HEY THERE! ME AGAIN, FINIALY I UPDATE, BEEN REAL BUSY LATLEY SORRY GUYS. BUT HERE WE HAVE IT. SONG IS OK, DOESN'T QUITE FIT LIKE THE OTHERS. MAY TRY THEM WITHOUT SONGS AFTER THIS ONE. GOT ALOTA PLANS FOR THIS STORY THOU SUGGESTIONS ARE WELCOME.
AS FOR PEOPLE WHO ARE FRUSTRATED AND APPALED AT WHAT JOE HAS BEEN ACCUSED OF DOING, YOU SHOULD ALL KNOW THAT THE STORY IS NOT YET OVER. THE TRUTH WILL EMERGE…IF IT HASN'T ALREADY. ALL I ASK IS FOR YOU NOT TO JUDGE SOME OF THE CHARACTERS ACTIONS UNTILL THE STORY IS COMPLETE. BUT THANX FOR ALL THE GREAT REVIEWS! AND PLEASE ENJOY THIS LATEST INSTALMENT IN…. 'Who Needs Sleep'
"It's not Ranger…" my heart rate sped up and breathing stopped. "Although he will be brought in for clarification…the stories don't add up." He went quite for a while and was about to ask if he was ok when he started again, "They were packing up Joe's belongings today…" I started breathing again, but way too fast. No no no no… "And Mrs Morelli, she well, she found…" dots danced in front of my eyes and I stumbled into the wall sliding down it. "They found a note Steph. I'm sorry." I stared into space for a second before Carl interrupted me. "He…He…" you could hear him struggle to say the words, I felt for Carl, Joe was his friend. " He was planning a Murder Suicide Steph. He was going after you, for leaving him. Then he was going to…I'm so sorry."
Then, and only then did my world go black.
CHAPTER 4 : WELCOME TO MY LIFE
"Steph…" I could hear a voice, it sounded close. And something was bashing at my shoulder. No wait. It was shaking me. Now where was I again…oh crap. It all came back to me. The shooting, the park, the phone call.
Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Please tell me it was a dream…I wearily opened one eye to see a very close eye ball right next to mine. Blinking.
Screaming I jolted away from the giant object shutting my eyes tight. Bashing my head against something solid in the process. Realizing I was up against a wall I remembered more. The phone call. It never actually ended.
Do you ever feel out of place?
I took a deep breath and tried opening both eyes this time. Sure enough I found a whole face looking at me this time. And from a distance.
"Carl…?"
"Woah Steph. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry." He helped me up and walked me to my couch.
Taking in my surroundings I realized either I'd slept for either an entire day or it was still the same excruciatingly long night.
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
"Yah it's still Monday Steph," he reassured me as he placed me on the couch sitting along side me.
"I'm so sorry I didn't think. I should have waited and talked to you in person…" he rubbed the back of his neck unsure of himself as he looked me in the eye. "I should have realized you'd react like this."
"But Carl I can't understand. Morelli…" I blinked back tears as I tried to stay on my maintain my focus. If I started crying now there's be no stopping the flood gates from unleashing upon poor Carl.
"He wouldn't...he couldn't …he…not him Carl."
"I know Steph, and I for one agree with you."
My eyes snapped from my clasped hands on my lap back to Carl. I mean I should have expected people to agree with me but still it did take me from surprise. God this was all too much. What would I give to get away from this action/adventure I call my life.
Do you ever wanna run away?
"Really?" I pushed. Maybe he was just going along with me for the sake of it. I mean he had just basically caused me to faint and being my friend I think the last thing he'd want to do was piss me off or anger me on top of that.
"Yes really."
I stared him down willing him to continue on. Resting his back up against the back of the couch he let out a long sigh making it obvious how tired the guy was. He mustn't have even been home yet.
"I admit Steph that something doesn't add up with what happened in your apartment. I mean why didn't Ranger disarm Joe?" he turned his head towards me arms behind his head. "Ranger is too skilled to have not been able to. Yet at the same time he wouldn't have been that lazy."
"But.."
"I know you've already tried and found Ranger guilty Steph. but something is not right no matter what you say. And as for the note…"
I leaned in closer. This was like listening to a car wreck…if that makes any sense. You know you should stop watching, well in this case listening but you cant help it. You're not going to like what he has to say Stephanie. I berated myself. But hey I was never one to take orders. Even my own.
Do you lock yourself in your room?
"It was defiantly his handwriting. I've seen it often enough. But was he made to write it? Or was it truly out of his own will. And in that case…"
Swivling to face me he bored his eyes into mine.
"What made him do it. What made him think he had no other option but to do that. It was no conscious decision by himself that's for certain."
