Psh, forget staggered uploads, I'm publishing these chapters once I've edited them. I need all the self-gratification that I can get!

—

A scorned figure made his way through the mountain pass. Anger and revenge stirred in his bones. How dare they? How dare he? The throne belonged to him and he would not have his future taken away! He had only heard of the castle in the ice from his father, the Chancellor. Osvald Zerker had been the only person from Berk who had been permitted in Bludvist by the Milk Drinkers themselves, but so far, his plans had been foiled.

Dagur would make his father proud. Change would come to Berk, long overdue change. Starting with the remaining royals.

The caverns on the west side of the path were just as his father had described, hidden in the ice. Dagur slipped inside the mouth and began his descent into the cave.

It was very dark, the only light coming from his own torch and a deep red far in the depths of the cavern. It was slippery, due to the ice, and he nearly fell several times. But when he finally arrived at the end, he was in awe.

The path spilled out into a large room split in half. One side had a platform that led to a staircase, the other was a pit that ended in magma. One misstep and his life was over. Dagur continued carefully toward the stairs, hugging the wall.

—

Astrid woke up with a throbbing headache. Sure, she had a few drinks, but not that much, right? Then she remembered the bottle on the table that was meant for a pair of lovers, and she had drank the whole thing.

Oops.

She rolled over, and took a look at her new husband. He had been there all night, frozen, cold, unmoving.

Astrid, in a moment of uncharacteristic tenderness, reached up and ran her fingers through his hair. It was soft like silk and fluffy. She noticed small bald patches, where more creases were hiding.

Then she studied his face. He had dark shadows around his eyes, that looked like he hadn't slept in days. There were even perfect wrinkles around his eyes and mouth. So much attention to detail.

Finally, she sat up, regretting the action as her stomach lurched.

There was a knock at the door, "your highness?"

"What?" She replied, sharply.

"It's noon, we were wondering if you and Hiccup wanted lunch." This was Tuffnut's voice.

"Yeah," she said with a sigh, swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "Come in."

The twins entered, with dirty smiles on their faces.

"So…?" Began Ruff. "Sleeping pretty late, aren't we?"

"Yep," said Astrid, unbothered. "It was a long day yesterday."

"Are you sure it isn't because you and your husband were having some…quality alone time?"

She snorted, "Oh of course, we were at it for hours."

Tuff giggled. "Oh Astrid, I didn't know you were such a bad girl."

"I'm kidding Tuff, we didn't do anything."

"Oh…" The teens both bemoaned, deflating.

Astrid stood, smoothing out her nightgown. "I suppose I should get Hiccup up, too."

The twins went to their duties, picking outfits for the royal couple.

Astrid wound the key a dozen times, and Hiccup opened his eyes with a start.

"But for what it's worth, I think—…" He paused when he realized he was laying down. Hiccup sat up and looked at Astrid. "What? I thought we were going to consummate?"

"We were, and then you shut off. I took care of it."

He tilted his head. "You took care of it?"

Astrid patted his face patiently. "Yes, dear. Now, I'm going to bathe. I'm sure you can find a way to entertain yourself while I'm gone."

"Oh, yes." Hiccup stated, as she walked off, followed by Ruff.

"Let's get you looking like a Prince," Tuff said, approaching with a special made double button tunic, belt, and trousers.

Hiccup mostly dressed himself, despite the protests from the servant, but he did require help buttoning up his back. "I like getting dressed myself," he stated resolutely.

"I understand, but…" Tuff frowned, his eyes narrowing. "Its my job to do stuff for you."

"And I understand that," Hiccup agreed. "But I meant, I like being awake while getting dressed. I don't like waking up in different clothes then when I went to asleep in."

Tuff looked at the doll with a brow raised. "I didn't expect you to have an opinion either way."

Hiccup was quiet for a moment, thinking. "Do you like waking up in a place or situation different from when you fell asleep?"

"Hell no!" Tuff laughed, "but that is a sign of some good mead, y'know?"

He didn't, but he still smiled.

Ruffnut came from the bathroom, wiping her arms on her apron. "It was too good to have the morning off. 'The water is too hot' 'No, now it's too cold,'" She whined. "And I assumed this doll was supposed to make her less angry."

"Well, give it time." Tuff supposed. "Who knows if this toy is any different from the others."

"Well, she asked specially for this one. And she always tends to respond better to gifts from Gobber than anyone else." Ruff shrugged, studying Hiccup, and dusting some hair off his shoulder. "But gods above is it realistic."

"Are you talking about me?" Hiccup asked.

"Yes," Ruffnut supplied. "What are you made of? Wax?" She pinched his cheek.

"Ouch!" He cried out. "That hurt!"

