Day 3 – Saturday
AN – Some mentions of adult and medical themes in this chapter
It was the cold that woke Harm up. He had a whole lot of warmth on his front, and a whole lot of cold down his back, despite the fact that he was still wearing his clothes from the day before. He lifted his left arm to check his watch - which showed the time as being 0415.
Looking down to his chest, he was surprised to see a head of blonde hair disappearing under a blanket tucked in tight against his chest. It seems that the rumour was true. When there was a female and a male sleeping in the same bed - their bodies would automatically seek warmth together.
Having now woken up, Harm had to make a nocturnal visit to the little boys room, so he carefully tried to remove his right arm as Loren's pillow.
"Wassssa madda, 'arm?" Loren mumbled.
"I really need to go, Loren," he whispered as he continued to get his arm loose. She lifted her head briefly to allow him to pull his arm out. "Thank you" he whispered as he removed himself from the bed, and headed out for an early visit to the outhouse. Having found his boots and the flashlight, he didn't take long to complete his business.
Back in the cabin, he locked up the door again, removed his boots and got back into the bed. Loren moved over to huddle close to him, despite the fact that she was well wrapped in the blanket. Truth be told, Harm was feeling cold without that blanket, and there was only one blanket. He did not want to wrap his arms around her - that was against the frat regs. So he had to place his right arm up over his head and the left arm down his side, and despite the slight discomfort of his position It didn't take him long to drop off to sleep again.
At 0530 Harm was woken up again by a loud groan. This time Loren was the one moving and groaning.
Harm slipped out of bed again to get more pain pills from the first aid kit as well as a cup of water. Back in the bedroom, he was gently shaking Loren half awake, and encouraging her to swallow a pill, and then some water, then the second pill and some more water. Harm took the cup back onto the main room and then returned to the bed.
This time silence reigned until Harm woke up again at 0830. Once again Loren's body was plastered up against his front well wrapped in the blanket and Harm's back was cold.
The sun was just beginning to shine above the valley walls and Harm could hear some birds singing in the trees outside when the silence was broken.
"Oh my god. Harm, I am so sorry. I should not be plastered up against you like this." Loren immediately tried to move her body away - but with one arm out of action, she was unable to accomplish this easily. She certainly couldn't just roll away - that would have meant rolling onto her broken arm and that was a major no-no.
Harm managed a grin, not one of his mega-watt efforts, but a nervous, almost shy attempt at a smile, "It's OK, Loren. Don't worry about it. I won't say anything if you don't. It was pretty cold and it is perfectly natural for humans to huddle together for warmth," he said as he swung himself up and off the bed.
"Anyway, good morning Loren. How did you sleep? How are you feeling? How is your arm? What would you like for breakfast. I can offer you cereal, apples, chocolate, corn chips, yoghurt and granola bars. Hot chocolate, coffee or water to drink - although it will take a bit of time for the water to boil..." Harm realised that he was babbling and allowed his voice to trail off onto silence.
Loren frowned. "Are you nervous, Harm?"
"What? Me? No, of course not..." Harm's voice faded away for the second time before he made a recovery. "Well. OK. Maybe. A little."
"Can I ask why?"
"It's been a while since I last woke up with a woman in bed with me. That would be Renee. I have kind of gotten used to having my bed to myself."
Loren nodded, "I slept quite well, thank you. Although, did you give me something for my pain? I vaguely remember you giving me some pills and water? "
Harm nodded. "Yes, you were groaning and it had been more than 8 hours since the last lot of pain pills, so I gave you some more. That was around 0530."
Loren smiled. "No wonder I feel so good right now. Thank you Harm. Now I'm going to need some help please; I really need to change these clothes. Fortunately I did a load of laundry at the VOQ the night before we left, so I have some clean clothes. Then I will gladly have some cereal for breakfast." She paused before concluding a bit breathlessly, "And I need to go to the toilet too."
Harm helped Loren up from the bed, and waited while she gathered an armload of clean clothes.
