Chapter 4 is up!
It was several more weeks of solitude before I encountered Nagisa again. And by "encounter", I mean needed for help.
In hindsight, I technically should have seen it coming.
I had woken to the sound of my alarm blaring loudly in my ears. I shut it off in irritation before burying my face back into my pillow. Though I had made it a point to sleep earlier the previous night, somehow it just did not work out. My limbs felt like lead, my eyelids refused to open, and the very thought of leaving the bed made my heart sink. I snuggled deeper into my blankets, fully prepared to return to another session of snoozing.
Yet, my traitorous stomach would have none of it. Reluctantly, I slid out of my blankets and stretched myself, hearing my shoulders pop loudly amid the silence of the apartment. Continuing my morning stretches, I reached down for my toes and winced. My muscles felt sore and tight, and they strained uncharacteristically as I leaned down. Frowning, I stood up and inspected myself in the mirror. My skin looked fine, if only slightly paler than usual and there seemed to be no bags under my eyes. Overall, I looked fine.
So why was my body feeling so wrecked as if I had just run Karasuma-sensei's obstacle course of death? I shuddered at the mere memory. That particular training phase was so gruelling that it had me wishing I could just unleash my tentacles to complete it.
A buzz took me away from my thoughts. I checked my phone.
2 messages, one from Nakamura, and one from Nagisa. Right. It's my turn today. Shaking myself awake, I headed straight for the showers, hoping that the hot water would soothe my aching muscles.
Over the past week, the class had set up a "courier system" of sorts, where we grouped ourselves according to the districts we lived in and took turns running errands for members of our group. Rather than leaving our homes en masse, it meant that each person left the house once a week at most, thus maintaining our privacy while still being able to run our necessary errands. At least, that was how we reasoned it with Karasuma-sensei.
In truth, some of us were just getting bored to tears staying cooped up indoors and needed an excuse to leave. Since some of the others needed help getting things done, it seemed like the perfect way to justify breaking out of our self-imposed lockdown. Karasuma-sensei, however, saw right through our reasons and rejected our proposal outright. It took Bitch-sensei's support to change his mind, at the cost of promising to include her in the courier delivery list.
"Come on Karasuma, they've been cooped up long enough." She cooed in his ear, arms draped over his shoulders as she pressed herself generously into his back. He tensed slightly but remained where he was, bringing a smile to her lips.
"We are still working on maintaining the gag order. There is no telling who or what they may run into if they leave the house." He replied gruffly, folding his arms as his brows furrowed. Irina felt her mirth falter as he continued.
"I will not let them be exposed to those vultures again."
Irina gave Karasuma a soft gaze. She too wanted to ensure these children could be left in peace. They had endured enough of the dark side of this society and witnessed the psychosis it could breed in others. Any more, and they would run the risk of becoming swallowed up by it, never to have a decent childhood again.
"But..." Irina slid in front of him, arms never leaving the crook of his neck. Karasuma tracked her movements silently, watching her tiptoe around with a cat-like grace that came with years of practice. She was dressed in a loose red spaghetti-strapped nightgown that reached her knees, the most modest one she was willing to tolerate under his insistence. He vaguely recalled the argument they had regarding her dress sense at home. Sure, they intended to marry soon, but he would tolerate none of her shenanigans until it was proper to do so. He was brought out of his thoughts when she looked him directly in the eyes.
"We cannot shield them forever. At some point, life has to resume for them." Her gaze sharpened, devoid of their usual sultry shade. Karasuma held her gaze, questioning.
"Think about it. A few weeks more and it's a new school for them. Our influence will be even more limited once they integrate into their new phase of life. They need to learn how to cope and live normally with what happened, and house arrest will not help them do that." She answered softly.
"It's why we let them make the decision to return to schooling to begin with isn't it? They aren't kids anymore." Her last line made her heart ache.
Much as she wanted, she could no longer call this bunch children. They had made more adult decisions and faced more tests of resilience in the past year than most people do in their lifetimes.
Karasuma closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose, shoulders still stiff. Irina kept her arms around him, waiting. After what seemed like hours, let out a massive sigh and wordlessly typed his reply into his phone. It was only after he hit 'send' did he finally let his shoulders sag.
"You're right." He whispered. Irina drew him forward into a full hug, and for once he offered no resistance.
