Kylo Ren woke up from his slumber with a jolt that made his body jerk entirely off the bed and onto the cold, hard floor. His body was covered in a fine sheen of sweat and his chest felt like it was on fire. Running his fingers through his damp, curly locks, Kylo Ren closed his eyes and tried to remember the visions he'd dreamed. He'd seen Rey—god, how he missed her—alone on some desert planet, living in some obsolete AT-AT. This wasn't the first vision he'd had of her. No, for the past four years Ben had been seeing snippets of Rey's life.
Kylo Ren wasn't sure what Luke had done to her. Sensing Rey used to be as easy as breathing. He never had to think about it, he just always knew. He knew where she was, what she was thinking, how she was feeling. Now though, her side of their link was mute. At first he thought it was because she was off planet, and that was a factor in it, but even if she was off planet he should have been able to hear her thoughts. He should have been able to tap into the Force to communicate with her, even lightyears away. They'd never tried it before—they'd never had a real reason to—but Kylo Ren knew what the Force was capable of, especially the Dark Side. It should have amplified their bond, made it easier for them to share their thoughts.
Every single day since he'd attacked the Jedi Academy—since their separation—he'd tried to reach out to her. Sometimes it felt like he was walking down a dark corridor and no matter which way he looked he couldn't see a flicker of light to help guide his way. It was almost as if Rey, the Rey he knew, no longer existed. At the very least he knew she was still alive, the visions told him that much, but only just. Kylo Ren suspected he received these visions whenever Rey was in an especially dire situation. Sometimes they'd be accompanied with pangs of hunger, blisteringly dry mouths, or an all-encompassing loneliness that left tears in his eyes. And no matter how much he ate, how much he drank, nor how many people he surrounded himself with, the side effects wouldn't dissipate.
If only he knew where she was, Kylo Ren thought bitterly, then he could save her from all those awful experiences she had been subjected to—at the hands of her own father no less. Sucking in a sharp breath at the thought of Luke Skywalker, he dug his fingernails deep into his scalp. The next time Kylo Ren came face to face with his uncle, he'd make him pay for everything he'd put the two of them through.
"Come to me, Kylo Ren," Snoke's voice whispered into his mind.
Sighing and rubbing his face tiredly, Kylo Ren rolled over onto his stomach and pushed himself into a kneeling position on the floor, "What is it you need of me, Master?"
"Come, and you shall find out," the voice hissed impatiently.
Kylo Ren stood up, dressed, and exited his room. Supreme Leady Snoke and he had landed on the planet Bith almost a week ago to reassess several members and recruit new ones. Kylo Ren knew he should feel honored that Master Snoke chose him to accompany him on this venture. Snoke could have chosen any Knight of Ren to assist him, but he chose him. The First Knight of Ren, the best Knight of Ren. Still, Kylo Ren knew that this mission would only be delaying his search all that much longer.
Shaking his head violently, he tried to clear his mind of such thoughts. Snoke may have given his permission for Kylo Ren to search for Rey, but that didn't mean he approved of how obsessed Kylo Ren was with it. Kylo Ren knew the Supreme Leader of the First Order couldn't understand why he hadn't simply given up yet. It had been four years now, after all, but time meant nothing to Kylo Ren. He'd made a promise to Rey. He'd find her. No matter how long it took.
Kylo Ren walked into the meeting room and was mildly surprised that Snoke was not alone. Sure, he was usually surrounded by several guards, but Kylo Ren didn't count them. This new figure stood in front of Snoke's decrepit body with the stance of a practiced soldier. His red hair was a bit distracting, if Kylo was being perfectly honest, but he didn't let any of these emotions show on his face, nor did even glance at the stranger once he stood beside him in front of Snoke. Nodding, he greeted, "Master."
"Good," Snoke said slowly, almost as if it labored him to speak, "Kylo Ren, this is General Hux. He will be overseeing the construction of Starkiller Base." At this, Kylo Ren finally spared the General a glance and gave him his best unimpressed look. Hux seemed to take that as a declaration of war, and glared back at Kylo Ren. "I am sending you with him," Snoke continued, grabbing Kylo Ren's attention.
"But, Master, surely I could be of better use elsewhere—"
"No." Snoke cut him off immediately, "Your presence at Starkiller Base will be imperative, Kylo Ren. I need someone powerful—someone trustworthy—to ensure the safety of this project."
