The Bizarre Saga: Majora's Mask
Chapter 4: A BRAND NEW REALITY
Previously on The Bizarre Saga, Link broke the fourth wall, Navi got them a hotel room, Saria got very annoyed, Tatl had a lengthy conversation with Anju the innkeeper and Kevin returned.
Now for Chapter Four.
"OMD! Magical formula!" Link exclaimed when they walked into the kitchen of the inn.
"Link, that is not magic formula. That is simply poorly made broth," Navi told him.
"It's white…" Tatl stated, looking into the pan. "And holy crap, that is thick! It's like, as thick as condensed milk!"
"It is magic formula!" Link said.
Saria searched through the cupboard to see if there was anything to eat, "I don't think there's anything in here but spices and other stuff…"
"CONGAS!" Link ran over to two conga-shaped containers and started hitting them. "They aren't making conga noises!"
"That's because they aren't congas!" Saria walked over to the containers and pulled the top off. It was full of vegetables.
They searched through the entire kitchen.
"Seriously! This inn does not provide very good food choices!" Tatl said. "I haven't found anything except for spices, vegetables, that weird broth and a raw fish swimming around in that puddle!"
"Well then, I guess we have no choice but to make soup," Saria spoke.
"You don't know how to make soup!" Navi reminded her.
"It can't be that hard, can it?"
"I'm not eating what you make…"
"DINNER BE READY!" Saria stated. Link jumped up.
"Are we eating magic formula?" Link asked.
"No. Shut up." Saria put a bowl of soup in front of him.
Link ate some of it. "MAGIC FORMULA! IT TASTES LIKE WITCH'S BREW!"
"… Is that a compliment or an insult…? I mean like, coming from a blue moss infected person…"
Tatl tasted the soup, "Holy crap. Have you done this before or something?"
"Yep!"
"What?! You told me you'd never done it before!" Navi said.
"I just said that to be funny."
"Saria…"
"Wow. This place is kind of fancy for such a ramshackle inn," Tatl spoke once they entered their room.
"FLUFFY PILLOW!" Link yelled and jumped on one of the beds. He fell asleep.
"… I guess that one's Link's…"
"Should we leave him there?" Saria asked.
"Well, it might not be safe… Maybe we should wake him up or else he won't go to sleep at night time…" Navi said. "But then again, he might wake up cured."
"Well somebody has to stay behind and watch him," Tatl stated, eyeing Navi.
"Oh come on! Why me?"
"Because you're his guardian fairy," Saria answered.
Navi sighed as Saria and Tatl walked out the door with the key.
"Well, I'm sure maybe there's something to keep me occupied in here…" Navi spoke. She flew around the room. "Wait a minute, why is there a treasure chest between the beds…?"
Navi struggled to get the chest open.
Navi got a Silver Rupee!
"Holy crap, this thing is worth a hundred rupees! Well, I guess it's my reward for having to stay in here with Link! SUCKERS! I JUST FOUND A HUNDRED RUPEES!" Navi yelled.
Saria and Tatl dashed back in immediately.
"Say what?" they asked at the same time.
"I just found a hundred rupees! And it's mine because I have to stay here with Link!" Navi laughed.
"Oh come on! I wasn't expecting you to get paid for having to do this!" Saria complained.
"Move along now! Have fun!"
Saria and Tatl groaned and went back out the door.
"… Now what do I do…?"
"Well great, Navi just found a hundred rupees in a rental hotel room. Now what?" Saria questioned.
Tatl pointed over into the room where the desk was, "Hey, what's that guy over there doing?"
"It's a Goron… So they're here to?"
"I'm sorry, but we're booked solid with reservations. I apologize, but we can't help you," Anju told the Goron.
"I made a reservation… The name is Link-goro!" the Goron said.
"Mr. Link-goro? I don't have a reservation under that name. There is one close to that, but…"
"What?! Really-goro? Well, it's nice weather, so I'll just sleep outside-goro."
"I'm terribly sorry."
"Holy crap, I think the Goron's name was Link and we stole his reservation," Tatl stated. "No wonder we're staying for free."
"Seriously, I now know four people with the name Link," Saria said. "First the Hylian Link, second the Goron Link that hasn't been born yet, third Dark Link, and fourth that Goron that just walked out the door…"
"Weird…"
NIGHT OF THE FIRST DAY
60 HOURS REMAIN
"LINK! WAKE THE HECK UP!" Navi screamed. "Haven't you gotten enough sleep?!"
"AH! Huh? What?" Link asked.
"Are you infected anymore? Is there a Texas hat on the ceiling? Is there a pony on the other side of the room? Is the ceiling falling? Is that fireplace a toilet? Is soup magic formula?"
"What the heck are you talking about? It looks like a pretty normal hotel room to me…"
"Good… I think that you're cured…"
"I think I'm feeling better now… Where are Saria and Tatl…?"
"They're doing stuff without you because I was forced to stay here and watch you sleep so you didn't wake up still messed up and blow up the room."
"Let's go find them."
"Hey there, baby!" a scarecrow greeted.