Putting on their shoes, they walked to the outhouse where Loren did her business and tried her best to get dressed. Since she had chosen to wear a blouse and a skirt, she really only needed Harm's help to do up her bra at the back, button her blouse and then zip up her skirt.
By 0900 they were back inside the cabin and Harm was laying out bowls and filling them with cereal, using the thermos flask, he made up some milk and together they sat down and ate.
After breakfast Loren sat down on the couch while Harm started filling a plastic bag with the cold ashes from the fire.
"I'm going to go out into the open area by the creek and stamp out the letters S-O-S in the snow, plus an arrow pointing to this cabin. If I have room, I'll try and add the letters J-A-G as well. I'd like to add some black ashes just to make the letters stand out.
"When the admiral starts looking for us, they'll only know that we are travelling between Pensacola and DC. There are any number of routes we could have followed so we need to do whatever we can to make ourselves visible. When I get back from doing that, we can talk."
"Talk about what, Harm?"
"I dunno. Maybe get to know each other a little better?"
Harm finished filling his bag with ashes, and disappeared outside to make the SOS sign.
Loren stayed on the couch thinking about the situation.
As Harm had said the previous night, it was not her fault she had a broken arm. It was also not her fault that she had huddled up against him in the bed - there was only one bed and she had the blanket. He was very definitely a gentleman. But then he had always been a gentleman.
Loren had watched Harm at the JAG office, noting the fights and arguments between himself and Colonel Mackenzie. She recognized the signs of an alcoholic in Mackenzie and knew that she was trying to keep Harm under her control.
Loren had watched Mac and was fully aware of the hated name Mac had devised for her. She kept a running tally of every person who did and who did not use that name when referring to herself. It had been a complete surprise to discover that Harm was really the only person other than the Admiral, who never used the name of Lieutenant Witch to refer to her. Harm and the Admiral both always called her Lieutenant Singer.
It was also pleasing to discover that whenever she caught Harm's eye, he always had a smile and a 'Good morning (or Good afternoon) Lieutenant' for her as she passed by. Everyone else either avoided her as if she had the plague or spoke as little as possible if they did have to communicate with her.
Loren was aware that some of her actions were responsible for this cold chill and lack of respect. But not all of her actions, surely.
She had stated that she wanted to be the first female JAG. She was sure that it had been a mistake to make that declaration out loud. Now she was being isolated because of it.
Loren sighed. Her only target now was to work well and earn her next promotion from Lieutenant to Lieutenant Commander. The sooner she could be promoted and gain some seniority, the better.
She still wanted to be the first female JAG, but maybe she needed to aim for a slightly lower goal for now. Maybe Fleet JAG would be something good to aim for - that usually meant an overseas posting and right now, getting away from JAG HQ was first and foremost on her mind. Only - that would also mean being away from Harm.
The only thing making life bearable at JAG HQ was the presence of Commander Harmon Rabb. He was the only person who treated her with respect and who smiled at her. While he didn't stop to chat and pass the time of day with her, he at least did not completely ignore her like Mackenzie, Roberts and Simms did.
Loren had to admit to herself, that if she was transferred away from HQ, she would miss Harmon a lot - on a personal as well as professional level.
That brought her up short. That's why these last few days in Pensacola had been so wonderful. She had just spent six days on an investigation with Harmon Rabb, and she was now forced to stay with him for another three days unable to go anywhere, and totally reliant on him for survival. As much as she was embarrassed to have him help her, she knew she had no choice.
At least there was an out for Harm under the UCMJ - assisting and giving medical assistance - which was exactly what Rabb was doing. He gave her pain pills, he bandaged and splinted her arm. God knows if she had been by herself, she would not in any way have been able to bandage and splint her own arm.
God, when he does fall in love, he is going to make some girl a wonderful loving husband.
The thought drifted into Loren's mind and had almost drifted out again before she realised just what she was thinking...
What? Rabb a loving husband? Well he is. He is attentive, kind, strong, handsome and a real gentleman. Any other man, would not have just pulled her jeans or skirt up and pulled up the zipper, like he did. They would have been trying to pull down her underwear as well and to go all the way. Harm did not do anything like that at all.