Kylo Ren felt torn. On one hand, his chest swelled with pride about the fact that his Master had chosen him for this important mission, but on the other hand, his throat tightened with anxiety. What did this mean for Rey? Would he still have time to search for her? Aware of Snoke's scrutinizing gaze, Kylo Ren swallowed his doubts, nodded, and said, "Of course, Master."
Snoke dismissed the two men and they walked out of the room together. Hux gave him one last withering glance, to which Kylo Ren responded with a predatory, tight lipped smile, before skulking off to complete some last minute tasks. Deciding not to return to his room—he wouldn't be getting any sleep, no matter how tired he was—he headed for the training rooms instead. Many Stormtroopers were already at work there and although none of them were wearing their regulation uniforms, it was obvious that was what they were.
Kylo Ren barely paid them any mind. To him, they were all just expendable cogs in the machine that was the First Order. He walked over to one of the private exercise rooms, meant for one on one practice or dispensing disciplinary actions, closed the sound proof door, and sat in the middle of the floor with the intent to mediate. His head had felt fuzzy since waking from his dream, and it felt almost as if there was more than one conscious currently occupying it. Breathing out steadily, Kylo Ren focused on tapping into the Force. He tried to clear away the static feed that was his thoughts by thinking of the simplest, purest thing in his life: Rey.
Their Force connection hummed to life, and Kylo Ren's mind was ripped away from his body and transported far, far away to another planet and into another life. It was like he was riding passenger inside someone else's head, and he knew without a fraction of a doubt that he was seeing through Rey's eyes. Heart jumping into his throat, Kylo Ren desperately tried to absorb as many details as he could. It looked as if Rey was in some sort of ship, but not the cock pit or passenger deck. She was really in the ship. If Kylo Ren had to guess, he'd say she was by the ship's engines. Anger bubbled up, hot as lava, in his veins as he realized what was happening. She was scavenging!
Rey, surprised by the intrusion of someone else's feelings, lost her focus and, subsequently, her grip on the metal wall. With nothing supporting her body, she fell with no one—no one but Kylo Ren—to hear her screams of fright. Her body landed with a terrible crack on the ground and Rey's consciousness fell silent. In this state, Kylo Ren couldn't hold onto their connection and abruptly found himself back inside his own mind and body. Anger and fear rose up like a tidal wave inside him and with tears clouding his vision, he grabbed his pathetic excuse of a lightsaber and began to slash and thrust at anything within reach.
How could he be so stupid? He let his anger get the best of him, again, and he lost his chance—possibly his only chance—to discover clues about where Rey's location. What's worse, he caused her fall. Had he not scared her with the burst of foreign emotion, Rey wouldn't have lost her grip and fallen. She could be hurt, terribly injured, or worse! No, Kylo Ren told himself, he'd know if the fall had killed her. The Force would at least let him know that much. She was just unconscious and hopefully not too injured.
By the time his breathing calmed down, and his vision cleared enough that he was able to see the damage he wreaked. The walls were still searing with the heat of his saber and the floor was a mangled mess. Ben took a few more deep breathes before straightening his spine and walking through what remained of the door, back out to the main training room. All the Stormtroopers had stopped their exercises and watched in silent horror as Kylo Ren stalked out of the room, his robes billowing behind him as he went.
Kylo Ren sometimes couldn't stand wearing his helmet. It made him feel claustrophobic, scratched at his face like some insectoid from the depths of Rosche, and impaired his vision more than helped it. It did have its benefits, though. Kylo Ren liked it because it made him look fierce—demonic—and struck fear into the hearts of his enemies—much more than his still boyish looks ever could. It also made him feel connected to his grandfather, the great Darth Vader, whose mask, though long gone, still made all life forms tremble with instinctual panic. It was only fitting for him to continue the tradition of the mask, he'd decided the first time he placed it over his head.