Ruff scoffed. "No it didn't. It couldn't've."

Hiccup rubbed his cheek. "Can I ask a question?"

"Of course, your metalness," Tuff grinned.

"What do you guys think of Astrid?"

The twins looked at each other, and then away. "Well…"

"She's…"

They were both quiet for far too long.

Then Ruff finally spoke. "You can't say anything to her, got it?"

Hiccup nodded obediently.

"Okay…Astrid's…difficult. Most of the time. She's been pretty decent lately, with you around."

"But I give her until the end of the honeymoon before she's back in her funk," Tuff posed.

"Honeymoon?" Hiccup asked.

"Its like a vacation, for the newlyweds," Tuff explained. "but since you guys got married in November, there's not much to do but stay inside."

Ruff continued, "besides, she's probably taking the opportunity to get out of council meetings and all those stupid brunches and dinners."

Hiccup tilted his head, wondering.

"What, did you think that being a royal was just money and making people do stuff for you?"

He shrugged, "I didn't really know what a Princess does. I'm sorry you have to explain stuff to me."

Tuff put a brotherly arm around him. "Aw, you'll get the hang of things soon."

Ruff explained on, "Astrid and Stoick are the only royals left in the three neighboring kingdoms. They have a lot of nobles to keep happy if they want to keep power."

"And do they? Want to keep power, that is?"

The twins shrugged. "Probably. It's cleaner that way."

"Where are the other royals? Why is Stoick running three kingdoms?"

"Dead," Tuff answered simply. "Killed by Milk Drinkers. Stoick knows what he's doing, so the rich and powerful are letting him do all the hard work, while they sit back, pull the strings, and bathe in money."

Hiccup's shoulders hunched. "Is that what happened to Astrid's parents?"

"Yep. And Stoick's wife and unborn son."

Hiccup gasped, a coil tightening in his stomach, "That's awful…"

"These are tough times, my good man."

Ruff frowned at the doll. "And still, with all this chaos and the threat of Bludvist, the Princess marries a wind-up doll that can't even help produce an heir."

At that moment, Hiccup became aware of his place in this world. He felt small as Ruff glared at him and went off to clean the room.

"Hey," Tuff began, seeing the look on his face. "Don't think about all that stuff, okay? Just…concentrate on keeping Astrid happy…that's what you were made for, right?"

"…what I was made for." Hiccup said aloud, for the first time since he spoke, he actually sounded like a machine.

"That's a good…um, toy? I guess?" Tuff patted his back. "Besides, Astrid's not all bad. She's actually a really good person."

"Deep deep down," Ruff added, speaking across the room. "Way deep down."

"Astrid gave us a home and a job. Yeah, the work is boring and hard, but it's a warm bed and three meals a day."

Hiccup tilted his head at the servant. "What were you before?"

"Well, we were children of merchants. Not super wealthy, but we got by. Then…well, as a common sob story in the kingdom, mom and dad met the blades of Bludvist, and the next thing we knew…we were orphans."

Finally, Ruff showed some softness. "If not for Astrid, we would have starved to death."

Something about that sentence made shivers run down Hiccup's back. He shook.

"You okay, Hic?" Tuff asked, noticing the movement.

"I think so…I must have had a misfire or something."

"Well, maybe it's best if you keep any malfunctions between you and Gobber, ah?"

Finally, Astrid strolled into the room, clad in a silk robe and toweling her hair dry. "Let's go see about lunch, hmmm?"

—

Tsar Stoick was in his office, head on his hand. His hair was turning grayer by the moment. Since the wedding a week ago, he had received several unsavory letters regarding his Princess' new 'husband'.

If he could call it that.

Many were outraged. Mostly parents that were wondering why their 'handsome boy' wasn't good enough for the Princess, and why she would resort to this mockery of the kingdom.

He asked himself the same question.

There was a knock on the door. "Your majesty, you have a visitor."

"Send him in."

Gobber Belch, the man responsible for his current problem, stepped in the door, looking very small.

They may have been lifelong friends, best of friends even, Gobber was still respectful to the Tsar. Well, at least when eyes were watching.

"You called for me, your majesty?"

Stoick dismissed the servant with a wave and beckoned Gobber to take a seat. He breathed patiently, and rested his head on his folded hands, elbows on his desk. "Why did you do that?"

"What?"

"Why did you indulge her weird request?"

"I'm supposed to indulge her. As royal toymaker, that's the job you gave me."

Stoick huffed. "Only for so long! The girl is 21! What adult needs toys!?"

"With all due respect, I enjoy making presents for Astrid. And I think she'd be disappointed if she didn't get something from me."

"She's disappointed with everything. The way her hair is styled, what's on the menu, hell, I bet she gets mad about the color of the sky!"

