Okay, next chapter up for your reading pleasure. I hope this one will be as enjoyable as the others.
By the way, whole sentences or paragraphs in italics refer to memories. Just thought I'd let you know.
Chapter 4: Wintery Walks and Revelations
The next few weeks followed in much the same manner. At the end of every workday she would go downstairs to find him parked along the curb outside, puffing indolently on a cigarette while patiently awaiting her appearance.
The first time – not including their arranged outing – she'd been rather surprised, as he had not mentioned it the evening before. However she had not argued when he leaned over and opened the passenger door, staring at her expectantly. And after that it had never been something they discussed, it simply became the norm. Like a loyal puppy waiting for an owner to come home at the end of the day, he was always there…
While they always went somewhere to eat, these meetings had extended into more. Sometimes, if the weather was harsh, they would go to the planetarium or art gallery; anywhere that offered indoor heating and some form of entertainment. On fairer days they would walk, though the locations were rarely the same. The park was the only place that had been frequented.
They often spoke of nothing in particular, simply passing the time enjoying one another's company while discussing varying topics. Work was never a part of their conversations, simply because it was an uneasy topic for both.
Of course there were days when Yako didn't feel like doing anything but going home and sulking, but Sasazuka would have none of that. He had, on occasion, actually gotten out of his vehicle and dragged her to the car himself.
She pushed the door open with a sort of heavy shove, completely ignoring the little red Kia she knew was parked along the curb.
"Where are you going, Yako?" Sasazuka called from the car window.
"Home," she replied quietly, "I'm not in the mood for any outings today."
She heard the sound of a car door opening and before she'd had a chance to take off running a strong hand gripped her wrist.
"Please leave me alone," she pleaded, close to tearing though she fought to remain composed. Today had been straining on her nerves, an unpleasant encounter with her demonic slave-driver having left her feeling horrid and wanting to be alone with her misery.
"No," he replied simply, folding a strong forearm around her slight waist and maneuvering her back toward his vehicle.
"You don't understand," she continued, trying fruitlessly to get out of his grip.
He didn't respond; he kept shuffling her toward his car with even, firm steps.
Yako became irate with his lack of response. "Look, I had a bad day, alright?"
"And now you want to go home and sulk?" Sasazuka clipped, shaking his head as he went on, "Sorry, but I'm not going to let you do that."
"Why?" she demanded, trying to step on his feet as he moved to the passenger side of the car.
"Because you won't be doing yourself any favors by feeling sorry for yourself."
Within seconds he had the door open and had pushed her firmly down onto the seat, restraining her with one arm while the other reached across her lap to snatch the buckle. Tugging it quickly into place and clipping it shut the male cop slammed the door in her face, ignoring her protests and the choice curse words she was currently spewing.
Ambling around to the driver's side, he slid in and got himself settled, pulling away before Yako had the chance to make an escape. They had barely been driving for three minutes before he caught her grumbling about him being a nasty jerk who had no sympathy.
"You don't need sympathy," he told her, "you've had enough of that already. What you need is someone who won't let you get away with being childish."
"How in the hell do you know what I need?" she spat.
"Don't be stupid. I know exactly what you're trying to do and it's only going to make you even more miserable. Running away from your problems and hiding from the world isn't going to get you anywhere."
She didn't have a retort to that little tidbit, so she decided instead to ignore him.
Sasazuka, however, wasn't easily dissuaded.
"Are you really willing to throw away the progress that you've made?"
Her attempt to block him out ended there, and she turned with a startled look to gaze uncertainly at his face, his features twisted into a serious expression as he drove.
"You've already come so far… are you going to throw all of your progress away because you've had one bad day? Because if you are, Yako, then I'm sad to say that I overestimated the strength of your character."
She blinked, taken aback by his declaration. He thought that much of her?
"No," she replied finally, shoulders slumping in defeat and mild shame.
