A/N: Thank you all for your comments and your patience. I'm sorry it's been a while, but things have been crazy. Enjoy the chapter and please let me know what you think! :)
Chapter Three: Words You Can't Take Back
It was after eight o'clock that night before Jacob sauntered through the entrance of G-Major, and to Tommy's dismay, he wasn't alone. Jude, who was smiling intently at Jacob, was walking at his brother's side. Her cheeks were flushed and, as she bumped into a chair in the lobby, he noted that her behaviour was clumsy. He'd seen her act like this many times before in the five years he'd known her. These symptoms she was exhibiting, the blushing and the clumsiness, they could only mean one thing: she'd developed a crush on his brother. Just as she had developed one on Shay, Speid, Jamie and a few other nameless people over the years. He took a deep breath, trying to remind himself that crushes didn't seem to last where Jude was concerned.
He watched from the glass enclosed Studio A as the pair went their separate ways, Jude heading off towards the offices and Jacob walking towards the studio he was standing in.
He sat down quickly, pretending to be working on something. Less than a minute later, he heard the doorknob turning and spun in his chair to face his brother.
Jacob stood before him, an unconcealed grin beaming from his face.
"Enjoy your afternoon?" he asked, the sarcasm dripping from his words.
"I certainly did," Jacob said, still smiling. "Jude was nice enough to volunteer to show me around." Tommy watched his brother collapse in the chair next to his, visibly lost in thought. "Hey... do you know if Jude has a...significant other?"
He rolled his eyes in disgust. "Jacob, you've been here less than one day. Besides, she's 20 and you are leaving town in two weeks. Don't leave a mess I have to clean up."
Jacob eyed him angrily. "First of all, so what if she's 20? I'm only 24. And since when have I ever left a mess that you've had to clean up?? I think you're getting our roles reversed, big brother." His brother was seething, and for once, he couldn't really blame him. That statement was unfair, but the thought that Jacob was going to pursue Jude... it just messed with his mind.
"What happened to Justine, anyway?" he asked, trying to shift the subject off Jude. "Mom said you guys were getting serious."
It was his brother's turn to roll his eyes. He hadn't really thought about it, but that particular habit seemed to be one that ran in the family. "That was over six months ago. It didn't work out. She didn't appreciate my workaholic tendencies so she found someone who didn't love their work so much."
"I'm sorry," he muttered, unsure of what else to say. He felt an unexpected twinge of guilt that he was always way behind as far as knowing what was going on with his family members.
Jacob waved off his sympathy. "Things happen for a reason. Anyway, it's been a long while, and I realized that I don't think she was the girl for me anyway. Right now, I just want to relax, meet new people, and have some fun."
"I thought you were here for work, not play," he pointed out.
"I am here for work, but I'll need something to do with my evenings. And, well, no offense but as much as I love you, big brother, I can't spend three weeks with only you."
"Two weeks," he corrected.
Jacob smirked, clearly enjoying his discomfort. "I said between two and three."
"Great," he muttered under his breath, feigning a smile in his brother's direction.
Before he had a chance to shoot back, Jacob's phone began ringing. He pulled it out of his pocket, opening it simultaneously. "Hello?"
Tommy took the opportunity to try and catch his breath. So, two weeks might be more like three. He could deal with this. Well, he'd have to deal with this. He really didn't have much choice.
Jacob's voice broke through his thoughts. "Yeah, Mom, he's right here. Don't worry, he doesn't answer his cell phone for anyone."
Great. Now his brother was badmouthing him to their mother. He rolled his eyes again, hoping that by the time his brother left his eyes wouldn't get stuck like that.
"Hold on, I'll get him," Jacob said, holding the phone out to him. He took it, glaring at his smiling brother.
"Hi Mom," he said sweetly, watching out of the corner of his eye as Jacob strode back out to the lobby, where Jude just happened to be talking to Speid. While trying to focus on what his mom was saying, he couldn't help but be more concerned about how his brother kept touching Jude's shoulder lightly, or how he briefly ran his hand down her arm while laughing at something she said.
He managed to hear about half of the words his mom said, and he explained to her that she had been phoning his home number not his cell number, and that's why she never seemed to get a hold of him. The truth was nowhere near as sinister as the explanation his brother had given. Finally, after convincing his mom to call his cell phone if she needed him, and not his home number since he was barely at home, they hung up. He strode out to the lobby, noticing that Speid was nowhere to be found, leaving Jude and his brother conversing happily in the middle of the lobby.
"Hey," Jude said, smiling at his approach.
