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I'm sorry

Getting out of bed this morning was easier than Alec would have thought. He didn't want to look at the time, but it was for sure before dawn. Alec and Isabelle have been trained from a young age to wake up early in the morning, and Alec knew that habit would never go away.

The sun was indeed still down as he went over to his bedroom window. On the street outside he saw a cab and a couple of people. There was always someone on the streets of New York, at any hour of the day.

Alec put on a pair of sweatpants and a well-worn t-shirt and headed for the kitchen. He hadn't managed to eat something yesterday and his stomach was screaming for food. The institute was deadly quiet as it usually was. There was absolute no sound, not even the traffic outside could break through the institute's isolated walls.

There was some sort of distinct smell left in the kitchen from yesterday or the day before. Alec made himself a toasted sandwich and went to the library. Maybe he could read something and possibly fall asleep again.

As he was walking toward the library, he heard a noise from inside Jace's bedroom. That didn't make sense since Jace had slept in Max's room. Alec thought that maybe he'd just imagined it, but thought it was worth checking. He didn't feel like taking any risks after yesterday's events. Just as he reached for the handle, the door opened and Jace stood there. His eyes were puffy and his posture was slightly sagging.

"Alec?" he said and rubbed his eyes. It reminded Alec of Jace as ten years old, always rubbing his eyes in the morning. "What are you doing up so early?"

"Funny, I was gonna ask you the same thing."

"I couldn't fall back asleep."

"Same here."

"I need something to eat," said Jace and closed the door behind me. "Join me in kitchen?"

Alec remembered a certain warlock saying that to him two days ago. He repressed the memory and nodded "Sure."

Jace was making himself a sandwich while telling Alec about Max and what he'd said the night before. "He was pretty shaken," said Jace as he poured some milk into a glass. "He said he'd hidden in the closet the entire time, but had seen the wolf through a small peephole. He didn't say much about how he'd felt."
"I can understand why," said Alec and looked down at his hands. There was still some blood under one of his fingernails, and he gently scratched it away. "He was really brave though."

"He's a courageous kid," said Jace and sat down on the chair opposite Alec. "So," he said. "Do you have any plans for today?"

Yes. Alec was going to wait for Magnus to call the entire day. Those were his plans. "Not really, no. You?"

"I'm meeting Clary for training in the park."

"The park? Why not the training room?"

"You need to take advantage of the nature for as long as you can. It's getting colder everyday."

Alec rolled his eyes at his parabatai. "I suppose you're right."

"Aren't you going to see Magnus?"

Alec's head jerked up. "What? Why would I do that?"

"You tell me." Jace waited for an answer, but Alec couldn't get any words out. What was Jace talking about? He couldn't possibly know about him and Magnus could he?

Jace said impatiently: "Isabelle told me about you too, but frankly, I kind of already knew. I'm not stupid Alec."

"I'm not- I don't know what to tell you."

"You could start with why you've lied to me about it? It's not like I care."

Alec thought he'd hidden it so well from Jace, but apparently not. "I didn't lie to you. I just wasn't sure what to say. I'm still not."

"Well," said Jace and took a bite of his sandwich. "Whenever you do know, I'm here if you want to talk about it."

Alec smiled. His appreciation for his brother and sister was definite. Neither of them had made a big deal out of Alec seeing Magnus, nor did they observe it as something abnormal. Alec had convinced himself to believe that, and it helped that they did to.

The day went by slowly. Jace had gone with Clary to the park early and Isabelle was still in the infirmary. Maryse and Robert had come home in the middle of the night and Alec hadn't seen them until after breakfast. Apparently the search for Valentine would continue in Idris and they would have to travel there later today. They would bring Max with them, but had asked Alec, Isabelle and Jace to stay in New York. Jace had wanted to come with them, but they hadn't let him.

Alec was in his bedroom, sorting through his stack of books. He was waiting for Magnus to call him. It was almost dinnertime and yet, he hadn't called. Alec had cursed at himself. This was his fault. He'd been so angry that he'd blamed Magnus for everything, but like Isabelle said, it wasn't his fault. Magnus couldn't have stopped Tabitha from coming the institute, especially since he didn't even know. By the angel, Alec had been so stupid.

The phone rang. Alec jumped and snatched his phone from his desk, but it wasn't ringing. The sound was echoing through the walls and Alec recognized it as the institute's phone they kept in the library.

Alec got to his feet hastily and went quickly to the library. He seized the phone in his hands. "Hello, this is Alec Lightwood."

"Alec," said the voice on the other end and it was breathing heavily.

Alec recognized it, but couldn't figure out who it was. "Who is this?"