Loren was lying on the couch with a smile on her face when Harm came back to the cabin, 2 hours later, stamped his boots against the outside wall to shake off the snow and then removed them from his feet. As he entered the cabin removing his jacket, Loren looked at him from across the room and smiled.
Harm was flabbergasted when Loren looked across the room at him and smiled. That full-on-smile turned her into a gorgeous and beautiful woman. Harm had had no idea that hiding under her sourpuss act was such a beautiful female. Even while they had been conducting their investigation, they had only spoken to each other in a professional and respectful manner, but at least they had spoken, They had not spent any social or personal time together while the investigation was still ongoing.
But right now - right now there was no investigation and all the time spent together was personal. Harm was glad that this had happened. Well, no, he was not glad that she had broken her arm, but then again, he was glad she had broken her arm, because it meant that he got to help her and look after her and show her what he was like through his actions.
Harm recognized in Loren the same thing he did in himself. They had both been hurt very badly by careless words flung at them, and thus for them – ACTIONS spoke much louder than words.
Harm hoped that his actions in looking after Loren spoke to her - because now that he knew what a gorgeous woman she truly was, he really did want to get to know her better.
"Well, I made a nice large SOS sign, with an arrow pointing to this cabin. And then I was even able to make a JAG sign underneath. So if anyone is looking for missing JAGs - they should understand the sign. I just hope the snow hangs around long enough for someone to find us, because once it starts melting, then we are going to be in trouble. Anyway, how is your arm, Loren. Are you in any pain"
"I'm actually doing fine for now, thanks Harm. No pain." Loren lifted up her arm to show Harm that she could now move her shoulder relatively freely.
"Good, Good. So I've been wondering. What sort of camera do you use?"
Loren had a quizzical look on her face.
"Your photography. You like to take nature photos - large landscapes and small close up photos, you said. So, do you have one camera to do all of that, or do you have several cameras?"
"I have a Sony DSLR 390/a camera which allows me to cover that entire range of possibilities. Why do you want to know?" Loren asked.
"I've been toying with the idea of maybe taking up photography myself." Harm mumbled.
"Really? What sort of pictures do you think you might like to take? Do you plan on specialising?" Loren couldn't help herself.
"Hold it, Hold it. Power down Loren, please." Harm smiled. "Planes, You know how much I love planes and since I'm too old and too far behind to really make flying my career, I kind of miss not having images of planes around me - especially military planes and my Stearman."
"What's a Stearman?" Loren asked. She vaguely knew that Harm had his own private plane but had no idea what type of plane it was. For all she knew, it was a top-of-the-line Lear jet.
"A Stearman is an old bi-plane from around the time of the first world war. Have you ever seen Snoopy from the Peanuts comic strips?"
Loren nodded her head,
"Well," Harm continued, "whenever Snoopy was pictured pretending to be the Red Baron in world war one, flying a bi-plane, that's what my plane looks like - only mine is yellow. It is the complete opposite to a Tomcat because the Tomcat goes supersonic and the Stearman goes very slow. I love knowing how to fly those 2 extremes."
Well, at least, now I know it's NOT a Lear jet.
"Loren, do you like flying? Are you comfortable in a small plane?" Harm asked.
"Um, yes to the first and I have no idea to the second. Why?
"Well, I was wondering, when we get out of this-"
Loren opened her mouth to say If.
Harm frowned, held up a finger and continued speaking "WHEN we get out of this and get home, maybe you can take some photos of me and my Stearman. And I'd like to give you a ride in the Stearman in exchange?"
Loren blushed. "I'd like that very much, Harm, Thank you."
After a few minutes of comfortable silence she spoke again
"Harm?"
"Yes Loren"
"I've heard some really weird stories of things that you are supposed to have done. Did you really do them?"
"That depends. What sort of things?" Harm grinned.
"Firing an automatic weapon in the courtroom?" Loren asked with a dubious look on her face.
"Yes, I did that. I was trying to make a point."
"A point about what?"