"Good," he clipped, "I told you that I was going to help you, Yako. I refuse to let you sink back into that little pit of self-pity and loathing that you've dug for yourself."
He was right, of course. During those days Yako truly did want to just give up and fall back into her rut. However, at the end of every one of those evenings, she was grateful he could be such a hard-ass.
He was making her live again, despite her hesitation to do so from time to time.
Nearing the end of their third week of this ritual, Yako had been surprised to find that she had regained her appetite completely, and that she had put on a good ten pounds during this time.
She hadn't been all that happy about the latter, though what woman was ever really thrilled about putting on weight?
"I need to slow down a bit," Yako muttered while setting an empty bowl of what had been miso soup on the table.
Her dinner companion gave her an odd look, his eyes asking the question his mouth currently could not, as it was busy chewing.
She gave her chopsticks an absent little wave, shrugging one shoulder as she told him, "I've just noticed that I've gained a bit of weight, is all."
He swallowed, straightening his slouched back and looking at her from her seat across from her. He seemed to appraise her for a moment before saying, "Yes, I can see that."
Jamming one of her eating utensils into a piece of shrimp dim sum, Yako gave an irate little growl, hissing, "Thanks."
He wiped his mouth with his napkin, shaking his head as he told her, "I didn't mean it as an insult. I can notice the difference, but I think you look much better now than you did before."
She blinked, her bad mood dissipating. A tiny blush crept over her cheeks. "You think so?"
The light-haired male nodded, responding, "Yeah, I do. You look… healthier… like a woman should."
Yako fidgeted in her seat. "Thanks," she said again, this time sincerely.
Sasazuka took a sip of his coffee. "Honestly," he went on, "it wouldn't hurt you to gain a few more pounds, so don't get too worried over it. You lost a lot of weight while you were wrapped up in your own little world. You were starting to look really sickly."
Her smile faltered, though she reminded herself that he was only being honest. "Okay, I get your point."
"It was sad to look at you," he continued, shaking his head, "you looked no heavier than a twig."
She shot a flat look at her friend, though she doubted he saw. Calling her sickly was one thing, but likening her to a twig… this was getting out of hand. "Okay, I get it!" she told him loudly. When she noted the little quirk of his lips, she couldn't help but grin back.
Yako certainly had noticed the difference in herself, though not just aesthetically. She felt more awake at work, and could even think more clearly than she had been able before. Apparently the neglect to her body had affected more than just her outward appearance.
The fact that Sasazuka had noticed that change and thought it a positive development made her feel much better about the whole thing. The knowledge that he found her appealing helped her to regain a small fragment of her past confidence… and made her face heat up a few degrees.
Though unfortunately, she and Sasazuka were not the only ones who had noticed the slight change.
She'd been filing papers when Neuro had approached her silently, seemingly appearing out of nowhere, as was his way, and placing his hands on her hips. She stiffened when he began to prod her mildly, and after what had been an awkward minute he'd commented that she had gained weight.
A frown pulled at her lips. "It bothers you?" she queried, though it was not truly a question so much as a snide remark.
His grin was positively feral. "Not at all, louse. I rather appreciate the filling out of your womanly assets." As he said it his fingers slid from her hips to her backside, his palms molding firmly around her pert cheeks and squeezing harshly.
"You were somewhat sickly, before. I prefer this much more…"
Large, gloved hands slithered under the hem of her shirt, cold leather biting into her warm skin like needles and making a shudder ripple up her spine.
"Even your breasts have gotten marginally larger," he noted while filling his greedy hands with the firm flesh.
She shook the disturbing memory from her mind's eye, unwilling to relive another of those wretched instances.
Still, Yako could not complain about the additional few pounds. She hadn't felt so good in a while and despite the unwanted attention it had brought her she decided that it would not deter her from taking better care of herself.
This particular evening was pleasant, so she and Sasazuka had taken their nightly ritual outside. The extra weight, she noted, helped to keep her warm and that was most certainly an added bonus.
