summery-
The Cullens are in Australia when a new influenza out brake strikes. Carlisle asked Edward to help him with a patient that has been through so much in her life; and will change Edward forever. The trauma of slavery affected Isabella greatly but can Edward be able to help her, not only in her battle with the influenza but also the battle that goes on in her mind?
What will happen to the two lonely souls? Will they find happiness? Will they find Love? Or will they force each other apart because of their pasts?
And will they finally find their Happy Ending?
Stephanie Meyer owns all Twilight Saga Charters etc...
When the others left and I was alone with her there- I sat next to her bed side and really thought about how I had changed after I met her. As I sat there looking at her peaceful face for hours there was one question that kept coming up- can I live without her?
... No..., no I can't- but I don't know why and I don't know what to do.
Chapter 4: I cannot live without herI stayed with her for what felt like an eternity not just a few days. Her condition was not getting any better and she was running out of time- I hadn't moved from my spot next to her since when her heart stopped.
I had been thinking about what she had said just before her heart became silent for those terrifying moments. I hadn't heard those two words 'Stregoni benefici' in a long time- not since I had talked to Carlisle about his past. The Stregoni benefic was a vampire that was against evil and in essence a 'good' vampire- in Carlisle's case also did not drink human blood. The thing is: I wondered how she knew about the Stregoni benefic for it was not something that the youth of today would be really aware of- having thought vampires are characters from old folktales, myths that played evil villains on their TV screens or within the pages of their horror novels. Then I remembered some of her friends are in fact vampires. They could have told her or she could have been suspicious of them and investigated into what they were- she was a smart and observant girl- she very well could have happened to find out what they were.
The days past in a blur- hours turned into days and days into weeks and still she had not awakened. Carlisle would come and check on her and me- he knew about the connection I had unknowingly made with her. I had been thinking about this link I had found with her and I could not understand it- I feel so protective of her and I don't know why- so I decided to talk with Carlisle about it the next time he came in.
Bella was still sleeping dreamlessly as Carlisle came in, "Hello Edward."
"Hello Carlisle," I paused for a moment- trying to build up my courage to ask, "Can I ask you something?"
"Of course you can Edward." He said pulling the other chair over to where I was with a small frown on his smooth, flawless face.
"I've been having these feelings that I don't understand and I don't know what to do about it…It's strange- I just can't live without her even though I have only known her for a short time and I know that she won't survive much longer… I just don't understand what I'm feeling- I feel very protective over her and something else that I have never felt before."
"I think you have fallen in love..." he said bluntly. I cut him off quickly.
"NO!" I growled, "That's impossible I've only know her for a short time and... and she's HUMAN! It is dangerous to fall in love with a human! I could so easily hurt- even kill her if I'm not careful...I..." I was rambling and he could easily see that.
"Edward." I looked up to meet his wise gold eyes and fell silent. I wasn't going to win this battle with him- not today at lest, "You know our minds and bodies work out of time- we can process large amounts of information in just seconds and we can hold huge amounts of information about one person and still find out more and add to that information without losing anything. Edward you only have so much time with her- she won't last long even if she was healthy as any other human- she still won't live very long. She would grow old and eventually die of old age- it would be like a blink of an eye that her life has past by and then she's gone."
I knew where he was leading to and I didn't like it at all- not one bit. "I can't change her, Carlisle. I can't take her soul away- she so good how could I make her go through the pain of this life... no existence. I cannot take her soul away- I cannot make her what I dread."
"Edward you heard her tell you that she is not ready to die. She has some major things to sort out and I think the only person that can help her is you Edward. I've seen you go far too long having no one- being alone. Don't make it eternity that you are alone- please just think about it please. Esme and I have longed to see you find someone and now that you have please don't throw it away."
He got up- checked up on Bella and then left the room. I did as he asked and thought about it. I knew I didn't have very long with her- not long at all. But who was I- a monster- to take her precious soul away from her but also who am I to not let her live longer no matter the consequences. I was confused and I just didn't know what to do. Everything would be so much simpler if I was human and she was healthy. But we can't just live on 'if' because it's never going to happen.
