Disclaimer: I do not own Victorious. You win this round Danny boy, but I'll be back don't you worry...
Chapter 4
Cat POV
Sunday flew by with a flash. Tori and I went to the park together. We had a picnic under the oak trees, wind rustling the leaves, which smell fresh and crisp to our long winter starved noses. Spring was the in the air and I was loving it. Tori took me out for ice cream, I knew we were best friends for a reason! She let me get the cotton candy flavor with rainbow sprinkles and a cheery. I ate it way too fast, so I was really hyper when we got to the blanket. Tori was really tired, and she just wanted to sleep but she stayed up for me because that's just the kind of person Tori is. After chasing after ladybugs and hummingbird, I eventually calmed down enough to lay peacefully by her, staring up at the shadows that you can only see when looking up at a canopy of leaves, stuck between you and the sun. We laid there for hours. It was the most content I've felt since after what happened at the party. At one point our hands accidentally touch and I gasped and jumped up.
Brow furrowed in concern and confusion Tori had asked me what was wrong but I pretended I had seen the coolest bird and hey, did you know that one time my brother ran after a bird and pretended to be a clown and scared some little kids so… Her nose scrunched up adorably in concentration and nodded her head in agreement as she tired her best to follow my story line. Good. That thought process distracted her and the moment had passed.
Phew. That was scary, I had to keep better control of myself. And for the rest of our time at the park I did. When we got back to the house we tried to get some math homework done, which I hate with a burning passion, but Trina had finally showed up back to the house, much to Tori's surprise and somewhat relief.
"Where did you disappear to?" Tori inquired.
Turned out she had been hanging out with this guy name Rick all week and had a special kind of sleepover with him that Tori wasn't allowed to tell her parents about. Whatever that meant. She would not stop gushing about his abs and though she was being kinda annoying, I welcomed the break, evening ohhing and ahhing at the right times. But after a while I couldn't take it. How could you possible describe someone's hair for a half hour?! Besides, I really had to concentrate on this problem because did I mention that math is hard and that I hate it with a burning passion?
Oh I did? Good.
Thankfully it was Tori's short fuse that saved me.
"Trina can you just be quiet for five minutes? Cat and I are never going to finish this homework if you keep yapping about Dick!"
"His name is Rick!"
"Whatever, that's what his name should be!"
And that lead to a full blown out fight. Screams, punches, and the occasional shoe flew. When it was over, there were hurt egos, pulled hair, and somehow a bent lamp was the repercussion of a particularly nasty part of the argument.
A broken high heel in hand, Tori had looked at me like she had just remembered I was there. She bashfully smiled at me in embarrassment and turned back to Trina.
"Trina, I am not dealing with this right now."
"I have a solution," I interjected.
"Well I can't deal with you right now," replied Trina.
"I have a-," I tried again.
"Are you kidding me right now Trina!"
I saw Tori raise the high heel a little higher, her knuckles whiting, and Trina cross her arms with an angry retort on her lips. I don't understand how Tori's parents could be gone all the time, and trust these two not to kill each other.
"Enough!" I yelled uncharacteristically. Jesus. They were giving me a headache. The Vega sisters turned to look at me in surprise.
"Tori we can sleep over my house tonight."
And that's where we were right now. Sitting back in my room felt strange, I missed the comforting hues of purple and pop band posters that adorned Tori's walls. I'm sure my rainbow and vibrant one in comparison seemed childish and stupid to her with the many stuffed animals and princess themed accessories. I've never felt self-conscious about my room before, but all of a sudden I did. I played with the ring on my finger, a quirky elephant one, while my cheeks started to turn red.
She took a full 180 around my room before looking at me and smiling. "Some things never change. I love your room, its adorable! It suits you."
Not anymore I thought sulkily.
"Thanks!" I replied perkily.
Looking at the posters on my wall pensively, she asked offhandedly, "Cat are you going to be okay going to school tomorrow? Because if not I'll happily stay here with you for another day."
The idea was tempting. Another day of just Tori and I? It sounded perfect actually. And school was going to be so hard tomorrow. I don't know if I could do it. But I had to.
"I really appreciate that but like you said I can't let him win. Besides, we need to finish that math homework!"
Tori smile brightly at the first part of the sentence, but when I said the word math her smile faded and she groaned. "Oh right. Forgot about that."
We finished our homework, and an hour later I turned off the lights, and laid in bed next to Tori.
"Goodnight Tor."
"Goodnight Lil Red."
Smiling at the nickname I fell asleep.
It was dark. I had no idea where I was. When I tried to get up I was stopped short by restraints. What was going on? I was laying down, pinned to the feather soft floor breathe me. Almost too soft. It felt as though I was on a… mattress. Oh. That were I was, on a bed. When I came to this realization a man stepped out of the shadows.
Oh my god. It was him.
"Hello Kitty Cat. Wanna play?"
I let out a blood curling scream and unsuccessfully struggled against the restraints. No no no no not again.