"I was trying to prove that weapons don't just go off accidentally. My Client said his weapon went off accidentally and a sailor died. It turned out that the sailor committed suicide by deliberately jumping in front of the gun after he was diagnosed with HIV and AIDS." Harm's face was somber.
"And what repercussions did you suffer?"
"I had to spend the next 4 months paying for repairs to the ceiling. Cost me $2000 bucks."
"But Colonel Mackenzie says there are still bullets in the ceiling."
"I wouldn't know anything about that. You'll have to ask Admiral Morris. It was his courtroom. I only know that I had to pay for the repairs. I have no idea if they were done or not. So, what else have you heard about me?"
"Umm, something about a tailhook and a DFC?" Loren had a sceptical look on her face and lifted another eyebrow.
"Yes, while I was flying over Bosnia, my wingman Tuna's plane was damaged. I told him to drop his tailhook, and I used that against my plane's canopy to push his plane out of enemy airspace before he and his RIO needed to eject. They claimed it was worthy of a DFC." Harm blushed.
"Some people might claim those are really crazy stunts to do? Just why do you go so far?"
Harm shrugged.
"It makes life interesting." he muttered.
"So why are you not flying any more?" Loren was genuinely curious.
"Well, I had to stop flying due to my eyes, and then when I discovered that my eyes weren't the problems, I found I had left it too long to get back into flying and I was too far behind to catch up so I had to stop again."
Loren heard the hiccup in Harm's voice as he expressed his sadness about being forced to give up his dreams.
"So what is the story with your eyes, and your flying - if I'm allowed to ask?"
"Well the short story is that after I graduated from the academy, I went to flight school and then was sent to the carriers to fly. My RIO's name was Mace. One evening we were returning from a patrol when my eyes suddenly got blurry and I couldn't see the carrier clearly. It was dark, it was stormy and we had a pitching deck to contend with. I was slightly under the glide path all the way down and was almost on top of the carrier when my RIO Mace, got scared and grabbed the eject handle - he made that decision, not me. We were both ejected from the plane.
"But because we were too low neither of our chutes fully deployed before we hit the deck. Mace died on impact; I also hit the deck, but suffered a lot of injuries. I spent a year in recovery and then another 6 months in solitude trying to decide what my future role in the navy should be. I liked the lawyer who defended me so I went to Georgetown law school and became a lawyer.
Some years later I discovered that my eyes were fine. The blurriness I had experienced was the result of an infection, not an injury. So I changed my designator and asked to go back to flying. I had been forced to walk away before. Now I wanted the chance to walk away on my own. I spent one year flying but it was already too late. I had been away too long and would not be able to catch up with the number of traps or the hours I needed to keep my seniority. I do my flight quals every 6 months now just to keep my flying status current but I am still a lawyer."
Loren decided to risk asking one more question - "And Colonel Mackenzie?" she asked quietly.
"I fell in love with her the day we met, on her first day at JAG at the White House Rose Garden. But later, as we grew closer, she insisted on trying to control me, on trying to force me tell her how I felt first before she would say anything. At one point, she even told me NEVER and that there was no us, so after Paraguay when she didn't even say thank you for saving her life, I decided that it was time to let go. I… I don't find it easy to talk about my feelings… so I prefer to let my actions speak for me."
Harm's face was calm and his eyes were clear and reflective as he spoke, but Loren knew he was telling the truth.
Harm shook his head, looked Loren full in the eyes and grinned his flyboy grin. "OK, that's enough about me. Let's have some lunch and then you can tell me all about you."
After a quick lunch of corn and tortilla chips, and granola bars, washed down with water, Loren and Harm made themselves comfortable on the couch.
"My story isn't much. I'm not sure it is anywhere near as interesting as yours." Loren murmured.
"Well," said Harm gently. "Let me tell you what I know of you so far and you can fill in the gaps, ok?"
Loren nodded.
"You are gorgeous, very smart, a tenacious researcher, interesting and intriguing, a quick study, and you love wearing fashionable clothes. You don't trust easily at all; your trust has to be earned, but even so, you have been hurt by the careless words of others. Either they said things that were hurtful to you or they made promises and didn't keep them. Consequently, you don't trust the spoken word any more, preferring to trust actions, believing in the old adage that actions speak louder than words.
