*disclaimers, the cool thing to do: I own nothing. So yeah…I guess that's it. Also, this is a work of fiction, something I'm doing to unwind. I have no beta or anything like that. There shouldn't be any terribly egregious grammatical errors or anything, but if there are, just let it slide. I'm just in it to have fun. 

SUMMERY: Castiel is lost, in more ways than one. His faith, loyalties, and strength are challenged as he endures the war of hell and the hell of war. Meanwhile, a moment of weakness on his part may put Dean, Sam, and all of humanity at risk. And ultimately everyone on this journey must ask themselves who wrote the story of this world and war?

* buyer beware, there's a sex scene in this bad boy. Nothing too explicit but it's there, so head's up.

PS-thanks for all the reviews! I appreciate hearing from the people who are enjoying my little (slightly morbid) story. Y'all rock and I will try not to disappoint. 

Apocryphal

Chapter Four

When the doorbell rang all three hunters jumped as they were torn from their pensive thoughts. No one rose for several seconds; they were all wondering if Pam could help and if they even wanted to know whatever she could tell them. Finally Dean stood and walked to the door. He took a deep breath and opened it.

"Pam," He greeted her somberly as he motioned her in.

"Dean," She returned with a wan smile. She looked tired, Dean thought. Her lips were drawn into a tight line and her hair stood up in odd places. Though he couldn't see her eyes he was sure she had dark circles under them.

Pam walked briskly into the kitchen and took a seat. Dean hovered by the door, watching her with a sort of awe. The way she walked, talked, and moved belied her disability. The hunter wondered if he would be as strong in her place.

"Are you coming, Dean?" Pam called. "I just rode for four hours in a cab that smelled like old cheese. I'd like to get a move on."

Dean sighed and walked into the kitchen; this was not going to be easy.

"So…Bobby filled me in on what happened over the phone. You went to hell?"

"Yeah," Dean answered, looking around for another chair. The best he could come up with was a stool that sat beside a closet door. He pulled it up to the table and took a seat.

"And you saw the angel?"

"Castiel, yeah. I saw him. He was in bad shape." Dean studied the woman, unnerved by the smirk that crossed her face.

"Karma's a bitch," She said with a shrug. "So why, exactly, do you need me? I can't pull someone out of hell and even if I could I wouldn't pull Castiel out."

"That's harsh," Sam muttered.

"I have no eyes," Pam snapped. "Did you ever think that maybe he deserves to be in hell? How many other people do you think he's hurt?"

There was a long pause. The three men exchanged uncomfortable glances and shifted around in their seats.

"What's goin' on with you Pam?" Bobby asked. "You're not yourself."

"It's been a long couple of weeks," Pam sighed. She took off her sunglasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. Her milky eyes gaped at the hunters.

"Something's going on," Dean said. "And it centers around Castiel. Pam, we need intel. Anything you got, anything you might have heard…"

"I haven't heard anything…so you were in hell?" Pam replaced her sunglasses on her face and sightlessly studied Dean.

"Yeah," Dean said, growing annoyed. "We covered this, Pam."

"I know. But if you were there then someone brought you there. I can try to find out who."

"That uh…that didn't work out so well last time," Sam pointed out.

"I know, I was there," Pam said humorlessly. "I won't let that happen again. Any sign of danger and I'll turn around."

"Sounds good," Dean shrugged. "Let's do it."

Together, they set up the table to prepare for the séance. It was something Dean would never get used to. There was in inherent element of B-horror movie in it; a candle here, a symbol there, then join hands in a circle and shut your eyes.

Pam began to chant in Latin. For several moments nothing happened. Then the air went dead cold. Dean's eyes shot open and he looked around the kitchen with wonder. Pam's voice suddenly seemed very far away and the room appeared to be growing. Dean, assuming he was simply tired, shut his eyes in the hope that when he opened them his vision would have cleared.

"Hello Dean."

Dean jumped, his eyes opening once again. He was no longer in Bobby's kitchen. In fact…he was nowhere.

"Where am I?" Dean snapped, looking around fearfully.

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to frighten you."

Suddenly a form materialized in front of him. It was a young woman, short and small boned, with long red hair and green eyes that seemed to shimmer with an unseen light. She smiled at Dean, her expression warm and calm.

"Who…who are you?" Dean asked. "And where am I?"

"You are," The girl shrugged. "Isn't that enough?"

"Buddha?"

"I'm sorry?" The girl squinted at him, confused.

"Never mind…you were the one who brought me to hell."

"No. I showed you hell. There's a rather large difference," The girl laughed. She walked in a circle around Dean, though there appeared to be no ground under her feet. Instead there was darkness. Not a claustrophobic or repressive darkness…in fact it was an oddly bright and cheerful darkness.