"I'm surprised to see you back here," Tommy commented as he positioned himself between the two of them.
"I forgot this in your office," she said, holding up her journal. She was smiling at him so sweetly that he almost forgot that his brother was even there.
"We're going to get some dinner," Jacob interjected suddenly. Tommy almost laughed, knowing his brother had purposely broken the moment he was sharing with Jude.
"Care to join us?" Jude asked, shooting another smile in his direction. How could he resist that?
"Sure, why not?" he answered, smirking at Jacob. He didn't even have to look at his brother to know that there would be disappointment painted all over his face. "Besides, we should stop by my place and unload your bags before we go, Jacob."
"Right," Jacob agreed reluctantly, clearly unimpressed with Tommy's inclusion in the night's plans. "Well, is everyone ready to go?"
Tommy had intended to finish a few more things off before he left, but they could wait until tomorrow. "Sure. Jacob, you can follow me and Jude back to my place," he said, grabbing a hold of Jude's hand and pulling her towards the door before his brother had a chance to protest. He knew his brother, if he was as interested in Jude as he seemed, he would use any opportunity to be alone with her. He heard a small laugh escape Jude's lips and he turned his head towards her.
She was smiling, clearly amused by the dynamic between him and Jacob. "You okay, Quincy?" she asked, still smirking wildly.
"I'm wonderful," he answered sarcastically, slackening his grip on her hand as they reached the Viper. As they settled in the car, he waited for Jacob to start his rental car before he pulled out of the parking lot. He glanced repeatedly in his rear-view mirror, making sure not to lose his brother on the way to his house. He wasn't completely heartless after all, and he didn't want his brother getting lost in the big city.
It was a smooth, but quiet ride. "I take it you and Jacob aren't exactly close," Jude observed, breaking the silence.
"You could say that," he answered cryptically, an edge of finality in his tone. He never shared anything about his family. It was a sore subject, to say the least, and the last thing he wanted to do was dredge up his past.
Jude took her cue not to ask any more questions, and the rest of the ride was silent. They reached his house without incident, and Jacob quickly stowed his bags in the door so that they could get on their way again.
They all climbed into the Viper and Tommy drove to a nearby restaurant, one he and Jude had visited on occasion after a late night of recording. It was a burger joint, boasting the best burgers in the city. He was pretty sure they were right. He'd certainly never tasted a better one.
They ordered shortly after arriving, and after the waitress left them, the three of them sat in a tense silence until Jude took it upon herself to begin the conversation. "So, Jacob, Tommy mentioned you're here for work. What exactly do you do?" He listened to the question, wondering if they hadn't covered this topic in their afternoon together, what the hell had they talked about?
"I'm an architect. It's the family business. Dad and I are actually opening up a branch of our architecture firm here in Toronto."
Jude was visibly surprised. "Wow. So, I take it business is going well?"
"Very well. Dad always wanted to expand but he wanted to wait until he had a partner to help him. And last year I just finished my PhD in Architecture."
Jude's eyebrows lifted, clearly impressed. "A PhD? That's amazing."
Jacob filled her in on a few more details of his intellectual achievements and Tommy rolled his eyes in annoyance. He was beginning to get a headache from listening to how wonderful and smart his brother was.
"So how long are you in town for?" she asked.
"I'm not sure, really."
"Only two or three weeks, isn't that right?" Tommy asked, interjecting himself into the conversation for the first time.
His brother smirked in Jude's direction, almost completely ignoring his presence. "I'm not sure. We'll have to see how things go."
"So do you guys have any other siblings?" she asked, her curiosity about his family evidently piqued. She'd asked questions over the years, but he'd never answered her. Apparently, she knew this was her one chance to find out anything she wanted to know.
Jacob laughed. "Gosh, Tommy, have you told her nothing?" He ignored his brother's eyes, focusing intently on the coke the waitress had just placed down in front of him. "We have a sister Katherine, she's 20. And we have another brother and sister, Andrew and Amelia, and they're both 15."
"Twins?"
Jacob nodded, pulling out his wallet. He flipped through the pictures until he found the ones he was looking for and handed them to Jude. "This one's Katherine. And those two are Andrew and Amelia," Jacob said, pointing to the two smiling adolescents who had the same dark hair and blue eyes as all the DuTois children did. Tommy eyed the pictures, thinking how much Amelia and Andrew had changed since he'd seen them last. Jacob turned to look at him, saying "That reminds me. I was talking to Amelia this morning before I left. She's doing a project on BoyzAttack and needs your help filling in some of the information. I think she was hoping for some inside scoop." He nodded, adding it to the mental list of things he needed to do. He'd have to think of something special to give Amelia for her project. She was the one sibling he had a major soft spot for. Regardless of how little he came home or what he did, that girl worshipped him. He figured it was because of his lifestyle, but whatever it was, he hoped that gleam that shone in her eyes whenever she saw him never faded. At times it was the only reason he actually went home at all.
