"Don't jump to conclusions." He'd been told that so many times throughout his life that he might as well have made it his personal mantra. In fact, he was now saying it to himself over and over, though more as a means to calm his near shattered nerves than to guide any action. "Don't jump to conclusions. Don't jump to conclusions." He halted in pacing the shower floor, having turned on the nozzle to full-blast to drown out the words he'd been saying, to breathe. He splashed some of the hot water onto his face and groaned, gripping his short, blond hair. "You admire him..." he mumbled to himself. "That's it. You admire your mentor... a lot... It's... It's not weird. A lot of people do. It's perfectly normal. I mean, It's Manny." His voice, though staying below the sound of the water, became frantic, his eyes wide and wild like fire. "He's a great guy. He's funny. He's smart. He's..." Redd growled and slammed his still sore hand into the tile wall of the shower, biting back inwardly at the pain.

A defeated sign escaped his lips. "Stop worrying... You'll kill yourself worrying like that..." His brother had told him that. Redd had never been the calmest child growing up, but how could he be? His mother was in and out of rehab, most of his family hated him for something he couldn't control... Spencer had been his only comfort. Something clicked inside the blond and he quickly turned off the shower and rushed to his locker to change.

He needed to talk to Spencer.

Redd managed to get into the lab shortly before they were suppose to shut the personal systems down for the night. The room was filled with rows of exceedingly high tech machines, state-of-the-art and a luxury for personal use, especial for the Fair Island Base which was as low-budget as the New England facilities got. Jankowski nestled himself into one of the stations in the corner farthest from the door and from prying eyes. He was the only one there, but it he could never be too careful- more of his paranoia. He opened up one of the contact programs and searched for his brother's IP. Spencer was allowed a personal lap-top with his program, which Redd still knew little about, so contacting him at this hour shouldn't have been an issue, especially since Spencer's team didn't operate too much like standard military.

Redd was happy to find that his brother was registered as 'online' and clicked the call button quicker than he could think- mostly to keep himself from turning back. He was nervous as hell. He didn't even know how to address the matter at hand. A set of bars flashed across the screen for a few minutes, playing an odd little ringer tune that Redd was forced to turn off. He couldn't stand the noise.

More minutes passed and the blond was afraid that Spencer had just left the computer on and gone to sleep. More time passed... Then the webcam flashed on, showing a rather dull-looking bunk room with faded blue walls and dim overhead lights. The person before it wasn't Spencer, however. It was a woman. She had black hair pulled neatly into a bun, still looking rather proper for the time, and bright green eyes. Her torso was clothed in a thin, standard grey t-shirt and her lower-body remained out of view. Redd was slightly disappointed, but not at all uncomfortable. He knew her.

"Hey, Jin," he breathed, trying not to let the annoyance of his brother's absence show. The woman on the screen smiled.

"Hey, Redd. What are you doing calling at this time of the night? Shouldn't you be prepping for lights-out over there?"

"I was running some... personal pre-sims. I get a pass for now. I was hoping to talk to Spen real quick. Is he there?" The woman nodded with another smile, some tinge of suspect in her eyes, but all in well meaning. She was something of a friend to Redd, a little bit of a big sister after Spencer was recruited into the unit, even. She came around often for one thing or another and grew on them both. She was head-strong, smart, and a little aggressive, but most military women were. Aggression was a desirable trait in combatants as long as it was kept in check. The woman, Jin, walked around out of view, saying a few words that Redd couldn't understand. Eventually, movement flashed across the screen again as a man sat down before the lap-top. He was spry, head shaved, but face sporting a thick, black goatee. His eyes were a bright blue in opposition to Redd's dark brown. Looking at the two of them, one couldn't tell that they were brothers. Well... Half-brothers, at least.

"Hey, spunky. I've been waiting to hear from you. How's it going over there? You doing alright?" Redd visibly relaxed upon hearing Spencer's voice. He'd missed it... He'd missed it since he first deployed and never stopped, even if the man was just in the other room. Spencer was his favorite person in existence, no matter how much they would disagree or yell at one another over stupid shit. Spencer had always gone out of his way for his little brother, even if it put himself on the line.

"Yeah, things are great. Hit a little speed bump today, but you know how it is. Nothing I can't deal with."

"What kind of speed bump?"

"Oh, you know, screwing over a sim by tripping an alarm and being punished by running a pre-sim by myself for four hours."