"Come now Cat, you know struggling is no use. You know I always win." With that he took several menacing steps towards me and all I could do was close my eyes and scream as he climbed on top of me.
"Cat wake up!"
It was over, I was safe in Tori's arms. "Shhh Kitty Cat it's going to be okay."
"Don't call me that!" I screamed at her. I felt a wave of regret and sobbed harder when I saw the look on Tori's face. She looked as though I had just slapped her. But she quickly recovered and apologized.
"No Tori I'm sorry. I'm so, so, sorry."
I continued to cry hard. The nightmare was over, but when was this going to end? Every moment I felt worthless and I just wanted to rip my skin off because I felt him all over me. How was I supposed to hide the bruise on my tomorrow at school? If I can't make it through a night without breaking down how can I make it through the day without Tori by my side? Right now her thin arms were the only things holding me together.
"Cat, please calm down. Just breathe with me okay?"
"In. Out. It's as simple as at. Follow my breath. In. Out."
It couldn't be that simple! I can't just breathe this away.
"I just need you to calm down, you're having a panic attack. Breathe with me. In. Out."
This was a panic attack? It was awful, I felt like I was doing to die! But she was right, I needed to calm down. This realization made me calm down slightly. My breathing was still sporadic, but my tears were falling slower.
"In. Out."
Okay. That's something I can do.
"In. Out."
I took a long breath and let it out when she commanded.
"Good Cat just like that. In. Out."
I did it once more and my breathing was almost back to normal.
"In. Out."
That one did the trick, I could breathe normally again. I felt embarrassed over my lack of control, and just stared at Tori's lap.
"Good, that was great." She leaned down so she was in my line of sight. "Do you want to talk about what happened?"
I shook my head no, while circling my arms around legs and tucking them towards my chest. No I didn't want to talk about it, didn't want to think about it for more than a second longer then I had to.
"It might make you feel better." Again I shook my head. I didn't mean to shut Tori out but I just wanted to forget about it and go back to sleep.
She looked at me a little unnerved. "Okay, that's fine, let's go back to sleep."
We laid back down but this time she pulled me into her and rubbed my back soothingly. "Just go to sleep Cat." She started to sing softly to me.
I tried to paint you a picture, the colors were all wrong
Black and white didn't fit you and all along,
You were shaded with patience, your strokes of everything
That I need just to make it, but I can see that...
Lord knows I failed you time and again,
But you and me are alright
We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi, yeah.
I walked a minute in your shoes –
They never would've fit
I figured there's nothing to lose.
I need to get
Some perspective on these words before I write them down
You're an island and my ship has run aground.
Lord knows I'll fail you time and again,
But you and me are alright
We won't say our goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need all we need, a lover's alibi
Every single day that I can breathe,
You change my philosophy
I'm never gonna let you pass me by
So don't say your goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change, yeah, ooh, ooh.
So don't say your goodbyes
You know it's better that way
We won't break, we won't die
It's just a moment of change.
All we are, all we are is everything that's right
All we need, all we need, a lover's alibi, yeah, ooh, ooh.
So don't say our goodbyes
You know it's better...
We won't break, we won't die
We won't die this time
Everyone knew Tori had the best voice in school, and her smooth alto tone shone through on this song. It was beautiful, and though I was confused on why she chose that particular song, the lyrics comforted me. When she hummed the last note, I whispered thank you and fell asleep.
When I woke up I felt like death. School wouldn't end for another few months but I needed it to be summer now. Why do you ask? Because getting up at six in the morning sucks.
I stared at Tori for a second. Her hair was everywhere and she was lying on her stomach, hands strewn above her head.
Grinning at her pose I gently shook her awake. "Time to go to school Tori."
"No."
"But we have to…"
"No!"
With that remark she turned around and pulled the covers over her head. Yup. Tori's definitely not a morning person.
I let her sleep in a little, showering and brushing my hair. I woke her up again with a towel covering my body and another drying my hair, tooth brush hanging out of my mouth.
When I pulled the covers off of her she gave her classic Tori death stare. She got up and shuffled towards the bathroom, muttering something about murdering a cat. I was unfazed by this and quickly got dressed into a corral lace dress and nude ballet flats.
The biggest challenge came in the form of hiding my bruise. Thankfully, the costume makeup class I took last year really helped me with the right technique of how to hide things with makeup. I skillfully applied it, grabbed an apple and my school bag and hopped into the car waiting for Tori.
She soon sauntered out, looking fresh and put together, transformed from the zombie she was 10 minutes ago. While she took her seat I thought, "I'll never understand how she does that."
Chuckling to myself, I forgot all about the dread that weighed down my steps last night and headed off to school.
When we walked through the doors it was just like any other day. Break dancers on my right, saxophone players on my left, and the vast hallway brimming with musical and theatrical talent extended in front of me. All of a sudden the dread hit me so hard I stopped in my tracks. "Okay." I took a deep breath. "Okay. I can do this," I thought to myself and quickly grabbed Tori's hand for support. She squeezed my hand and I squeezed hers back tightly in nervousness. Taking another deep breath I let go and started to walk towards our zany lockers.