The question was 'if I can't live without her then can I take her soul?' I had lived so long resenting what I was- could I really push aside my resentment –my loathing to this existence. It is true that I have forgive my maker and my father of what he has sentenced me to but can I truly force such an existence on the innocent girl that lay silently in the bed beside me?
It was one of the hardest questions in my life. I think I now know what it was like when Carlisle had to make the decision of whether to change me or not after my mother begged him to save me just before she died- Carlisle did not have long to decide ether.
I sat in silences thinking- the only sounds were Bella's heart monitor and her labored breathing. I looked at her face and that is when I made my conclusion- I was going to be a selfish, self-centered monster and going to do what is so very wrong but for some reason feels so very right. I was going to change her. My decision was made and I can't go back on it…I won't go back on it. I waited for Carlisle to come and check on us in his usual rounds of the hospital and as my father came in the door I looked up to meet his golden gaze and began to speak.
"I have made my decision on whether to change her or not."
"And what would your decision be?" he inquired.
"I have decided to change her," I paused for a moment- taking a deep breath and relishing the burn with in my throat that meant Bella lived- then continued, "myself- it is my choice and my burden to bear," I said softly.
"I will go and set up transferring her to be under our care at home then when you're ready- we shall take her in an ambulance to the house. I will ring and notify Esme and the others, but Alice will have more than likely all ready seen- I'm sure," he said with a small smile at the last part and with that he left silently.
I began preparing Bella to be able to be moved- I packed her bags with all her personal items. I grabbed the photo of her and her parents—she was younger in the photo and looked to be taken of when she was about ten years old. She was smiling like she didn't have a care in the world- that there were no troubles in her life. I quickly put the picture into her bag and continued backing her belongings away and once I had finished and Bella was ready to go Carlisle came in and said, "Everything is ready- we can take her out to the ambulance now."
We got to work swiftly to move her to the ambulance bay. When we got into the bay someone was waiting for us and principally jumping up and down with excitement. I rolled me eyes and shook my head at Alice's thoughts 'I wanted to meet the new member of our family and the object of you fascination' she thought with a smirk. Alice was dressed like an ambo as she leaped into the ambulance that would make even the best of ballerinas jealous and started up the engine to take Bella to our home.
We put Bella in the ambulance then I hoped in after her. I looked back to Carlisle when I heard his voice, "I will be home as some as I can after my shift is up. Get her all set up and comfortable."
"Of course Carlisle," I said with a nod.
With that we drove out of the ambulance bay and sped off towards home. The whole way there I kept an eye on her and how she was handling the journey- in the front Alice was humming away to a song on the radio while thinking of all the things that she will do with Bella when she is changed; '...we can go shopping, do makeovers...' and the list went on. I was beginning to feel sorry for my Bella because of what the little hyper pixie is going to do to her. I would have thought that she's been through enough to now be attacked by 'Alice the hyperactive pixie'. Maybe I could help Bella out...
"Don't you even think about it! Or I'll..." Alice exclaimed
"Or you'll what?" I interrupted with a playful snarl.
"I'll...I'll make you do 'boy barby' instead of Em or Jazz for three weeks!" she proclaimed.
"Oh no I am so scared! Oh! Please Alice not the 'boy barby'! PLEASE HAVE MERCY!" Okay so I was playing with her a bit but that's what brothers are there for! I was trying to hold back my amusement as much as possible to look serious but it didn't work very well.
Alice glared at me through the rear view vision mirror and stuck out her tong at me and all I could do was laugh.
When we reached home I had calmed down from my laughing fit and was ready to do what was needed to be done as we took her into the house.
Esme had so kindly set up the spear room for Bella- so she could be taken strait in with no hesitation. When we got out of the ambulance and into her room we got her all set up with her antibiotics then I went to my room and changed my clothes. All we now had to do is wait for Carlisle. As I headed back to Bella's room Alice had just come out with a dish of water, cloth and towel in her hand, "I just washed her down and changed her clothes- She's all nice and clean now," I nodded my head- remembering the times that the nurses would usher me out so they could wash her. I slipped in to her room again and sat in one of the chairs around the room.