Spencer pinched the bridge of his nose with a sigh. "Common, Spunk, you're better than that! Tripping the alarm? That's rookie!"

"I know. I know. I won't make that mistake again. Griffin made sure of it."

"You better not or I'll take the first plane over there to bust that sun-flower head."

Redd scoffed and began to wring his hands under the desk. He hoped the worry wasn't too visible. "Hey, Spen, did you ever... Have a mentor when you first joined that... unit you're in? Someone who showed you the ropes? Someone you looked up to?" The man seemed a little taken back by the question, sitting against the wall behind him and biting his inner cheek in thought.

"Well," he began. "there's this guy named Rowdy. He runs the day-to-day operations around here. He keeps the squad up to speed and basically showed me most of what I know. He's a real great guy. Doesn't take shit from anyone. Hell, not even me. He can be a little... you know... bitchy, sometimes, but he's still someone I respect. Borderline look up to. Any reason you asked?"

There it was... Redd swallowed. He wasn't going to be direct... nor would he allude to the idea of... what he felt, but he needed to get some idea on what was normal. "I... There's this guy who's been teaching me how things work around here... Manny. He's amazing, Spen and... I really hope you get to meet him one day... But... I screwed up in front of him today... bad... I've been screwing up... On day one, he was really funny and kinda happy... he seemed to really enjoy what he was doing, but... since I came along... and started... being me... He's slowly gotten drained... Now, when he looks at me, it's like... It's kinda like how... how Grandpa looks at me... Not that condescending, though." he didn't intend for that much to come out... any of it, actually... Once it was out, though, Redd only hoped that his face didn't serve as a name-tag.

"Redd, it's just stress. When I was in Raven, I took plenty of recruits under my wing and, damn it did it drive me into the dirt, but that didn't mean I hated them or anything. Sure, sometimes it was irritating when they didn't understand something, but I stilled loved those guys to death. They were great guys in spite of their failures and their... speed bumps, as you called them. Sure, watching you mess up from time to time might get to him, but I doubt he has any bad feelings towards you. You said he was a great guy. If you still think that about him, it can't be that bad. Anyway, it's getting close to lights-out for me and it's sure as hell passed it for you. Talk some other time, alright?" Redd wanted to protest, still not having the answers he needed, but resigned with a smile and quiet nod. "Alright, love you, spunky."

"Love you, too, Scruffy." The screen went black. Another sigh and Redd turned off the computer before getting up and leaving the lab. He went through the trouble of breaking the rules to contact his brother and left the experience no better for information than he left it. Risk without reward wasn't exactly the game he wanted to be playing. Still, he made it to his bunk before Griffin could catch him, meriting a few scowls from his squad-mates as he shuffled under his blankets almost ten minutes passed lights-out. None of them would say anything. It was a tiring day for all of them and they weren't in the mood. As he tried to sleep, Redd's mind raced and not with good thoughts. If this was real... If he really felt... how he thought he felt... Then he could be ejected from the only job he was ever good at... Shamed... Disgraced...

The morning came too early. It always did when Redd actually dreamed. Dreams meant sound sleep, but they were like movies that made time fly by. When Griffin woke everyone up before dawn, it felt like he hadn't gotten any sleep at all. Groggily, Redd grabbed a fresh uniform from his foot-locker and shuffled off to the showers to begin his morning ritual. He REALLY wanted a shower. Sometimes, at night, the bunks would get extreamly hot, causing most of the squad to wake up in a sweat, feeling nasty. That night had been one of those nights and all of them were desperite to feel, at the very least, suitable for a day's work.

Worldessly, they undressed and took to the shower heads for a splash of tepid water on their faces. Redd, personally, wanted to scrub himself raw. He felt horrible. Everything ached, his chest felt tight, his skin felt slimey beyond comprehention, but no ammount of soap or shampoo could wash the feelings away. And then, as though the universe was against him, Manny stepped in to his right.

"You look like death, pal," he commented, rubbing some shampoo between his hands. Redd didn't want to look at him. He didn't even want to respond.

"Yeah? You think you look any better?"

"Maybe not. Just making sure you're okay, is all." He began to lather his hair with a smile. That smile... that damn... fucking smile... If anything made his chest tight and his stomach burn, it was that smile. Even before his feelings were suspect, he always got a strange sensation from that smile. He mistook it for the man's charisma. Or... Maybe it wasn't a mistake. Maybe the entire ordeal was due to Manny's charisma. He REALLY wanted that to be true, but that feeling in his gut only churned further and more sickeningly. He needed to do something... Something to instigate a reaction... It couldn't be obvious. Redd slowly let his eye wander, peering just barely towards the man at his side.