"Look darling, you're not making a whole lot of sense here and if it's all the same to you I'm real tired of being dicked around." Dean followed her with his eyes, carefully studying every movement she made. She didn't walk, he realized, but instead glided across whatever surface she was walking upon. Her hair blew in some unseen breeze and her presence was steady and peaceful. She was not one to fear, Dean realized, and would not attack without severe provocation. Despite himself he relaxed slightly.

"I understand. I'm sure my young friend does that quite often," She said, coming to a stop a few feet from Dean.

"Castiel? You know Castiel?" Dean cocked his head and stared into her eyes searching for information. She met his gaze evenly and with what Dean thought might be an element of respect.

"You'll have to forgive him, of course. He's young. Young and oblivious to the humans he has been charged with protecting. He tends to assume people know more than they do. It can be frustrating. He means no harm, though.

As it were, he's why I'm here. He's been betrayed, Dean. You all have. There is unrest in heaven and in hell. Things are changing, shifting…loyalties held for thousands of years are crumbling."

"So what? You can bring me to the middle of nothing and nowhere but you can't hoist one little angel out of hell?"

"It is not my fight. There are things beyond heaven and hell, Dean. My people have no place in the war of angels and demons. There are rules here. I cannot interfere without the risk of plunging my world into this war. I'm bending the rules just by being here."

"So why bother?" Dean asked. He took a faltering step, realized that he was somehow on solid ground, and then began pacing around the girl.

"Castiel is a…friend of mine, I suppose you could say." The girl stared off into the distance with a small smile on her face.

"Like…a grab a movie friend or a grab a hotel friend?" Dean blurted out, halting in his tracks.

"I don't understand the analogy but I'll assume one of those choices involves Castiel and myself having sex," The girl smirked. "No, no we weren't like that. Couldn't be, as it were. Angels are rather lacking in that finer point of existence. But we were close. Confidants might be the right word. There was a time when our two worlds challenged each other. We solved the problem with diplomacy, luckily for all involved. Castiel was one of the angels sent in to hammer out the details in our treaty. I spent much time with him…most of it being annoyed."

"I can relate."

"I'm sure you can. But there were times when I greatly admired him, too. He was different from the others. It was like he was always feeling and emphasizing without knowing how he was doing it or what it meant. I knew that in time he would grow to understand that part of himself and use it to become one of the best soldiers heaven had ever seen."

"I hate to tell you, sweetie, but he's not exactly flying down that learning curve."

"He's still young," The girl offered, extending her hands with a wry smile. "I believe if given the chance he will grow to be your best ally in this war. You have a way with him, believe it or not. You're the first creature in a long time who has connected with him enough to confuse him."

"And that's helpful?"

"Without confusion we don't question and without questions we don't learn."

"Ah, I see. You sure you're not Buddha?"

"Castiel doesn't deserve to go out like this," The girl continued, ignoring Dean. She stared at him pensively. "You have to fix this, Dean. You need him."

"You said he was betrayed…"

"I cannot say more."

"Ah, the treaty."

"It's kept peace for many years. Don't mock what works."

"So you're telling me what? You're more powerful than God?"

"I wouldn't say powerful. Just from a different world."

Dean stared at the girl incredulously. She gave him another smile and shrugged.

"You didn't always know there was a hell. You didn't always know there was a heaven. Now you do. But does that mean you know everything?"

"You have to be known to someone," Dean replied. "And let me tell you, hon, I've talked to a lot of people. None have ever dropped your name."

"You don't know my name," The girl pointed out. "Not that knowing it would make a difference. My people are known to others in the universe but to humans we are irrelevant. As it were you're the first human I've ever spoken to. I'd like to think you owe your race an apology." She winked at him good-naturedly.

"Cute," Dean smirked. "Nice to finally meet an omnipotent being with a sense of humor."

"Reading the dictionary lately?"

"Nah, just been watching a lot of Jeopardy."

"I'll pretend like I get that reference. So, will you listen to what I say?"

"If you answer just one question."

"Give me your best shot."

"How does an angel get dragged into hell? I'm not asking the circumstances that it happened under…but how? I've seen what their true forms can do to demons."

"Castiel has been bound to his human host. He is physically in hell and unable to revert into his true form. He is now subject to all the limitations of a human body…no offense."

"None taken," Dean replied. "How does that sort of thing happen, exactly?"

"It's an ancient ceremony, long and complicated. It was used on angels who wanted to become human but not go through the rebirth process. If their host was willing, that is ready to leave this world, and an angel wanted to become human this ceremony was used to usher the human spirit into the afterworld and allow the angel a body to traverse the earth with."

"Like a walk in?"