Walking over an especially unstable sand dune, Kylo Ren mentally patted himself on the back for his decision in regards to the mask. The sun of Bakkah had brought about the deaths of many unfortunate souls who'd ventured too far away from shelter and would continue to do so in the future. Luckily, Kylo Ren would not be one of them. He'd been sent to Bakkah by Master Snoke to search out an ancient Sith amulet that was rumored to be hidden in one of the caves that lay beneath the sand. After months and months of searching, Kylo Ren had—frustratingly—returned to his Master empty handed. Snoke, pleased with his Knight's efforts, deemed that if the amulet was on Bakkah, it was so well hidden no one would ever be able to find it. Kylo Ren, however, resolutely believed the thing to be a myth.
Staring off into the distance easily, his mask diluting the sun's glare, Kylo Ren cursed softly under his breath as he took in the barren land. He kicked a nearby snake down the sand dune in his frustration and barely kept himself from stomping his feet like a petulant child. His Upsilon ship waited for him at the bottom of the dune. He was supposed to be boarding the shuttle at this very moment. His mission was finished. There was no amulet and other matters now called at the Knight of Ren's attention, but he hesitated. Kylo Ren had thought he felt a Force signature—no, he decided—he knew he felt a Force signature. He thought it felt vaguely familiar as well.
It could be Rey. There was plenty of sand on this planet which certainly fit in with the visions he's received. He'd heard of scavengers living on the Eastern hemisphere of this planet from his inferiors—maybe she was there, just beyond this horizon. He could be there in just a few moments. All he needed to do was bark out a few orders to his crew, but still, something was holding him back. It was a long shot, he knew. Doubt prickled at the back of his mind. He'd been down this road before. He'd felt a Force sensitive in the past only to discover it was some untrained scum of a life form. Sometimes they'd resemble Rey, or have a similar quality like her laugh or stubbornness, but in the end it never was Rey.
Tightening his gloved fists, Kylo Ren reflected bitterly on how much time had passed since he last saw Rey. He was pushing twenty five now—Rey would almost be sixteen—and it'd been just over three years since he'd last had a proper vision detailing her life. Their Force bond had become too faded and now, no matter how hard he tried, no matter how deep he went into his meditation, he couldn't slip into her conscious. Occasionally he'd still get flashes of her emotions, but even those were few and far between. He wondered if she was still the same girl he used to know. Did her nose still scrunch whenever she was learning something new? Had her stubbornness grown or withered since he last saw her? God, he thought, what did she even look like? What if he travelled to the end of the galaxy and never found her because he didn't recognize her? How many young girls had he seen already with similar features? Fear, sharp and acidic, fell to the bottom of Kylo Ren's stomach. No, he told himself fiercely, he'd know Rey anywhere. He would find her. He would recognize her. He would bring her home.
Straightening his shoulders, Kylo Ren slid back down the dune to his shuttle, "Chart a course for Bakkah's most populace city on the Eastern hemisphere," he ordered his ship's captain, a frail, sickly woan by the name of Rallyn Muro.
Captain Muro stood before him, her heels snapping together as she addressed him, "Sir, our orders are to return to Starkiller Base."
"And now you have new orders, Captain," he told her, "and if you can't follow them, I'll find someone who can."
Swallowing thickly, she nodded, "Yes, sir." After saluting him, she scampered off. Kylo Ren followed behind at a much more leisurely pace. He knew his effect on people and he used that to his advantage more often than not. He knew that if he hunched his shoulders over just so, if he tilted his head to look at the ground in the right manner, or if he clasped his hands behind his back, the crew would grow anxious, fear the destruction he may cause, and work even harder and faster in hopes of keeping his relatively mild mood intact. He used all three mannerisms now as he skulked after Muro to ensure a quick flight.
When the Upsilon landed in the town—Kylo Ren didn't catch the name—the Force signature flared up again and he followed its trail until he came to a decrepit looking bar. After he walked in, all the hustle and bustle of the bar died away until the only sound was the music recording that blasted out of the speakers in the center of the room. Kylo Ren scanned the room, hoping he'd find who he was looking for quickly, but only saw the faces of smugglers, traders, and even some bounty hunters. The signature flared again, making Kylo Ren twist his neck almost painfully to watch as a girl stumbled through the door leading to the back of the bar and he felt the air rush out of him.