"They're beautiful. Actually you all look quite alike," Jude commented, still looking at the pictures of his siblings. "I can't believe you've never mentioned them before," she said, shooting him a look of disbelief. He was sure he sensed a bit of disappointment hiding in her look too.
She turned back to Jacob, asking a few more questions about Katherine's life (she was just beginning to study to be a doctor) and what the twins liked in school (Amelia liked English and Music and Andrew liked Math). Andrew had always been really smart, even as a young child. He was pretty sure Andrew was going to be the second DuTois son to follow in the family business.
When the waitress finally dropped off their meals, they began eating in silence, Jude's curiosity about his family apparently sated.
Jude, in accordance with her recent pledge to eat healthier, had ordered a large garden salad. He couldn't help but notice, however, that she was salivating over his fries and burger. He moved his plate closer to her, knowing what would come next. She reached over, as per her usual habit, and stabbed her fork into one of his fries. It hit him that she was the only person he'd ever allowed to do such a thing. He would have normally been disgusted at someone stealing food off his plate. He thought it was kind of comical that it didn't bother him at all when she did it. As long as he could remember, Jude had stolen food from him, even when she ordered something she actually liked. It had started out as something she did to irritate him, knowing that he found it slightly gross. But over the past five years, it had become a ritual every time they dined together. It didn't matter what he ordered or what he was eating, she always stole something off his plate.
Noticing her enjoyment of the fries she was stealing, he cut his hamburger, and placed half on her plate. She shot him an appreciative look before beginning to ingest the scrumptious burger. She closed her eyes in pure adulation. They were amazing burgers, after all.
He smirked at her wholehearted pleasure, and caught a glance at his brother, who was eying their exchange curiously. He'd honestly almost forgotten that Jacob was there. That tended to happen a lot when he was around Jude. Everyone else seemed to fade away, and leave his mind with only thoughts of her.
He caught the direction of his thoughts before they went too far. He had to stop himself from thinking of her in that way. He'd fought it for five years and he'd gotten pretty good at it. Something about Jacob's arrival had shaken him though, heightened his awareness of Jude and his feelings for her. But it didn't matter. There were many good reasons why he'd never let their relationship get to that point and he just had to do his best to remember them.
The three of them dined in silence, only occasionally sharing a remark about the food or the restaurant. When the bill came, Jacob insisted on paying, regardless of his assertion that he would pay.
As they made their way to the Viper, Jacob opened the door for Jude and she jumped into the back seat. Tommy turned the key in the ignition, addicted to the purring sound the engine made as it started.
"Do you want to go for a drive somewhere?" Jude asked suddenly, her voice wafting from the back towards his ears in the front. He'd do anything she asked, and he was pretty sure she knew it.
He could see Jacob check his watch. It was already 10:00 pm. "I wish I could but I've got a meeting tomorrow at 7:30 with some of the builders." He could hear the regret in his brother's voice. He knew the last thing Jacob would want to do is miss an opportunity to spend more time with Jude, especially with the limited time he had in Toronto. But he also knew his brother was a responsible guy. Unlike him, his brother wouldn't stay out all night and show up late for work, or show up unprepared. His brother just wasn't built that way.
"I'll swing you home first, Jacob. Then if you still want to go, I'll take you for a ride, Jude." He was suddenly glad that it was dark as he felt himself blushing, naughty thoughts entering his mind of another way he'd like to ride her.
He pulled up at his house within minutes, and handed his brother the spare key to his house. "Don't wait up," he whispered, knowing he only was making the torture worse for his brother.
Jacob glared at him viciously as he stepped out of the car. Jude crawled into the front seat, settling the seatbelt around her hips. "It was nice meeting you, Jacob. I'm sure I'll see you soon," she said, and he had to resist the urge to groan as his brother leaned down to kiss her cheek.
He waited until his brother had let himself into the house before pulling the car away from the curb. "Any place in particular you want to go?"