Huddled around Tori's stood Beck, Jade, Robbie, and Andre.
"Hey Lil Red! Where were you guys all weekend?" Andre asked good naturedly.
My mind went blank. "Uhh… well, we were… ummm…"
"Having a girl's day," Tori interjected, saving me.
"Sounds fun," Beck replied.
"Yeah you would like that wouldn't you! "Jade yelled at him and stormed off.
Beck looked around at the group in confusion.
"I don't know man," Andre replied in sympathy. "But I would go after her before she does something crazy."
But it was too late.
"Jade stop being such a gang and give me my coconut back!" Sikowitz yelled.
"Never!" Jade replied and threw the coconut against the wall so hard that it broke and the milk exploded all over the hallway.
"That's it young lady. Lane's office, now!"
"No he'll make me put on lotion!"
"Well you should have thought of that beforehand!"
He stormed off, Jade in tow.
"So… that was interesting," Robbie said.
We all nodded in agreement. But secretly, I was glad it happened. It took the attention off of my and Tori absence.
The warning bell rung and Robbie, Beck, and Andre said goodbye and made their way off to their various classes. I started to get really nervous about being alone, breathing shallowly and quickly.
"It'll be okay Cat. You only have to get through creative writing and then we'll have math together. You can do it." With that and a reassuring hug Tori ran off to her science class.
Walking towards class I felt weird. Tori had been by my side ever since that thing happened, and I felt almost empty without her.
I couldn't focus on anything that happened during class and I felt strangely numb. It seemed like only a few minutes had gone by, but the bell had already gone off signaling the end of class. It took me a minute to register the noise and by the time I got out of class Tori was already waiting by the door, looking slightly worried.
It was such a relief to see her. I still felt a little out of it but she was my gravity and I slowly started to come back to earth. Sensing my needs like an almost sixth sense, she gave me space and we walked to math in silence.
Most of the day went by like that. It seemed as though I was in a dream world, watching myself go through the motions. Most people barely seemed to notice because I was always daydreaming, but this was different. This was scary. I couldn't connect to my body no matter how hard I tried. Yet I watched myself smile at acquaintances in the hall and laugh at Robbie's jokes and listen to Jade story about the unfairness of her detention for her "minor" outburst. They were all oblivious to my struggle.
Only Tori saw through me. At one point she pulled me into the janitor's closet right before we were supposed to get to Sikowitz's class, the last class of the day. I watched her shake me and saw me smile blankly at her.
"You need to wake up. He's not going to hurt you here."
Who's not going to hurt me? Is Sikowtiz going to throw a ball at me for being late again?
"Cat you're scaring me."
No Tori was the one scaring me! Was Sikowitz going to find us in here don't let him!
"Please Cat. That monster isn't here, it's just you and me."
No. I only knew one monster and I couldn't bear to think about him. I blocked out my thoughts and successfully pushed any memories down. They can't hurt me when I'm way up here.
"Cat say something, I'm getting scared."
I tried to but I couldn't.
"I'm sorry Red." With that she picked up the bucket next to her, filled with water from the hose lying next to it, and threw the water into my face.
"Tori what the actual fuck?!"
"Oh thank God," she replied and hugged me tightly. She held on for a little bit and then pulled away. "Catrina Valentine don't you ever do that to me again." A tear trickled out as she said that. "I can't lose you."
I nodded my head staring at my feet. What just happened, whatever it was, was terrifying. I had no control over myself, and worst of all I scared Tori halfway out of her mind. I didn't mean to do that to her. The only thing I could think to say to her was, "We need to stop crying so much."
She looked at me strangely for a minute, and then burst out laughing. The laugh grew harder when she saw my incredulous look, and she was laughing so hard that she had to bend double, clutching the rolling trash can for support. I started to giggle with her. When she put too much weight on the trash can it slipped out from under her and she fell to the floor. We both lost it, and I can't remember the laugh time I laughed so hard that I actually fell to the floor. Smiles plastered onto strained checks we helped each other up and ran to class, barely making it time.
In that class I smiled at acquaintances, laughed at Robbie's jokes, and listened to yet another overly dramatic version of Jade's dentation inducing story. And for the first time all day I didn't feel like I was faking it.
Hmmm why would Tori choose to sing that song to Cat? Hidden feelings perhaps?! Well you'll see, all in good time my friends, all in good time. Also leave me a review. Otherwise I'll start writing these stories in "gansta" language. "Yo Cat you my home girl and so g, I got love for you dawg do you feel me? Peace." And none of us want that. SO REVIEW.
Also sorry for threatening you with gansta language and for embarrassing myself because I just read that over again and I can say for certain that I am ashamed of myself for ever writing in such a fashion. I sounded like a 45 year old mom trying to be "hip." But it needed to be done, and hopefully you'll review. So word.
A-dawg out.