She resembled Rey. She had dark hair, a small nose, and a light spray of freckles. She even pulled her hair back in a similar manner. It wasn't her, though. This girl's lips were too full, her eyes too brown, and she was much too clumsy. Rey, even before her training at the Academy, had been exceptionally graceful. Even living these past several years as a scavenger wouldn't have taken that aspect away from her. The Force signature he had felt moments ago was now strange and foreign to him. How could he have ever mistaken Rey's signature for this stranger's? He felt ridiculous. He must have imagined the familiarity like some green-horned fool. Abruptly turning about face, Kylo Ren exited the bar and made for his shuttle.
How could he have been so naïve? He'd gone off on another wild greeper chase and once again had nothing to show for it. He was so angry he could kick himself. The longer he went without finding even a hint of Rey, the less chance he felt he had in finding her. It'd almost been ten years now and their connection was only dwindling as more years passed. After ordering the ship to return to Starkiller Base, Kylo Ren laid down on the bed in his quarters, ripped off his helmet, and stared at the ceiling. He wasn't sure what to do next. He felt so lost. He wished he had some form of guidance.
Blinking when he felt the shuttle land, Kylo Ren replaced his mask and started to exit the ship. He hesitated before walking down the ramp, feeling the presence of General Hux waiting for him just below. "What is it, General?" He asked.
"You were expected back on base two hours ago, Kylo Ren." He waited for Kylo Ren to speak, to explain why they were delayed. When he remained silent, Hux let out a huff of hot air through his nostrils, "What happened?"
"Unexpected circumstances delayed our departure from Bakkah," he told Hux. It was mostly true.
"I spoke with Captain Muro," Hux continued in a clipped tone.
"Did you?" Kylo Ren asked through his teeth. He'd remember Captain Muro's betrayal.
"Yes," Hux raised an eyebrow, "What interested you so on the Eastern side of Bakkah?"
Directing his cold, metallic gaze towards Hux, he responded, "It's none of your concern, General."
"This isn't your first indiscretion, Kylo Ren," Hux stated. "Does the Supreme Leader know about these detours of yours?"
"He does, in fact," Kylo Ren responded, his gloved hands trembling with effort not to use the Force on this impertinent man. "He knows all, General. You'd do well to remember that."
Hux's lip curled up in a sneer, but he didn't retaliate, instead he moved to clasp his hands behind his back and straightened his back even more, "Very well then, Kylo Ren. The Supreme Leader left something for you." His lip curled as he said it, almost as if it brought him pain.
"What is it?"
"I do not know," he said sharply. "I was not permitted to see it. All he said was it was a reward for your devoted work and that I, myself, was to inform you about it." Kylo Ren could feel the bitterness rolling off Hux in copious waves and smiled triumphantly. Without giving the general a word or nod of goodbye, Kylo Ren walked away and towards his room to see this mystery item.
The package was lying inconspicuously on his bed, and honestly, Kylo Ren probably wouldn't have been as interested about its contents had Hux not brought it up. So, without any pause, he tore into it and gasped when he saw the dented, almost melted looking mask of Darth Vader. For a moment, Kylo Ren wondered how Snoke ended up in possession of the item, but quickly waved the thought away. He was the Supreme Leader. A very powerful man. He could get his hands on anything he wished. Taking his own mask off—to better see this relic—Kylo Ren picked up his grandfather's mask and stroked his gloved fingers along it. Parts of the mask had been damaged greatly by the funeral pyre. It was dented by the top, rusted along the mouth piece, and the more jagged parts caught on the fabric of his gloves. Placing the mask down, Kylo Ren tore off his gloves intending to discover if the mask was as cool to the touch as it looked.
When he picked up the mask again, Kylo Ren felt an electric buzz run up his spine. It was obviously imbued with parts of Darth Vader's force signature, having been a part of his persona for so long, and Kylo Ren could feel the power radiating off it still. This, he thought worshipfully, was the true power of the Dark Side. Following his instincts, he touched his forehead to the cool metal. It felt like a blaster had gone off inside his body. His grip on the mask tightened, his breathing stopped, and he squeezed his eyes shut as he felt the power of the mask overcome his entire being. A blinding light flashed behind his eyes, and suddenly, Vader's mask spirited Kylo Ren away from Starkiller Base and onto another desert planet. It was similar to Bakkah, but with one planet sized difference: it had Rey. He could see her, standing in a line with scraps of metal in her arms.