Yet I see you flinch every time you hear the words 'Lieutenant Witch' in the bullpen. I flinch too when I hear them. I hate sticking labels like that on people, and this one just isn't you. It's just that you choose to not make friends. You want to concentrate on your career and there is nothing at all wrong with that. But others only see you trying to "suck up" to the admiral like a teacher's pet.
You love taking nature photos, riding your motorbike, and spending time in the great outdoors, and that's why I think you'll love flying, since it's another outdoor activity, and you'll be able to take some great photos from the air. How am I doing so far?"
Loren had what looked like tears in her eyes as she looked at him. "You'd make a great psychologist." she smiled. "How did you know I like riding motorcycles?"
"I've seen you out and about on your bike on the weekends occasionally. So what's your story, Ms Singer?"
"I grew up the middle daughter of 3 sisters. My older sister is brilliant and she has a high IQ. She went to Yale University and John Hopkins Medical School, trained as a doctor, and then went on to do a PhD in Microbiology. She is now a Lecturer at John Hopkins Medical School. She was always Dad's favourite.
My younger sister came along 5 years after me and was always my mother's favourite. She now works for a renowned Publisher in New York City.
We all got high grades in school but now every time my older sister has an article published in a professional magazine, or my younger sister has a book published that wins an award, I get told about it and that gives me the message that I am not contributing anything of any worth to society.
I went to university on a Navy ROTC scholarship. After I graduated I went to OCS and then to Law School. I have to make something of myself, which is why I want to become the first female JAG."
Loren stopped talking as she ran out of things to say.
Harm paused in thought for a few moments before he spoke, "You've worked hard to get to where you are today. Very hard. Does your family know how well you've succeeded? Are you in contact with any of them?"
"No, I am not in contact with any of them. The last time I tried to telephone my parents they laughed at me. They said anyone can be a lawyer, and hung up on me. So why should I waste my energies trying? And I haven't gotten anywhere yet." Loren sniffed as she wiped her nose and her eyes.
She then squared her shoulders and looked him in the eyes, "Change of subject, Harm, I need another bathroom break, May I have some help, please?"
Harm was startled to note that the sun was already setting as he accompanied Loren to the outhouse. This time things became more awkward as she was having difficulty cleaning herself with one hand.
"Harm, this is really embarrassing and I wouldn't ask unless I really needed some help. Can you clean me up, please."
Harm's face went bright crimson as he took the newspaper and carefully wiped and cleaned Loren's derriere . He dropped the newspaper down the hole and stood by silently as she struggled to pull her underwear up with one hand. Her panties safely in place he again pulled up her skirt and then pulled up the zipper.
Silently they walked back to the cabin. Once back inside the silence became awkward, both were embarrassed. The intimate encounter had been too intimate and too recent for either of them to be able to feel comfortable in the other's company yet. Needing to re-establish some sort of buffer zone between her and Harm, Loren disappeared into the bedroom and sat down on the bed.
Berating himself for the flood of relief that washed over him as Loren disappeared into the bedroom, Harm set about starting a fire, and then putting a kettle of water on to boil. The cabin needed to be warmed up as the night drew closer.
Gosh, that was awkward. I really wish my body didn't have to eliminate waste like that. Oh, God, This is probably gonna happen again tomorrow as well. I really wish it were Monday and we were back home already. And he stayed the perfect gentleman. His hands never once moved to my private area. And it's really not fair that he gets to see my body and I don't get to see his. Loren thought as she lay down on the bed.
But it was just so nice to be able to talk and get to know him on a personal level. And I can't believe he knows me so well. He's obviously been watching me. I wonder why?
But even as she lay on the bed a stab of pain from her arm caused her to moan.
Harms thoughts were just as jumbled. She has a beautiful body. She keeps it fit and healthy. She is smart, intelligent, and I'm pretty sure she has a sense of humour but she doesn't let that show. She reminds me so much of Mac, except she doesn't have that same controlling personality. If I'm not careful, I could end up falling in love with her. And I can't be in love with her - we're in the same chain of command.
