Denial
Chapter four - Sirius, the One Who Makes Grls Cry
*****
"Lily?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes?" She replied.
"Can we go somewhere private?"
"If you want. Want to try the dorm?" She asked.
I nodded, thinking that someone would probably already be there, but I couldn't be bothered to think of somewhere else, and it wasn't that far away. Surprisingly, Kira was sitting with Ellissa and Mya in the common room, and the dorm was empty. I lay down on my bed, and Lily sat at the end, facing me.
"The reason I hate Sirius," I began, "is that, when we were going out, we took it... all the way." I said carefully. Lily's eyes widened.
"You mean you had..." I nodded. "Oh, right." Lily said as if she was beginning to understand, which I like to hope she was.
"And then, a week ago, I found out that I'm," I paused, then said in barely a whisper, "pregnant."
Lily gasped slightly, then pulled me into a hug, saying, "We were wondering why you'd got so moody, it all makes sense now."
"Talking about me, behind my back." I muttered half-jokingly, not all that surprised. It didn't matter anyway. You could talk behind someone's back without it being a bad thing, and I'd done it with both Lily and Kira, about the other member of our small group. I couldn't blame for being concerned. Bitching was a different matter, but it wasn't the same.
"You keeping it?" Lily asked after a while. Just as Kira, Ellissa and Mya walked in.
"Yeah, I will if you don't mind." I said, quickly snatching a tissue from Lily's pocket, and dabbing my eyes, making it look like we were talking about the tissue.
*****
Later that night, me and Lily were sitting in the quiet common room, doing homework, when Lily returned the conversation to our earlier one. "So, you are keeping it?" she asked quietly.
I nodded my head, and my left hand moved to my stomach, while my other wrote out my history essay, in for tomorrow.
"Who knows?" She whispered. I indicated my head towards her. "Me. No-one else?" she asked.
"The nurse." I muttered.
"Is that it?" she asked, surprised. I nodded again.
"You should be honoured." I muttered
"Shouldn't you tell your mum? Or Sirius, for God's sake, he's the father." Lily tried to keep her voice low. I shook my head vigorously.
"No-one's going to find out!" I said, warningly.
"What about Kira? She's your friend." Lily insisted. I shrugged. She certainly wasn't acting like my friend at the moment. "You can't expect her to psychically know that you have a reason to be stressy at the moment." Lily reasoned.
"Yeah, but that's not the point," I said, even though it was, "I just don't want anyone to know."
And we continued pretty much in silence.
At half ten Lily went to bed, but I'd only done one piece of parchment on a three piece essay, and still had a lot to do, before first thing the next day. I sat on my own by the fire, there was a couple in the seventh year, cuddled together by the window, and on the other side of the room...
There was that bastard, Sirius, and his friends, James, Remus, and Peter. They'd just finished discussing something, and were packing sheets of parchment away, which I doubted was homework.
I turned back to my table and tried to concentrate on the history of Halloween. It was a very boring subject, but it had to be done.
I kept being distracted by the thought of my child, and it's father sitting across the room.
I was also worried about what Lily had said. I'd have to tell my mother sometime soon, probably when I went home for Christmas. And Kira... I didn't know. And Sirius was the father, but he was such a dick.
I watched as Sirius and his gang went to bed. Watched Sirius's retreating back, and felt a pang of sadness. What happened to what we had? Why did he have to turn into such a dick? Why did he ruin it all?
I felt a longing to be near him and with him again, but I couldn't! I hated him. He was a bastard. He had a girlfriend anyway. He would just reject me. Bastard.
AI still missed him. I couldn't help how I felt, I just felt that way. We'd always had such fun and it'd been so great, and everything and... now it was all gone. I think I had Sirius withdrawal. And then, at the height of my happiness, and even though we'd done it, he'd made me feel so god, and safe, and happy and then... why'd he dump me for a bimbo like Charlotte? Charlotte Green for God's sake? She wasn't that pretty, or that clever, or that gracful, or that popular, or that easy. Bitch. Ok, maybe not a sluttish bimbo then, but now she was always all over him when it wasn't Michelle Brockworth or Holly Woodend. I hate them all, yet I still love him! Why?
Tears. I felt them coming, and bit my lip, trying to stop them. They refused and fell down my cheeks and onto my essay. I rolled it up, and shoved it out of the way.
I continued to cry, but it didn't matter. No-one could see. The only other people in the room were too busy digging into each other's mouths to notice me, sitting there, alone.
Then I heard a noise behind me and glanced up. James Potter was still there, finishing his own homework. He saw me, and a mixture of pity, and worry came on his face. Strange for a friend of Sirius.
"You ok?" He asked. Did I look ok?
I fiercely wiped away my tears, deciding History of Magic could go to hell, and half ran up to the dorm, unwilling to let him see me cry over a bastard like Sirius.
*****
I don't know if I'm pathetic, or full of my own writing, or what, but this kinda made me sad. It could be because I have more insight into what's happening, or didn't go into enough detail, but I know that detail anyway.
I don't know.
However, if you'd care to be kind and review please do so, and thankyou to my reviewers!
