A/N: Late, because I was at an amusement park all weekend. Sorry. D;
Oh, and the Memoirs of a Geisha reference wasn't exactly planned, but after I wrote that scene, I couldn't help it. The character was unconciously too similar in the way she acted not to be a slight reference. (Though, I guess it's not a complete reference considering that nothing like this ever happened in that book...)
Don't you just love Inu when he's in these 1920's clothes? I do!
Chapter 4: Window to the Soul
The clear blue waters of Tokyo bay splashed lightly against the ship, spraying a small mist up in to the air. The afternoon sun shone down on the water, creating gentle ripples of light, leading towards the horizon…so far away. The waters looked so tantalizing, so beautiful and enchanting, that as the geisha leaned up against the hard wooden rail of the ship, she felt that she could keep sailing forever…across the ocean all the way to the lands that lay beyond.
Kagome had hardly seen the ocean before. Living in Tokyo, she knew it was always there, but to actually see it, to feel it like this, it felt like a dream. Now, her life in Shinbashi seemed so confined, so trapped in a small okiya on land when she could be out, to have adventure on the wide seas.
And it was such a beautiful sight, looking out towards the watery horizon. She felt that she could just stay on this little ship and sail on the seas, forever…
"Kagome-chan?" asked Sango, alerting Kagome to her presence. She turned back to her friend, her royal blue kimono flapping in the ocean breeze. "What are you staring at?"
"The view," she sighed, glancing back at the water. "It's beautiful, isn't it? So different from home…"
Unable to share her newfound passion, her geisha sister rolled her eyes. "We aren't here to look, Kagome-chan," she reminded her. "Besides, Kouga-san is looking for you."
Her smile instantly fell off her face. Sango was right; she couldn't stare at the view all day. When she had heard that Kouga was having a business party on a boat in Tokyo Bay, she was nervous at first, never having been on the ocean before. But now…this new experience seemed to be more wonderful than she could have imagined. But, like Sango had said, she couldn't enjoy it.
With a regretful sigh, she left her position on the small yacht's rail, walking towards the center of the ship, past the tables set up, with many men already drinking and attended by geisha. Thankfully, she wore a long kimono that was able to hide her slight limp on her still sore ankle. This was a big party for Kouga's automobile company, as another had proposed a merging.
Her patron had secretly told her that merging his prosperous company with one that was falling behind was out of the question, but he should at least entertain the thought with a small party before giving in his refusal. There were at least twenty men on board the ship, representatives from both companies, along with several geisha, including herself and Sango. Some geisha had been brought from other districts in Tokyo, such as the Akasaka district, and some men had brought their own personal geisha all the way from Osaka and even Kyoto.
The ocean breeze played across her white face, gently cooling the back of her neck, exposed by the high bun on her head and her low collar. Again, she felt the pull of the ocean, that wonderful feeling of freeness that it offered…a feeling she was never allowed to have.
As she walked, looking for Kouga, she couldn't help but notice a few eyes upon her—not just from the men, either, but from a few of the geisha, women she was positive she had never seen before. Stares were nothing unusual to a geisha, but to have other women looking at her oddly as well…it made her wonder if they had heard of her before, even if they did not live in the same district.
"Ah, there you are, Kagome!" came a voice she knew far too well from behind.
A fake smile plastered on her face, she turned, to meet her patron with a smile. "Kouga-san!" she spoke, as if delighted to see him. "I was just looking for you!" She noticed that he had two others with him; an important looking man, dressed as he was in a business suit, along with another geisha. Since the geisha stuck close to this man, Kagome assumed she was his geisha, brought here all the way from Kyoto.
Though they were in the same profession, Kagome couldn't help but notice how they were different. The woman (with startling ice blue eyes, Kagome noticed), glanced downward for a moment, after bowing to greet her. While Tokyo geisha would stare a man in the eye, Kyoto geisha were taught to keep their eyes down and appear completely demure, considered perfect behavior of Japanese woman. They would flirt with men as usual, but preferred to be polite, rather than be sassy and of sharp wit like most Tokyo geisha.