"And so what was I supposed to do? Say 'no'?"

"Yes!"

"No offense Stoick, but you're dumber then you think if you think that would work."

"Well, then…why did you have to make him look so real! I swear, I can see him breathing!"

"You should be thanking me. Imagine the ridicule you'd get if she was standing up on that altar with the steadfast tin soldier."

"I'm already being ridiculed!" Stoick emphasized this by shaking a handful of letters. "At least if it had been a tin toy, she would have gotten over it quickly!"

"Well, knowing Astrid…this might not last very long either."

"That's what everyone else is thinking, but not me!" He stood. "Come with me, see for yourself." He and Gobber travelled to the library, to a window that looked over the snowy courtyard. Meandering through the dead plants and ice, were the royal couple.

"Look at her," Stoick sighed. "She's talking to him, like he's a real person." He shook his head, resting his arm on the glass. "With everything that's going on in the country…my only hope and heir is insane."

"Can you blame her?" Gobber asked. "After everything?"

Stoick said nothing, only stared out the window and scowled.

"Hiccup wasn't an escape from fate, Stoick." He pushed the window open, so the conversation could float up to them. "It was a cry for help."

"I gave her everything." Stoick bit, "I gave her every need, I loved her…so why this?"

"Yes Stoick, you did love her. But you are only one person. She's starving for attention."

"She's got a hoard of servants willing to do anything she asks! How is she starving?!"

"Listen," Gobber beckoned.

The Tsar quieted himself as he listened to the couple talking down below.

"It's a ball," Astrid was saying. "You just form it in your hands."

"It's cold!"

She chuckled, "of course it's cold! It's snow! Now pat it into a ball, yes like that!"

"Now what?"

"Throw it!"

"Where?"

"Anywhere, just not at me!"

Hiccup seemed to notice the Tsar and Toymaker were watching from the window, and chucked it at them. It hit Stoick squarely in the face, since he was not expecting it.

"Hey! Watch it!" He shouted.

Gobber snickered. "Do you hear it?"

"What?"

"She's laughing."

Stoick's anger died when he heard it. A cackle, almost evil, but full of life and joy filled the courtyard. Astrid was clinging to Hiccup as peals of laughter shook her.

How long had it been since he saw her that happy? Saw a real, true smile?

"She did the same thing the first time she met him. He makes her happy Stoick. I know marrying the boy was insane, but she needs this. She needs a friend. Someone who can disregard her title and her past…and just love her."

"And can that thing do that? It can it love?"

Gobber nodded, "More than anyone else in the world."

Like most days in this drab and gray weather, when Astrid was needed elsewhere, Hiccup hid in the library. Most people knew that this was where he belonged, like an accessory. Apparently, there were two maids didn't know about that detail.

"Have you seen the Princess's toy yet?"

"Oh my heavens! I have! Isn't he horrifying?"

Hiccup bristled. He got up from where he was cuddled in the corner, reading, and shuffled behind the bookcase they were dusting.

"I know!" The first girl laughed. "He looks like a corpse."

"When I heard she asked for a husband, I imagined a strong handsome man, not…whatever he is."

"I thought Gobber was supposed to be an artisan!"

The second maid was silent for a moment. "You don't think…"

"What?"

"Oh! I shouldn't say it!"

"Oh but you should!" She giggled.

She spoke in a hushed tone. "What if he's anatomically correct?"

"Oh Mary! That's so vile!" The other giggled.

"I know! But doesn't it make you wonder?"

The two girls came around the corner and stopped when they saw the toy sitting on the ground. His eyes were round in betrayal and hurt.

One maid bowed her head. "I knew we shouldn't be gossiping about people." She bemoaned.

The other maid rested a hand on her waist and looked down to Hiccup in amusement. "Don't worry, Mary. He's not a person to begin with. He doesn't have feelings."

Mary looked at him suspiciously, and then shrugged. "Yeah, you're right. Can you imagine if he did though? That's an affront upon nature."

Hiccup couldn't find the words to protest. He just sat there, his chest tight, and eyes stinging.

The first maid walked up to him and touched his head. "Looking up close, he's kind of cute. Still creepy though."

"Ew, don't touch it!"

"Pft, I've cleaned the Princess's room enough times. I'm immune to whatever sex germs he's carrying." The two woman laughed as they left the room.

Hiccup closed the book and set it on the floor. Then he laid down next to it, a heaviness settling on him.

"Alright Hiccup, I'm done. All ready for our walk?" Astrid called.

He remained where he was, not able to move.

"Hiccup?"

"Down here."

Astrid rounded his corner, and spotted him. "What are you doing down there? Did something break? Do I need to get Gobber?"

