The Laughing Scooby

By: Bubbajack

Beta: Grammarly, Self-Proofread

Disclaimer: I don't own BtVS or anything else that shows up in this fic.

Ch.4: Housewarming Party.

Work had started on the Caldswell place and with Xander pitching in and having constant 'motivation' in the form of Belldandy and Urd's vivacious forms, as well as Bell's constant small kindnesses, such as providing food, drink, or a kind word at just the right time. Urd was content to flirt with the construction crew which had its own effect of making them work twice as hard as usual if only to try and impress her.

The cyclops couldn't help but smirk as he stepped outside, 'Poor saps have no idea what they're in for.' Xander thought as he stepped outside intent on trying out his cigarettes for the first time.

He'd held off for a couple of days as when he reappeared with the box in tow, he got a look of concern if not outright disapproval from Belldandy. He couldn't stand her looking at him like that, worried about his health. So he held off and waited as long as he could, but now with all the running around and work, he'd been doing with the crew along with his mounting concern about what to do with the magical artifacts in his possession he really needed some form of stress relief.

Popping a cigarette in his mouth, he fished around in his pocket for his lighter. Pulling it out, he noted for the first time some strange writing engraved and circling around the top. It read: "Kim daha hafifçe üç kez hafifçe vurursa, Jinn'i açığa çıkarmalı Shantae."

Scratching his scalp in confusion, Xander wondered, 'The heck does that mean?'

Then before his very eye, the letters rearranged themselves into English. The passage now read: "Whosoever flick this lighter thrice, shall unleash the Jiniri, Shantae."

Xander blinked, his mouth falling open with his cancer stick hanging precariously from his lower lip. He took to rubbing his remaining eye to make sure he wasn't seeing things. Afterward, seeing the words still remained, he sighed then read the deciphered text again.

Shaking his head in denial, Xander muttered to himself, "There's no way. I've either got to be cursed, or this is someone's idea of a joke." Thinking back on his less than stellar record with magic, he sighed and continued, "Nope, it's probably legit."

Holding the lighter in front of him he thought, 'Whelp, here goes nothing.'

He flicked it once. Nothing happened.

A second flick. That time, a spark flew through the air.

Not seeing anything strange like storm clouds gathering, or a portal beginning to open, Xander allowed himself to relax, 'Maybe it was a prank.' He thought, "Phew, I've been on the Hellmouth for far too long."

With that thought in mind, he raised the lighter to his lips and flicked it a third and final time, intent on finally having that smoke. He did not expect a pillar of fire to erupt from the small handheld device, burning away some of his hair, and singing off his eyebrows before knocking him on his ass.

The flame shot five feet up in the air before doing a U-turn and scorched the earth in front of him. When it cleared, Xander's breath caught. For standing before him on a piece of scorched earth was a stunning young woman. She was about five inches shorter than him at 5'5/165cm, dusky-skinned with bright dark-blue eyes and blue-black hair that looked purple in the sunlight. Her hair was held in a ponytail by a golden hairband. She had golden armlets on her wrists and nothing but a silken bra that both covered and accentuated her large bust. She wore what he could best describe as red sheer parachute pants and pointed leather shoes he would expect to see on Santa's elves. She looked tense and ready for a fight.

"Oh, you have got to be kidding me right Murphy!?"

Shantae looked around her eyes full of mistrust and suspicion, her body slipping into a combat pose taught to her by Rolo before she called out, "Alright Risky, where are you?"

"#%$&%%***/&!?"

Shantae looked down to see a young man who was missing both his eyebrows and the fringe of his hair he had a jacket on his shoulders and an eye patch on his eye. Thinking he was Risky's new minion she gripped him by the scruff of his coat and demanded, "Who are you and where is Risky?"

Blinking his lone brown eye at her, he replied gently, " ####$%^&*(%$# %^&**((^%$## $%^^&."

Shantae cocked her head to the side unable to understand the strange language the man was speaking. "Can you understand me?"

" #%^^&*)" The man in her arms replied before shrugging, causing Shantae to abruptly drop him and throw her arms up in frustration, "Oh, great."

She felt an arm encircle itself around her shoulders and she turned to see the cyclopean man doing his best to comfort her, $# , $# , ^&*('! &^ )*. #(*&# &%##$%^" He then steered her towards the manse behind her she had failed to notice before. Taking a good look at her surroundings, nothing looked even remotely familiar. 'Just where am I?'

"Eh, where are we going?" Shante asked him even knowing he couldn't understand her.

" ^%#&^%$#&, Shantae, $%^' $# $."

Pointing at herself she nodded and replied, "Shante, yes. I'm Shante. What's your name?"

The older man pointed at himself as he replied, "Alexander. #$%T %$#^, Xander."

"Xander?" Shantae echoed for clarification. Receiving a nod, he led her onwards into the building. By the look of things, it was having work done as men walked to and fro hammering nails, moving lumber and using powerful machines, that she could only assume were the tools of their trade.

As they passed, the worker's men called out to her guide in his foreign tongue. One must've said something about her, for he laughed it off, yet pulled her closer to him after that and quickly led her to the kitchen.

"Belldandy!" he called getting the attention of a light-skinned, blue-eyed woman with light brown hair who was wearing a white cloth shirt and rough spun form fitting indigo trousers. Shantae could feel the power rolling off of her and not just her, but the pale haired sorceress sitting at the table next to her.

"Xander, what-"upon seeing her, her eyes widened in surprise, and she asked the man beside her, "how on earth did you come into possession of an Al-Jinn?"

He laughed and said something in his tongue she couldn't figure out. This caused Belldandy to giggle and the sorceress to say, "Yeah that does sound like your luck at work doesn't it?"

Building up her courage, Shantae finally inquired, "Excuse me, but could you tell me exactly what's going on here? Where am I? Why can I only understand you two, and why is everyone else speaking in tongues?"

The violet-eyed witch seemed to size her up for a moment before asking, "What is your name girl?"