On our end, we received a long and sternly worded message to keep ourselves out of trouble, along with a list of rules and a firm reminder that if anything happened it was to be reported and the courier idea would end. It was followed by a message from Bitch-sensei, telling us to stay safe but also issuing us a challenge. That if we wanted our way, we needed to show the fruits of our training.
After all, a key skill of an assassin is to be able to hide in plain sight.
And thus began our 'courier duties'.
If I were to be honest, I was glad to have a chance to step outside. Living alone while under lockdown was boring at best, and downright cold and lonely at worst. The whole fiasco had left me feeling very isolated, and there were already multiple nights where the emptiness of my own home had left me wide awake with a metaphorical hole in my chest. More than anything, I just wanted to be able to talk to someone face to face. Anyone of my classmates would be good, if only to ease the void that had become more prominent over the past few weeks.
Memories and regrets become harder to ignore when the only thing you have to face is the voice in your head.
Stepping out of the shower, I put on an old T-shirt and shorts and inspected myself once more. The aches had diminished somewhat, and colour had returned to my face. Since I only had to make two stops today, I figured I would just go ahead and get my deliveries over and done with. Rest could come later.
Less than 40 minutes later, I was beginning to regret my decision to leave the house. The aches had returned in full force, and my steps grew increasingly sluggish as I walked. More than anything, I just wanted to curl up on the ground and not move. The plastic bag of food I was delivering felt heavier and heavier by the minute, and I was beginning to pant from the ordeal. Sweat poured down my neck, though it was hardly the warmest time of the day. Thankfully, there didn't seem to be any reporters within sight. It would be a major pain to rebuff them while being incapacitated like this.
I pushed myself ahead. Just one more stop and I can go home.
The route I had today was a really simple one. Help Nakamura settle some bills for an online purchase at the convenience store, purchase some food from said store and deliver them to Nagisa. It was easy. I could have easily run back and forth and made it home in half an hour.
But right now, it would take nothing less than the God of Death himself to make me even consider picking up the pace.
Finally, after what felt like forever, I stood at the front door of the Shiota household. With the pain from the aches growing increasingly intense, I pushed the doorbell button, silently begging for the thing to be over and done with. I was so fixated on the pain and feeling my legs tremble, that I barely heard the door open.
"Yes, who – Whoa are you alright?!"
It was the last thing I heard before I blacked out.
"Kayano, hey Kayano!"
I awoke to the feeling of being laid on a soft surface. Immediately, my eyes were locked with a pair of frantic blue ones.
"Oh thank God." Relief flooded his expression, and I felt my face flush automatically. Dazed, I was vaguely aware that my mouth was agape as I gave Nagisa a blank stare. He rambled on, oblivious to my shock.
"Are you alright? You just collapsed on me when I opened the door. You don't seem to have a fever, but if you weren't well you should have just told us." His gaze was still fixed on me, and he had an open palm resting gently on my forehead. My heart leapt from the close contact, and I let out a sputtered yelp as I finally registered what happened.
I was inside his house, on his sofa with one of his arms around my back as he held me. He had positioned himself next to me with one knee resting on the cushion, and seemed like he was in the middle of lowering me to recline on the sofa. The bag of food I brought had been hastily discarded, and its contents had spilled onto the floor at the foot of the sofa.
Taking stock of my body, I tried to determine what exactly had caused this. My neck felt stiff, and my shoulder muscles had tensed up from my rude awakening. A cursory twitch of my arms determined that they were still weakened, and the pain that overtook me moments before had dulled. It was when I turned my attention to the lower half of my torso that I froze, and I felt my blush intensify as my suspicion formed.
"Um… Could I use your bathroom?" I muttered.
His eyes widened again and he removed his arm. "Ah! S-sure. It's next to the front door." As soon as he released me, I shot straight for the bathroom. It did not take long before I was burying my face in my hands as I confirmed my suspicions.
"I should have known…" I groaned. My eyes darted around frantically as I hunted for what I desperately needed. Of all the times for this to happen… how could I have forgotten about this?
A soft knock emanated from the door. "Um, Kayano, are you okay in there?" Nagisa asked hesitantly, his voice laden with worry. I picked up the pace.
Not now, not yet!
"I-I'm fine. Just… uh." Words failed me as I juggled between my hurried search, the need to produce a suitable reason and my own rising embarrassment. I tried the mirror-cabinet, nothing. Under the sink, nothing. My heart began to race. The returning wave of pain did not help at all.