"Rey!" He shouted, begging her to hear him, to see him. "Rey!" He tried again, and his heart stopped dead in his chest when he saw her pause in taking a step forward and instead turn her head to look back. Finally, Kylo Ren could see her. Properly see her. She'd grown up so much, and yet almost everything about her was the same. She still tied her hair back into three buns. She still held herself with grace and poise. She seemed fiercer, somehow, though. The years on whatever this planet was had tanned her skin—increasing the number of her freckles scattered across her nose and cheeks—and stolen away her childhood fat. Now she stood, taught and lean, made of pure, wiry muscle and the scowl on her face made her look like she was ready for a fight. She looked around, searching for the source of his voice, and then she spotted him. For a mere second he saw recognition sparkle behind her eyes. She straightened her spine and opened her mouth, like she was about to call out his name in turn. Before anything came out of her mouth, her brows creased, a look of pain twisting her features, and she shook her head as if to dispel a mirage from her vision.
The landscape around him blurred and too soon Kylo Ren found himself back in his room at Starkiller Base breathing heavily and gripping his grandfather's mask so tightly his fingers were white. Normally, such a close call—and subsequent failure—would've sent him into a maddening, all consuming rage and he'd be destroying his room. This time though, this time he was smiling. It was a broad, almost lip splitting smile that made his cheeks ache, but he didn't care. He'd seen Rey. She'd seen him. He was getting closer. Their grandfather's mask had given him a gift. He could feel it, their bond had been restored, even just marginally. He was so close now. He could practically taste it.
"Thank you, grandfather," he whispered reverently, his lips ghosting against the cool metal of the mask. "Thank you for this gift."
When Master Snoke told Kylo Ren about the man on Jakku, Lor San Tekka, who had a map that would lead them to Luke Skywalker, he didn't hesitate in volunteering his services for the mission. He would give almost anything to come face to face with the Jedi Master once again. He swore if he ever did he'd make Luke tell him what he did with Rey, where he left her, and what he did to cut their connection. He'd take great pleasure extracting that information. His imagination ran wild with different torture methods which greatly pleased Master Snoke, so much that the withered creature actually smiled. Even with the added power from his grandfather's mask, Kylo Ren hadn't felt anything from Rey's side of their bond for years now, nor had he received any visions about her well-being, even the side effects of the bond had stopped. Kylo Ren was becoming desperate.
The Stormtroopers landed on the planet, in the small city called Cratertown, first. They secured the area, rounded up the civilians, and brought Lor San Tekka before Kylo Ren. At first, Kylo Ren was overwhelmed with the disappointing fact that they were too late and the Resistance had the map, but then that idiot of a pilot tried to avenge the old man. It was easy to stop the blast mid-air, especially in his high emotional state, and his Stormtroopers just as easily captured and brought the Resistance's greatest pilot before him. He ordered the pilot be brought with them, and the civilians slaughtered, and began his way to his ship when he felt it. A small flickering of the Force. He held his breath and slowly turned to where he thought he felt the flare. A familiar flare.
Gulping, Kylo Ren took a few moments to collect himself before tapping into the Force and probing for any other Force sensitives. It probably wasn't her, he told himself, trying not to let hope make a space in his heart. He'd been mistaken before, like that time on Bakkah. He could've sworn it was—but in the end, it wasn't. It was probably just another Force sensitive that would never amount to anything without any training. He had a job to do, anyway. Yes, he told himself, he needed to find the map and then find Luke. Luke was the one with the answers, after all. He was the only one who knew for sure where Rey was. Still, when his probe came up with nothing, he couldn't stop the lung shaking sigh, nor the black hole that began to claw away at his chest. He walked up to Upsilon, trying to convince himself that he was doing the right thing. He had the pilot, he practically had the map, and soon he'd have Luke Skywalker.
It didn't even matter to Kylo Ren when he found out the pilot didn't have the map. He still felt optimistic about the mission, and why shouldn't he? He was closer to finding Rey than he had been in a decade. After rooting through the pilot's mind, Kylo Ren had discovered he'd stashed the map in his droid. A BB-8 unit. It might seem like another tedious step in the already miles long path he'd been walking ever since he was sixteen, but now at least Kylo Ren felt like he had direction. A light in his dark tunnel to guide him. It gave him hope, and he'd be damned if he let this hope die like all its predecessors. Finding the droid would be easy. It wasn't likely that the droid would be smart enough, or have the proper resources, to leave Jakku, and droids on that planet—especially good ones—were a rarity. He'd have the map in his hands by the end of the Jakku day. Confidently, he dispatched several Stormtroopers to retrieve it. He'd even approved the use of TIE Fighters just in case they ran into resistance from the civilians, just to be on the safe side.