"Shante." The young man, Xander, answered for her. To which she nodded in response.

Nodding the woman with violet eyes continued, "Shantae, what year is it?"

'What kind of question is that?' the Genie wondered, "It's 1653."

Feeling a tap on her shoulder, Shante look over to Xander who was shaking his head sadly while looking at her. He then handed her some cobbled together papers and tapped one area in particular. The half-genie hero quickly surmised what she was holding was a calendar, but she couldn't believe what her eyes were telling her.

2003. The current year on the calendar was 2003. 'But if it's two-thousand three then I'm…I'm in the future. That means that I've-I've been stuck in that Genie trap for three hundred fifty years!'

Her friends, her town, and the people she promised to protect…all of them were long dead. Such was her shock that Shantae did the only thing she could…she fetll faint on the spot, right into Xander's arms.

Sighing he said to himself, "How do I always get myself in these situations?"

It was Urd who answered, "That sugar, has to do with your Constantine heritage. It called Synchronicity Wave Travel. Passively, you'll innately be where you need to be when you need to be there. When activated and you 'ride the wave' you can manipulate the strings of fate itself. Or in your terms affect causality to your will."

The cyclops released a quiet whistle, "Wow, I really need to learn how to do that." He glanced down at the Genie in his arms and added, "But first, she needs to be laid down somewhere."

Poking his head out of the kitchen he hollered, "Yo John, the upstairs habitable yet?"

John "Jonny" Knox, the foreman of the construction crew that came out here, replied, "Sure is Harris, why?"

Xander stepped out holding the girl passed out in his arms. A couple of the guys wolf-whistled, and one called out, "Damn Harris, you lay the moves on too thick man?"

"She probably fainted because of how cheesy his pickup lines were. Poor girl." Another called out.

Snickers were had by the men and Antonio, a suave Italian who viewed himself as a ladies man called out, "Save some pretty one's for the rest of us eh?"

Resisting the urge to roll his remaining eye, the young man replied, "I'll try, but this is as much a gift as it is a curse. Now, if you'll excuse me." Xander beat a hasty retreat up the stairs.

He quickly found an undemolished if slightly dusty room and set Shantae down on the bed before heading back downstairs. When he got there, he saw something odd. A trio of men were walking up his driveway two wearing black suits, and the other looked like a white collar detective. He was even dressed in a tan trench coat.

'My wiggy senses are tingling.' Xander had a developed a sort of sixth sense when it came to weird things, having lived on the Hellmouth his entire life, and at least one of the three approaching him were giving him the wiggins.

Moving like a ghost, he made his way back upstairs to the den where he kept the magical items he attained from Plutus. He tucked the Colt into his waistband, picked up the Staff, and hesitated for just a moment before slipping the Ring of Solomon on his finger. Leaving both Grimoires and the paperweight he picked up behind, he made his way back to the foyer to greet his 'guests.'

Dean drove sixty the whole way there, and it still took them two days. As Sam, Dean, and Castiel made their way up the driveway, the brothers' whispered to one another, "Dean, how do you wanna do this?"

"Well, we can't go in guns blazing. Too many people around. We should probably try and get him alone see if we can get him to hand it over."

Cas shook his head at their naiveté, "I highly doubt you'll convince the Constantine to just 'hand it over.'" He paused muttering, "Then again, no Constantine has ever had her favor before…"

Glancing at his friend, Dean asked, "You're talking about the Goth chick right? Who was she anyway, Cas?"

The Angel paused, clearly looking uncomfortable, "She is someone, something, ancient, and very powerful. That's all I dare say lest I incite her anger."

Raising his eyebrows, Dean inquired, "Damn, she's one bad bitch huh?"

Hissing through his teeth, and glancing around in fear, the angel replied, "Watch what you say! She could be listening…and she is not someone you want to anger."

Having never seen the angel so on edge before, Dean just nodded, "Right, I'll keep that in mind."

Just as Sam was about to knock on the door, it opened revealing the very man they came to see. Or so the Winchesters assumed, after all not many people walked around wearing an eyepatch, coat that seemed to change color whenever the light hit it, and carried a cat-headed, rune-carved staff. His single eye burned with eagle-like intensity as he sized them up.

Xander knew who they were the moment he laid his eye on them. Sam Winchester, the Destined Vessel of Lucifer, Dean Winchester, former Destined Vessel of Archangel Michael, and Castiel, whose name meant Shield of God in Enochian. And one who had even 'played God' albeit for a brief time. Together, the three had stopped the biblical apocalypse.

Finally, he asked, "And just what do the Vessels of Michael, Lucifer, and a Fallen Angel who dared play God want with me?"

The look of pure shock that crossed the faces of Sam and Dean was picturesque. The fact he caused a usually stoic angel to grimace was a plus in his book. To his credit, Dean reacted quickly drawing a Colt 1911 he had stored in his coat. Using Bond's memories, he quickly grabbed the weapon and turned it on its original wielder before deciding to test out the power of the ring. Turning to the Angel, Xander ordered, "Castiel, restrain and disarm them both, please and thank you."

Doing as he was told without a moment's pause, the angel punched Dean in the back before sweeping Sam's legs out from underneath him. With his gun still pointed at him, Dean dare not move for fear of his little brother's life. But that didn't stop him from spitting out, "What the hell Cas?"

As he patted down the younger Winchester, he apologized, "I'm sorry, but I can't disobey him." He was ever stoic, but he sounded sincere.

"Why not?" Sam grunted out as he was disarmed of the Knife, his pistol, and a sawn-off shotgun, which Cas put in his coat along with Dean's own sawn-off.

With respect entering his tone, Castiel replied, "He is Solomon's heir. He wears the ring and bears his Staff. He is more than just a Constantine…" A pause before, "He is the One Who Sees. Possessor of Solomon's Wisdom. He can see the past, present, future, and is a Master Magician."

He then hauled Sam to his feet now as bereft of weapons as his brother. Giving a polite and thankful nod to the Angel, Xander pocketed the gun before saying, "Come in won't you, I'm sure we have plenty to talk about."