For awhile it was only her and I in the room but Emmet's and Jasper's curiosity got the better of them and came in to investigate who this new member of the family was. Jasper's first thought went to the girl's scars that marred her skin. There could have been as many scars on her as there were on Jasper's pale white flesh. Emmet's thoughts went to how small she looked-I looked up to them as they entered.
Emmet spoke first his booming voice filled the room, "So this is our new sis. Ay?"
"Yes Emmet she is. But it is her choice if she wants to stay." I said calmly- hoping and praying that she would stay.
"Edward shouldn't you be hunting right now if you're going to be changing her?" Jasper stated looking into my coal black eyes. The burn in my throat had increased dramatically since my last hunt and was hard to ignore.
I hesitated before I rose just as Alice bounded in through the door. "Don't worry I'll stay with her," she said almost jumping up and down.
I looked back at Bella's sleeping form then back at the others. "I'll be back in fifteen minutes," I said then I sprinted out the door.
Running into the bush land- I ran I picked up a scent foreign to the Australian fauna. The scent belonged to a panther. It must have been one that had escaped from a zoo. I rushed forward leaping on the animal's back taking it off guard as it staggered to the ground. I snapped its neck instantly and I sunk my teeth is to its warm dark fur as the panther's blood filled my mouth and streamed down my throat like a river. The burn in my throat was clamed by the predator's blood. Once I was finished I ran back to the house- I looked down and smiled when I saw no blood had tainted any of the clothes that I wore. I opened the front door of my home and entered. I headed upstairs- Carlisle hadn't arrived home as of yet and I was getting nervous. What if I couldn't stop and I killed her! I was nervous and getting worried. I heard Esme's voice next to me and felt her hand on my shoulder, "Edward what is wrong?"
I hadn't realized that I had stopped on my ascension of the stairs and had grabbed hold of the banister- the polished wood had started to split under the presser of my hand- I released it and looked to Esme. "I don't think I can do it. What if I can't stop? What if I kill her?" I panicked.
"You will do just fine," she said bringing me into a hug, "You know that she will die if you don't change her- she can have a chance to live if you do. Don't worry Edward we will all be there for you." With that she released me from her contorting arms and took my hand- pulling me to Bella's room.
I looked out the window as the sun was rising- symbolizing the dawn of a new day. It had been some time since I last saw the sun rise and even longer it had been for Bella. The sun's rays glistened on her sweat moisten skin and the room was filled with a raise of color from my hard diamond like skin in the sun.
Soon Carlisle came up the drive way and entered the house. Once he had said hello to the family he made his way up the stairs to Bella's room with Esme on his arm. They came in and walked over to me.
"Are you ready Edward?" asked Carlisle calmly.
"I hope so," I said- my voice quivering from my nervousness.
"Don't worry- we will all be here for you." Esme soothed once more.
"Alice, Jasper, Emmet and Rose," Carlisle spoke normally and the others field into the room before he even finished- they all knew what was happening now.
I swallowed hard and I felt a wave of calm spread over me- I looked over to Jasper and nodded my head in a sign of thanks as he nodded back. All was silent except the thoughts that lingered in the minds of my family. I breathed in her sent and lent in towards her neck. Slowly I kissed her fevered flesh before biting down on the skin of her neck as her sweet blood oozed in to my mouth. All my scenes went wild- all I could think about was her blood. At that moment I could not care who she was and that I was suppose to stop. In my mind the beast growled at me- begging to be free and feast on the warm thick nectar that flowed effortlessly into my greedy mouth. I wasn't sure if I could make myself stop.
Chapter End Notes:
will Edward be able to stop or wont he?
i would like to say a special thank you to Lily Marie Wolfe for being my new beta for this story
Love/like it or hate it please review and let me know!