Alright everyone! I know I'm late on the publishing, but I've been a very busy woman lately. Life really has changed and to deal with those changes, my brain just stop running for a bit...oh, who am i kidding? I had the longest writer's block in the history of my life. It wasn't that i didn't know what to write, mostly that I didn't know how to write it. Good New is though I'm back for now and excuse all my mistakes because I don't have word document soooo that means there is going to be more grammar mistakes then normal. ^^

Oh and what i said about life changing...its still all true. A lot of things changed but I'll deal with them as they come. One day at a time.

P.s. This is a short one...sorry!

Disclaimer: Mai Hime...not mine sadly.

Chapter 4: In a Stranger's eyes?

Natsuki's POV

Unfamiliar room, unfamiliar walls and ceilings. Haven't I been here before? I lay here staring up at the ceiling of my room on board the cruise ship; Hime. A honeymoon cruise for you and me going to waste because you aren't here with me, do you know that Shizuru? I've been in and out of sleep on our honeymoon bed. Every time I woken up its to stare at this unfamiliar ceiling without you by my side. I think I should get up and do something but it's night-time now and the only thing open at during night hours is the ship's night life. The ship's night life such as the bars, clubs, strip clubs, casino, dancing, spa, tanning room, suna room, and everything for a couple to enjoy or maybe a single's paradise resort.

So why are you still here, moping then? Forget about her, Natsuki. The more you remember the more you'll hurt.

I know! I know...the more I remember or think about what should have been or could have been, the more I will hurt. The more I will not be able to move, but it was a whole life time of loving one single person. How can you move on in a matter of a day, if that person has been the only one in your life and your heart since you can first remember?

Well, you can at least try to get up and clean up. Let's go drink the night away. Maybe it'll be the medication for your pain. A night to forget and not care about who you are. Don't care anymore about who you are and who should be here with you because she isn't here with you and it is not possible for her to be here with you or even for you. Forget her and forget the pain.

No drug would be strong enough! How can you not understand that? Why are you so adamant on drinking and clubbing to forget? You are me and I am you, so why don't you think like I do?

I am you but the positive side of you. The side that think it is possible to forget. There's so much more out in the world then just loving one person. I am the side of you that you need and the side that is keeping you from drowning in your own self-pity and depression. I am the thin line that is keeping you sane. SO let's go! Get up, get dress, and go to the club. Go dancing. Maybe you might find the next love of your life, who knows? If all else fails at least you'll be able to drown in a few good drinks.

Alright, FINE! I am so done arguing with myself in this empty king size bed.

"I think I already am insane...talking to myself...arguing...who does that?" Natsuki mutters silently. "Ugh...time to get up."

FLASH FOWARD

So here I am. At the bar, in a dress...The very dress that I should be wearing when me and Shizuru go out dancing...or I guess that was what I had planned.

As I walked in, immediately I knew all eyes were on me but it was too tiring to fight off twenty or so lusty looks directed my way. So I keep my head straight ahead and walked to a stool farthest away from the looking eyes and sat.

"Hullo miss. What would be your drink for the night?" ask the bartender.

I looked up at him and stared. He was an older gentleman dress in white professional long-sleeve shirt with a black vest over it and black tie underneath that vest. Honestly, I haven't even thought about what to order or what to drink yet. I just want to forget though.

"Hi. Hmm just give me some whiskey and keep it coming all night long, put it my tab. My room is number #124." I replied.

"Alright missy but the tab system only works if I see your room card and your id card, may I?"

"Hmm...Yes"

Turning away from the bartender, I went looking for it in my purse.

"Here you go, sir." I said as I looked up with my room key and id card in hand.

"Alright thank you, miss. Now, again that would be whiskey and keep it coming all night are you sure? We have some of the greatest wine here at our little bar too and we are well stock with everything else from beers to wine to our fruity mix drinks. Can I perhaps interest you in some of those instead?" The bartender inquired.

"No, just give me what I order for the rest of the night please." I said in mono-tone.