For a moment, as the two women stared at each other, an understanding passed between them. Even though Kagome didn't know her name, or what she really was like behind the white mask, she understood that this woman had the same struggles that she herself felt, and knew the torment of her real self being trapped behind a curtain for her entire life.
Kouga introduced her to the man at his side, ignoring the other geisha. "Okueda-san, this is Kagome, the geisha I've told you about; the woman who has given me more happiness than I have ever felt in my life."
"Really?" the other man asked with interest, his black mustache picking up in a smile, while Kagome was glad for her white makeup, which hid her face that was for sure drained of its color.
"You exaggerate, Kouga-san," she spoke, feeling very uncomfortable at his last statement. "I merely do everything you have asked of me." Oh, how true that is…she thought a moment afterward, a small bubble of bitterness surging in her mind at the memory.
"And you do it splendidly," Kouga joked, coming over to her side, in a look of pure pride. "You should not be so modest, Kagome. Okueda-san understands, as he has his own geisha to look after." He nodded to the unnamed geisha, who looked down in response. Kagome felt a bit sorry for her, knowing she must be a bit uncomfortable, being already out of her element and now being practically ignored in this conversation.
Okueda abruptly changed the subject. "Yes, but I hear your geisha is a bit famous, Ookami-san. I hear she got her little start of fame singing in the Summer Festival every year. And what is it that they call her? 'The Little Flower of Tokyo'?"
"The title which Kouga-san likes to call me is 'Sakura Blossom of Tokyo', Okueda-san," Kagome corrected him, but realized soon afterward that both names sounded equally silly; she was only used to the latter.
Chuckling, Okueda smiled, "Oh, so that was it. 'Sakura Blossom of Tokyo', hmm? But why call her that? It sounds like a name one would give to a maiko who hasn't turned her collar!"
Kagome, more than ever, wished that Sango was at her side at this moment, instead of serving sake to the vice president of Kouga's company. Sango was more at ease around men, and was able to make a witty comment out of a blatant innuendo like this. Thankfully, she didn't blush like a newly debuted maiko, but either way, the other geisha could tell in an instant she was embarrassed. What was even worse; Kouga was laughing as well, unable to save her.
Thinking quickly, she replied, "The name refers to my 'blossoming' career, Okueda-san." She was finally able to look him back in the eye. "It was given to me after the last Summer Dances, when I had the solo song."
"The Shibashi Summer Dances?" Okueda asked, furrowing his mustache in thought. "I hear it is beautiful, but it cannot be more beautiful than the 'Dances of the Old Capitol' in Gion."
"I assure you, it is the loveliest thing you will ever see," Kouga spoke with a smile and, in a bold move, wrapped his arm possessively around Kagome's waist. She was instantly pulled towards his side, nearly tripping over her still tightly wrapped ankle. "Especially with Kagome dancing and singing a solo song once more. But," he spoke with a tragic sigh. "She may not dance at all this year, what with that dreadful accident a week ago—"
"I will be fine, Kouga-san," Kagome cut in sharply, glaring for a moment. He reminded her once again of that accident, in which that rude man had run her over and then demanded payment for it! Just the thought sent anger rushing to her face! It was hard enough keeping her voice from becoming sharp with anger. "The doctor did say it would be healed by the time the dances came, though I may miss a few of the early dance rehearsals."
Okueda smiled, "That's splendid, then. Perhaps I may come up to Tokyo at that time, just to see your beautiful singing."
Kagome couldn't help the smile back at the compliment. "I hope you won't be disappointed, then."
Okueda began to walk away, but his geisha turned, to glance at Kagome for a moment. Though Kagome laughed, and smiled, and looked to all the world that she was happy, this geisha seemed to know her true thoughts, her dark secrets, as her icy eyes penetrated in to her soul. And, from one geisha to another, she gave her a soft, sympathetic look, before turning away, to follow Okueda out.