After Castiel took both boy's roughly by the shoulder and followed only a few steps behind. As they passed he called into the kitchen, "Hey Bell, could you bring some ice tea up to the study please?"

"Of course!"

Nodding to himself he said to his impromptu entourage, "Follow me please."

He led them to his study on the second floor where he kept the remaining artifacts he acquired. Taking a seating in a plush swivel chair, he got his hands on just the day prior he bade them sit in the high-backed chairs he had set in front of the desk.

Once everyone was seated, Xander said, "Ok guys, you tried to break into my house armed with guns and an OP knife. Potentially putting not only my life but the lives of my guests and the innocent people here at risk. So as I see it, you have to the count of five to tell me what this is all about before I have Castiel here drop you both in the middle of the Arctic."

The two brother's looked at each other.

"One."

Dean smirked, "He's bluffing. You got one shit poker face kid."

"Two."

Sam gave his brother a sharp look, "Dean, I don't think he's kidding."

"Three."

Castiel reaffirmed his grip on their shoulders, tightening it to make sure they couldn't escape, "He's not kidding." He promised the two.

"Four."

"Okay, ok, ok!" Dean caved, "We're here for the Angel Tablet."

Recognition lit in Xander's remaining eye, "The Tablet that can lock the Angel's out of Heaven?" receiving a nod he asked, "Why the hell do you think I would have such a thing, and what could you do with one? You'd need the current prophet of Yahweh to read…"

Another lightbulb went off, "Castiel, did you come here with Yahweh's current prophet?"

The angel gave a stiff nod, "Yes." His reply was curt but sufficient.

Running a hand down his face, Xander said, "Bring him or her here please, and anyone else you brought with you." He sighed once the angel left.

"That was really stupid of you two." Xander said and length, "Leaving the only person who can read the damn thing you came here to get alone by himself, where any demon, spook, or ghoul can just waltz up and take him? Real armature move guys. And this is coming from the guy who almost got murder fucked by a Praying Mantis Demon."

"Praying Mantis Demon?" Sam enquired.

He waved off their concern saying, "Long, old story." Before continuing on, "Anyway, what makes you think I have a Tablet written by Metatron?"

The two did their best goldfish impression, and after Xander had cleared his throat, Sam replied, "We were told by a woman."

"Woman?"

"Yeah," Dean picked up where his brother left off, "Real classy lookin' goth babe. Said she knew you."

"Teleute." Xander sighed again, "I see."

The doors to the study opened again, and Castiel returned with a young Asian man and his mother in tow. Before he could even open his mouth, Xander knew everything he needed to know about the boy, "Hello Kevin. Why don't you and your mother come and sit down? The drinks should be arriving in just a moment."

Right on cue, a gentle knock came at the door, and moments later Belldandy arrived holding a silver tray bearing several glasses and a pitcher of iced tea. But that wasn't what had everyone's attention. That honor would go to the Norn's attire. For she was wearing a black and white frilled French maid outfit, complete with tiara.

Blinking several times Xander finally asked, "Belldandy, did Urd put you in that outfit?"

Much to his surprise, the goddess shook her head, saying, "No, I figured if I was going to act like a maid, I should dress the part." She did a quick pirouette so he could see the entire uniform, "How do I look?"

Pulling himself together and thinking with the proper head, the Constantine replied, "You look ravishing." To which Dean muttered, "Damn right she does."

Shooting the Hunter a dirty look he turned back to his contracted Goddess and said, "While you're up here, why don't you go look in on our other guest? If she's awake maybe explain a thing or two to her?"

The Norn curtsied and made her way towards the door but not before Castiel called out, "Wait."

Turning she inquired kindly, "Yes?"

"You're Belldandy of the Norn are you not?"

Upon seeing her nod, the Angel continued, smiling, "I am Castiel Angel of Yahweh, the rank of Powers. It's an honor to meet the ward of the Menoth the Lawbringer in person. I was also blessed to listen to your debut performance in the Golden Spire of Babylon two millennia back. To this day, I remember it fondly."

Bequeathing the angel with a smile, Belldandy, "Nice to meet you Castiel. I'm happy you remember my performance." Suddenly a female appeared behind the Goddess gracing her fellow angel with a smile.

Giving a slight nod, Castiel said, "Hello Paamonel, It's been awhile, hasn't it? Last we met, you were a ordinary Angel."

"Indeed it has Castiel. Though, if I had to hazard a guess, I would be above even yourself at the rank of Virtues now." The Angel gave her compatriot a concerned look, "You look weary. But, considering all the rumors I've heard, you've been through many trials and tribulations. Keep strong the Faith Castiel."

Castiel gave her a weak smile, "I'm…trying. But after all I've seen, all I've done, I don't know if I can…if I even deserve to."

"Faith isn't about whether you've earned it, but about if you choose to accept it." Holy Bell responded primly.

Blinking owlishly, the angel of Virtues asked, "Who told you that?"

Giving her senior a knowing look, Paamonel, replied, "You did. Just days before I became Belldandy's contracted angel. I was uncertain I even wanted to do it, as I was afraid I wouldn't be good enough for the job, then, you told me that. It gave me the resolve I needed to become Belldandy's angel. For that, I cannot thank you enough. So please, take your own advice."

The contracted angel then faded away, and Belldandy graced him with a comforting smile, "You'll be ok. I shall go see to our other guest now."

With that, the Goddess left, and once she did, Dean asked, "Cas, what was that about?"

The angel gave the human a flat stare, "Just catching up with an acquaintance." His tone had all the warmth of the Arctic.

"Yeah…but what was all that about you being at the Rank of Powers and her being a Virtue now?" Kevin inquired while Sam had yet to remove his slack-jawed gaze from the door Belldandy left from.