"… Are you a talking scarecrow…?" Saria asked.
"You bet I am! I'm a stylin' scarecrow wandering in search of pleasant music. Time will pass in a blink of an eye if you dance with me. If you like, we can forget the time and dance until dawn! Whaddaya say?"
"No! I'd rather wait than spend 60 hours dancing with you!"
"Oh, I see… By the way… I know of a mysterious song that allows you to manipulate the flow of time… Want to hear it?"
"I'm listening…"
"Oh, yeah! Now listen up! If you play that mysterious song backward, you can slow the flow of time. And if you play each note twice in a row, you can move a half day forward in time! How's that? Pretty interesting, isn't it?"
Navi suddenly flew in, "Hey! Link woke up."
"Is he feeling better?" Saria asked.
"Yeah, he is."
"GOOD! I was getting sick of his insanity!"
"Let's go buy donuts!" Link said. "Tatl, where can you buy donuts?"
"Uh, the bakery?" Tatl replied slowly.
"TO THE BAKERY! YAY!" Link dashed out, but shortly came back. "Where's the bakery…?"
A few hours later…
"Navi, can you tell me a bedtime story?" Link pleaded, under the covers of his bed.
"Link, aren't you a little old for bedtime stories? You're twelve," Navi said.
"Please?"
Navi sighed. "Fine. Once upon a time, there was a boy and a fairy who went into a giant tree to save it. They succeeded but it turned out they did it for absolutely nothing. They got a green rock and a crazy girl joined their team. They took the rock to a princess and she went into a huge speech ripped straight from the game so they stole a piece of paper with instructions on it. They got another rock that was red from a bunch of fat people and another rock from a bunch of fish people because the crazy girl ate their guardian god."
"Good times…" Saria sighed, smiling. Tatl stared at her.
"Anyway… After getting that stone, the princess escaped from the castle and gave them a very important ocarina, which they used to travel seven years forward in time. They were then instructed to go to five temples and free the five Sages. One of them was the crazy girl. Another was the leader of the fat people. Another was the princess of the fish people, another was an ugly ninja woman, and the last one was a desert woman who was abducted by old hags. Then they went to the villain's castle, made a shiny bridge and a bunch of Mario carts drove in because they thought it was Rainbow Road. The fairy and the crazy girl beat the first phase of the final boss, and then the Mario cart drove them out of the collapsing castle. The boy did the final blow on the villain and then they got sent back in time to live their lost years, and here they are now…"
Link was fast asleep.
"… Weird… I didn't think a story like that would put him to sleep…"
"All of that is true?" Tatl asked.
"That was a shorter version of our previous adventure…"
"You made up the Mario cart part, right?"
"No. That actually happened."
"Holy crap."
Two nights later, it was finally the Night of the Final day. During those times Link dragged them all over the place, doing whatever he wanted.
NIGHT OF THE FINAL DAY
12 HOURS REMAIN
"The carnival is in twelve hours," Tatl stated. "That's when the Clock Town opens up and we can finally face Skull Kid."
"Is it just me or did those 60 hours pass faster than usual?" Saria asked.
"Maybe time in Termina passes differently," Link suggested.
"Really, Link? I don't think that's possible."
"What if Termina isn't another country, but another dimension?"
"Yeah. Time passing differently. Like that's possible."
"Or maybe the Goddess of Time is making time pass faster so that we don't have to hang around for three days doing nothing."
"I think that's sort of true," Navi said. "In the game, the first three days pass even faster because you're trapped inside town."
"I am still clueless on how you learn these things," Tatl spoke. "Did you play the game or something?"
"No. If I did, I would be cut out of the story and it would be as if I had left Link at the end of Ocarina of Time."
"You leave in the game?" Link asked.
"We aren't having this conversation anymore."
"But-"
"QUIET."
"Well, I guess the conclusion of this conversation is that time doesn't pass normally in Termina, unlike we've said many times before…" Saria said. "… So, when does the clock tower open…?"
"At midnight," Tatl replied.
"But- what- We have to wait another twelve hours?!"
"See? That's why time passes faster."
"Wait, is it just me or does the town seem more deserted?" Link questioned. "The only person besides us here is that guy that looks oddly like that person from Gerudo Valley standing by that tent."
"What if it's the same person?" Saria asked.
"I doubt it."
Saria walked over to the Mutoh look-a-like. "Hello, do you recognize me?"
"No. Get lost kid," he answered.
"What if all of the people here are made to look like somebody from our past adventure? What if we actually are in another dimension?!"
"Hahaha," Link laughed.
Saria walked over to him and pushed him into a little pool of water. "Shut up."
A while later, midnight finally came. There were fireworks as the clock tower tipped over, making the clock a platform.
"Quickly! We have to get up to the top of the Clock Tower!" Tatl said. "The moon's really close and it looks like it could fall any minute now!"
"Correction: Five minutes," Navi told her.
"You are definitely looking at the strategy guide!"
"STOP MENTIONING THAT! I SEEM TO JUST KNOW! Let's go already!"