"An interesting man, isn't he, Kagome?" Kouga asked, watching him leave. "It's too bad he'll be disappointed when he finds out that I'm turning down his proposal."
"Yes," though Kagome didn't think of him, only of the geisha and how she knew so openly that she was lying through her teeth when she spoke to her patron. "Very interesting…"
Kouga shook his head for a moment, his black ponytail blowing in the soft wind of Tokyo bay. "But don't worry about it, Kagome. When he knows how beautiful you can be when you entertain, he'll come back for sure."
"That would be very nice," she lied, once again concealing her true feelings. Kouga spoke of her like a trained puppy, with tricks that could please, instead of a woman with her own passions and thoughts. With him, she was not her own person, just a wind-up doll, an image of a simpering, witless woman who could only do what he commanded of her.
Once I am the most famous geisha in Shinbashi, it will be better, she decided, firm in her conclusion.
Later that night, Kagome was alone in the okiya, save for Tsubaki, who was taking a nap. Both Sango and Kikyou had other engagements, but since Kouga had apparently gotten seasick on that small outing around Tokyo Bay, her engagement had gotten canceled.
She didn't care at all; actually, she preferred it this way. Having a night off once in a while was a nice thing, indeed.
And so, she sat, alone in her room surrounded by posters of American singers and movie stars, a soft jazz record playing on her gramophone. The music was so interesting, and different sounding than the music in Japan that she heard every day, that she couldn't help but like it. It wasn't just the music; everything American fascinated her, ever since she heard of the tales of that country, where a woman could be anything she wanted to be, and not have to follow orders. And the silent John Gilbert movies, which often visited movie theaters downtown, made Kagome believe that Americans still held on to this ideal of love, and would marry and plan their lives around it. So different from her culture, which clung on to the old ideals and ways. Many men she was acquaintances with were stuck in arranged marriages, which is why they left their wives at home and frequented districts like Shinbashi.
Being a geisha, she was formed in to a life of old traditions and old ways, when everything American seemed so bright and new. Theirs was a prospering country, now spoken on many lips as it attempted to compete in the world.
Looking in the mirror at herself; long hair down, falling to her waist, she thought about what it would be like if she was in America now, to join the ranks of those rebelling women called 'flappers'. To wear skirts up high, smoking and drinking, laughing and dancing all night long. It certainly seemed more fun then entertaining men whom she did not care in the least about.
She pulled her hair up for a moment, wondering how she would look if her hair was as short as some of those American magazines depicted the recent styles. Not bad, she decided after moment, thinking it would be more comfortable than having it piled up high on her head on a daily basis.
The bell out front of the okiya rang, disrupting Kagome from her thoughts. But she didn't care; the door was for the servants to answer, not herself. Leaning back on her futon, she opened up one of her Japanese magazines and began to read…only to be interrupted by a servant sliding open her door.
"What is it?" she asked, wondering about the nervous look on the servant's face.
"There is a man here," the serving woman began, glancing down the hall as Kagome stood up towards her. "A man who demands to speak to okaa-san. I tried to tell him she was sleeping, but—"
Kagome sighed, entering the hallway. "Don't worry, I'll explain to her." She didn't care about her looks, dressed only in a plain, dark green kimono as she came to answer the door. She expected it to be a visitor, perhaps the doctor, or someone inquiring about Tsubaki's health—but never did she expect it to be the person who was standing in the doorway outside of the okiya.
Kagome couldn't help but gasp as the door was opened. "Takahashi-san?" After a brief moment of staring at him, her dark eyes turned in to a glare. "What are you doing here?" she demanded. "Trying to get more money out of me?"
Amber eyes narrowed back at her, as the infuriating delivery boy motioned to his full cart. "I was supposed to just drop off an order of cosmetics for the okiya, but there's a problem with the order, and I have to speak with the proprietress of the okiya about this matter."
Folding her arms across her chest, Kagome countered his claim. "You'll have to come back later then; Tsubaki-kaa-san is sleeping."
Inuyasha rolled his eyes, brining a lit cigarette to his lips, blowing out a column of smoke. "Come on, surely you can just wake her up."
