I grin widely. "The offers on the table, oh ginger one." She glares at me in the most insulting manner. I am offering her a chance of a lifetime here, and yet she finds it insulting. This girl is crazy. "Alright, offer withdrawn. But don't say I didn't warn you about what you're missing."

She folds her arms and regards me in the most disbelieving way. "You haven't warned me what I'll be missing, and I daresay it's not much. Maybe a trip to your personal table at Madame Puddifoots?"

"Oh Please, Ginger, I would never sink so low as Madame Puddifoots, that is for weak, lesser men."
She deftly raises one eyebrow. "So that was your clone I saw in there last year making ga-ga eyes at Alicia Button, was it? And I suppose he struck again with Lydia and Kayleigh from Hufflepuff?"
"I'm surprised you've paid so much attention to it, Weasley," I say, curling my expression into a trademark smirk. "Wishing you were sitting in their place, I suppose?"

"Actually, no," she snaps back, but I can't help but notice she colours a little bit when I say this.

"Really, Weasley? Really? Because a little birdie told me you've been having innappropriate dreams about me, and I think it's improper for the Head Girl to be lying now, don't you?"
She raises her wand up into the air again, and I regret making up that spiel about the little birdie. Honestly, you think I really care who she's been having innappropriate dreams about? They're probably about Longbottom, or worse, that bald guy off the cover of Hogwart's A History.

"Firstly, Malfoy, there is no rule that says a Head Girl is not allowed to lie. Secondly, I would never wish to be in the place of one of your Puddifoot dates. The only reason I know about it is because I was regularly stood outside there waiting for my cousin to come off one of his equally awful Puddifoot dates."
The wand lowers.

"I see you're not denying the innappropriate dreams."
And it's back up again, in prime position to hex off my nether regions, which I must say, I am particularly fond of.

"I was getting there, actually. I have never, and will never, have an inappropriate dream about you, Malfoy. I find you quite vile, and the last thing on my mind when I go to sleep is...inappropriateness and you, alright?"

Silence falls for a second, and Weasley is quite sure that her point has been made fair and square and that she's Queen of all the witty comebacks and intellectual retorts.

That is until I grin and say, "Never say never, Weasley. It may come back to haunt you someday."

The next thing I know, she has uttered some sort of spell and marched off, and looking at my face in a suit of armour (quite annoying really, it sort of distorts my pristine features) I realise that the heartless cow has gone and turned my hair pink just like she threatened to!

That is IT. Now this war has extended. Midgety-Weasley-brains is now involved, and I will stop at nothing to torture her mind (as this is her favourite bodily part - I just know things). And the best way to do this?

Well, my sneaky, conniving, Slytherin mind, thinks a little sleeping draught...with some minor alterations...ought to do the trick.

A quick manipulating cackle later, I jump down the stairs two at a time on the way to the dungeon. Operation Dirty Dreams for Weasley is a GO.

All the preparations for Operation Dirty Dreams for Weasley are sorted, and I have my secret weapons in my schoolbag. Unfortunately, before this operation can be classified an official GO, I have to green light it with my partners in crime.

Goyle happily informs me that this will complement her plan entirely, and that she is proud of me for embracing my intelligent heritage.

Zabini tells me that I could not of thought of a more perverted plan if I had tried.

This I thank him for. I cannot pass up a compliment on a Wednesday morning. Wednesday's are tough days, but luckily due to a double whammy Longbottom mash-up going on, this Wednesday should be an utter bundle of giggles. For us at least.

I have to say, I was hoping the effects of this super-duper awesome plan of Goyle's would be a little more obvious, but so far all that has occured is that Weasley has plodded into the Great Hall looking a darn sight more miserable than she usually does.

"This plan is clearly awful."

"Au contraire, mon frere. Seeing as non of it's perpetrators are yet naked in front of any individual, I have to say I think it's going rather well. Doesn't Weasley look awfully depressed?" Goyle grins, taking a sip of her pumpkin juice and looking very chuffed with herself.

"I fail to see how this is a good thing. The poor girl might honestly be considering something awful," I glance her direction and observe as she swills her porridge around in her bowl.

Zabini snorts on his fried eggs and bacon. "Awful? What, like jump off the Astronomy tower? Come on, Malfoy. She's probably gutted she had to spend an hour holed up in a library with you annoying the pants off her."

"I did not annoy the pants off her." I defend myself. "She thoroughly enjoyed my company."

"I suppose that is why you came back with pink hair last night?"

Goyle pokes Zabini's hand with a fork. "Watch, you idiot. The fun is about to start."

Both of us look up from our respective breakfasts to see a very pompous looking Longbottom strut happily into the room. Closely followed by four of my ex-girlfriends who appear to be fawning over him.