"It is-or was my rank in the angelic hierarchy. The higher the rank, the more powerful the angel. Paamonel or Holy Bell if you prefer, was given the opportunity to partner with a Goddess allowing her to gain power at an accelerated rate, via becoming her familiar and gaining more power in centuries than most do in millennia, due to needing to channel a Goddess' growing power."

Dean's eyebrows rose towards his hairline, "So, that chick who just walked in was a Goddess, and partnering with one is like, what? Job fast tracking for angels?"

Castiel nodded, "Essentially, yes."

Looking to the evil mage, Dean asked, "What's she doing with you?"

Xander's answer was short but sufficient, "Fulfilling my wish."

Sam raised an eyebrow, "Which was?"

Sighing the cyclops replied, "For her to remain by my side forever."

It was then that Mrs. Tran who had been quietly drinking the tea given to her this entire time spoke up, "She cooks?"

"Yes. Bell's an amazing chef." Xander affirmed.

Another question, "Clean?"

Another nod, "Through song, somehow."

A final inquiry, "You happy?"

Xander smiled, "More than I have been in a while."

"You've done well for yourself honey." Mrs. Tran then gave her son a sharp look, "Why can't you get a beautiful girl like that? I should be a grandmother by now."

"Mom!" Kevin said, sounding traumatized. "I don't exactly have access to a wish-granting goddess."

Giving her son a sharp glare, Mrs. Tran retorted, "No excuse, you Prophet of God! Has to come with some perks right?"

Feeling sorry for Kevin while silently wishing his own mother cared that much, Xander, cleared his throat, recovering the conversation, "As fascinating as this conversation is, we're going off track. What's this Angel Tablet you were talking about?" he asked, steepling his fingers.

Grateful for the change in conversation, the Prophet replied, "It's a hewn piece of rock with Enochian written on it."

The light of recognition flared in Xander's remaining eye, and he opened his desk drawer before pulling out the very tablet they were seeking, "You mean this thing?"

Kevin nodded enthusiastically and reached out to grab it, only for Xander to pull it out of his grasp. Frowning, the mage stated, "Compared to everything else I got my hands on recently I don't see what's so special about this." As he said that, he laid the Colt on the desktop.

Mrs. Tran was blunt, "It can lock all the Angels out of Heaven." Seeing the looks she was getting, Mrs. Tran shrugged and said, "What, he's got us by the balls, we may as well be honest."

Turning the stone over to look at the writing the Constantine asked, "It can lock the angels out of heaven…like the Bruno Mars song?"

"First off, terrible analogy. Second, yes. Third, where did you get the Colt?" Dean replied in rapid-fire.

Xander chuckled to himself, "To think, I was honestly considering using it as a paperweight." He set the Tablet on the opposite end of the desk, across from the Colt. "But you know about the Colt."

"It's ours…or it was anyway." Sam replied.

Shrugging the Californian retorted, "Well, you know what they say about possession right?"

"The power of Christ compels you?" the Eldest Winchester quipped.

"True," Xander smirked, "But I was thinking about it being nine-tenths of the law. Still, we might be able to come to an arrangement."

Eyes narrowed the brothers Winchester looked at one another before Dean asked shrewdly, "What kind of arrangement?"

"Supply and demand Dean. I supply you with the Angel Tablet, and in return, I demand you show me how to make more bullets for the Colt."

"How do you know that's not one of the original thirteen?"

Xander gave the two Hunters a knowing smile, "I have my sources." The mage replied, and by sources he meant Urd.

Again the two brother's locked eyes. Sam nodded, "The Tablet is crucial right now Dean."

Dean sighed in defeat, "Yeah, your right."

Turning back to the waiting mage, Dean held out his hand and grunted out begrudgingly, "You got a deal."

Gripping his hand in his own, Xander replied, "Pleasure doing business with you gentlemen."

As Xander was finalizing his deal with the Winchester's Belldandy was making good on her promise to check up on their other guest. As Belldandy peeked in on her guest, she saw that she was beginning to awaken, so the Goddess opened the door wider intent on comforting her and answering any questions the distressed Jiniri may have.

Opening her eyes and blinking sleepily, Shantae asked herself, "Wha-where am I?"

Looking around she saw Belldandy standing in the doorway. "Who are you?"

Slowly making her way into the room so as not to frighten the girl, Belldandy replied, "I am Belldandy of the Norn, and you are currently resting in one of my contractors' spare rooms after you fell faint."

'That's right, Xander he brought me inside, I talked to that woman…he showed me a calendar.' It came crashing down on the half-genie all over again.

Her friends, her town, even her enemies, anything familiar to her was lost to the sands of time. Tears came to her eyes unbidden as the despair overwhelmed her, and she said nothing as she felt the Goddess envelop her in a hug, but proceeded to cry into her shoulder, her own frame shaking with muffled sobs.

"There, there, it'll be alright. Not right away, not right now, but it will be alright eventually. I promise. Belldandy cooed.

Her soothing words were like a balm to her wounded heart. Soon, she stopped crying, and she looked up into the sympathetic face of the Goddess and began, "I have so many questions, I don't even know where to start."

Ever gracious and patient, the Perfecta Dea nodded, "I'm sure you're very confused right now. I'll do what I can to help, so ask, and I'll answer what I can."

Taking a deep, shuddering, if calming breath, Shantae did her best to both calm and collect her thoughts, she continued, "I come from Turkey, yet nothing here is familiar. Not the clothing, architecture, I could not even understand Xander's speech. Just where am I?"

Belldandy answered easily, "You are on the other side of the world in a country known as America. The language Xander was speaking was English. Although, I am surprised you couldn't understand him, however, as most magical entities have access to Allspeak." She finished.

Becoming somewhat bashful, Shantae admitted, "I'm only half-Jinni. While I have some magical powers from my mother, this Allspeak you're talking about doesn't seem to be one of them. I can transform into different animals and magical creatures, and control the elements though."

Shantae sighed, "I wish I had this Allspeak. I would like to both thank Xander for both my freedom and his hospitality, and apologize to him.

Cocking her head to the side minutely, the Goddess of the Present inquired, "Apologize, whatever for?"