I loves ya! - Mai
Chapter four - Sirius, the One Who Makes Grls Cry
*****
"Lily?" I asked cautiously.
"Yes?" She replied.
"Can we go somewhere private?"
"If you want. Want to try the dorm?" She asked.
I nodded, thinking that someone would probably already be there, but I couldn't be bothered to think of somewhere else, and it wasn't that far away. Surprisingly, Kira was sitting with Ellissa and Mya in the common room, and the dorm was empty. I lay down on my bed, and Lily sat at the end, facing me.
"The reason I hate Sirius," I began, "is that, when we were going out, we took it... all the way." I said carefully. Lily's eyes widened.
"You mean you had..." I nodded. "Oh, right." Lily said as if she was beginning to understand, which I like to hope she was.
"And then, a week ago, I found out that I'm," I paused, then said in barely a whisper, "pregnant."
Lily gasped slightly, then pulled me into a hug, saying, "We were wondering why you'd got so moody, it all makes sense now."
"Talking about me, behind my back." I muttered half-jokingly, not all that surprised. It didn't matter anyway. You could talk behind someone's back without it being a bad thing, and I'd done it with both Lily and Kira, about the other member of our small group. I couldn't blame for being concerned. Bitching was a different matter, but it wasn't the same.
"You keeping it?" Lily asked after a while. Just as Kira, Ellissa and Mya walked in.
"Yeah, I will if you don't mind." I said, quickly snatching a tissue from Lily's pocket, and dabbing my eyes, making it look like we were talking about the tissue.
*****
Later that night, me and Lily were sitting in the quiet common room, doing homework, when Lily returned the conversation to our earlier one. "So, you are keeping it?" she asked quietly.
I nodded my head, and my left hand moved to my stomach, while my other wrote out my history essay, in for tomorrow.
"Who knows?" She whispered. I indicated my head towards her. "Me. No-one else?" she asked.
"The nurse." I muttered.
"Is that it?" she asked, surprised. I nodded again.
"You should be honoured." I muttered
"Shouldn't you tell your mum? Or Sirius, for God's sake, he's the father." Lily tried to keep her voice low. I shook my head vigorously.
"No-one's going to find out!" I said, warningly.
"What about Kira? She's your friend." Lily insisted. I shrugged. She certainly wasn't acting like my friend at the moment. "You can't expect her to psychically know that you have a reason to be stressy at the moment." Lily reasoned.
"Yeah, but that's not the point," I said, even though it was, "I just don't want anyone to know."
And we continued pretty much in silence.
At half ten Lily went to bed, but I'd only done one piece of parchment on a three piece essay, and still had a lot to do, before first thing the next day. I sat on my own by the fire, there was a couple in the seventh year, cuddled together by the window, and on the other side of the room...
There was that bastard, Sirius, and his friends, James, Remus, and Peter. They'd just finished discussing something, and were packing sheets of parchment away, which I doubted was homework.
I turned back to my table and tried to concentrate on the history of Halloween. It was a very boring subject, but it had to be done.
I kept being distracted by the thought of my child, and it's father sitting across the room.
I was also worried about what Lily had said. I'd have to tell my mother sometime soon, probably when I went home for Christmas. And Kira... I didn't know. And Sirius was the father, but he was such a dick.
I watched as Sirius and his gang went to bed. Watched Sirius's retreating back, and felt a pang of sadness. What happened to what we had? Why did he have to turn into such a dick? Why did he ruin it all?
I felt a longing to be near him and with him again, but I couldn't! I hated him. He was a bastard. He had a girlfriend anyway. He would just reject me. Bastard.
AI still missed him. I couldn't help how I felt, I just felt that way. We'd always had such fun and it'd been so great, and everything and... now it was all gone. I think I had Sirius withdrawal. And then, at the height of my happiness, and even though we'd done it, he'd made me feel so god, and safe, and happy and then... why'd he dump me for a bimbo like Charlotte? Charlotte Green for God's sake? She wasn't that pretty, or that clever, or that gracful, or that popular, or that easy. Bitch. Ok, maybe not a sluttish bimbo then, but now she was always all over him when it wasn't Michelle Brockworth or Holly Woodend. I hate them all, yet I still love him! Why?
Tears. I felt them coming, and bit my lip, trying to stop them. They refused and fell down my cheeks and onto my essay. I rolled it up, and shoved it out of the way.
I continued to cry, but it didn't matter. No-one could see. The only other people in the room were too busy digging into each other's mouths to notice me, sitting there, alone.
Then I heard a noise behind me and glanced up. James Potter was still there, finishing his own homework. He saw me, and a mixture of pity, and worry came on his face. Strange for a friend of Sirius.
"You ok?" He asked. Did I look ok?
I fiercely wiped away my tears, deciding History of Magic could go to hell, and half ran up to the dorm, unwilling to let him see me cry over a bastard like Sirius.
*****
I don't know if I'm pathetic, or full of my own writing, or what, but this kinda made me sad. It could be because I have more insight into what's happening, or didn't go into enough detail, but I know that detail anyway.
I don't know.
However, if you'd care to be kind and review please do so, and thankyou to my reviewers!
I loves ya! - Mai