"Why is Lydia James asking Longbottom to sign her cleavage?" I demand off of Goyle. Goyle sits there and grins happily.

"Attractiveness potion. I have just made Longbottom irresistable to every female in this hall for 24 hours."

Zabini coughs. "Is it just me that can see the teeny-tiny flaw in that plan, or..."

"There is no flaw, Zabini. It is simple. All these skanky girls are now dying for Longbottom to give them a peek of his Devil's snare, there is no way he will be able to resist them all. Therefore, he is bound to have a lustful frenzy of passion-"

"Lustful frenzy of passion? This sounds like a marketing ploy."

Goyle ignores me. "-and will inevitably cheat on Rosie-darling. She will break up with him, and BINGO. She is single for the taking."

Zabini shakes his head solemnly. "You know what, Lizzy Goyle. You've changed. You used to be so sweet and innocent, and now look at you! You're conquering the world with your chauvinistic manly personality. I am so proud!"
"Shut up Zabby."

I am clever enough to snag the stool next to Weasley in Herbology. This is mainly because Longbottom is too busy being fawned over by the Herbology Professor, Professor Kilton.

"Kilton looks like she wants to grope your boyfriend."

Weasley swivels on her stool to look at me with a sharp, nasty glare. "Why is it you can find something inappropriate to say about everything?"

"I am just talented in the way of inappropriateness."

To her intense embarrasment, and my intense humour, Weasley blushes from her chin to where her ginger hair grows from her head (ie. her hairline). Even her ears are blushing. She peers down at her textbook on the table, before raising her gaze up to me. "Listen, that little birdie you were talking about yesterday..."

"Little birdie?" I ask. Then I remember, the little birdie of the dodgy dreams persuasion. "Oh that little birdie. What about him...or her?"

"Who...er...Who was it?" She looks very uncomfortable right now. Perhaps I shall put her out of her misery.

"There was no little birdie, I made it up. But seeing as you were so vehementally protesting against said accusations of non-existant birdie, I'm starting to think that there was a birdie that did not in fact confide in me..."

Weasley blushes even harder.

"Ahhh, you've had the dream I see."

Now the blush looks more like angry-blush. "Dream? Dream on, Malfoy, I haven't had any dreams."

"You've never had a dream?"

"Not about you, No. So stop badgering me about it."

Luckily for us, Kilton is still eye-stroking her boyfriend and so I am free, free as a bird, to badger her about this dream. Particularly as it turns out she has had a dream, and I am very interested as to know about it.

"So what was I wearing in this particular dream?" I smirk widely, and raise my left eyebrow. "Or was I not wearing anything at all? You can tell me, Weasley, I promise not to smirk."

Weasley rolls her eyes. "You're smirking now."

"Focus on the clothing. Or the lack of."

Weasley's blush fades a bit as she puts on her head girl voice and snaps, "Do you really want to know, Malfoy?" I nod happily. "And it was not a dream, it was a nightmare, just to make that absolutely clear."

I grin excitedly and flash her a dodgy smirk. "I can't believe you're discussing your dirty dreams with me!"

"Nightmares, Malfoy. Nightmares."

"Weasley, was I wearing clothing, in this 'nightmare'?"

Weasley blushes furiously. "Of course you were, I'm not sick-minded. I have decency even in my drea-nightmares. And, anyway, it was a dream about the exams, where I was sitting behind you. That's it. No indecency."

"I was naked, wasn't I?" I mock-sigh and shake my head. "Now, now, Weasley. I knew it was wrong of me to melt my clothes off of myself that fateful day."

Weasley interrupts me with a glare. "Last week."

"That fateful day last week. But, you can't resort to dreams to express your urges Weasley. Especially not with your weirdo boyfriend sleeping soundly and dreaming of innocent things, like knotgrass, in the next room."

Weasley does not say anything for a minute, but then she punctuates the silence with a, frankly juvenile, comeback. "You were not naked."

"I was partially naked at least, though? I can't believe I'd ever appear in anyone's dream any less than partially naked."

"Malfoy, I have a boyfriend and therefore have no need to imagine you naked. End of conversation. Now, focus on Herbology."

"How can I when that look in Kinton's eyes suggests she wants to jump your boyfriend's bones?"

This one is a little shorter than usual, so major apologies and whatnot for that. But I hope you enjoy it anyways, it was one of those chapters where it sort of wrote itself, and Malfoy's little ego jumped out for a little stroking at the thought of a girl having dreams about him.

FYI, Rose's dreams about him were NOT dodgy. She was just worried that he would get the wrong impression and never let her forget it.

:) love G