They strolled the park this evening, keeping to the main path and taking in the lovely view. The trees were mostly bare, save the few conifers that dappled the landscape. Yet even they were blanketed with a thin sheet of snow, making them blend with the rest of the colorless scenery. A small group of various birds hopped about one of the benches, feasting on the scattered seeds that someone had left for them. They chirped sweetly, flying away to the safety of the trees once the pair of them got too close. Yako gave a crooked smile at the sight.
"So you played the clarinet in high school?" she asked dubiously, picking up their previous conversation from where it had left off.
Sasazuka gave a small laugh and nodded, admitting, "Yes, though I hated every second of it. I don't know why I even stayed in band."
Yako couldn't help herself. "That doesn't seem like you. You're always so cool and collected, staring off at nothing while you drag on a cigarette. I would have expected… well, I don't know, a saxophone? A trumpet? Really… anything before I would have expected a clarinet. It's just so…"
"Un-cool?" he supplied.
"Not exactly. It's just not something I could see you playing."
The talk about band instruments had begun practically out of the blue during dinner, starting when Yako mentioned that one of her noodles was lying in a way that made it look like a trombone. When she'd pointed it out through a little laugh before firing the question at him, she'd been shocked to discover that the only instrument the man had ever played was the clarinet. He'd immediately redirected the conversation into how he had always wanted to learn guitar as a teenager, though he'd never found the time with all of his academic studies. Apparently he hadn't been all that fond of the subject.
"I love winter," Yako piped up, redirecting their conversation again.
Sasazuka, being used to her sporadic changes of topic, only lifted a brow, musing aloud, "Could have fooled me."
She gave a halfhearted huff. "I know I complain about the cold a lot, but I really do love the winter."
"I suppose it is very pretty," he agreed.
Yako rolled her shoulders in a slow shrug, replying, "Yeah, but that's not the reason that I like it."
He didn't speak, though she saw the curious look he was giving her from the peripherals of her vision.
"It's a reminder," she elucidated, "letting me know that sometimes the bleakest, coldest times in our lives are not necessarily the end. While it may be dark and somewhat unpleasant, there's something ethereal about it… about knowing that beneath all of that snow and ice there is new life, ready to burst free whenever the biting weather decides to subside. While it brings death, it's one of those necessary evils needed to move forward."
He nodded at the notion. It was good to see that she was remembering such a thing and that she had not given up on the prospect of finding her old joy again. There were times when she seemed so very distant and void of any emotion that he was certain she would just drift away and never come back…
The dusty-haired male scanned the ground with his dark eyes, noting that the snow had thinned substantially, and that small, sparse patches of dead grass were popping up here and there. Winter was waning and soon spring would arrive. He hoped that with the coming of warmth, Yako might be able to regain the part of her spirit that had been lost at Godai's passing.
As they continued to walk, the sound of trickling water assailed his hearing, and he turned to glance down the path. A small fountain, one of the many that dappled the park's expanse, had been turned on and was burbling lightly.
Yako noted this as well, giving a pleased 'oh' and moving to take a seat along the lip. The stone was cold beneath her bottom, though it warmed to a manageable temperature quickly enough.
She wondered idly to herself if this time in her life was another of those necessary evils. Was this like the blistering winter that came before her blossoming spring? Or would she die like the small plants suffocating beneath the heavy blanket of snow? Either way, she supposed that once it was all over, life would go on again… with or without her. A part of her, the part that Sasazuka had been working so diligently to uncover for the past few weeks, hoped it was the former rather than the latter. She turned and stared into the fountain, watching the ripples grow and disappear one by one. Through the rolling water she could make out a blurry reflection of herself.