Manny was, by all means, an attractive man. Surely, even a strait man could admit that. His skin was a dark, spicy tan, natural for his race, and his hair was a deep, brownish-black. Under the closed eye-lids, Redd knew there were a pair or smoldering, lively, brown eyes that seemed to look through him every time they met with his face. The arms that reached up to scrub the shampoo into Manny's hair were thick, bulging with thick muscle from years of conditioning. The same bulk was distributed throughout his body, along his broad shoulders, down his chest and stomach, and-

Redd snapped his eyes forward and ground his teeth, the color in his face deepening more than he would've liked. In almost a panic, the blond rinsed all of the soap from his body and exited the shower. He didn't speak a word to anyone as he dressed and shuffled swiftly out of the locker room and into the hallway. For once, he PRAYED that Manny didn't trot up next to him like any other day and begin what whatever conversation topic popped into his head. He did, though. Why Redd expected anything else was idiotic.

"Where's the fire, Blondie? Suddenly give a shit about making it to the yard early?" The man asked with a chuckle and another warm grin. Manny seemed... happy... He seemed genuinely happy around Redd for the first time in weeks. As much as he wanted to relish in the fact, Redd tried his best to deter any interaction.

"I'm just... Awake today."

"So, you're sleep-walking every other day?"

"No, I've just been a little drained, you know? I slept great last night, so I suppose I feel a lot better."

"Though you got ten minutes less sleep than usual?" The smile remained, but his eyes stared daggers into the blond. Redd gave a sheepish grin in an attempt to seem sorry, but Manny's glare remained, looking down on him with slight disappointment. In retaliation, Redd bumped his shoulder into Manny's and fell in line on the track as usual. The chuckle that rose from the other's throat was enough to make Redd force down one of his own.

"Straiten up! I have some news for the squad!" Everyone went stiff, faces becoming void of any previous emotion. Griffin stood there, still and silent for a few moments before his face relaxed and he breathed a quiet sigh. "We have an off day." The same relaxation washed over everyone else. "Feel free to spend your time any way you want as long as it doesn't bother me or anyone else. Also, the rec. room is being cleaned and repainted, so it's off-limits. Dismissed."

Redd stood there for a moment, watching the others disperse in different directions. The bewilderment must've been plain on his face because Manny stopped mid-stride towards the main-building. He walked back over to Redd, smile half-amused. "You, uh... You gonna just stand there? I mean, we all do our own thing in our free time, but is this really...?"

"Uh... Besides going to the break room and reading or something, I don't have any ideas..." Manny straitened, raising a brow with another odd, lop-sided smile.

"'Reading'? Really?"

"Hey, just because they aren't actual books, that doesn't mean it isn't still reading."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Wanna come with Fox and I to the gym? Thought we might kill some time working out 'n shit." There weren't any real options to weigh, so Redd shrugged and followed Manny to the Gym.

The Gym had to have been one of the largest buildings on the base. The dome of the roof towered over the others and the square-footage dwarfed them. Inside rested some of the most advanced training and exercise equipment money could buy. They had rows of touch-screen treadmills, ellipticals, and shiny, new weight benches. There were shelves of different level dumbbells, resistance bands, and a huge boxing ring right in the middle of the room. Everything was clean and kept in the best condition, much like the men and women who used them. Redd followed Manny over to the weight benches and, for the second time that day, his heart skipped a beat. As they approached one of the benches, Manny swiftly removed his grey t-shirt and turned slightly to look back at Redd. His expression was neutral with a small glint of what looked like mischief in his eyes.

"Mind spotting me?" he asked. Redd quickly nodded; perhaps a little too quickly as he rounded to the head of the bench. Before he even got there, the other man had already started adjusting the weights and, shortly after, began his exercise. He tried not to stare, but Redd's eyes were too easily drawn to the popping veins and slightly bulging muscles of his team-mate's arms and the bar was lowered to his chest then pushed back up to the holder level. Manny wasn't insanely bulky. He was about average for a soldier, but average was pretty amazing in itself. 'Really bulky guys are fucking weird looking,' he couldn't help but think to himself as the thought arose. 'Manny's pretty alright.' He wanted to re-elaborate, thinking of better words for the other's physique before even realizing what he was doing. When he finally did, he stopped and tried to seem at ease.