"Alright Missy." The bartender quickly said as he turn around grab the bottle of whiskey and pour it into a shot glass. After that he quickly puts the glass down on the counter and I pick it up in my right hand.

So how am I suppose to do this? Would drinking this keeps the memories at bay? Would it keep the tears away?

Well, how would you know if you don't drink it? Stop staring like you're some school girl and drink it.

Damn it. Well here goes nothing.

I slowly put the glass up to my mouth and took a slip.

It wasn't that bad was it?

I guess not but still tasted bitter. Probably be better if I just drink it all in one gulp. The faster I drink the faster I could forget this pain. Forget to feel the sadness and the loneliness. After it all though, I can't even blame her for doing what she had to for her company. I can't even blame her for using me when it was convent. I'm angry for falling for it, for not seeing what was in front of me, for letting my love blind me and for letting myself think it was going to be a happily ever after. She did what she had to and never promised anything in returned. I was the idiot who thought her love was the same as my love. Now there's nothing but the truth staring at me and the truth was harsh. The truth broke through to my dream world and now its falling apart, breaking like pieces of a mirror. I can't hide behind the lies that we'll be together some day again. I can't think that some day she'll love me again. It's hard when the one you love and know you want to be with forever since you were little don't want to be your forever. When they become your forever, how do you undo forever? All this time, I knew she was my forever but now I can't hold on to her for her happiness, for when she finds it in another person. I couldn't stand in her way. It's for the best to turn away now and be lonely by myself. So later we don't have to suffer together.

I took a big gulp of my whiskey, tasting the bitterness on in my mouth and the burn in my throat.

DAMN IT! When will these thought stop circling in my head.

Drink more. Sooner or later, you'll forget what you're here for.

Again the bartender, pour more whiskey into my glass. This time I took it in my hand and drank it as fast as I can. It was still bitter and still burn. He pour another glass and like the last one it was gone before I could think about it. Another glass was lay down and this time I took it and hold it in my hand looking into the glass of dark brownish liquid.

Urgh...I-I dddon't think that was such good idea. I can feel the whiskey doing its work now. I feel sick...kinda.

Idiot! Take it easy. It's not like you do this all the time you know?...How about slow and easy this time.

...What are you my mom? fuck off.

Stranger's POV:

It was a dimly lighted room with a couple of chairs, tables, a piano on the stage, and a bar in the center. The lighting made the bar slightly sad and an atmosphere for a romantic rendezvous for two lonely strangers.

Sitting at the bar was a beautiful woman in a black dress with long sea blue hair. Her dress hugging to her curves. She was like an angel from afar. It made one wonder what was she doing nursing a drink, almost as if thinking whether or not to drown in it for tonight. Her face was absolutely one of great beauty but to closer inspection it was also one of great sadness. She was silently crying without tears in her eyes. Her posture to the observant eyes was one of defeat. Everyone's attention drawn to this beautiful person but also kept at bay by the atmosphere surrounding her. She was like a lovely siren, calling all but none dare to approach. Everyone wanted to talk to this person but some how the loneliness and sadness in her eyes, made it hard for words to form or for thoughts to even be process. For someone so beautiful be so sad, what could have went wrong and what words could be said to set everything right again? She was a like a moment stuck in time and around her time had stop moving.

Her drink in hand, she moves to down in it and without a word had one more already there waiting for her. Again, she drink it down. Then again, as like before another would already be in place. She drinks this one and simply look the next one in her hand. She stares at it as if something will show up in her glass.

She was running away from something. Maybe it was her own thought. Maybe it was the sadness and loneliness in her eyes that won't leave her alone. Maybe it was the hurt and the pain, a blind person could see in this beauty. Whatever it was, she was drowning fast and no one was going to pull her out of her watery death.

"So this was where you were Natsuki."...

Author's Notes

Okay that was that. I really tried...hahaha and i'm so sorry it's super super late. I will be finishing this story though...I don't like uncompleted work so yep going to finish it.