Rubbing her head sheepishly, the half-jinni replied, "I accosted him thinking he was one of Risty's minions. It was rude, and I have no excuse."

The Goddess frowned ever-so-slightly, not liking hearing about her contractor being accosted even if it was accidental and brief. Still, she didn't blame the girl in front of her, she was lost and confused after all, and, she sincerely wanted to apologize. So, she did the only thing she could, "I see. I could bequeath you the power of Allspeak if you like."

Blinking in surprise, Shante inquired, "Why? If he is your contractor why are you willing to help me?" Her tone became subdued and tinged with self-loathing, "I don't feel like I deserve it. I was the Guardian Spirit of my town. If I've been imprisoned for so long, that means I failed them."

Shaking her head the Norn gently chastised the Jinn like a mother would have her child, "No Shantae, no. I'm sure you did everything you could."

"IT WASN'T ENOUGH!" She shouted, before mumbling, "I lost, I failed, so it wasn't enough."

Patting her back Belldandy said, "There, there, how about we focus on getting you adjusted for now? I believe you wanted to learn Allspeak?"

Seeing the half-jinni nod mutely, Belldandy began to sing, "Listen to the Trees, the birds, and streams, all have a song they are willing to sing. The wind whispers in your ear a melody it wants you to hear. Listen now and listen well, the whole world has a story to tell."

Shantae felt magical power flow into her after the song finished. Once the feeling passed, she wondered aloud, "How do we know if it worked?"

In response, Belldandy asked, "Can you understand me?" Seeing her nod, the Goddess continued, "Then it worked, for I was just speaking English."

Still solemn, Shante nodded and groused, "While that's great and all, but what do I do now? Even after all of this, I have nowhere to go, nothing to return to…"

"You could stay here if you like that is."

Both Goddess and Jinn turned to see Xander leaning in the doorway, a serious if pensive look on his face.

"Xander?"

Blinking owlishly at the Jinn he said, "I gotta say it's nice to hear you speaking English now." Turning to his goddess, he asked, "I'm betting I have you to thank for that Bell?"

The blue-eyed goddess nodded, "Yes, Shantae had something she wanted to say to you. So I thought it prudent you two were able to speak freely. Is your business concluded?"

Locking his remaining eye on the Jinn, he replied, "Almost. I need to make sure they aren't going to try and pull a fast one and give me false info before I give them what they want. You wanted to tell me something, Shante?"

The half-jinni nodded rising from the bed. Stopping just a few feet from her host, she bowed gracefully at the waist, unintentionally giving him a great view of her cleavage as she said, "I would like to thank you sincerely for aiding me from my long captivity, and assisting me in my time of need…also, I offer my sincerest and humblest apologies for assaulting you."

Doing his best to look anywhere but at her, lest he be caught catching an eyeful, Xander replied, "No problem I've been through a lot worse. I'm just glad you're ok really."

Raising and causing Xander to mentally sigh in relief, Shantae shook her head in firmly and denied, "That's great, but I took an oath when I became a Guardian Spirt to protect the innocent. Then, I not only assault an innocent man, but it was the very same one who freed me." Fire entered her eyes as she finished, "Therefore, I have only one course of action available to me."

"Which is?"

"Well, according to the Laws of the Jinni, I would usually have to grant you three wishes…but, I'm a Half-Jinn, so I can't do that. So I'll have to go for an older and far much less used option."

"Which is?" Xander parroted.

Nodding to herself affirming that yes, this was the right decision, she told him, "The older method of payment is to enrich the life of the person who frees us till death." A blush bloomed across her face, and she finished, "I-In other words I would serve as your servant in any way you see fit..."

The cyclopean magician felt uncomfortable at that prospect, 'I already have Belldandy sticking with me by force. I don't know if my conscience can handle another one.

Sighing he said, "Are you sure this is what you want, or that you can't do anything else?" Seeing the hurt look on her face he added quickly, "I only ask because I already feel bad about wishing for Belldandy to stay with me forever. If you did the same, my moral fiber would crumble."

Looking to the goddess for confirmation she received a nod, and the Norn told her Contractee, "Xander, we've been over this already. I'm right where I need to be."

Nodding, "Then why do I feel like I've committed some form of magical entrapment?"

Looking back and forth between the two, Shantae couldn't help but smile. "That's because you're a kind man." She told Xander. A wicked man, with thoughts of lust or potential gain in his heart, wouldn't have felt any such thing."

Reaching forward and gently cupping his face in her hands, Shantae continued, "That is why I must insist I serve you, my Master. For I chose to do so and will tdo so gladly."

Sighing and resigning himself to his fate, not that he had much in the way of resistance in the first place, he said, "As you wish Shantae. But please, call me Xander."

A sparkle of mischief entering her eyes, the half-jinni replied, "But of course, Master Xander."

Releasing a groan, he grumbled out the question he already knew the answer to, "This is gonna be a thing isn't it?"

Seeing the Jiniri nod, he muttered, "Thought so," Noticing movement outside the nearby window, Xander made his way over and took a look outside, when he did, he bit back a curse.

For gathering around his house was a group of people, but his eye showed them covered in black smoke…

"Demons."

Rushing to his study, Xander flung the doors open and told the assembled group, "Uh, we have a problem."

Giving the magician a sideways look Dean asked, "What kind of problem?"

"The hundred or so demons gathering on my front lawn kinda problem," Xander replied while going to the window to peek outside.

"What?!" Dean and Sam soon joined him at the window, the two recognized the demon in charge, and Dean growled out,"Crowley."

He'd heard that tone from the Slayer towards the yearly big bad often enough, "Head Big Bad?"

"King of the Crossroads and Hell at the moment." Sam replied with a nod with Dean adding, "And a grade A premium douche bag."

Quickly going over his options he called, "Bell, Urd!"

The sister Goddesses suddenly appeared in the room surprising all present. Well, Urd did, as she chose to appear in a flash of fire and lightning. "You called sugar?" the ebony-hued goddess asked with a saucy wink.