She stared hard, trying to find her face in the shifting surface of the water. It felt startlingly familiar, not unlike her current struggle to find her identity amongst the jumbled pieces of her scattered soul. This, at least, was tangible, and when Yako became fed up with trying and failing to see a clear image of her self, she removed her gloves and cupped her hands into the cool water, bringing them upward so that she could see. Tilting her palms so that the light from the street lamps was reflected, she finally managed to catch a glimpse of herself.
Yako was bit shocked, to say the least. This was the first time she'd really attempted to see her own reflection in anything, whether it was a mirror or a window… and she had not been aware of how much she had changed. She looked so much older, and tired, like she hadn't slept in months. While obviously not as thin as she'd been before, Yako could notice the loss of fat in her face. Had she truly allowed herself to fall so far?
"What do you see?"
Sasazuka's question had given her somewhat of a start. She had almost forgotten his presence entirely, so wrapped up in the changes she saw. Yako thought of his question, contemplating the answer in her head.
Her initial thought was that she saw a girl who looked entirely too sallow to be healthy, but a little voice in the back of her mind stopped her from articulating the thought. There was more there, if she looked deeper. She saw the effects of what her depression had done to her, and the struggle that she had gone through to get to the point where she was today. Yet that was not it… what she saw now, was a sad, lonely young woman who had been through hell, but had not yet given up her fight to live.
Weeks ago she would have responded with 'nothing', but in her heart she knew that wasn't true anymore. She was more than that. "I see a woman who has just stepped away from the edge of madness," she told him, letting the water slide through her fingers and back into the fountain.
"And what will she do now?" he asked her, not missing a beat.
Yako was equally as quick with her response. "Move on… and leave that part of her life behind."
She was surprised to feel his hands - warm and large - encircle hers and begin drying them with the tip of his scarf. "It might be decent out tonight, but it's still cold."
The small woman smiled at his concerned tone and slipped her hands back into her gloves. When she looked up at him from her perch along the edge of the fountain, she saw something akin to pride swelling in his eyes. 'He is the reason that I've made it this far,' she reminded herself.
"Thank you, Sasazuka. I couldn't have done any of this without you."
"I'm glad to be able to help you," he told her honestly while pulling a cigarette from his coat pocket.
"You really shouldn't smoke," Yako scolded.
Sasazuka lifted a brow before snapping on his lighter, ignoring the sour look she gave him while inhaling deeply. As he made to return it to his coat pocket he felt something small and cold against his knuckle and, out of curiosity, he retrieved it. A one yen coin sat innocuously in his palm amongst a few pieces of lint and the light-haired man pinched the small, round object between his fingers, wondering when he'd put it in his pocket.
He glanced up at Yako, who was still sitting along the lip of the fountain. "Hey," he called out to her.
Yako cast a glimpse in her companion's direction, jumping when he threw something at her and fumbling to catch it. It was a coin, she realized as she finally managed to get a hold of it, and the young woman spared him a curious peek as she wondered what he wanted her to do with it.
"It's a wishing fountain," he elucidated.
The blonde turned, staring into the water and finding several other coins littering the bottom of the structure. She had not noticed them earlier, when she had been so wrapped up in catching her reflection. She gave another look to the yen in her hand before staring up at him. "You don't want to make a wish?"
He shrugged. "I don't need one."
Standing, Yako took a few steps away from the structure and closed her eyes, thinking to herself about what to wish for. It didn't take her long.
'I wish for the courage to keep going and the patience to overcome any obstacles that fall in my path. I wish that with time… I might regain the person who I once was, and find happiness.'
She tossed the coin back over her head, trying to angle it in the correct direction. A smile overcame her features when she heard the tiny splash.
Sorry to anyone who was insulted by my clarinet comment. I'm not bashing the instrument.
So, I hope we enjoyed this chapter. I realize that I skipped through the time rather quickly, but it would have been pretty much a lot of the same. It worked appropriately for what I'm trying to accomplish, and aside from that, I did throw in some flashbacks, so credit me for that, at least.
Your feedback is always welcomed.