Heyy! Okay, so revision is getting on my nerves. So I deserve a break, and decided to update. =]

Thank you so much to who reviewed, especially divine divinity for her awesome review. I was gobsmacked. Lol. So heres the next chapter, hope you like it.

Disclaimer- I don't own nothing from the Twilight Saga. =]

Chapter Four. Beautiful Memory

Quote. Do not trust your memory; it is a net full of holes; the most beautiful prizes slip through it.
Robertson Davies

"Bella, Jasper just called-" my head whipped up, she must have saw my alarmed expression, because she quickly assured me "No, it's nothing bad, he just told me, everyone's on their way, they booked an emergency flight with a lot of persuasion, so they won't be long." Great. That did nothing on my nerves. I stared at the letters again, Alice followed my gaze

"Do you want me to go now?" she whispered, knowing I meant about the letters, I lifted them up and she walked over to me so I could hand them to her "If you would. I don't want to think about it too long." She nodded and turned her back on me to walk out "Oh and Alice-"she looked at me over her shoulder "Thanks for doing this." And with her little smile, I knew she knew I meant more than just the letters, I finally thanked her for being here. I knew Charlie will be surprised when he saw Alice, wondering if I was there with her or if she knew where I was, the hope on his face.

I stopped thinking about it then, it hurt too much, I hated the fact that I wouldn't see them again, well maybe not for a long time, I couldn't even remember what they looked like properly, the catalyst covered my eyes again when I thought about them, trying to recall them.

I should have asked Alice to get me some of my stuff. I looked down at my outfit then, I seriously needed to change, it was covered with dirt and blood. The sight of the blood kind of revolted me, but the smell of the stale blood made the thirst flare, and that revolted me more. That was the hardest part of being... this, the blood I hated, just like when I was human, only I didn't faint.

It didn't revolt me in the meaning that I didn't like the blood, which was only half true, it satisfied the thirst for the time being, but it was still there, and animal blood wasn't that appetising. I hadn't even looked at myself in the mirror yet, I hadn't want to see the thing I had become, I didn't want to see if I was myself anymore, I know I would change, but I felt like me, just different. Now I was curious, there had to be a mirror here somewhere, so I went looking, and found a big one in what was Alice's bathroom.

What I saw shocked me at first. I was pale, paler than before, my eyes were burgundy, that really scared me, they looked dangerous. My skin was flawless, and more sculptured, I had to admit, I liked this part of being a vampire. I finally looked like I belonged to be with someone like Edward, if only he wanted to be with me, and he would see me in probably less than twenty four hours, they all would. I was afraid of the rejection; I didn't want him to reject me again. I was still in love with him, I knew that, and just because I had basically died, didn't mean I couldn't again, well I couldn't physically die, but I could emotionally... again. I don't know how long I had spent standing there, but Alice wasn't back yet, it was getting dark out, so I went outside and sat on the steps, just waiting for her to come back.

She still hadn't, so I went for a walk, mindlessly just walking, and I ended up at a meadow, that's when the memory came crashing at me.

The way Edward looked in the sun, his skin throwing of rainbows, it was so breathtaking, I could remember this so clear. The way his hands felt on my skin, and I felt the tingle. I remembered how he closed his eyes when I touched him, and then it was gone. I wanted more, I wanted to feel it again, I wanted to remember more, and it wasn't enough. So I walked from the clearing into the meadow, lying down in the middle. That's when I got what I wanted, the memory was so fresh, like it was happening now, and I could almost feel him next to me. The way he smelt so intoxicating, I wondered how he would smell now. The way he smiled made my insides crumble.

The first time he had kissed me, and I had fainted, I now cursed myself for that. I felt the excitement rise through my veins, I wanted him, now more than ever, and I'll be seeing him soon, I wanted to see him, even if he rejected me. I wanted him to see me, just once; I wanted to see the look on his face, even if he would be disappointed at what he saw, and most of all, I wanted the truth. When the darkness finally caved in, I walked back, nothing much faster than human speed, I wasn't in any rush.

When I got back to the Cullen's, Alice was back, she was sat on the floor in the dining room. She looked at me, and the pain come again, she looked so wretched, "Alice, what's happened?" I was afraid she had seen something bad.

"Charlie." I stopped breathing, "I shouldn't tell you this." What? she could say that and expect me not to want to know. "Alice, he's my damn father, now tell me." She winced, she didn't want to tell me, oh god, what had happened?

"He looked so depressed Bella."I took in a breath of air, I could taste the dust. I was kind of relieved, nothing had happened to him. "He begged me to tell him where you were." I looked down this time, I should have listened to her, I really didn't need to know this.

A stab of rage pulsed through me, damn Lauren and Victoria, they had done this to me, they had done this to my family, and I was hurting them still. "It's for his own good." I reminded her, I needed to remind myself as well, before I could think, I saw myself walking right of this house and to mine, to tell Charlie I was sorry, to show him I was okay, and I so wanted to do that, but then I also let myself see what would happen if I did that, me ripping Charlie's throat out, crazed with thirst, smelling the scent of a human for the first time. That was so much worse than being depressed, I would rather him be depressed than have that happen to him. I noticed in the corner there was a bag; I picked it up

"What's this?" I asked her, lifting the bag up to open it. "Charlie gave it to me, even though I told him repeatedly that I didn't know where you are, he gave it to me, in case you came to us. He thought you would need fresh clothes..."