Shaking his head, he said, "Not now Urd, we're under siege."

The usually fickle Goddess' mood turned in an instant. She frowned, and sparks leaped through the air coming from her form. Little did Xander know that Urd though rash, was fiercely protective of her family and people who did right by her and them. In her eyes, Xander was a good man. He treated her sister well and much to her surprise, he treated her right, even knowing she was half-demon. So as far as she was concerned, an attack on him, was an attack on her family…and no one attacked Urd's family and got away with it.

"Who?"

Pointing to the window, Xander replied, "The small army of demons amassing outside." Turning to his contracted Goddess, he said, "Bell, I need you to get the workers out of here safely. Urd, once she's done that…unleash hell. Something big that'll make em scatter."

A downright malicious smile appeared on the eldest Norn's face as she replied, "Not a problem Sugar. If Bell helps me out, we can actually send them flying."

Looking at the Perfecta Dea in concern the One Who Sees inquired, "Can you get everyone out of here and still pull something like that off?"

To which the blue-eyed goddess easily nodded, "Yes of course. In fact, Holy Bell has been sending the men home as we speak."

Upon hearing this, Xander nodded relieved innocent bystanders were now out of the future crossfire, "Good, good."

"Xander, what should I do?"

Turning to Shantae, who he didn't even expect to be here, he replied, "Stay in the background, pick off any stragglers. Bell once everyone's safe and accounted for, I would like it if you would hang back in case anyone gets hurt."

Turning to the human's in the room who had till thus far remained silent, he said, "Cas, Dean, Sam, I want you in the house armed and ready to charge in once the hammer's dropped. Kevin, you and you mom stay with Bell, she'll keep you safe. Any questions?"

"I got a couple. One, who put you in charge? Two, while we're putting our lives on the line, what'll you be doing?"

"I'm in charge Dean because the demons in question are on my fucking lawn, and I want 'em off it. As for what I'll be doing…" Xander absently twisted the ring on his finger.

After a moment of pensive silence, he spoke, "Bell, you said the Ring could summon angels and demon's right?"

"That's right."

A smile that matched Urd's own from moment's ago slowly spread across his face, "Then I think it's time, for a bit of…experimentation."

Crowley had no less than three hundred demons milling around the front yard of the Constantine, each one of them was at least of the Knight class. He was taking no chances in dealing with one of them. Especially since learning where he was staying not only cost him the real Mona Lisa but two and a half million souls. So as they surrounded the place, the King of the Crossroads proceeded to bark out orders. "Do not let your guards down for a second! This is a Constantine we're dealing with he's likely got a trick up his sleeves…probably several. I want everyone coming through all the entrances at the same time."

A demon came up to him and saluted, "Sir, we're prepared to breach."

"Do it."

Just as the demon was about to give the order, the weather turned sour, with storm clouds gathering overhead, with the wind suddenly picking up without warning to gale-force levels as lightning struck the ground around them. Demons were flung about like ragdolls by the impromptu hurricane. Some were sent flying across the street while other were launched into trees or cars, causing the alarms to go off. Those that were thrown around by the currents of air should consider themselves fortunate compared to those that were taken out of the battle by bolts of lightning.

'The Constantine.' Crowley thought bitterly as the wind whipped through the meager remains of his hair.

Then, just as suddenly as it came, the natural phenomena ceased, and the front door was kicked open, and the Winchesters plus Castiel descended upon the downed demons like crows upon corpses. Dean was armed with the Knife while Sam and Cas were both armed with Angel Blades. The proceeded to stab every demon that came within range of their blades.

While Shanta transformed into some sort of dark creature clad in red she called a 'Tinker bat.' In this state, she slipped from shadow to shadow somehow reaching through darkness itself to stab demons through their own shadows, or creating spikes of tangible darkness to impale foes.

A shrill whistle carried on the wind, and the quartet fell back to the porch where Xander stood waiting. By the time Crowley and his men managed to gather their wits, eighty-five demons had fallen to either lightning strikes, knife attacks, or shadowy demon claws.

Once most of the demons were back on their feet, Xander addressed Crowley and the demons directly. "Listen well King of the Crossroads! I'll give you one chance, and one chance only to leave now, and never darken my doorstep again. Take it, and be gone. Or stay, and face certain death."

Knowing he couldn't afford to lose face in front of his men, Crowley raised a shaking fist and shouted back, "We have you outnumbered ten to one! Unlike you, I have an army!"

The demon's roar in approval their moral spiking.

Closing his remaining eye, Xander muttered to himself, "So be it." Raising his voice, he retorted, "And I have a Balrog. Come, Gothmog!"

An acrid wind carrying with it the scent of sulfur, ashes, and charred flesh swept through the demons moments a looming dark shadow consumed the sky moments before an enormous explosion rocked the ground before them all. From the plume of dust, rose a massive silhouette. A sudden gust of wind unveiled the horrific creature in all its terrifying glory.

His body consisted of what looked to be ashes, smoke, and flame. Scorched Mithril chainmail clung to his twelve-foot form like rags on a leper, and he had a mane of fire and eyes like hot coals. His mouth was full of fangs that were always being licked by flames, and two massive horns protruded forwards from his head, in between which sprung forth a mane of fire. The inferno that was his mane only served to accentuate his huge chiropteran wingspan. In his left hand, he held a twelve-foot long whip made of nothing but the hottest flame, while in his right he wielded a two-headed battleax made of dark obsidian. His lower body was bipedal but reptilian his legs bending backward and ending in three-toed clawed feet.

This was the one being equal to Sauron in power when Morgoth still walked the Middle-Earth. The bane of two kings of the Noldor, Fëanor himself and Fingon of Hithlum. The Black Captain of Angband, and Lord of the Balrogs. This was Gothmog.

The demons froze in both awe and fear at this new foe. Then, like peeling keen of a death bell, the Constantine standing behind the beast spoke, "Gothmog…kill them all."

