Auri's Notes:

Don't hate me because I have school. Pleeeze. XD I'm a freshman this year, so I have like, no time to write… only on weekends. And I'm sometimes busy on weekends, too! Argh!

----------------------

Sunday passed with bouts of pure hell as our training continued. Cartman and Kenny were brutal drill sergeants who put us through our paces for about ten hours a day. And it was during one of our few breaks that Kenny posed the strangest question I've never heard.

It was about noon, and we were sitting around the table and eating lunch. Stan had driven up to the nearest fast food restaurant (thank God he was 16 and could legally drive) and brought us back our food.

I gnawed on the straw of my diet cola and drummed my fingers on the edge of the table. "You guys got any other ideas for what Stan and I could do to make up that twenty bucks?" We hadn't thought of anything at all yet. Everything else was too meek or too disgusting.

Kenny had a thoughtful look on his face, and I felt my heart sink. Whatever Kenny was thinking of, it couldn't have been good news. "What's your take on…" He trailed off, his head in his hands. He was looking from Stan to me, an innocent look in his eyes. "Umm…"

"G'wan, Kenny." Stan said sternly, chomping on his chicken nugget. "As much as we're all dying to hear…"

"Assless chaps?"

I sprayed coke from my mouth in a fit of helpless shock. Stan yelled something that I couldn't hear and stuffed his inhaler into his mouth as quickly as he could. Cartman fell off of his chair laughing, and Kenny just sat there, grinning sheepishly.

I coughed and spluttered for a few more minutes, gasping for air with my eyes streaming and my throat raw. "Oh, don't everybody help at once." I managed to choke out, before I was caught under a fit of relentless coughing. Stan leaned over and thumped me rigorously on my back several times, which more or less knocked the wind out of me instead of helping.

After a few more minutes, my breathing returned to normal and I managed to calm myself enough to talk normally. "Ugh…" I wiped my mouth and eyes with my hands and staggered off to the bathroom to clean myself up.

I splashed cold water on my face several times, before toweling myself dry and glaring at myself in the mirror. My face was red, my eyes bloodshot and distressed. I, overall, did not look like a happy camper. I threw the towel back down by the sink and strode out of the bathroom, clearing my throat.

"Sorry, Stan." I managed to chuckle. Stan was on his knees under the table, cleaning up the exhaled soda with a rag. "Lemme do it." I snatched the cloth from him and finished the job. Stan laughed and sat back down in his chair.

"What the hell, Kyle, say it, don't spray it." He said, dipping a chicken nugget into some ketchup and watching me toil on the ground below him.

"Just don't kick me." I said, standing up from my position on the ground and tossing the rag into the kitchen sink. "It's bad enough that I choked on the soda…and get the hell up, Cartman, it wasn't that funny."

Cartman picked himself up from the floor and slumped over the table, laughing hysterically. "Okay, okay, I'm done…" He sniggered, resting his forehead in his hands and hunching over his burger. He looked rather like a fat, laughing gargoyle.

"Damn right." I muttered, sitting back down into my chair and removing my coat. I had spilled coke all down the front of it. Today, I was wearing a navy blue t-shirt with a monkey holding a stick of dynamite on it. "When are we going to be done with this frickin' booty camp anyway?" Booty camp was the name that Kenny had given me and Stan's two days of gay-training. I did not find it particularly amusing, but the name stuck anyway.

"Tomorrow," Kenny replied, shrugging slightly and eating a French fry. "Or tonight, if you like. Depends on how much progress we feel you and Stan have made."

Stan scowled, but said nothing. I did, however. "Well, how much progress have we made?" I asked, sucking down the rest of my cola in between breaths.

Kenny shrugged again. "Depends. When was the last time you guys kissed?"

"Earlier today before lunch." Stan recited dully, resting his head on the table and his shoulders hunching over. "And I kissed Kyle on the forehead because he sat down next to me."

"Right-o." Kenny grinned and winked, giving us the thumbs up. "Stan, you gotta really feel the love for Kyle…don't make it all an act… feel something! Stop being a mannequin!" He said with an outrageous show of bravado. Cartman laughed again.

I rolled my eyes and felt a blush slither up my face. "He can be a mannequin if he damn well wants to." I grunted, folding my arms angrily.

"Fine then, that's twenty more bucks gone." Cartman spoke up. Stan and I jumped, Stan letting our a startled yelp and shaking his head hurriedly.

"Okay, okay!" He held up his hands defensively. "I'll be better, I promise!" Stan's face was stricken, shaking his head fiercely.

"Show me." Cartman taunted, cocking a finger in our direction in a beckoning gesture. "After lunch."