"It's Luke Garroway."

Clary's werewolf friend, Alec thought. "Oh, I'm sorry. Hi Luke. How are you?"

"I've been better," said Luke breathlessly. "I think Magnus told you about her, Tabitha Ashford, she came here this morning, to the Jade Wolf. She challenged me for the pack leader position but I won. I killed her. I need you to contact the Clave and make sure they get here."

Alec felt a wave of relief. They were safe from the werewolf now. "I'm sorry to hear that Luke, and of course, I'll send someone there."

"Thank you," Luke hesitated for a second before he continued. "There is something else you should know."

"What?"

"Magnus was here." Alec's relief vanished as quickly as it came. "He tried to step in, help me with his magic. He did, but he got hurt too, pretty badly."

Panic began to rise in Alec's throat. He said as calmly as he could: "Is he okay? Is he there?"

"Warlocks heal like us, but he couldn't use his own magic to quicken it. He managed to call a friend, a female warlock, and she came to get him. They went through a portal to his apartment I think."

Alec wasn't sure why Luke would consider telling him this, but maybe he shouldn't be surprised. It seemed like everyone knew about the secret he'd tried to hide. "Thank you Luke," he said. "I'll send someone." He clicked off, dropped the phone and was out of the room before it landed on the sofa.

Traffic was incredibly slow this time of the day, so Alec put on a heightened speed and invincibility rune and made his way to Magnus's apartment.

When Alec finally arrived to the building, he was breathless and panting heavily. His warm breath was like a cloud intruding on the cold air. Summer was over. Just as he pushed the door open, a woman was coming out from the stairwell door. She held up the door for Alec and smiled.

Alec smiled back and said: "Thank you."

Before the door closed behind him he realized something and looked back at the lady. He had been too distracted to notice it right away, but under the lady's pale white hair she had dark blue skin. He managed to call a friend, a female warlock, and she came to get him, Luke had said. Every warlock had a different warlock mark. Magnus's was his cat eyes. Others had horns, animal-like body parts, or an unusual skin color… Before Alec could say anything, she was gone. He let the door shut close behind him and went up the rickety stairs, taking two steps at a time.

The door to Magnus's loft was closed, but Alec didn't bother knocking. He opened it and called Magnus's name. There was a vague answer from inside the bedroom, which Alec hurried to.

Magnus lay in his bed under a pile of blankets. His head was resting on a big pillow underneath his neck and back, his eyes half opened. "Alexander? What are you doing here?"

Alec stood frozen in the door opening. "I- Luke told me what happened."

Magnus nodded and pushed himself into a sitting position. "I suppose you'll address this as karma?"

"No." Alec strode over to the bed. "I was wrong. It wasn't your fault, any of it."

Magnus looked at Alec with bewildered cat eyes. "I thought-"

"I know," Alec said and sat down on the side of the bed. "I was stupid. I was so scared for Isabelle. She's my little sister and I'm supposed to protect her. I made a judgment call, but it was the wrong one and she got hurt. By the angel, I don't know what I would have done if she wouldn't have been okay." He looked down at his hands. "And when- when I heard what have happened to you, I had the same feeling. That if you wouldn't have been okay, I would have-." He broke of and looked at Magnus, who were watching him silently. "I'm not sure what this is, but I know that I don't want to loose it, I don't want to loose you."

There was a moment of silence before Magnus spoke. "Come here," he said and tugged at Alec's sleeve. Alec absently kicked off his shoes and crawled onto the bed and settled next to Magnus. Magnus wrapped an arm around Alec's shoulders and pulled him closer.

Alec whispered softly: "What happened? At the Jade Wolf."

Magnus ran his fingers trough Alec's hair. "I went there to meet Luke, to tell him about her attack at the Institute. Just 10 minutes after I got there she showed up, in her human form. She wasn't showing any physical threat, but she challenged Luke into a duel. If a pack leader is challenged, they never say no. It's an unwritten rule. Their fight lasted long, too long, and so I tried to step in with my magic. I did but right before Luke killed her, she managed to bite me. It all happened very fast and I can't remember it all that well." Alec looked up at Magnus. His gaze was fixed in front of him. "To be completely honest, I don't remember much in between the fight and now."

"Who was that woman?" Alec said. "She was just leaving when I came."

"That was Catarina Loss. She's an old friend, very old."

"Is she a warlock too?"

Magnus nodded. "She is yes. She has a great talent with healing others and so she works at a mundane hospital."

"And she healed you?"

"Well I can heal myself, I just needed her help since the bite was quite severe."

"Can I see it?"