Releasing an inhuman roar, the valaraukar waded into the fray with sadistic glee etched onto its horrific features.

His whip flashed out, ensnaring a dozen demons and burning them to cinders. The ax quickly followed suit, hewing heads off shoulders and cleaving dozens of bodies to mush. The smarter demons fled around the beast going for the wizard who controlled it. One, who was currently possessing a black bald bodybuilder, through tenacity or luck, made his way past the Hunter Trio and Shantae and punched Alexander in the gut, doubling him over and sending in flying across the street where he flew through the wall of the house briefly blacking out…

When he came to, he found three beautiful women staring at him in concern. The oldest of the trio had long slightly curly chestnut-brown hair, with a stern if matronly air about her. The middle of the three had shoulder-length dark brown hair that was almost black in color. He could see the concern in her dark eyes. The last and youngest of the trio was a brunette whose hair had a slight reddish tinge to it.

Groaning and sitting up he asked, "Anybody get the number of the bus that killed me?"

He received an eye roll a smirk and a giggle for his troubles. The oldest of the trio asked, "What makes you think you're dead?"

Cracking his neck and both hearing and feeling a satisfying pop, he replied, "Well, I got sent through a wall and wake up with three beautiful women surrounding me. So I must be in heaven."

This earned him a trio of eye rolls, and the middle child of the group said, "You might've taken a knock to the head, you're talking nonsense."

"I wouldn't call it nonsense." The youngest commented giving the one-eyed stranger a warm smile.

Crossing her arms over her chest, the matron of the group asked, "So you're the new warlock from across the street I'm assuming?"

"I prefer wizard if it's all the same to you. I'm not going to ask how you're connected to the magical world as I don't have time." Xander replied calling his staff to his hand with but a flick of his wrist and a thought. Now so armed, "In truth, I'd like to stay and exchange pleasantries, but I'm dealing with a few…unwelcome guests at the moment. If you'll excuse me, ladies."

Xander then leaped through the very same hole he made a few minutes prior and charged back into the fray. The Charmed Ones who had been observing and avoiding their new neighbor like the plague, fearing he was planning on stealing their powers, or that of Piper's son Wyatt, now had a choice to make. Help a potential enemy or let known ones in the form of demons run roughshod over their block.

Phoebe and Paige looked to Piper, the unofficial leader of the Charmed Ones. Paige asked, "What should we do Piper?"

Seeing a couple of demons spear tackle the young man out of the blue, Piper Halliwell made her decision. Flicking out her hands the two demons exploded, leaving the roguish young man unharmed. Walking through the hole, he made she replied without looking back, "We're going to help."

Xander charged back into battle his staff aglow with power. Had he been listening Xander might've heard a slight subtle 'click' come from the item like that of a lock being undone. But battle furor was upon him, and his eye and ears were alert for the sounds of approaching enemies' not undone locks. Even so, he found himself dogpiled on by a trio of demons. One who was face to face with the bust of Bastet on his staff, took a blast of eldritch lightning to face, dusting him. Xander was about to draw the Colt and double tap them both when both of them were suddenly atomized right before his eyes.

Looking over, he saw the trio of women whose house he flew through heading his way, the oldest of the trio kept flicking her hands out and every time she did so, a demon either froze solid, allowing one of the others to kill it or blown to pieces. The sympathetic one was flying through the air and much like Neo from the Matrix, she was kicking and punching any demons she could get her hands on. Lastly, was the youngest of the trifecta. She seemed to be teleporting objects into white light and flinging them at anyone she could. Knocking them over and stunning them long enough for her elder sister or one of the others to make a kill.

Seeing the tables turned against him with the coming of both a Balrog and the second string of unknown defenders, Crowley decided it was time to cut his losses, and beat a hasty retreat. The remaining demons seeing their leader flee, quickly followed his lead.

'Well, that's one problem solved.' Xander turned his gaze to the now out of control Balrog which was trying to kill any and everything in its sight.

'Now just how in the hell am I supposed to deal with this?'

Glancing down at the Ring on his finger, Xander shrugged, "Well, it worked once."

Holding out his right hand he called the name of a character from one of Anya's favorite manga. One she eventually got him into. A blood red magical sigil appeared on the ground as he intoned, "I call thee forth…Rias Gremory!"

Rias was walking down the hallways of the Academy with Akeno, Kiba, and Koneko to visit Gasper and the Crimson Ruin Princess was considering who else to add to her Peerage when heard her name being urgently called upon the wind. Then a tugging began at the back of her mind like she was being reminded of something of the greatest import. Suddenly, a magical portal in the shape of a pentacle appeared before her and her servants. Shining a luminescent red and encircled with the words "Per artem Clavicula foedus cum antiquis, qui culpa agmen ciet."

Rais' breath caught for she, and every demon knew that phrase by heart. It was Latin, but in plain English, it read as, "By the ancient pact of the Ars Goetia, thou art summoned forth."

As she stepped towards the portal, she felt Kiba's hand grip her shoulder. "Rias?"

Looking back at her Peerage she said promptly, "I have to go, and no, I don't have time to explain. I will when I come back if I do." With those words said, the red-haired demoness shook off her Knight's hand and stepped through the summoning gate, going forth to fulfill the most ancient of pacts.

Xander was surprised it actually worked, though he shouldn't have been considering his prior success with Gothmog. Yet as the crimson luminous magic circle appeared on the ground and seconds later Rias Gremory rose from the very earth itself, in the center of the circle, he felt relief. For if anyone could defeat the Lord of Balrogs' it would be the Crimson Ruin Princess who had the Power of Destruction at her fingertips. She stood before him now her long crimson tresses trailing down her back, in sharp contrast to her alabaster skin and her aquamarine eyes. She was still wearing her Kuho Academy uniform which did little to conceal her generous curvy figure.

Locking her eyes onto his, she spoke with what he knew of her character to be uncommon seriousness, "I, Rias Gremory have come at your summons Lord Solominis. What is your bidding?"