----

It was not fun. It was my turn to sit there, like a frozen doll, while Stan gently massaged my shoulders. Far from making me feel relaxed, I was about as tensed as a stick. Cartman and Kenny watched us for a few seconds, both of their faces intent and thoughtful.

This is a load of bullshit. I found myself thinking, closing my eyes tight and cringing as Stan hit a particularly sensitive spot under my shoulder blades. Not that it hurt, of course, but his hands were cold.

"Okay, that's enough, guys." Cartman said, nodding shortly. "Now… that was pretteh good, 'cept for you, Kyle." He jabbed a finger in my direction. "You definitely hafta be more flexible when it comes to massaging."

Kenny was kneeling on the floor beside Cartman with his head resting on the coffee table. "Kyle, could you sit on Stan's lap like we practiced earlier?"

Gingerly, I slid myself onto Stan's lap and leaned against his shoulder. Stan put a tentative arm around me and pulled me tighter to him. Cartman nodded slowly, tapping his finger against his chin.

Kenny suddenly jumped. "Oh, shit, what time is it?" He glanced at his watch, and then fished in his coat pockets. He pulled out his cell phone, and pressed a couple buttons.

"Whatcha doin'?" Cartman leaned over Kenny's shoulder to look at his phone.

"Um… Craig was supposed to IM me with Mr. Cross's book report due date." Kenny muttered, his tongue in his teeth. "I hate Mr. Cross. I hate Fundamental English, too."

Kenny, unlike Cartman, Stan, and I, had not passed his Freshman year of English and was retaking it in a special class called Fundamental English.

Kenny pressed a few more buttons on his phone, and a couple beeping sounds were heard. "Did he message you?" Stan asked, shifting slightly and sliding his arm further up my shoulder.

Kenny shook his head. "Nope… shit." He put his phone back into his pocket and folded his arms upon the coffee table, resting his head upon them now.

"That sucks." I noted. "Can we… move?" I widened my eyes slightly, trying to communicate a desperate message to Kenny. Kenny was silent, for a few minutes, before replying.

"Uh… yeah." He nodded in affirmation and waved at us. "But… will you guys do me a favor?"

"What?" Stan asked, pushing me off of his lap. I was glad to get off.

"I want you guys to retry the kissing thing." Kenny said, furrowing his brow. "I didn't quite get the… y'know… vibes." In atonement to my questioning look, he elaborated. "You guys didn't seem like you meant it." He translated, shrugging.

"Good ideah." Cartman said. "I noticed that you gahs were kind of stiff, yah know?" He motioned for us to get back into position. "G'head, do it…"

Tremulously, we leaned in to each other. I couldn't bring myself to meet Stan's blue eyes, so I closed my own in a subtle show of humiliation. Cartman let out a soft laugh, while Kenny was fiddling with his cell phone again. (It had made a beeping sound, indicating an IM.)

"Stop laughing, Cartman." I heard Stan mumble from a very close distance. "It's not funny." I felt him shift slightly on the couch. I couldn't bear it anymore - I opened my eyes. They were about two inches from Stan's own eyes. We paused, and just looked at each other. For a long time.

"Goddammit, get on with it!" Cartman snapped.

I didn't tear my gaze away from Stan. As our lips joined together, I felt what seemed to be a kind of high, but I was well aware of my actions and the feeling coursing through me. I felt his teeth brush against mine, a strange, grating feeling that made a shiver rip up my spine. I pushed against him slightly, and my teeth parted ever so slightly...

"Ow!" Stan suddenly reeled backwards away from me, one hand clamped over his mouth. I leaned backwards, feeling confused. What had happened?

"What happened?" I asked dazedly, rubbing my head slightly and furrowing my brow. I hadn't felt anything wrong... was it something that I had done? Oh, God, I was about to lose all friendship with Stan, I just knew it. He looked slightly abashed.

"You... you bit me!" Stan blurted, with his hand still over his mouth and his eyes wide. "You bit me!" He repeated, sounding very muffled beneath his hand.

"What?" I echoed, my jaw dropping slightly. I had no memory of ever biting him… had I actually done that? "Wha… where?"

Cartman broke into a fit of laughter, while Kenny put away his cell phone, having apparently not been paying any attention. "Damn, Kyle!" Cartman spouted, still laughing his head off. "I didn't mean for you to that that into it!"

I felt myself blushing furiously, but said nothing. Stan lowered his hand from his mouth and glanced at his hand, then ran his tongue over his lower lip. "You bit my lip…" Stan mumbled, gently running his index finger knuckle over the inside of his bottom lip. He pulled his hand away, examined it, and then wiped it on his jeans. "Jesus, dude…"

I edged away from him, my head buzzing with mortification, atrocity, and horror. Ohshitohshitohshit… "Um… sorry?" I grit my teeth, and swallowed very hard. "I didn't know I had…" I trailed off, feeling my breathing increase dramatically.