She responded to his rudeness by replying, "You don't know much about geisha mothers, then. If you want to life a good and prosperous life, then it is wise never to wake Tsubaki-kaa-san when she is in the middle of her nap."
"Then what am I supposed to do with this?" the hanyou demanded, gesturing to two large crates in the pile of packages. "I can't go back to the store with goods undelivered, you know! Besides, don't you geisha need this stuff, anyway?"
True…Tsubaki had been complaining about where the order of cosmetics had been just yesterday. But Kagome hadn't wanted to see Inuyasha so soon…or at all for that matter. However, if Tsubaki learned that she had turned him away with her goods, then she would be in for it later. Unhappy at the conclusion, Kagome realized she had no further alternative. "Come inside, then," she spoke, opening the door wider, "You can wait until Tsubaki-kaa-san is finished with her nap."
At first, Inuyasha gave her a curious glance. Geisha never invited strange men in to their okiya. But, considering that he had no choice, he sighed, removed his shoes, and followed her in. When the door shut behind him, he felt a strange feeling of isolation; being cut off from the regular world when in this place where geisha lived.
Kagome felt a little nervous at first, letting him inside. Men were not supposed to know the secrets of the geisha, and allowing this was allowing him to penetrate in to their hidden world. As for what he saw, there was nothing seemingly unusual about the dining room of the okiya, where she led him, but it was the principal of the thing. Geisha were revered as beautiful artists, the picture of men's fantasies, and to have them know that geisha were merely ordinary women…it might ruin some business that the geisha thrived on.
Inuyasha glanced around only for a moment, but the okiya was just an ordinary building, nothing really extrodinary. The one thing he did notice however (with a pang of guilt) was that Kagome was still limping slightly on her right ankle. Though, when he noticed her small, subdued glare as she sat down at the table, he was sure she was doing it on purpose to make him feel guilty.
He sat down across from her, and she noticed he looked away from her at once, no doubt trying to avoid the subject that was going to be brought up eventually. But, alas, he could not ignore the polite question forever. "How's your ankle?" he demanded, letting her hear what she wanted.
"Better," she replied at once, the stiffness in their conversation evident. "But it still hurts to walk on it."
"That's good; then I won't have to cart you all around the hanamachi again, looking for a doctor."
"Certainly not," she countered, her voice as thick with spite as his. "Then I would have to pay you for it again."
After her sharp answer, there was silence between them once more. Inuyasha couldn't help but glance at her, dressed in a plain kimono of dark green, her hair down around her shoulders. It was something that geisha never looked like in public, especially not around men, and yet she didn't seem too phased at all that he was sitting with her in this state of undress. Then again, after their first meeting, he doubted she cared what she looked like around him.
It struck him as odd that even though now was just about the time geisha went out to entertain at parties, here she was, back in the okiya, not looking dressed for entertaining at all. The silence was uncomfortable, and Inuyasha attempted to stir up some conversation by asking, "So…what are you doing here all alone? I mean, it's evening, and I know there's three geisha in this okiya…"
She wondered why he would ask something like this, but answered anyway. "My engagement got canceled for the evening." She spoke as if it was something of no importance at all.
This also struck the hanyou as odd. Why wouldn't she care if her engagement got canceled? Geisha always were ready to entertain, to make a little more money for the day. Surely, even if it was canceled, why wouldn't she go out and drop in on other parties to make a little cash, since money was all geisha cared about? "So…you're just going to stay here for the night?"
Why was he curious about such things? And why was she so willing to answer? "Yes," she looked away for a moment, brown eyes turning away from unusual amber. "I entertain and large parties most of my time…I like it if I get a chance to be alone."
Her words did not seem to be the words of a geisha, brought up only to deceive and entice. Her words seemed to be that of a woman barely holding on to life. And in her eyes—Inuyasha only saw them for an instant, but he was able to read them clearly—loneliness…and a longing for something more.
How is it, that a geisha who was around so many people and could have everything she ever wanted, was so lonely?