He shook his head. "No, I'm just…sad. I think."

"Sad?" She sat down, curling her legs underneath her.

"Sad is when you feel real bad. Like you don't want to do anything."

Astrid spared a chuckled. "I know what sad is." She rested a hand on his head. "Why are you sad?"

He didn't really want to get those women in trouble. So instead, he peeked up at her. "Am I creepy?"

"No, not really."

"Not really, so then a little?"

"I mean…you look and act just like a person, but you aren't. It's a little creepy."

He nodded, and then curled in on himself a little more.

"But I like it." She stated. "I like that you aren't a normal person. It's nice."

Hiccup perked up considerably. "Really?"

"Yeah, normal people are stupid and mean, and spineless. But you…you're ignorant, but not stupid."

"I'm learning!" He assured.

"You are! You are!" She laughed. "Where did you get the idea that you were creepy?"

He shrank. "Um…I heard some maids talking."

Astrid scoffed and almost laughed again. "Well no wonder! The maids are HUGE gossips! They talk bad about everyone!"

"So you're not going to have them fired?"

"Do you want me too?"

"No! I was just…"

"They're harmless. 'Sticks and stones' right?"

"What do sticks and stones have to do with anything?"

"It's a phrase, 'sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me'. You're supposed to say it when people say mean things."

Hiccup frowned. "But you say words that hurt people all the time."

Astrid fell quiet, feeling her anger rise. But she took a calming breath instead. "I guess I'll have to work on that, huh?"

"I'll help you!" He grinned.

"Ah! You're smiling! Not so sad anymore, huh Hiccup?"

"Nope!"

Once their honeymoon was over, it was time for the parade. It was tradition for the newly wedded couple to ride in a topless carriage through town, greeting the townsfolk. With the rumors that had spread about the groom, there was undoubtedly going to be a large turnout.

Hiccup was just excited to see the town. If the palace was so resplendent, what did everything else look like? The view through the windows was only so much to go on.

"Hiccup, make sure you put your coat on, it's frigid out there." Astrid spoke, securing her frock over her skirts.

The toy wriggled in excitement as Tuff wrestled with his coat. "What's it like out there?"

"Cold."

He laughed, "No! The town! I bet the buildings are really big and beautiful, and the people wear really fancy clothes and tall hats and long dresses and—..."

"They only dress up for special occasions," she supplied. "Like me, we have less fancy clothes for everyday. And the less important you are, the more boring your clothes are."

"Oh…" He sighed, doing up the front buttons himself, while Tuff did the back.

"Don't get your hopes up too high, the town isn't anything special."

She was right, of course. The grandiose idea he had was blown out of the water as he sat beside her. There were some nice buildings. The closer to the palace they were, the better condition they were in. But as they travelled out into the square, Hiccup could see collapsed buildings, and others boarded up. Some burned, and some mismatched with repairs. There was a market, full of stalls built out of scraps. The townsfolk lined the streets; dressed in rags and whatever else they had to keep them warm. They all watched with wonder as the carriage passed, some knowing this was as close as they'd ever get to royalty.

"Uncle wants to do something for the town, but every time a shelter or housing sector is built, the damn Milk Drinkers come and destroy it."

That answered why there were so many dilapidated buildings everywhere.

"These are hard times. But we are the hope for the people." She recited.

Hiccup looked out over the crowd, taking in solemn faces and tired eyes. He wanted to do something for them. Maybe it wasn't his place, but he'd find something.

"Henry! Henry, my son! Look at me!" A woman had broken through the crowd and was running at the carriage. "I saw you die! You're supposed to be dead!"

Two guards jumped into action and grabbed the woman, but she had already grabbed Hiccup' attention. He rose out of his seat a little, and Astrid grabbed his arm. The carriage stopped.

"What is it?"

He never took his eyes off the woman. She looked like she had once been very beautiful, but time and life had stolen away her youth. Grey streaked her hair, wrinkles spread like wings around her eyes, and she was nearly skin and bone. Her rags and collected filth only proved her poverty.

"You can't be here!" She cried again, hysterical. "I buried you! You died in my arms!"

"Do I know you?" He asked, curious.

"Yes!" She cried harder. "I'm your mother! Don't you remember me?" She strained against the guard's grip. "Let me go! Let me see my son! I just want to hold my son!"

Hiccup gave the woman a solemn smile. "I'm sorry…I don't have a mother…"

"No! No—!" She wailed. "You're lying! I know you! Henry, please!"

Astrid pulled on his arm. "She's crazy, just ignore her."

He seemingly understood, and sat down. The carriage pitched forward, and they were on their way, but he could still hear her voice behind him.

"Henry! My Henry! My baby!"