Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight nor its characters, SM owns Bella & Edward. I own the plot though. Haha
Warning: this chapter contains BDSM theme. Beware, read at your own risk & perils.
NB: The chapter wasn't re read so I have to apologize for any mistakes you might come across, I do my best though.
We needed to talk, lack of talk had lead us to this situation. I had a pretty good idea of what caused her panic attack because deep down, she was just a scared kitten: soft and harmless and oh so unaware of its own vulnerability.
I carried her exhausted body back into her room, tucked her into the covers and sat into a chair nearby to watch over her sleep. I could use the time to think.
5/10/11
BPOV
I felt the reminiscent of my dream fading away as my body started to wake up. I cracked my eyes open and his eyes are staring right through me. Neither of us are willing to look away, him because he's determined and me because I owe it to him. Well, he owe me technically.
The events of the previous days reappear crystal clear in my mind, I can feel the rate of my heart speed up. It has affected him too. I usually cannot decipher his Dom expression but the heavy circles under his eyes betray a sleepless night. He's worried. My heart aches knowing it stayed up all night because of me, my insecurities, my stupidity; in short my crap.
Sometimes I just wish he'd find another sub, a normal one who would make things nice for him and not some messed up one. But I'm selfish at that, I cannot bring myself to leave him. See, I'm addicted. He balances me in some crazy way. At least I would say I'm more balanced than before I'm just not sure I'm balanced enough for him. I try though, I want to overcome my issues. I just hope he'll give me enough time to put everything in order you know.
We're still staring. His eyes are determined still. But I can also see the hurt despite it all.
"Come here." His voice rasped as he uncrossed his legs slowly.
Slowly, I sat myself, reluctant to let go of the warm of the duvet but unable to deny him otherwise. He waited, patiently, his eyes still fixed upon my every movements.
I mentally encouraged my body to do Edward's will for there was no denying him but part of my mind was screaming to escape reality, escape this talk.
Sensing my internal debate he narrowed his eyes, daring me to defy him. Then, his eyes soften and automatically I felt my shoulders relaxing a bit as I exhaled slowly. I was concentration upon not biting my lips. Believe me it was no easy task right now.
"Come to me kitten, there's a few things that need to be handled." He cooed gently yet firmly, extending his hand to me.
I was transfixed by both his voice and eyes as I walked to him. My hand tentatively reached his and his squeezed it for reassurance, subtly placing a finger on my pulse.
I remember him getting used to rely on my pulse to read both my mind and body. Maybe it was because of his work as a cardiologist or just my lack of talking but he took the habit to check my heart beat every time he fell like it. I had trouble voicing my thoughts at first and he quickly realised I was always mentally pushing my limits despite common sense. But my body couldn't lie. Whenever it was too much either mentally or physically my heart would literally give me away which is why he resorted to this when needed, whenever he felt like I might have safe worded or something.
I had I worked on that though. We had worked, trust had built up between us. Until two days ago. Which I why I sat here on our bedroom's ground, between his legs, where he had settled me seconds ago.
My eyes were automatically cast downwards as he was technically dominating me.
He finally move towards me, still seated, reached for my chin and forced our eyes to meet.
"Now you listen to me Isabella. I do not like to repeat myself, you know that. What happened after our Session was intolerable, I am your Dom and I won't I have you slip away like that to exhaust yourself ever again. If something bothers you, you tell me, right away. I am responsible for you, so I am the one taking care of you.
As of your weight, we made a deal a couple of months ago, I see that was a mistake because you just seem to throw yourself in dangerous paths but I'm telling you, I won't have you kill yourself like that. Call it selfishness but I care for you deeply, trusting issues such as weight was apparently too much for you so here is what is going to happen.
I am going to punish you.
I whimpered slightly, trying to look away.
"Stop it. You will get punished whenever you act like a child putting herself in danger to call for attention.
I cannot bear to see you trying to destroy yourself Isabella." He finished somehow sadly.
"Now, get on my knees to receive your spanking. I believe 25 strokes is fair after such careless actions, don't you think?"
I sighed, defeated and nodded. I knew he let it go because we were out of the playroom anyway.
I carefully placed myself on his lap as he readjusted his position so as I wouldn't be uncomfortable.
I felt the air brush against the skin of my bum.
"I want to your you count the strokes or I will start all over again, do you understand me ?"
"Yes…"
My eyes closed and I clenched my teeth in anticipation.
"Shh. Stop that, you know it's just gonna hurt all the more if you do that." He chastised.
I willed my body to relax when the first strike fell on my right cheek. Damn it stung.
"One."
He repeated the motion to the left cheek, a bit higher. I bit my cheek.
"Two."
By the time he was at 13, was breathing was troubled and tears welled up in my eyes.
"Let go little one. Let me take care of it for you, let me take care of you."
He was coaxing me into surrendering the power to him all the while spanking me. I wanted to let go but I was used to dealing with everything on my own which caused me to just snap sometimes, like I had two days ago.
At the nineteenth strike, my cheeks felt like burning and I was crying steadily, I had surrendered.
"Twen…twenty-fii..ve" I breathed out as loud as my sobs would allow me.
Gently, Edward lifted me and place me on the mattress and left for a minute or so. I heard him came back and felt his hands back on my sore bottom, massaging it with a cool, calming balm. He was careful not to insist to much but continued his ministrations for a good while. By the time he was done, the burning had changed into a sting.
Leaving me once again, he retrieved me and carried me into the bathroom where he gently placed me on the hot tub, filled with warm water. He joined me soon after getting rid of his clothes and placed me between his legs.
"Shhhhh. It's okay baby, stop crying, I've got you."
I hadn't realised in my numbness that I was still crying. Crying for my stupidity, for putting myself in danger once again, for the fright I had, for , for the shame of me having doubted him and for the relief of him standing behind me. With me.
He gently placed his hands on my stomach and heart in a soothing manner, much like he had done yesterday and whispered calming words into my hear until my sobs finally subsided and my breathing had gone back to normal.
"Come on, the water's getting cool. Let's get something in your stomach." He smiled as we got off the tub. He then began to dry the water off every part of my body, making sure to check my bottom and back where he reapplied a healing cream.
"I think… I would like some blueberry muffins Edward." I said out loud, slowing down slightly on our way to the kitchen. As I heard him chuckled lightly, I smiled happily knowing we had passed a milestone. Well, until next Session at least.
Hey guys!
First of all, thanks for reading this chapter I hope you enjoyed it !
I want to apologize for the late update, prep' school's a bitch. I tried to write a longer chapter to make up for it, and I'll also try to post another in the coming two weeks as I'm on "holidays" (to revise my competitive examinations YAY).
As you read it, I decided to slow down on the tragic stuff to release a bit of steam. As one a the reviewer said, Edward DOES have a lot to deal with, all the more so that he still has some issues at it own personal levels; which you'll discover in future chapters! Yes, I do write tragic stuff, that's how my mind work. But I do write so fluff as well and this story will have both. HEA, I promise! ;)
I also want to thank all the people that reviewed that really means a great deal to me, so please coming it up! Another thanks to those who added either me or/and this story to their favourites and alerts, it really makes my day guys! :')
Please, let me know what you guys thought about this chapter if you liked Bella's point of view, if you caught up on some interesting revelations about the characters' past, if you want EPOV back or more BPOV, if you liked how he dealt with his sub, what will happen in the next chapter in short: TELL ME YOUR THOUGHTS! *imitating Edward's Dom voice*
Love you guys, have a nice week
BehindGreyEyes.