"It's all right," she spoke, folding her hands in her lap. "The money I earn is my own; so I may earn at a pace that I choose; it's not like I have a family or someone I sent my earnings to."
"You don't have a family?" Inuyasha blurted out unexpectedly, somehow feeling sorry for her at that moment, rather than still angry.
Kagome shook her head, her eyes downcast in memory. "They were all killed in the Tokyo slum fire, ten years ago."
So, she has no family…no one, besides the women in the okiya… "And you?"
"I was already here," she explained. "I was sold to the okiya a year earlier, because my mother believed I could have a better life." Kagome gave a little chuckle after that, as if wondering if what her life was like now was better than it would have been before.
With the things she revealed to him, Inuyasha couldn't help but feel pity for her, and…secretly, a want to help her. He understood the feeling of having no family, no one really to depend on and trust all the secrets of your heart with. He hardly knew her at all, but something about her story struck a chord within him, making him wish there was something he could do for her.
"But, that doesn't matter," Kagome stated abruptly, looking him back in the eye. "That part of my life is over now, as it has been over for some time. Now…I just live life to rise up in my career; that is all."
Inuyasha understood that feeling, and could respect that fully. He too, hoped that one day he would have a better job than just an off hand delivery boy, but until he had some opportunity, he had to live with it. He was about to ask her how she was planning on rising in her career, in attempt to turn this conversation in to something more pleasant, but he was interrupted.
"I believe it's against the okiya rules to have men over for visiting, Kagome," came a shrill voice from the hall. Kagome whipped around in terror, to see Mother Tsubaki standing there, looking positively angry.
Shooting up at once, she quickly stated, "It's nothing of the kind, Tsubaki-kaa-san!" She cast a sideways glance over at Inuyasha as he stood up as well. "Takahashi-san has to speak to you about an order of cosmetics, and I didn't want to interrupt your nap with something so trivial."
The mother of the okiya accepted her answer, and Kagome physically relaxed after the situation was averted. Geisha associating with men outside of business was a grave stain on their reputation indeed, and Tsubaki's rules against associating with men outside of entertaining and business deals were fierce.
"Now, you said there was something wrong with the order, boy?" Tsubaki demanded, rounding her sharp, green eyes on him.
Inuyasha replied something about mispricing and whatnot, but Kagome didn't listen in as she crept back up the stairs, unnoticed, and sat back down in her room, thinking over her small conversation with the man she had previously loathed.
Why was it that she had so easily spoken with him about her job, and her family, when they were things she was taught you absolutely do not discuss? Why was it that she had despised him previously, but the way he had listened to her ramble on about her life was comforting? She expected him to be rude, arrogant, and unpleasant, but their small talk had been almost…nice.
Glancing back at herself in her mirror, she thought, I guess, you can't always tell with first impressions...
Later on, after all his deliveries were done, Inuyasha decided to spend some of his extra money from tips by going to a small bar near his rented flat. The bar was seated in the heart of Tokyo, a small, dimly lit, smoke filled place that he had visited on off nights for years.
He ordered a cup of sake at sat at the lonely table, smoking a cigarette between sips of sake, thinking about his day. Now, it had been the second meeting with that geisha, and it was so different from the first. He knew more about her, things he hadn't expected a geisha would admit. That she wanted to be alone, that she had no family, and most importantly, that she was lonely and longing for something more in her life.
Never before had Inuyasha felt so guilty; guilt at something he hadn't even caused. The geisha was obviously high strung and barely able to deal with her life as it was. It seemed like a crazy, stupid idea, but somehow, he wished that he could help her overcome her troubles, and feel better about her hard life.
"Keh," he thought, tossing the butt of the cigarette on the floor and squishing it with his boot. "I'm getting too soft."
He may feel a bit sorry for her, but what would it accomplish? There was nothing he could do anyway.
Besides, it didn't matter. Tokyo, Shinbashi, even, was a large place. Just because he had met her twice already, didn't mean he would see her again.
And never seeing her again will be for the better, he decided.