"You been alright?" Manny finally asked, breaking the odd silence between heavy breathes. Jankowski was partially thankful and partially cursing inside. He wanted there to be conversation, but not about anything that might have been obviously off about him. His brain had a bad habit of letting things slip his lips that he didn't want coming out.

"Yeah," he tried casually. Suddenly, Manny threw the bar onto the holder and sat up, eyes keeping their former mischievous tinge, but also stabbing daggers into Redd who was unsure how to feel at the moment, or what to do with his hands which hung limply at his side. He wanted desperately to fiddle with his pockets, wring them, or something, but that might indicate nervousness and, if he was nervous, there would be more to suspect.

"I know when you lie, you know." The second those words left Sargent Morales' lips, there was a huff from across the room and Fox quietly excused himself, leaving the two of them alone. He had a good sense for when things might get a little heated and tended to stray from the 'blast-radius', as he called it. Redd refocused his attention on Manny who continued to stare. No doubt, he was attempting to give Redd a chance to explain first. The chance was tossed out as the blond remained silent. "Why were you late to bed last night?"

"I was talking to my brother. Kinda snuck into the computer lab before they closed it up for the night. If you want to take that up with Top, go right ahead. He'll probably make me do suicides for a few hours. Maybe even kick me out like he should have weeks ago." Manny's eyes twitched, some new emotion peeking through that Redd couldn't read.

"Should've kicked you out...? Why do you say that?"

Jankowski sighed, starting to wring his hands. "Well, my track record, for a start. Griffin can spout all he wants about seeing the potential in people and wanting to bring out the best in them, but all he's gotten out of me is the absolute worst I've had to offer. I have fucked up more times with this squad than I have with any other unit, which leads me to the second point which is that I've fucked up with this squad more than I have with any other unit. I've never been actually good at anything in my life and I can't believe I let him make me think that this was some silver lining for me." He was monologuing... A perfect example of his mouth forgetting about its pause button, but, this time, he wasn't going to stop. He needed to get it out. He started it and he was going to finish it. "I'm a pitiful little disgrace that no one ever wanted, not even my own father who left as soon as he found out I existed and my mother abandoned when she had to choose between me and all the other fucked up shit she was involved with. Not only should I have been kicked out of this squad, but I should've given up on trying to get any meaning out of my life, years ago! All I have ever done is disappointed anyone who even had any faith in me! In fact, I have totally destroyed their faith in me, making me below dirt in their eyes! You're the best example. All I wanted to do from day one was impress you!" Redd slapped his hand over his mouth. 'Damn it...' he growled in his head, eyes clenching shut as he turned away. He didn't want to see Manny's face. He wanted to be mute, blind, and deaf if only to stop from sensing any reaction.

'Well... It's not the worst that could've come out...' That thought stilled his stomach a little, giving him enough courage to actually open one eye to peer side-ways at the other... Who wasn't where Redd remembered him to be. He totally uncoiled himself just in time to see Manny walking briskly from the gym, disappearing through the door. He wanted to just stand there... take a moment to breathe... But he didn't. As though he wasn't in control, Redd darted from his spot out into the hallway and saw the other rounding the corner towards the showers so he followed. He managed to catch up to Morales and grabbed one of his arms which was crossed over his chest. When he turned to look at Redd, his face was still neutral, a blank, unreadable, slate. His body was tense, though. It... was a little scary... especially when he didn't resist the contact and merely stared. Jankowski's face had to have been practically GLOWING red at that point.

Redd went blank. Anything he'd thought up to say had vanished and he was left stammering, eyes darting from Manny's to the floor in a panic.

"Why didn't you ever tell me any of that?" It was Morales who, again, broke the silence.

"W-what?"

"All this time, I've been telling you about my life and my family. I'd tell you when something was wrong and I'd tell you when something was right. I'd try my best to be supportive and to help you get through this trench you're in and you couldn't once be honest with me?"

"I just... I didn't... I mean, this the military. What place does any of that have here?"

"It has a place with your squad. We're like a family, Redd. Being in the military doesn't mean you have to go callous to emotion." More seconds of silence...

"And... That's all you're upset about..."

"Yeah..." The answer was quick and distant as the man broke away and continued towards the showers.

In his gut, Redd had this sinking feeling that Manny wasn't being totally honest with him. That scared him and almost excited him.