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming
I started gasping for air. Was Carl right? God if only I knew. I had to figure this all out. Heck I'd basically just found out about it. Seeing as I was out cold for most of the time. I bent forward my arms resting on my knees holding up my head. I ran my hands though my tangle of curls. "This can't be happening. It isn't."
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
A hand found its way on to my shoulder. And rubbed my back.
"If I could change one thing it would be this. I'm sorry. Normally I would have sent Eddie but he was home with the family."
"It's fine Carl. I just can't understand any of this. My minds still reeling with that night …now this. When will the truth finally rear its ugly head?"
"Soon Steph, soon."
Carl reached for me hugging me to him. Don't get me wrong I'm not a huggy person but I needed his strength right now. I'd run out myself and I had even delved into my reserves. I was as flat as could be. I leaned into him some more bathing in the fact that someone else was actually here. But still. No one could know what it was like to be me. I had just decided that I love both men and have one kill the other...well possibly love in one case now.
You don't know what it's like to be like me
I woke to find myself tucked up back in my bed. I shot up and looked around. I'd never feel safe in this apartment again.
To be hurt
Surveying the room I found a note on my bedside table.
Steph
Again I'm so sorry for last night.
I would have loved to be there for you but I had to get to work again. Duty calls and all that.
I'll catch up with you today to discuss last night.
Look after your self
Carl
To feel lost
Oh god what was I going to do…
Looking at my clock I was disgusted to find it was noon. God half the days gone already! I was going to get some serious work done concerning Joe today. Urgh!
To be left out in the dark
I padded my way into the kitchen and turned on the coffee, plopping some Cherrios in Rex's cage. "Morning Rex, we can do this. We can be strong can't we?" I asked as he shuffled his little hamster butt in reverse out of his soup can. Stuffing his little gob he scurried back to his can. A hamster of many words, the strong silent type. Shit, My hamster's Ranger! He even enjoys exercises…but wait. He eats like me…too close.
To be kicked
When you're down
Deciding a shower would do me a world of good I took myself off to the bathroom. Coffee would wait a little longer.
I nearly screamed at what greeted me in the mirror. Electro shock therapy hair, baggy puffy red eyes. Eek! I hope I didn't look this bad last night. I plunged into the steaming water and made sure I soaked until I was as pruney grandma Mazur.
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
Floating out of the shower I went back to my bedroom and threw on a pair of dark denim jeans and a black tank top. Nice and casual Stephanie today. Back in the bathroom I slopped some gook into my hair to try and tame it, a lot of mascara and I was all set.
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Downing a cup of coffee I found myself staring at my door as if awaiting it to talk to me. 'Do this Stephanie' is would say. 'This is how to solve all your problems'. Oh yeah and it would also confirm my knowledge that donuts contain no calories what so ever. Had I even woken up this morning?
Welcome to my life
I could always go down to the office. Since Joe's death everyone had told me not to worry about work, that it could wait. So I was pretty sure I had a stack of FTA's the size of Lula there. I could also visit Carl at the station…although that's be kind of hard going. Being there and knowing I wasn't going to run into Joe. Then again I could always go to my parents…the office it is.
Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Grabbing my pocket book and keys I headed to the car park. Luckily with my lack of mobility the last few days I'd managed to score and keep a close park to the building. Much to the disgust of the senior residents in my apartment building.
I wadded over to big blue. Yes big blue was back in action. Seems whoever is out to get me (the verdict is still not in.) Although Connie and Lula may have an idea by now. Heck knows I'm not going to Ranger for help. Wait where was !? Right my car. Mr Nutso decided to blow it up outside my parents place. Much to the love of grandma Mazur. She'd been the most popular person down at the Salon since.
Are you desperate to find something more
Before your life is over
I ambled my way to the office stopping at the tasty pastry on the way. Who says diamonds are a girls best friend? I'd have to go with sugar on that one.
I pulled up opposite the office and mad my way in.
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
"Girl it's about time! How ya been?" Lula greeted getting up off the tacky leather couch that dorned the office's 'waiting area'.
"Sorry, but I was hoping I could make up for it?" I said handing over the bag of Donuts to Connie. To hand them to Lula would ensure that Connie and I would go hungry.
"It's ok Steph. We understand. Like we said" Connie said taking a bite out of a Boston crème. "Take as much time as you need."
With the big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding
Today Lula had decided to go with a lime green spandex skirt that rided up just below her big black behind. And a highlighter yellow top that caused her chest to ooze out, which fitted really with her bleach blonde hair.
Connie on the other hand wore a tight red knit sweater that veed down to make the most of her 'Betty Boop' body and was in the process of painting her nails to match.
No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels alright
This all seemed so normal it felt wrong.
You don't know what it's like to be like me
My neck hairs stood to attention. My nipples almost did as well but I had tried to start training them to behave since Morelli's death.