"Ow… man…" Stan licked his lower lip again and wiped his mouth. "That hurt…"

"I said sorry." I said bluntly, hearing my voice coming from a great distance away. "I didn't know that's what I did… I don't even remember doing anything."

Cartman stood up and stood in front of me. "Congratulations, Kyle." He announced, fishing in his pocket. "You have just earned yahrself that twenty dollahs back." He waved the twenty in my face, and then went to go and put it into the money box.

I finally glanced at Stan. He was looking pointedly away, but his eyes slowly turned around to face me, then his head followed. I swallowed hard. "Look, man…" I began, unsure of what I was even about to say.

"No," Stan said, shaking his head. "Don't worry about it. At least we got the money back." He said, shrugging. I opened my mouth to speak, but Stan held up a hand to silence me. "Seriously dude, it's fine."

"Uh…. 'kay." I said uneasily, twisting my fingers between one another. I was silent for a few more minutes, deciding what to say, and then, "Does it hurt?"

"No." Stan said, "It did, though, but not any more." He glanced at Kenny, who looked as though he was trying to stifle his laughter. Kenny returned Stan's gaze with a kind of petty innocence which fooled none of us.

"What?" He asked, cocking his head slightly.

"Stop laughing, Ken." I muttered, just as Cartman came stomping back into the room. "Oookay, guys, I think we're done here." He clapped his hands together and dipped his fat head in a small nod. "You guys can go and do whatever gay guys do, while Kenny and I have some issues to discuss."

I stood up quickly, eager to get the hell out of there, and dug around behind the couch to receive my coat. "Thank God." I mumbled, slipping my sleeves into the well-worn orange coat and tossing a sideways glance at Stan. He was reclining back in the seat, narrowing his eyes at Cartman.

"I don't have to go ANYWHERE." Stan said firmly. "This is MY house."

Cartman rolled his eyes. "Get the fuck out of heeyah, bitch, and let Kenny and I do our work!" He folded his arms angrily and sneered at us.

"Come on, Stan, let's go to my place." I offered quietly, tapping Stan's shoulder with my fist. "We can play a couple hours of Deathcrash and wait for these guys," I jabbed my thumb over at Kenny and Fat-ass. "To let us know when we can come back over here."

"Just get out of here." Cartman waved us away, and trundled back into the kitchen.

"Yeah, we'll call you." Kenny said, standing up and stretching. "Go have fun and play videogames. It'll be the last game you play as a straight guy."

"For a week." I finalized, narrowing my eyes at him. He grinned sheepishly and waved his hands in an innocent gesture.

"I'm kidding, dudes." Kenny chuckled, shrugging. "Now get the hell out of here."

"Bye, Ken." I said quietly, herding Stan out the door with one hand and glaring back at him as I did so. He seemed eager to get rid of us… but then again, he and Cartman did have work, according to them.

"See ya." He said, grinning cheerily and following Cartman.

----- ((KENNY'S POINT OF VIEW))

I saw the look in Kyle's eyes and it scared the shit out of me. What had played through his mind as I had shooed them out? He looked… suspicious. Had he known what was about to happen to him? What was he going to do… if he found out.

"You got them, then?" I glanced up at Cartman's voice, which was full of excitement and impatience. "Thank God that Craig IMed you in time!"

"Yeah." I said shakily, pulling out my cell phone. I felt queasy, the touch of the warm phone in my hands and the look of Kyle's eyes boring into mine repeating in my mind. "I got them… how much are you paying Craig, again?" I asked, trying to keep conversation from falling out as I pressed buttons on my cell phone.

"Just two dollahs." Cartman shrugged. "It's not that big of a favah… just the texting fee will cost 'im. Now lemme seeee." He bounced up and down ecstatically, a manic grin on his face.

"Okay, okay!" I handed him the phone, hating myself. I didn't want to have to do it to them. It was mean. And cruel, sick, wicked, hurtful, destroying, bad, evil…

Cartman let out a soft cackle as he flipped through the photos on my camera phone. My curiosity aroused, I leaned forward to look at them. Stan and Kyle, curled up together on the couch with their arms around each other. Then, there was Kyle with his head buried in Stan's shoulder, a close-up of the previous picture. The next ones were of Stan and Kyle kneeling on the couch, faces buried in each other as they kissed.

"God…" I muttered, swallowing hard. It was a strange thing to see them together like that, still and forever unmoving in a kiss. I had seen it firsthand, of course, but it was still a bizarre thing to look at… like what I had just seen hadn't happened.

"We've got to download these as fast as we can!" Cartman cackled, shutting the phone off and handing it to me. "I can't wait until school…"