"My lord," a lieutenant called his attention. Kylo Ren had been staring at a control panel, waiting as patiently as he could for his Stormtroopers to return with the droid. Turning his head slightly, he let the lieutenant know he was listening. The fear permeated off the man in waves, and Kylo Ren hoped that it had everything to do with who he was addressing and nothing to do with the droid. He wasn't ignorant, though, and the Force told him all he needed to know even when he didn't necessarily want to know. "We were," he paused, "unable to obtain the droid. It escaped capture aboard a stolen Corellian YT model freighter."
"The droid," Kylo Ren repeated slowly, "stole a freighter?" He wasn't surprised by the lost droid—the Force had prepared him for that blow—but the fact that this cog claimed it stole a freighter? There had to be more to the story.
"Not exactly, sir. It had help. We have no conformation, but," he gulped and shuffled his weight on his feet, "we believe that FN-2187 may have helped it."
Kylo Ren activated his lightsaber. What were the odds? He asked himself angrily and he pounded again and again at the console until it was nothing but rubble. What were the odds that the one traitorous Stormtrooper would survive his escape, and Jakku, and find the one droid in the entire galaxy the First Order was hunting, and escape with it a second time? Calming himself down, an almost excruciating task, he focused on steadying his breathing and asked, "Anything else?"
Immediately, he knew there was. Fear skyrocketed within the lieutenant's pulse. "We," he paused again, mustering up his courage while trying not to clench his sweat-dewed hands, "we believe they were accompanied by a girl."
His stomach dropped. A girl, there was a girl with the traitor and the droid. A girl who was a native of Jakku. Jakku, a barren, desert planet that was crawling with scavengers, and where, just last night, he could have sworn he'd felt another Force sensitive being. Kylo Ren's mind flashed back to his visions of Rey. He remembered seeing her scavenge, saw her take her scavenged pieces to an outpost to sell, and all the while he remembered all the sand. So much sand that, even though he hadn't been with her, he could remember the grainy aftertaste the substance left in his mouth. Perhaps, he thought, perhaps there really had been a flare last night. Perhaps his probe to find the Force sensitive being failed because a flare was all it was. Perhaps the being's signature had been smothered after the flare. Was that how Luke had done it? Was that why he hadn't been able to sense Rey all this time? Had her link to the Force—her Force signature—been smothered?
Could that really be it? Could it really be her? His heart fluttered. He could pick out the emotions of hope and anxiety taking up root there, but there were also many, many more. So many Kylo felt his emotions going to war inside his body. His chest felt too hot, and yet his fingers and feet felt as cold as ice from Hoth. Was this really happening? Could he really be so close? What if this was it? This could be it. This had to be it. It could be Rey. It had to be Rey. His mouth dried up and suddenly Kylo Ren felt ill, like his legs were likely to give out beneath him. His bottom lip quivered with uncertainty and he blinked several times to dispel the moisture he found in his eyes. Finally, he thought, finally they'd be together again. No longer would they be sentenced to loneliness and despair. Once they had each other, they'd finally become whole once more. Kylo Ren almost couldn't believe it. He needed to be sure, though. He needed to know more. Now.
Using the Force to grab onto the lieutenant's wind pipe, Kylo Ren dragged his body closer and asked with painful enunciation, "What girl?"
A/N: Hi there, reviews are always appreciated! A big shout out to my friend Karrot who helped me edit this because the first draft was rough and without her it wouldn't have turned out this good. I might, not sure yet, write another piece in Kylo's pov of the rest of TFA and maybe even go on to write post-TFA stuff. Not sure yet. I do know I'm going to take a small break from writing SW just because I have other projects that I've been putting on the back burner and need to get back to. Not too long a break though so don't worry.
If you guys want to see some original stuff of mine, on you can find me under the same author name. My tumblr is also hammiesworkshop and it has to do with lit/art but its whatever. If anyone would like me to write something, I'd accept prompts (so long as its SFW) and I think it'd be hella cool to do so!