"Sort of, yes. Such a thing was considered odd but not frowned upon as long as the circumstances were kosher. It's never been done on an unwilling angel before. I cannot say if it can be reversed…now, will you hear me out?"

"I will."

"Good. Castiel is in hell, as you know. He's begun to give up information although none of it has been vital intel as of yet. Still, he's close to revealing everything. If it's not stopped, he will tell all he knows. I wish I could say that is the worst of your concerns but it is not. He's fallen into the sights of a rebel group and i-"

The girl began to fade in and out of focus. Dean blinked, trying to focus his eyes. A loud rumbling noise filled the room and both Dean and the girl covered their ears.

"What's happening?" He yelled.

"I don't know!" The girl called back. "Something is wrong! This shouldn't be happening. Dean, you have to save Castiel."

"How?"

"He'll be coming to you. And you have to save him even though he might seem different. He is not beyond redemption."

Dean started to ask another question but the world he was in began to crumble, vanishing bit by bit. The girl continued to fade out of focus, slowly disappearing into the dark light.

"Your name!" Dean yelled. "What is it?"

"Nasarayle!" Came a far away reply. Then she was gone.

Dean grunted and opened his eyes slowly. His head was pounding and he raised a hand to his temple.

"What the..." As his vision cleared he saw Bobby and Sam hovering over him with concerned faces.

"Jesus Christ boy," Bobby yelled. "We thought we'd lost you again."

"OK…Bobby? Indoor voices," Dean muttered. He sat up still holding his head.

"You alright, Dean?" Sam asked, placing a hand on Dean's shoulder. Dean brushed him off and stood, his legs feeling shaky underneath him.

"What happened?" He asked, taking a seat at the table. Pam, he noted, was still in her chair and staring placidly into the darkness in front of her.

"You just started rambling. Then you fell down and had like, a seizure or something. Pam started chanting…she brought you back," Bobby explained. He shrugged, trying to appear nonchalant but Dean could see through the guise; the man was worried. What's more, he was confused.

"It was weird," Dean whispered, the past few minutes events slowly returning. "I was in this place…if you can call it that. It was just dark-"

"You were back in hell?" Sam interrupted.

"No. It was dark but it was a light darkness. There was this girl there…" Dean went on to explain everything to the confused men. They stared at him blankly, appearing unsure as to how trustworthy his memory was.

"Her name," Pam bluntly stated. "What was her name?"

"Uh…Nasarayle. She didn't tell me what she was. Just that she was beyond heaven and hell. Not in a more powerful way but…different. Unknown to humans."

"I've never heard of her," Pam said quietly. Though Dean wasn't sure, he could have sworn he'd seen her lips tighten and for a split second she had appeared angry. However, the expression came and went so fast that he told himself he had imagined it.

"So something big is going down and for some reason you're keyed into it," Bobby sighed. He rubbed his face with his hands then looked at Dean with a wry grin.

"Shit, boy," He laughed. "What the hell are we gonna do now?"

No one had an answer. In truth, none of them really wanted to know.

Castiel was confused. One moment he had been with Zagen, tied to the table and in so much agony that he hadn't been able to think straight. The demon had healed him earlier in the day only to begin all over again. He'd attacked Castiel with vigor, taking his teeth, both his eyes, breaking every bone in the angel's foreign body, and mocking him the entire way.

Then suddenly, everything had changed. Castiel was sitting on the edge of a bed in a warmly lit room that was oddly cozy. It lacked the reek of hell and Castiel was aware on some level that he had been brought back to earth. Though he was still nude his injuries were gone. He inhaled deeply, relishing the absence of pain while being slightly perturbed that not hurting now felt somewhat alien.

"Hello again, Cassie."

Castiel jerked his head towards the door. It was Jezabeth. He blushed and covered himself with a blanket, a little unsure as to why he did so.

"Aw, you're cute, my little self-conscious angel," Jezabeth laughed. She sat down next to him. "I'm guessing that's not an emotion you're familiar with. You see, humans have this thing about being seen naked. Personally, I find it strange but whatever. It's their world, after all."

"What do you want?" Castiel whispered. His voice was hoarse and he tried to clear his throat.

"Hold on," Jezabeth said. She rose and walked into a connecting bathroom. Castiel heard water running for a moment then Jezabeth returned with a tall glass of water. She handed it to him and motioned for him to drink. Castiel raised the glass to his lips, hesitated, then gulped down the water, closing his eyes as the liquid soothed his raw throat.

"Better?" Jezabeth asked kindly. Castiel nodded.

"Where am I?"

"A nice little cabin in Alaska," Jezabeth smiled. "Homey, isn't it? I picked it especially for you. I thought you'd enjoy a little ambiance. Are you comfortable?"

