Title: The Spirit Of The Season

Authors: Sara and Lizzie

Rating: T for language, maybe sex

Disclaimer: Obviously the show does not belong to two college girls.

Summary: Not knowing who he is, Meredith sleeps with Mark. Derek confesses his love to her, and then finds out about Mark. In a jealous rage, he makes a lot of bad choices that send him back to New York. With Christmas looming, Meredith has a choice to make. She can forget him, or she can bring him back to Seattle.

Author's Note: We couldn't resist a Christmas story. Especially not one that culminates in the only city that can really celebrate Christmas. NYC. (speaking of our hometown, we've got our eye on a loft on Ave B. Very bohemian, very rent, very good for us to live in while we go to nyu. Anyone want to convince our parents we should live in the east village??)

We're pretending the season 2 episode 'Yesterday' is set in late November/ early December. Sorry update the lax updates on all of our stuff. Being home has made us lazzzy. But, we promise more frequent updates, seeing as we've got fics to finish and seqeuls to write.

Oh! And this is our first fic in first person POV. So show us love. Review.

December 21

Meredith

Coward. That's me. A big, guilty, coward. I've spent the entire day begging Bailey for jobs in remote corners of the hospital. Mark is here, for some reason, something about a case. The only news I get is when I meet Cristina in the locker room for updates.

So far, so good, she says. Even still, I'm avoiding Derek, Addison and Mark like the plague. Later that night, around eight, I'm starving. I'm tired of suturing in a barren, desolate hallway of the third floor. I'm tired of avoiding.

It takes a lot of energy to be a good avoider. So, after I finish my last suture, I creep, yes, creep, to an elevator I'm sure no one will be on. After slinking inside, I allow myself a victorious slump against the wall. The cold metal is supporting me, and my eyes are closed.

I'm severely tempted to bang my head against the elevator walls until I'm just unconscious, but I refrain. Fighting this temptation is clearly what distracts me, and I don't notice until it's too late that the elevator isn't going upwards, like I'd planned. I open one eye, and there he is.

Derek Shepherd, in the flesh, right in front of me. "Uhh…" I say. Seriously. Of all the things I could have uttered in that moment, all the greetings, all the apologies, all the anything, I choose uh. How eloquent.

The only thing that keeps me from dying right there is the fact that Derek isn't looking enraged, so much. In fact, he's grinning. And staring at my lips.

And before my brain can continue its monologue, he's kissing me.

Derek

It shocked her, I'm sure. That I just grabbed her and kissed her in the elevator. Hell, it surprised me. The doors weren't even completely shut. But I couldn't have focused on what I needed to tell her if I couldn't stop staring at her lips. I had to kiss her. Get it out of my system.

I feel myself reluctantly releasing her, and before I know what I'm doing, I'm pressing the stop button on the elevator.

"Derek, what the hell are you doing?" she asks, her cheeks flushed, and her eyes flashing adorably. "Oh my God. You're married. You can't do that."

I grin at her. "See, this is why I like you. All those commands. Someone needs to boss me around."

She's not smiling. Her eyes are reflecting hurt, and maybe guilt. "Derek, please don't…."

I shake my head and grab both of her hands impulsively. Everything I want to say to her is swirling around in my head, and I can't seem to make sense of any of it. So I finally just blurt out the one thing I know I need to tell her.

"I love you." Her eyes get huge, and she blinks at me.

"What?"

Somewhere in my jumbled timeline of a brain, it occurs to me I've never said this to her before. Grinning so hard I swear my face is going to crack, I bring one hand to her face and tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

"I love you. I love your hair, and your dysfunctional house of interns. I love the way you run after Bailey, and the way you try not to look at me. I love you."

"Derek, what about….?"

I put a finger to her lips to silence her. I'm going a million miles a minute now, and the only way I can keep myself from exploding with the joyous absurdity of it all is to keep talking.

"I made a mistake Meredith. I was blinded by obligation, and duty, but I'm not the person I was when I married Addison. I'm not. I feel like I don't even know who that person is anymore, and I feel like I don't want to."

I inhale and just keep talking. "I love you. And I have spent everyday wising that I was not married, and I have tried, Meredith, I really tried, and the reason that I can't make it work with Addison is not because of Mark, it's because I've changed and I love you."