"Babe, a word outside? Please?"
Manners? Batman? If it wasn't for my spidey senses, lula and connie fanning themselves would have given away that it was Manoso. I could have stayed in the office and been stubborn. But we all know I had to leave eventually and he would have waited. That man has almost too much patience.
To be hurt
To feel lost
I walked out of the office and followed Ranger to the allay way near by where not too long ago he used to poach me from Joe…now he didn't have to.
To be left out in the dark
"What is it Manoso?"
He stood opposite me. Taunt and alert. Like a cat ready to pounce.
"Just hear me out. That's all I ask."
I kept silent looking out at the road. My way of saying continue.
"I heard about the note Babe." Funny how that word used to cause such sensations and now it just made me feel sick.
"Listen. I know there's a lot I need to explain but I can't do it here. Too many ears."
Turning to him I raised my eyebrow. Did this clown really expect me to go anywhere with him? Dream on Ranger boy.
To be kicked
When you're down
"Listen, I'm sorry about the other day but you're at risk here. Forget about me and who I am for one second. We have information on your stalker." Ok so now he had my attention.
To feel like you've been pushed around
To be on the edge of breaking down
"Meet me at my office. You still have your key fob?" I nodded. Why in hell was I going along with this? My head screamed get the hell out now! While my heart is singing go for it girl!
"Meet me there at 7. I'll even have Pino's." Then he was the wind.
And no one's there to save you
No you don't know what it's like
Freakin f'kin Ranger!!!
Welcome to my life
Can he really expect to just waltz into the office tell me to meet him, at his apartment no less! And not even bat an eye after all this? Hell no! But he knew something about my crazy ...Urgh.
No one ever lied straight to your face
And no one ever stabbed you in the back
Right Stephanie. Go into the office. Grab your mountain of files. Catch some bad guys. Then go to Rangers. Eat some pizza. Drill him for information. Then tell him to take a hike. That'll work…right?
You might think I'm happy
How can I go on like this!? Ranger killed Joe…well ok maybe he may not have but still…
Taking a deep breath I walked back to the office. Heading straight to my files I tried to grab my stack of files, and was up to my forth attempt when I finally managed to grab them all without any sliding away from me. Nodding to Lula and Connie in replacement of my usual finger wave – which was kind of impossible considering – I headed out the door. I expected them to give me grief over Ranger and was kind of angry that they hadn't. I mean ok, I've had a more than bad week but that's no reason to tippy toe around me like I'm a child.
Steaming I walked over to my car without incident. Only then realising my mistake. I now had to get into my car. Balancing my folders percarisly on my hip, supported by one arm I fished my keys out of my pocket book. Placing the keys in the passengers side door lock I yanked on the door. Then it started, first it was jus one file. But soon enough they were all water falling out of my grip and onto the road, pavement, gutter and underneath big blue.
Crashing to the ground after the files I started sniffing as I tried to round them all up before a passing car could blow them further away. My lip was trembling as I crawled on my all fours to try and reach them all in time. To make matters worse I'd noticed that while they were falling some had opened up and spewed their contents out. Not only did I now have to grab them all but I had to re organise them.
In five minutes I'd secured all from the road and footpath however there was still one or two under big blue that no matter how I tried just couldn't quite reach. I planked down where I'd started and stared blankly at the files. Heavens knows how long I was there for. Or how I managed to stay there for so long with out going stir crazy. We all know staying in one place isn't exactly my fortae.
I felt a hand on my shoulder and Lula's face appeared in front of me.
"Girl, you ok?" blinking out of my trace I turned to face her. Woah why did she look so concerned?
"Yeah…what's wrong Lula?"
"Steph, you been sittin' here for goin' on half an hour now. Don't get me wrong. There's nothin' wrong with sittin' down but probably not a good idea to do it in the middle of the road…"
I looked at my surroundings and realised I was kind of in the middle of the road. Yikes. How'd that happen. Getting up I fished my keys out of the passengers side door and turned to get into the car.
Connie and Lula migrated to my door and peered in.
"I told you I'm fine!" I laughed back at them. That's me. Mrs Denial.
"Well if you insist Steph, but if you need anything…" Connie spoke.
"Yeah you guys are here I know. But I'm fine! Ok now I got a lot of work ahead so I got to go." I gestured to the mountain of files as I wound up my window and drove off.
My nose suddenly became itchy so I reached my hand up to do as one does and scratch and was shocked to find tear tracks down my face. Whipping down the passengers side visor mirror I took one look at my face before snapping it shut. When the hell did I start crying. God, I'm loosing the plot.
But I'm not gonna be ok
THE SONG IS 'WELCOME TO MY LIFE' BY SIMPLE PLAN. NOW PLEASE
REVIEW! MEANS THE WORLD TO ME