Inclining his head in what he hoped was a respectful greeting, Xander replied, "Hi, I'm Xander, and I have a problem I'm hoping you can help be deal with."

Nodding, and respecting his decision to conceal his actual name until a proper master-servant pact was formed she inquired, "what problem might this be Lord Solominis?"

Jerking his thumb behind him, he said flatly, "That."

Peering over her summoners' shoulder, Rias saw a giant demon made of cinders and flame, a flaming whip was flailing about with the occasional crack and someone likely a witch considering she could fly narrowly avoided a black ax blade to the face. Turning back to Solomon's Heir she quipped, "Been experimenting with the Ring have we?"

Rubbing his head and having the decency to look sheepish, Xander replied, "that obvious huh? Think you can take him?"

The Crimson Ruin Princess gauged her opponent for a moment before finally nodding, "Leave it to me Lord Solominis." The Princess of the Gremory Family then began to stroll casually towards the towering monstrosity stopping only briefly to turn back and say, "Once my task is done Lord Solominis, you and I shall be going over proper summoning and binding procedures for extra-planar demons, and you shall owe me a favor."

Xander nodded but gulped. For Rias had the same tone she used when training when she said that. 'I'm in trouble.' The summoner thought to himself.

Gothmog, Lord of the Valaraukar, was free to ravage the world again! The fool heir of Solomon had no pact prepared no bindings, nothing. Just a command. "Kill them all!"

That's exactly what he was doing killing them all. 'The foolish magician should be more careful with his words. Especially around one as devious and malicious as the Black Captain of Angband.' Gothmog thought as he finally swatted the annoying flying Istari out of the air.

He loomed over her and raised his ax high, savoring the look of utter fear on her face for just a moment before he ended her life. As he was about to bring his dark blade to bare and splatter her guts all over the ground, he was punched in the side with enough force to send him stumbling back a few feet.

Growling more in annoyance at being caught off guard than pain, the Balrog glared at the source of the attack, finding a redheaded fírima wendi…no, not fírima wendi. She was far too powerful to be a mere mortal woman. Too powerful to even be an Istari, a magician.

Narrowing his eyes, he growled out in the common tongue, "What are you?"

"Fu, fu, fu. Well, it's not really going to matter in a moment, but I guess I can tell you my name if nothing else. I am Rias of the House of Gremory."

She chuckled at him! She dared show anything less than absolute dread and terror in his presence. 'She will die!'

Releasing an inhuman roar, Gothmog's whip lashed out like a serpent intent on ensnaring its prey. Yet this ettelëa, this stranger, easily caught the flailing weapon in hand. Once she did, she pulled it taut. Refusing to all himself to be disarmed, Gothmog pulled back even harder, attempting to pry his whip from her iron grasp. Yet this is what she had been waiting for as moments later a stream of black, crimson tinted power ate its way up the flaming weapon before consuming his hand and exploding. He looked at his lost claw in shock for a moment before the pain finally kicked in and, unleashing a howl of torment. He charged this unknown thing down murder burning fiercely in his eyes as hot as any flame.

Yet Rias Gremory was not afraid. She merely spread her arms in an almost welcoming gesture, and the Power of Destruction gathered in her palms in the form of red orbs tinged in black, each the size of a melon. Such was her strength that the wind picked up and debris was sent flying from the simple act of her drawing upon her power. Forcing her hands together caused the spheres to combine into one double the size of the original two.

Bracing herself, she launched the giant globe of power at the Lord of Balrogs just as he was about to bare down on her with his obsidian ax. Gothmog attempted to swat the ball away with his blade to no avail, it shattered on impact. The death ball continued on struck the Black Captain of Angband right in the chest. The Valaraukar released a silent scream as he was torn apart molecule by molecule as the sphere slowly expanded. The last thing he saw was the crimson haired girl staring at him impassively.

Her job done, Rias flipped her hair behind her head and all but skipped her way back to Solomon's Heir. She released a little giggle when she saw him staring at her, his mouth agape. "Mission accomplished, Lord Solominis." She then put on her stern lecturing face, "Now, I think it's time we had a talk. Plus, you owe me a favor."

"I agree. Would you like to come inside? We can talk about this while we make sure everyone is alright. Plus it will give you time to think about what you may want."

Turning, Rias found herself face to face with a Goddess. The divine aura was a dead giveaway. Knowing she was outclassed, all she could do was give a nod and follow Lord Solominis as he made his way back towards what she assumed was his mansion house.

In the shadows, the Horsewoman of Famine silently observed her target as she had been the past couple of days. She bit back a silent curse as she noted the amount of power he'd accumulated in such a short passing of time. 'What could he be planning? Does he seek to overthrow the Balance? Take the Heavens? Rule Hell?'

She didn't know. She also was unsure if she could take the Constantine alone…'At least, not without help.' She thought before slinking away through the shadows.

Chapter Length: 9,450 Number of Pages: 20 Date Completed: 6/26/2017

AN: Hello everyone and welcome back to the Laughing Scooby. I enjoyed writing this chapter. Hopefully as much as you all will reading it. That said, I feel the need to explain a few terms that showed up this chapter.

"Jiniri"- the term for a female Jinni or Genie if you prefer. Males are call Djinn.

Angel Ranks: Angels according to what theology you read if any have ranks assigned to them in Christianity and Judaism. Each is different but I'm going with the Christian angelology ranking system for both angels (Seraphim, Cherubim, Thrones, Dominions, Virtues, Powers, Principalities, Archangels, and Angels.) and demons (King, Prince, Duke, Marquis, Count, Baron, President, Knight, and Demon.) both are shown in descending order of power here from the most to the least powerful.

Also, I have a poll up on my profile I would like you to check out if you haven't already. Ok, I think that's everything as the Quenya was explained as it was written in the chapter. Alright, I hope you all have a good one. I'm off to play the Darkest Dungeon before I get cracking on Rogue Trader. So till next time everyone, Bubbajack out! Peace!