Her mouth drops slightly, and I push the button on the elevator to get it moving again. "You have until we get off to say something."

For awhile, I'm afraid she's just going to get off and walk away and avoid the whole thing all together, but then the doors slide open, and we step out into a deserted hallway, and she flings her tiny arms around my neck.

Meredith

I can't speak. Or breathe. But when we get off the elevator I know I have to do something, so I throw myself at him. "Oh Derek." I breathe into his chest. I can't believe what he's just told me. This is it, this is the moment, this is everything I've been holding on for. He takes my hand and pulls me down the hall.

"Derek…" I say. He shakes his head.

"We need to talk, Mer. Establish rules. Make plans."

Plans. I have plans with Derek Shepherd. I feel like I'm floating through the hospital. And then I hear a sickeningly familiar voice.

"You came here on a case, Addie! We were together, we were supposed to be in love, and you came here on a case and just never came home!"

"Mark, I was married. I had to make it work with Derek. That doesn't change the fact that I loved you."

"Loved? What, it went away? Varies by time zone? Jesus, Addison, you're killing me."

There was a long silence, and Derek looks stricken. I lay a hand on his arm, and he looks down at me and smiles. He intertwines our fingers, and I squeeze his hand. I almost get so lost in us, I forget to listen to the apocalypse happening before us.

Addison's talking again. "Fine, Mark I love you. I'm in love you. What do you want me to do? End it with my husband and get on the next plane to New York?"

"It'd be a start."

"Don't act like you're just a victim here."

"Oh, so you can sleep with Derek, but I can't sleep with anyone?" It's Derek's turn to squeeze my hand reassuringly, but I'm too sick over what's coming next to notice.

I tug his hand, thinking I'll just tell him now, fast, and get it over with. "Derek." I hiss. "Derek I need to tell you something…."

He shakes his head, and motions towards the voices. I can feel nausea rising in my stomach.

"Oh God." Addison is saying. "She didn't know. She didn't know who you were. If she did, she wouldn't have touched you. She wouldn't do that to Derek!"

Derek's eyes blink, and he looks confused for a minute. "Fine, she didn't know."

"Jesus, Mark, she's a kid! She's a kid who's in love with her attending, and he's married, and that's bad enough. On top of that, you what? Picked her up in a bar? Manipulated her? If there was anyone you were going to sleep with in Seattle, it should have been anyone but Meredith Grey."

I'm shocked to hear Addison of all people, defending me, but when I turn to Derek, he's looking at me with a repulsion that makes tears well in my eyes. He tears his hand from my grasp and goes storming toward the voices.

"Derek!" I call following him. I can feel tears running down my face. He marches into the vacant waiting area where Addison and Mark have been having this conversation, and literally grabs Mark by his collar and shoves him against a wall.

"I want to hear him say it." Derek says. Addison is ghostly pale, and even Mark looks shaken. "Say it!" Derek shouts, shaking him.

Mark is silent for a long time, until he finally looks Derek right in the eye. "I slept with her." He says. A beat passes, as I frantically try to think of a way to stop this, but before I can come up with anything, or build a time machine to take it back, Derek is slamming his hand into Mark's face. One swing, then another, and he's pulling back for a third, when Addison grabs his arms.

"Derek, stop it!" she shouts, shrilly. Derek whirls around to face me.

"How could you do this? It's Mark."

I stumble toward him blindly, crying, shaking my head, reaching for him. He looks at me disgustedly. "I didn't know it was him!" I shout.

"That's not good enough!" he screams at me.

"Derek, please!" I beg. "I had no idea it was him."

"You slept with Mark, Meredith. You're supposed to be the one I…" he trails off. "That's not good enough."

"You forgave Addison!" I hear myself shouting. I really, really wish I could stop talking, but I can't. Everything just starts pouring out. "She stayed with him the whole time you were in Seattle, and you forgave her!"

Addison turns to look at me, murder in her eyes, and for an absurd second, I'm afraid she's going to take off one of her pointy heeled shoes and stab me with them, but of course, she just stands there.

"Derek, please." I whisper. "I love you, you know that."

But he doesn't say anything, he just takes one last look at this bizarre scene, me in front of him, crying, Addison, stone still behind me, and Mark, leaning against the wall, bleeding. He shakes his head and turns around.

"That's not enough." He mutters, before pulling out his cell phone and walking away.