag in honour of his father. Seeing as Harry had animagus transformations that would enable infiltration as a loveable pet, air travel and land travel, Harry wanted to be able to transform into an aquatic creature to round out his transformations. While none of these would be useful to Harry aboard the ark, Harry was looking to stretching his legs, paws, wings and hooves on the new worlds which was now about forty years away.
It was around the forty years remaining mark that wizard communications delivered heartbreaking news, wizarding optimism was low. Most of the magical people were reaching the ends of their lives, which due to constant exposure to pollution and famine hadn't been that long to begin with. Although some witches and wizards had procreated among themselves and muggles, the future of the wizarding race was in danger. The birth of magical children hadn't been the shining light that the wizarding race had hoped for. Magical children being magical children couldn't control their magic, while their parents tried to teach them to control their magic it was difficult, unlike Harry most of the passengers were sharing living quarters and couldn't perform magic behind closed doors. The coalition had broadcasted that the unfortunate uncontrollable nature of some magical children had caused disastrous engine failure aboard multiple arks. The tantrums and childish nature of untrained magical children had affected the electronic workings of the propulsion and live support utilities of the arks. The inhabitants of many arks had suffered asphyxiation due to lack of oxygen and would never reach their new homes.
Dishearteningly, the coalition now regularly reported that more and more arks had suffered massive misfortune due to a combination of magical interference and unavoidable mechanical issues. The number of "dead" arks were rising every week. Harry became angrier every time more deaths were reported either through muggle communication or wizard communication, Harry was mad that he couldn't do anything about the other arks and that the witches and wizards, as well as the muggles, that had all been offered prosperity across the stars had been rewarded for their optimism and loyalty with death. Harry became more and more withdrawn, only leaving his bunk for food when Fawkes wouldn't stop pecking him or when Nick constantly glided through Harry knowing it would prompt Harry to move unless he wanted to feel like he was being dunked in cold water every five seconds. Unlike Harry whom spent his time consumed in books, learning new muggle skills and strengthening his magical abilities, the other passengers kept on living, most hoping that their children would reach the new worlds and constantly praying that the ark didn't fail like so many others. Harry observed that the passengers seemed to double their efforts of procreation in response to the death tolls, Harry himself was forced to decline many women whom blatantly asked if he wanted to be the father of their children. While the passengers alternated between procreating and praying, Harry only hoped that their prayers were being heard by someone or something. Although he couldn't die, Harry didn't really want to experience what would happen to himself if their ark failed as so many others had.
Harry's ark, now home to a fresh batch of youngsters whom would never know Earth and would only think of the new worlds as home, was only two months from reaching its destination. None of the original passengers were alive on the ship, but their constant procreation had paid off as the ark was full of spaceborns aged 2-40. Harry hadn't needed to change his face during the exodus at all, the six thousand population of the ark at the start of the exodus had provided enough people that Harry's non-ageing face and body went unnoticed. Nowadays the arks inhabitants presumed that he was just another twenty-something spaceborn and never looked twice at him. While education had been provided to the spaceborns, they didn't uphold the standards of language that their parents did. Most spaceborns spoke in English, but they incorporated Chinese into their speech as slang. This wasn't inconceivable as the Alliance had been created through the merger of the United States and China. Spaceborns had also relaxed their standards of living from what had been usual back on Earth, the spaceborns didn't question the consumption of nutrition packs, many had never tasted the fruits, meats and vegetables of Earth that were preserved throughout the exodus. While they had all seen the cattle, livestock and other animals housed underneath the main cargo bay of the ark, they didn't dare kill or harm one as it was punishable by getting "spaced", being forcefully expelled from the ark. The spaceborns understood why they were in exodus and looked forward to seeing land for the first time, but they didn't share the feelings of loss when thinking or discussing Earth, they couldn't miss something they never had, as such they referred to their parents' home as Earth-That-Was and the saying spread throughout the arks and became common fixture in the language as well as calling their surroundings "The Verse" instead the more accurate term, universe.
The ark that Harry resided on had been a part of the sixth wave of departure from Earth. All ark departures had been staggered throughout forty waves. As such many people had already arrived on the newly terraformed planet called Londinium before them and the Alliance had quickly engaged in communications with the remaining arks to gauge the amount of surviving arks and to guide the remaining arks safely to Londinium. A little more than a month before Harry's ark was expected to land on the new planet both the Alliance and the coalition broadcasted a radio transmission that detailed the casualties of the exodus. It seemed that many more arks had "died" in the exodus than they had known of, as such millions of people would never step foot on the solid ground of Londinium. The coalition as usual piggybacked the Alliance's transmission and broadcasted the causalities of the wizarding world. The arks that had arrived only averaged a magical population of eighty per ark and the coalition had predicted that with the dead arks that the magical population that would arrived would only be 28% of it had been at the start of the exodus. The coalition sadly stated that due to the extreme loses of the wizarding world and the death of many whom would have been depended upon to assist in the revitalisation of the wizarding world that the coalition was disbanding and that this would be there final broadcast. They said that without numbers to support the construction of a wizarding society in the verse, they weren't willing to risk exposure to complete an effort that would only be appreciated by an abysmal population of untrained and uneducated witches and wizards whom wouldn't even miss the culture of wizarding Earth. The coalition told any remaining witches and wizards in exodus to enter society of the new worlds afresh and again reiterated that while there was no longer any magical government, secrecy was still to be upheld and that while people were free to teach their children magic this was not encouraged and there would be no formal magical education endorsed by the coalition. Basically the remaining magical part of the human race was left to their own devices.
Not long after the coalition's final broadcast did a rash of witch and wizard suicides occur aboard Harry's ark. The muggles didn't understand why people would choose to end their own lives when they were so close to reaching their new home, but Harry knew they had chosen to end it because they couldn't see a new home without the promise of discovering the secrets of their heritage and they preferred to no longer will themselves to survive without that promise.
Everything happened quickly once the exodus had concluded, everyone scattered onto different moons and planets, eager to begin their new lives on their new homes. It seemed that if the Alliance hadn't allowed the population to leave Londinium before they were prepared for them to populate the newly terraformed planets and moons they wouldn't have lost control over the people. The Alliance literally had everyone in the palm of their hands, the entire remainder of the population had been housed within their arks, the Alliance had control over everyone. But in the panic and excitement from finally arriving on Londinium, the Alliance had collectively been rendered flustered. They had enabled the people to unofficially purchase personal transport ships and travel to the surrounding regions. With the people now spread across many terraformed planets of the verse their practices and habits devolved into less civilised lifestyles. While Londinium and the planets and moons closely surrounding it had been populated by the people in control of Earth-That-Was' produce and was controlled heavily by the Alliance, the planets and moons further away from the central planets were governed by the strong and cruel and carried a lifestyle akin to that of an old Western. It was common practice to carry weapons and it was even more common to use them against one another. Any remaining witches and wizards kept to themselves on the core and rim planets, while Harry knew that many experimented with the use of magic he didn't mind, he used magic all the time and he had done against coalition law during the exodus. Harry and the remaining witches and wizards it seemed didn't see the point in secrecy anymore as their numbers where so few and stretched over so many planets and moons that there was little chance that any magic user would knowingly interact with another for than five minutes. Harry knew that the witches and wizards were content with their new lives, the struggles of the exodus only left the strong witches and wizards remaining, witches and wizards who had accepted their roles in the new society and despite the hardships of their kind were going to give it their best chance.