Satisfied that the fire had caught, Harm grabbed a couple of pain pills and a cup of water and then and walked into the bedroom. Loren lay on the bed with her left arm over her face. There were no nightstands, and Harm wasn't about to just leave the pills on the bed next to Loren.
"Loren?" he asked. Loren took her arm off her face and looked up at him.
"How are you doing, pain wise? Do you want any pain pills?" He held them out.
"Yes actually, I am in some pain, Thank you Harm."
Is he reading my mind now? How did he know I needed them?
Loren struggled to sit up. Once she was sitting, she took the pills and swallowed them down with some water, and silently gave the cup back to Harm.
Harm turned to leave the room. Loren silently watched him walk away. He didn't smile, he didn't grin. He avoided looking at her. She desperately wanted the mood to change, but the embarrassment of her needing him to help her with something so personal and private was hurting them both. She desperately wanted, no, needed them to be able to get back to the place where they were before, where they were talking and getting to know each other.
At least he was still providing her with medical aid, but she still had no idea how the heck he had known she was in pain...
Harm decided that he would not sleep on the bed tonight. He was going to sleep on the couch. Sleeping on the bed next to her was just too awkward and embarrassing.
But first they needed to have dinner.
He filled one thermos flask with hot water and coffee, and the other with hot water and chocolate so she had a choice. Then he laid out some granola bars, yoghurt, chocolate, corn & tortilla chips and a bowl of dried fruit.
Looking at his watch he saw that the time was only 1700 but an early dinner would probably be good.
Harm walked back into the bedroom and softly called Loren's name.
Her blue eyes opened and she stared at him. She lifted an eyebrow.
"Dinner is ready, if you want something to eat?"
Loren nodded and once again she struggled to sit up.
Going against his personality, Harm did not offer to help her. He would not do so unless she actually asked for help. And as was normal for her personality, Loren did not ask.
They sat at the table and ate silently. The air hung between them thick with unspoken thoughts and emotions.
When Loren had had enough, she pushed her chair back and disappeared back into the bedroom.
Harm sighed. She most likely would not come out until the morning now.
Harm's thoughts wandered back over to that afternoon when things started getting awkward, when he was cleaning Loren up, back in the outhouse.
She had called him in and was already in position where she was bent over the seat and a hand stretched behind her holding the newspaper. He only needed to take the newspaper, and clean out her derriere. He had one hand holding her hip and one buttock, while the other cleaned and wiped. Her gluteus maximus muscle had been firm and strong. It was clear that Loren looked after her body, ate healthily and exercised. When he had finished, he reached around her to drop the paper down the hole and then had backed out of the door. At no time did he see her front side. He had been called back in, a few minutes later, to pull up and zip her skirt.
Cleaning a women up after the toilet and helping her get dressed was a very intimate and private thing to do. Usually something only nurses or spouses did. He was not a nurse but he did want to be a spouse. The question was - whose spouse?
Not Renee's, Definitely not Mac's. Not Annie's or Jordan's either.
He was looking for a soulmate, someone with whom he had a lot in common, but he also knew that he didn't want someone who tried to control him. Not the way the previously mentioned women had tried to do. He also had never had very much in common with those same women. Not even with Mac, despite Harriet's constant interfering attempts at matchmaking.
But Loren, was a surprise. So far he had discovered that she loved riding motorcycles, liked flying, possibly had a "need for speed" like he did. She also loved being outdoors and enjoying the beauty of the natural environment.
She was a good lawyer, an excellent researcher and if she ever deigned to reign in and control her ambition to "win at all costs" and instead aim for the truth, she could become a great lawyer.
Harm's thoughts kept him occupied until the time finally crawled around to 2000 hours, when he did his usual night time routine. He visited the outhouse, checked on Loren who was well wrapped up in the blanket and asleep on the bed, he banked the fire up with several logs, so that it would burn through the night, secured and locked the door and settled down on the couch, wearing an extra sweat shirt taken from his sea-bag in lieu of the blanket he didn't have.