Chapter 4- Finding out

I clutched the envelope tightly in my hand. This piece of paper held my future in it. Some random, faceless person who has never met me had decided the course of my life. My nerves overcame me and I ripped it open as quickly as possible. As the paper fluttered to the floor I snatched it up. Not giving myself more of an opportunity to think about it, I unfolded the paper and read.

Congratulations, you have been accepted onto the St Mungo's Healer training program. Your application was successful. If you still wish to join the program, then you will need to reply, by owl, by the 1st January.

Please read the enclosed information packets

Yours sincerely,

Healer McIvor

I was in. All them rewrites of my personal statement, all them hours had finally paid off. Unfortunately, the course doesn't start until next September so it wouldn't solve my immediate boredom, however, it was nice to have something else to look forward too as well being a Dad.

I folded the letter and carefully filled it. I sat down in front of my new TV and slid a DVD in. I hadn't been able to figure out how to get actual television installed, so I had gone and splurged on an impressive DVD collection. I had also bought loads of children's films, despite baby being nowhere near ready for them. I had held off buying clothes and such because I didn't want people questioning who they were for, but no-one would think it too strange that my 200+ DVD collection includes Thomas the Tank and Pingu. Plus most wizards don't even know what a DVD is.

I was currently watching Lord of the Rings. Hermione had raved about it when she had heard I had invested in a DVD player and so I felt obliged to watch. I was enjoying it thoroughly though. I kept imagining Draco's face if he saw me doing something so mugglish.

"Are you listening baby?" I quietly murmured as I rubbed my now noticeably swollen belly. 'This ones called the Lord of the Rings. it's a big scary for you though, so you won't be able to watch it fully until you're older. Its about the fight against good and evil, and how good always triumphs eventually, even if it takes the sacrifice of many good men. Sacrifices are overrated. I promise that if I have any chance what so ever, I will fight to stay alive for you. And if something does happen, I'll make sure you go to a good family. Someone who will love you for who you are and never make you unwelcome. I'm going to give you the best Godparents I can. I think Hermione will be one. That way you'll always have both Ron and Hermione. Your Godfather though… I know who I want to ask. But last time I saw him he was even more angry with me than usual. He'll love you though. Because he loved your other Daddy. He helped him grow up into a good man, against all the odds. Guess we're going to Hogwarts tomorrow, Baby."

The next day dawned and it was a beautiful sunny Autumn day. The leaves were browns and yellows and reds and falling all over. I dressed slowly and had a nice leisurely breakfast. After breakfast I cleaned the house, did some laundry and went into my workshop. I had been trying to build a cot. I had bought a wood lathe and an impressive collection of power tools. So far I had used up a forest worth of wood, cut my fingers about ten times and still hadn't even got the basics down. I didn't care though. I was relaxing and the room was well lit and ventilated. I could just play around all day and if I accomplished nothing it didn't matter. I didn't have to worry about being a bad father, or what career I was going to do. I didn't have to think about telling people about my son or telling people about Draco. I just sanded down wood, thinking about nothing. Especially not thinking about Draco.

I was getting better. I no longer broke down and cried every time I thought of him, but it was still hard. I was starting to be able to think of the good thinks without thinking about how he died, but it was slow going and it was so exhausting. I don't know how I would have coped without being pregnant and so focused of life.

After a few hours in the workshop I had managed to carve a beautiful leg for the cot. Unfortunately I could not replicate the leg another three times, but never mind. I suppose I could have with magic, however, it felt like cheating and I was enjoying myself. Feeling proud of myself I left the room to get some lunch. Since accepting I was pregnant, I have been very careful to be as healthy as possible. I have made sure I eat three times a day, even when I'm not hungry. Baby better appreciate all the times I have practically had to ram food down my throat. After a slow lunch I then went and showered and changed and prepared to go out.

For the first time since the night after Draco's death I approached Hogwart's. The castle looked more splendid than ever, standing proud against the skyline. I felt a familiar pang of wonder and for a moment felt just as I did on that day so very long ago when I saw Hogwarts for the first time. I shook myself out of the odd mood I found myself in and wandered up the path to Hogwarts. Reaching the castle gates I heard the loud bustle, I had long since associated with the end of classes at Hogwarts. Students standing in bunches gossiping after class, no longer worrying about being late or forgotten homework. I was immediately set upon by old housemates and acquaintances. It seemed beyond strange that only last year I was still one of these students. Now I'm some sort of legend.

I said hi to people I knew, made my excuses and escaped gratefully into the dungeons. I remembered all the shortcuts with an ease that surprised me and soon I was outside the office door of my least favorite professor. I knocked firmly with a confidence I did not feel.

Professor Snape swung open the door, looking distracted, "Yes?" He barked. He then looked at me and blinked.

"Mr Potter." He sounded so resigned to my presence, I nearly made my excuses and left then. I wondered what he thought I was there for. No doubt to accuse him of some nefarious activity and start a blazing row. He did look tired. I thought about leaving and coming back when he was better able to deal with the shock I was about to give him. I touched my wedding ring in my pocket and gained strength from it. I thought back to all the times Draco had mentioned Snape. He really had loved him and had been treated well by him. Most of all I though of Draco, the way he thought, the way he talked, and I knew that if I wanted this child raised as Draco and I would have raised him, there needed to be a Slytherin influence on him.

"Can I have a word in private?" I asked politely.

"Can it not wait?" Snape sneered at me, "Preferably forever."

"I'd rather discuss it now," I replied calmly. "But its not urgent. I just need to ask you something."

"Come on then." Snape replied looking so put out I nearly laughed. "Lets just get this over with."

He led me into his office and gestured to the seat in front of the desk. I had to try hard to not feel like I was in detention. I kept getting the urge to start scrubbing cauldrons.

"Well." My cue to start.

"I have something to tell you. And then I need to ask you something. I hope very much you'll agree to it but if you say no today, the offer will still be open indefinitely."

"Potter, you're babbling. Either say what you have to say or get out. I am busy."

"I'm pregnant." I blurted out. Smooth Potter, nothing like a bit of Gryffindor lack of tact. Snape just stared at me, as if deciding whether I needed to be hauled off to St. Mungo's. He eventually gestured for me to continue and I did.

"I fell in love with someone last year. We got married the night of graduation, performed the Heir spell that week and then he died in the war. When he died, the Heir spell activated and…" I smoothed down my robes and showed the protruding stomach.

"And you want me to…" Snape looked more bewildered than I have ever seen him. "I won't help you abort it, if that's what your fishing for." He sounded angry then. I was too. Furious at him,

"You think I would abort the child of the man I love. I know you hate me, but to have such a low opinion of me. As if I would come her today to deliberately hurt him."

"I apologize." Snape broke in. The thought of Snape apologizing for anything was mind boggling enough to stop me mid rant. "I did not truly think you would abort the child. I do not know what else you could want from me right now. Is the baby unwell? You would do better going to Poppy."

"The baby is fine." I hoped so anyway. "I want you to be the godfather." There. I had said it. I braced for the inevitable explosion.

"Get out." Snape said it in that quiet voice, the one he uses when he's about to go apocalyptic. I started to back up slowly.

"Think about it."

"GET OUT!" and I did.

TBC...