"Please Kayano, let me help. I can call a doctor right now." Nagisa's voice was growing increasingly anxious, and it merely spurred my own anxiety. Damn his considerate nature!
"I'm not sick, I'm uh…" I mentally smacked myself in the head. Real smooth!
Silence followed, and I slowly came to the morbid realisation that what I needed was not present. My mind switched gears, racing to think of alternatives. And just as my sense of dread reached its crest, Nagisa spoke again.
"Uh. Is it… girl stuff?"
Whatever dignity I had left promptly imploded and left the building.
"Here, this should help you feel better." Nagisa placed a cup of what I assumed was ginger tea before me.
Well, I assumed that it was ginger tea, given how it smelled and having heard the distinct thud of a mug being put on a table. I couldn't really confirm it yet as I had been keeping my own face buried in my hands in sheer mortification for the past 10 minutes.
I not only experienced the most humiliating accident a female could ever have in front of a guy, but now I was being given assistance by said male for a condition that most men could barely even talk about. The fact that I was now wearing his shorts while my own soiled ones lay folded in a bag just cemented the reality of the situation. Nonetheless, my ingrained politeness demanded that I thank him properly. Slowly but surely, against all instinct, I raised my head to meet his gaze.
"T-t-thank you for the tea." My face and ears felt hot, and I was sure that I was making records with the amount of embarrassment I was showing. Nagisa cracked a sheepish smile in return as he sat next to me on the sofa. We fell into a comfortable silence as I sipped the tea, and I secretly thanked the gods that the blush that had been stuck to my face was beginning to recede. As I calmed down, I decided to look around the room.
It was a simple and humble house, kept neat and clean. No photos of any sort could be seen, and the whole feel of the place was very frugal and minimalistic. Then again, given what I had heard of Nagisa's mother by his own account, it was to be expected. I sighed internally. Under any other circumstance, I would have been very happy to visit his home and chat with him.
"If you don't mind me asking… does this happen to you every time it comes?" Nagisa inquired gently. Sensing his worried undertones, I decided to be more forthcoming.
After all, now that the cat was out of the bag it made little sense to continue being evasive.
"Um well… it only became like this after the tentacles got removed." Predictably, his expression morphed into one of concern.
Back then, I knew full well that the presence of the tentacles would alter my physiology greatly, even to the point of potentially rendering me sterile. The pain alone placed my body under immense stress and as such, my cycles stopped completely for the entire school year. It didn't bother me very much back then; it seemed a worthy sacrifice to enable myself to reach my target. Nothing else really mattered. But as I slowly uncovered the truth behind Koro-sensei and the tentacles in general, I began to doubt my resolve. Suddenly, the sacrifice did not seem nearly as worth it as in the beginning. Thus, it was a pleasant surprise when my cycle managed to resume after the tentacles were removed. What I did not expect, was for it to become totally unpredictable and irregular, and for my body to literally get wracked with pain and fatigue on some occasions. Overall, it made accidents like today easy to occur.
Nagisa winced as he heard it all.
"Is there any medicine? Or a treatment of some sort?"
"I don't intend to let anyone examine me though. It would raise all kinds of questions." Nagisa looked ready to protest, but eventually could only glumly nod in agreement. Feeling a pang of guilt for making the topic so sombre, I quickly added.
"Oh but I'm sure I will be alright. My body just needs time."
Right?
Honestly, I still felt hesitant to believe that it meant my body would really return to normal. How could it, after being forcefully transformed, even just partially, by those monstrous cells?
Putting the mug down, I searched for a different topic. We all have had our share of serious and downer topics for the past month. Eventually, my eyes settled on the discarded bag and its strewn contents. Luckily it was all packaged foodstuffs, including microwaveable bentos and cup ramen, thus preventing any sort of mess.
"Why did you order these anyway? Aren't you able to cook?"
Nagisa stiffened slightly and let out a sheepish chuckle.
"Well, my mother is out of town this week and she will never let me eat these… so yeah." He admitted shyly, hand reaching to rub his neck awkwardly. I resisted the urge to giggle. His eyes had shifted away, like he had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar. A rebellious streak laced with a degree of innocence.
It was actually quite adorable.
"Oh, for work I guess? To where?" I chirped.
"Ah, she's on vacation actually… with my dad."