Magnus removed his arm from around Alec's shoulders and pushed down his robe over his shoulder. "Upper arm," he said and exposed the wound from underneath the bandage. It was almost completely healed. Alec could see the marks of teeth that had dug into Magnus's skin, but there was no blood. Just a cut, slowly healing itself back to normal. Alec lowered his head and pressed his lips to the bruises around the wound. He planted another kiss a few inches up, and then another. He felt Magnus tense under the touch of his lips. Magnus's skin was soft and warm and pleasant.

Alec pulled back a little and looked into Magnus's eyes. For a split second they traced down to Alec's mouth, and that was all the encouragement Alec needed. He leaned in and pressed his lips against Magnus's. He hadn't realized before just how much he had longed to kiss Magnus again. Now when they finally were, he didn't want it to stop.

Magnus pulled Alec closer and on top of him. Alec kissed him firmly while tracing his hands up and down Magnus's neck and arms. Magnus's hands were somewhere else but Alec didn't pay attention to that. All he could focus on was Magnus's lips against his own and the taste of Magnus in his mouth.

Alec never thought he'd ever be this close to another person. It had always been there in his mind, a fact he knew was true. Being with Magnus felt almost unreal just because of that. Like it was some sort of dream he would wake up from at any moment.

He pulled away from Magnus just a few inches. "Magnus?" he murmured. "Can you- can you promise me something?"

Magnus chuckled. "Should I be scared?"

"Promise me you won't ditch me?" Alec saw Magnus's face change into confusion and added quickly: "I mean, promise me you'll give this a shot? I know I'm inexperienced and probably not as- stunning as your past partners but- I really want this to work."

Magnus reached up and pressed his hand against Alec's cheek. "Alexander," he whispered and for some reason it felt right. Alec had never liked it when people called him after his real name. It always felt like it had a derogatory voice to it. But when Magnus said it, it was different. Like it had weight and value to it. "I don't care to compare you to my past. We're here and now and that's all I care about. This feels right, more right than anything has within decades, a century. I won't give that up. I won't give you up. Okay?"

"Okay." Alec didn't know what else could be said.

Magnus said: "So, what are your plans for the rest of the day?"

"I thought I'd stay here and watch over my boyfriend. If he wants me to."

"Boyfriend huh?" Magnus grinned and Alec waited. "He'd like that."

Alec bent down and kissed Magnus, a slow, warm kiss that promised more: more time and more opportunities.

Alec slid down beside Magnus again. "You sure your wound will be healed properly?"

"I'm sure with your extra medicine it's gone by now."

"No I'm serious. How long does it take for a werewolf-bite to heal?"

"It varies but it'll be gone in the morning."

"And you're sure about that?

Magnus laughed. "Yes I'm sure. Don't worry."

"How can I not? Alec's voice trembled slightly.

"How about this." Magnus traced his fingers along Alec's jaw and neck. "The next time something threatening is going on, I'll tell you about it right away. No secrets."

Alec closed his eyes. "Agreed."

They lay in Magnus's bed for hours talking. It had gotten darker and the lights from the city were shining brightly outside. Alec had his head rested on Magnus's chest, listening to Magnus's telling him about what plans he had for his next renovation.

"Lately I've found blue a very fascinating color. Maybe I should change my theme to Deep Dark Ocean or Blue Waves?" I found my inspiration in-" He stopped abruptly and coughed. It wasn't just a clear your throat cough, it sounded painful.

"Are you okay?" Alec asked and looked up at Magnus. He had his eyes closed.

"I'm alright yes."

"Do you want some tea?"

"I don't need-"

"I'm making you tea."

Alec untangled himself form Magnus and the nest of blankets and padded out to the kitchen. He smiled to himself when Magnus called after him and wished for chamomile.

While he waited for the water to boil, he looked through the different drawers and cabinets in the kitchen. He found himself trying to memorize where everything was, and challenged himself by trying to find different things. He easily found the refrigerator and the milk, but the teabags were harder. He'd thought it would be among the different spices and herbs, but no. Eventually he found them in three same patterned but different sized jars. There were too many tea kinds to count but he found chamomile right away.

He made one cup for himself and one for Magnus and padded back to the bedroom.

"Alright, here's your tea-" He stopped hastily in the doorway. Magnus's eyes were closed and his chest was slowly rising and falling. Alec couldn't help but smile. He set down the two teacups on the nightstand and crawled back into bed next to Magnus. He planted a kiss on Magnus's forehead and cheek before he reached out and switched off the lamp. When he closed his eyes, exhaustion seemed drag him with it. Before he fell asleep, the last thing he was aware of was the warlock's even breaths and the warmth from his body sipping through Alec's.

Lots of love! -s