"I am," Castiel sighed. He reached a hand back and rubbed his neck, suddenly feeling a little stiff.

"Here, allow me. I want you to enjoy your little respite." Jezabeth maneuvered herself behind him and pulled down the blanket he'd draped around himself. Castiel felt her hands begin to rub his shoulders, gently kneading his sore muscles. He groaned, leaning into her touch and delighting in the comfort it brought. Angels were not a physically close bunch and, after all the brutality inflicted upon him, Castiel was happy to have some kind, gentle contact.

"Is that good?" Jezabeth whispered in his ear. Castiel nodded. Demon or no, she was offering him the only benevolence he'd had in what felt like decades and he was happy to accept it.

The angel nevertheless jumped a little when her hands moved forward onto his chest and continued their massage.

"I'm glad you're here," She whispered. "I didn't like seeing you in pain. You're too good for that kind of abuse. I want you to stay with me, Castiel."

"I can't fight with Alastair," Castiel whimpered. Her fingers were moving down to his stomach, creating sensations in him that he didn't understand.

"Why? Is he really so bad? Is he worse than those who betrayed you? Worse than those who tortured you? Dare I say, angel boy, he might be the only honest one in this fight. You know what you're getting with him. He'll reward you for your help, protect you from your enemies, and I'll be right by your side." Her fingers dropped lower and Castiel's eyes shot open.

"What are you doing?" He asked.

"You're bound to your human host," Jezabeth whispered into his ear. Her teeth closed around his earlobe and gave a light tug. "That means you can experience things you've never felt before. That's why you could feel so much pain but it's also why you can feel so much pleasure."

The demon girl kissed her way down to his neck, continuing her light nips on his sensitive skin. Castiel let out a moan and tried to shift away from her. This was wrong, he thought. He shouldn't be doing this.

Jezabeth maneuvered herself in front of him, sitting on his lap and staring deeply into her eyes. There was kindness there, Castiel thought. Kindness and affection. How long had it been since anyone had looked at him like that?

"We can make you feel things like you have never felt before. Glory, pride, happiness, revenge," She continued, placing her forehead on his. Her hands stroked his sides, the gentle fingers tickling his flesh. "You won't believe the freedom. It's amazing to just let go and give into everything you have ever wanted to feel and to do. It's enthralling. Not even a human feels these things at the level we do. And you can be one of us. All you have to do is say the words."

Castiel let out another moan and shut his eyes. He was feeling overwhelmed and, he had to admit, he was enjoying it. Jezabeth began kissing his chest, her lips cascading down to his stomach.

"Ohhh," He groaned, arching his back.

"Freedom, Castiel. I'm offering it to you. No more guilt, no more pain. You'll answer to a real leader, someone you can see and talk to. And here we all stand together. We won't judge you for anything; it's natural to want to feel good. And I promise that we can make you feel good."

"Stop," Castiel whispered.

"You don't really mean that," Jezabeth said with a coy laugh. Her lips returned to his neck, kissing and sucking.

It was true, Castiel thought. He didn't want it to stop. He wanted her to continue forever and he hated himself for it.

As though reading his thoughts, she raised her skirt and moved forward, pushing his now erect self into her.

"Aughhh," Castiel grunted, closing his eyes. He'd never felt so good.

"My final offer, Castiel. I'll have to hurl you back into hell if you say no. Zagen will be waiting for you and trust me, you haven't seen the half of what he can do. The suffering he will bring down on you is unbelievable. And he'll keep you forever and ever. You'll be his pet. Oh, the things he'll do to you…I wish I could put them into words. You can be Zagen's bitch until the end of time. Or you can stay here with me. I'll keep you safe, I promise. I'll give you everything.

So my little angel boy, one more time…do you want me to stop?" Jezabeth's voice had dropped to a husky whisper. She rocked to and fro very slowly, looking at the young angel who was staring back at her with wide eyes. She couldn't help but relish the conflict in his eyes; the fear at these new sensations…the desire for them to never stop. He looked so wonderfully virginal…momentarily innocent to the truths of the universe.

"Nooo," Castiel whimpered.

"No what?" Jezabeth asked, quickening her pace. Castiel's breathing quickened and sweat broke out on his forehead. His hands clenched into fists as Jezabeth brought her lips back to his neck. He had a sudden image of the agony he had experienced at the hands of Zagen. He couldn't go back there, couldn't endure that kind of suffering any more.

"…Don't stop," He finally moaned. His voice broke into a tearful plea. "Please don't stop."

"I won't, baby," Jezabeth smiled. She pressed her lips against his, hurdling Castiel into the most intense physical gratification he had ever felt. In the throws of pleasure he passionately returned Jezabeth's kiss.

It was done.