"The pier," Jude answered certainly. Tommy shot her a questioning look, which she didn't respond to. They hadn't been to the pier in a very long time. Not since the time, just over a year ago, he'd been helping her with a song and he'd almost kissed her. He hadn't meant to, but for a second he'd lost control of himself and he'd leaned in, their lips unbearably close. He'd managed, somehow, to stop himself, to pull back and pretend it hadn't happened. She'd looked
at him with such confusion and disappointment. She hadn't talked to him for a week after that. So, he wondered, why would she want to go there now?
He lived only minutes from the pier, and in what seemed an instant, they were standing against the rails, looking into the water. He was silent, enjoying the presence of her so close to him. Just the two of them. It felt like they hadn't been alone all day, and he didn't like it. He liked having time that was dedicated to just them, even it was just working on a song, and he became a bit cranky when he didn't get it. It was probably some twisted way of being close to her, when he knew he couldn't have what he really wanted with her. But he didn't care. With her standing so near, he didn't want to think about it. He just wanted to enjoy looking at her, and smelling the familiar scent of her as it wafted through the air.
"How come you never told me about your family?" she asked, her question filling the silence with tension.
"I never thought it was important, I guess. It's not something I talk about to anyone."
She turned her head towards him, and her eyes held a look he didn't quite understand. He felt guilt wash over him as he recognized disappointment as one of the emotions swirling around behind her eyes. But there was a mix of other feelings he couldn't place. Before she turned away, however, he swore he saw hurt flash in her iridescent blue orbs.
"Your brother asked me out. You know... just to talk... or whatever," she announced. His breath caught in his throat. Dear God, Jacob moved quickly. Not even a day and he'd already asked her out. "Does that bother you, Quincy?" she asked, spinning her whole body around to face him.
For some reason, he felt like everything was hanging in the balance with this question. The tone of her voice, it was like she was testing him. But testing what, he wasn't sure.
Yes. Yes. Hell, yes, it bothers me. His mind screamed at him to say those words. But he knew he had no right to do that. Instead, he forced out the words that he knew he had to say. "No. Why would it?" He had no reason to protest and he knew it. Regardless of how he felt about his brother pursuing her, it would have been unfair to object. Not when he didn't have a valid reason. Not one he could act on, anyway.
This time he saw the unconcealed hurt shining in her eyes for a moment before she made an effort to hide it. Within minutes, the mood between them had become tense and uncomfortable. She took a deep breath, turning to look at the water again. She glanced around at everything for a few moments, in what seemed like an effort to memorize everything around her, before she spoke again. Without looking at him, she said, "I'm suddenly not feeling so well. Can you take me home?"
"Of course," he said, placing an arm on her lower back to lead her back to the car. She sped up, walking out of reach of his hand. He opened the passenger door, and as she climbed in, she completely avoided his gaze. The entire ride to her apartment, she stared out the window, not speaking. He knew her well enough to know that the wheels of her brain were spinning, stewing
over their conversation. She was angry, and he didn't know how to fix it. Well he did, but kissing her senseless wasn't an option he could actually act out.
When they arrived at her building, she stepped out of the car and slammed the door without a word. He waited to make sure she was safely in the lobby before he drove away. On the way home, he couldn't stop thinking of the many ways he'd screwed up with her in one night, of all the words he couldn't take back. First, he made it appear like he didn't trust her enough to tell her about his family, when in truth, she's the only one he'd even thought of telling about his awkward family arrangement. And he knew how indifferent he must have appeared to her possible relationship with Jacob, when in reality, it made his blood boil to think of her even touching someone else, especially his own brother. But he also knew he had no right to interfere in her personal life. He couldn't; not when he had no intention of ruining what they had by acting on his feelings for her. He had always recognized that his feelings for her were not one-sided, and it was even more evident to him by her reaction tonight. But that didn't change the reality that he was bad for her; he always would be.
As he parked the Viper, he mulled over how she angry she was when he'd dropped her off. He hated that she was mad at him. It always unnerved him when something was off between, like there was a dark cloud over his life that only she could get rid of. It also bothered him how so much of his life was wrapped up in her. She would likely give him the cold shoulder for the next few days, and he knew because of that, they would be a few of the worst days of his life. That kind of dependence frightened him, not that he'd change it.
He let himself into his house, and headed up to bed. He hoped Jacob was sleeping because he was definitely not in the mood for a confrontation tonight. He walked quietly to his bedroom, thankful that he didn't hear a sound in the house. He stripped off all his clothes except his boxers and slid into bed. He had no doubt that it would be a restless night. Not when the only thing he could think about was the hurt shining from her eyes. And the fact that he'd most likely just thrown her into the waiting arms of his brother.