I didn't hear the rest; I looked in the bag, taking out the clothes, smelling them, the scent I used to have. It didn't appeal to me, maybe because it reeked of death to me. There was a bundle of cash wrapped in a rubber band, and the one thing I needed the most, A picture of me, Charlie and Renee of a summer such a long time ago. But they hadn't changed as much, where as I had. I was happy I could remember them now; see the faces in the murky memories. I would always have this, no matter what happened. "Alice, did he look better when you left to when you got there?" I hoped he did, it would hurt too much to know that I caused him even more pain, than he already was in.

"Yes, he was relieved to know you were at least alive, even if you weren't home."I wasn't alive, not in the sense that mattered.

I felt relieved, my parents would be okay, they wouldn't be wondering for the rest of their lives, they could move on from this, move on with their lives. My emotions were a wreck, they changed so quickly and back again, it didn't seem possible. But it was happening, and I had to keep them in check, before I did something I would regret. "That's good."I whispered, mindlessly, just for something to say.

"Do you want to be alone?" she asked me, sensing I was somewhere else, "No." I didn't know what I'd do if I was left alone, I'd probably allow myself to wallow in self pity. I wouldn't let it overrule me, I couldn't let it overrule me, and if I did, I wouldn't be Bella anymore. I wouldn't come back from that. But my hands were shaking, involuntary; it was like my mind was racing ten times faster than my rationalising. "Alice." She looked at me "Yes Bella?"

"Please distract me." I needed to calm down; I gathered she could see that, I knew she could see me shaking. "Tell me about what you've been doing, since you've been gone." Maybe, that was a bad idea, it might make me worse, and Alice realised that. "Bella, maybe that isn't such a great idea." "Just distract me Alice. Just talk, anything."Uh, I'm going to go shopping tomorrow?-"trust Alice to think about shopping through this. "-Maybe you could come with me?" she realised what she said, "Or maybe not, that wouldn't be such a good idea now. Uh, I can't wait to see Jasper..."and the mention of the others started to calm my shaking, it was slowing before it finally came to a sudden stop.

"Alice, I have a question." She nodded for me to continue "Why the eyes? - I mean, why are mine red?" she looked thoughtful for half a second then answered "Because you're a newborn, your eyes are always red; they will change in a few months." Oh, I was glad about that, I didn't like these eyes.

"What's the difference between a newborn and, well, you?"She looked at me with curiosity, I didn't know why, until I heard her answer. "Well, Newborns are full of blood the first year or so-their own blood, so their unusually strong, stronger than any of us- even Emmett." I smiled at that, I couldn't imagine anyone stronger than Emmett."They're normally savages if left unattended."

That was the curiosity, I wasn't acting like a newborn, I had my control, I had my sense to calm myself down, I had my sense to take myself away from temptation, away from humans. Maybe that was my power. She looked at me curiosity and frustration bent in her glare, "I haven't seen anything like this Bella; I haven't heard anything like you. When you woke up, your first instinct should have been to hunt, but you came here, and then hunted animals, instead of humans, no one was here to teach you, and you still did it. You calmed yourself down when you felt you were losing control, you have your sense, you still have your logic, newborns are too blood-crazed to even think about anything else but blood for the first couple of weeks. You're definitely defying the normal logics here Bella.-"That was just like me, I was so a walking accident when I was human, now I'm not a normal vampire, I would have laughed at the thought, if I wasn't so troubled by it, I wasn't normal. What the hell was wrong with me? "Carlisle will have a field day with this." Alice mused to herself.

Glad I could help, I thought bitterly. She must have seen I was troubled, this wasn't normal "Bella this is a good thing. When you feel up to it, when there's more of us, we could try going out- You might be able to skip all the newborn stuff completely. It will be hard the first time, it always is, but if you're prepared-"I cut her short,

"I might not kill someone." She could hear the sarcasm in my voice; this was taking a human guinea pig to a whole new meaning.

"I didn't mean it like that, and you know it. You'll be tested some time Bella, you can't stay here forever, that's inevitable." She paused, seeing my glare "And where am I going to go Alice? I have no one." I knew I hurt her, "Bella, you have us, you'll always have us."

But I couldn't be with them if Edward didn't want me, I knew I couldn't, I didn't voice that out to her. She finished what she was saying "If you put yourself in that situation, instead of it finding you, it might be easier, if you knew what was going to happen, than having you cut off guard." She did make sense. "Okay, but only if Emmett is definitely there to hold me back."

I don't know how long we were there, just talking about things, it seemed forever, then Alice's phone went off. "Were in Forks now, we won't be long." I heard Jasper say, "Okay. See you soon."Alice responded, and I knew it would be soon, it would take an average person around 4 hours or less to get here from Seattle. But they wern't average, or even human. It would probably take them half that time or less if they were running,or they drived like maniacs. I was suddenly nervous at seeing them. I felt Alice's hand on my shoulder

"It'll be okay Bella."I hoped she was right, I wanted her to be right. We both waited, listening. Just letting the time pass.

My head whipped up to the entrance as we both heard the door open, and six vampires walking through- Alice got up at ran to Jasper at inhuman speed. I stopped breathing- waiting for the pain to come, it didn't.

Okay, so hope you like it. I won't be updating for a while. Back to studying now. Boring. But I have been writing parts of this in English when my teacher wasn't in. So it probably won't be long before I update.

Please Review =] I love reading them.

Kirsty.