Crap. Another sore topic.
It was no secret amongst the class that Nagisa had a complicated family background. Anything regarding his parents and life at home never surfaced in conversation, and any direct questions by anyone was evaded with a seasoned level of elegance. Visiting his home after school was never an option, and any attempts to ask him to join weekend outings were often met with polite refusal. At one point, some of us made it a personal – albeit misguided mission to try and figure him out.
But as we found to our dismay, reading him was tough. He kept his responses regarding such topics so restrained and calm, that it was nearly impossible to get a candid answer. The assassin training only made the mask stronger, and it was only within the final months that it actually cracked.
The discussion did not even involve him. Yet somehow, a stray comment by Muramatsu complaining loudly from the other end of the room about a heated argument he had with his father over ramen had sent Nagisa storming out of the classroom during lunch. Well, he actually just walked outside, but it had been so jarring as he had just barely sat down. The momentary darkening of his expression, and subtle shift of his gaze towards Muramatsu told it all.
He had spent that entire lunch period seated under the trees. I followed him quietly, wordlessly taking a seat across him.
It was then he confided that his mother had tried to burn down the school just the night before. And that he really just wished his father could come back.
Suddenly, I felt a gentle touch to my neck. I snapped back to reality.
"Hey, don't worry about it." How did he…?
"It's a good thing." His hand retreated, and he leaned forward to rest his elbows on his knees. "They said they're trying to patch things up, give it a second chance." He said wistfully, hands clasping unconsciously in mock prayer. Almost mechanically, he pulled his lips into a soft smile as he regarded me with what I assumed to be a reassuring look.
I do not know if I truly understood how I did it, or if I could even put it into words. But then and there, for the briefest of moments, I sensed a pulse of fear from him.
"It will be alright!" I blurted out before I could stop myself. He jumped slightly at my outburst, eyes widening with surprise. "Just believe in them, and take their word for it. I'm sure everything will be alright, and everything will work out." I rambled awkwardly, suddenly realising that in my zeal I had risen to my feet and balled my hands into fists, very much like those characters I saw in anime.
Great, now I had transitioned from sounding cheesy to acting cheesy.
But the genuine grin of relief that broke on his face flooded my insides with warmth, and my own awkwardness was quickly forgotten.
I remained in Nagisa's home for hours, conversing about everything that came across the mind. He showed me great hospitality too, even cooking lunch and dinner. By the time I stood before the door of my house, the sun had already set. Nagisa, still a gentleman to the core, had insisted on walking me home, despite my constant assurance that the pain had subsided to manageable levels.
"Thanks for everything today. I really owe you one." I said shyly. I received a gentle smile in return.
"No worries, I'm always glad to help you out." He let out a light chuckle as he replied, and again I felt the blush returning.
"Although," He continued, "I'll be honest, I almost didn't recognise you when I opened the door."
Ah.
Over the past few weeks, I had stopped using the green dye that I usually applied to my hair. As such it was able to steadily wash out, and my locks had returned to their natural dark brown. Now that I thought about it more, it was probably why no reporters were seen as well. I looked very different, especially when I kept my hair down.
Feeling self-conscious, I asked. "Is it bad?"
"N-no! It looks great! Better actual- ah n-not that it was bad before-" Now it was his turn to blush, and I could not help but let out a laugh at seeing him so flustered. Placing my hand on his shoulder, I gave him a reassuring pat.
"Thank you."
He grasped my hand in return, and levelled an intense gaze that nearly floored me.
"Kayano, believe me. You look good." A breeze picked up, and his hair billowed gently against the evening light. The grass rustled in the background, and my mind was transported back to that fateful night on the mountain when we sat among the trees. My heart pounded loudly, and I held his gaze, too surprised to really look anywhere else.
Time seemed to slow, and likened to a spell, my awareness was both heightened and dulled. Overloaded by the intensity of his eyes and touch of his hand, and numbed to the fact that we were just two teens standing outside of a door.
Curse my hormones really. And curse my understanding of movie clichés.
"Let me know if you still need help tomorrow. I'll come over and cook alright?" And without a chance for me to protest, he stepped away, breaking the spell.
As I went to sleep that night, I made 2 mental notes.
That I managed to successfully hide in plain sight, and that there was no way I'm letting him cook.
Apologies for how long this took! Once again, let me know what you think! Many thanks!
Thegoh