Thanks to my beta team, Rainygal, katwoman76 and cheekymice
Thanks alsoto everyone who reviewed. My stats and review page is gone, so I hope I won't leave someone out: OClover1, Christina, Ansy Pansy aka Panz, Hiera, KiKiCohen, kokomocalifornia, The Ryan, Leentje and JenJenxx
The snow
After Seth had fled the bedroom he had rushed downstairs, hoping the bar was already open and he would be able to hide there for some time. He hadn't meant to tell Ryan that it was his fault the family was breaking apart, it just was the only explanation he had at the moment. Actually, that was not true, but it was the only explanation which did not involve himself being the one to blame and he was eager to believe that this was the only one possible.
"Hey Seth"
"Hey Stephanie" he mumbled, placing himself on a chair at the bar.
"You're early today"
"Yeah, guess so… Can I have two shots please?" he continued while pointing at the board behind the girl, on which he could read 'Friday's 2 shots for the price of 1'.
"I.. I don't think so Seth, it's 10 am!"
"So why is the bar open if you don't have the guts to serve alcohol to a paying customer?" he hissed, immediately regretting his words when they left his lips.
Shrugging Stephanie ignored his bad behaviour and filled him two jiggers with the hard liquor, before placing them in front of the boy with the black curls.
Seth took the first one, bend his head backwards and emptied it with one gulp. Loudly he then slammed the jigger down on the wooden bar and grabbed for the second glass, emptying it as quickly as the previous one.
"Two more" he croaked afterwards, holding up his ring and middle finger to illustrate that he was serious.
Stephanie knew that it was not her place to judge, but the way she assessed his character, she was sure he was not a notorious or heavy drinker and that something was seriously bothering him.
Reaching for the phone she dialled the number of the reception and asked, whether Maya was in this morning. When she got a negative answer, she asked for the another waitress to join her at the bar.
Seth had in the meantime placed himself once again on a bar stool, his head covered in his arms, the first two shots obviously already kicking in.
When Scarlet appeared in the door frame Stephanie waved her over and wordlessly pointed to the slumped teenager sitting in front of her, before motioning the other waitress to follow her into the nearby kitchen.
"Chänntisch du dich churz um di bar chümmru? Ich cha nu nit la süffu."(Could you take care of the bar for an hour or so, I can not let him booze his brain out).
"Kei problem" (No problem)
Stephanie returned to the bar and found Seth in action, already filling himself another to jiggers with hard liquor.
"Hey sailor, you might wanna slow down a bit"
"Why should I? It's the best day to get loaded!" Seth was already slurring, the effects of the alcohol consumed clearly displaying.
Stephanie didn't hesitate but grabbed his arm roughly and propelled him towards the one table hidden in the darkest corner of the bar, making him sit down. With a glare she ordered him to stay there, while she went to get two hot, black coffees.
When she returned Seth was still sitting at the same place, his eyes only half open but obviously he had refrained from getting himself another alcoholic drink.
"So, drink this and tell me what's bothering you"
"It's… private…"
"I'm a bartender. I can keep my mouth shut and I'm known to give very good advice. I'm also quite scary, so don't make me ask again!"
Sending her a respectful glance Seth took a sip from the hot coffee before he opened his mouth and said:
"My mum made us go to this family holiday because there is this huge rift between the four of us. You know, my mum has had me when she was in her early twenties and ever since then she had wanted another child. As she has had an abortion before she met my Dad, which we found out after the miscarriage, the doctors told her that it would be hard for her to conceive and deliver another baby…."
Stephanie nodded and motioned the American boy to continue.
"After we adopted Ryan I believed everything was perfect. My parents had another son and I had a brother. But about a year ago my mum got pregnant again. She was over the moon, as was my Dad."
Seth stopped and coughed slightly as his voice started trembling with emotions.
"I was surprised at first, even a little bit jealous of the baby-to-be-born, but after some time I adjusted to the idea and was happy as well."
He stopped once more and took another sip from his coffee, before earnestly looking at Stephanie.
"Ryan is a completely different story… Of course he told us he likes the idea of a baby around. We included him in everything, trying to show him that he still is a part of the family, that he too was getting a sibling. I think it was even harder for him as he believed that he would only mean trouble once the baby was here, that we needed the small space he required in our family for the newborn. As if we ever thought about moving the nursery to the pool-house!" he growled.
"Beg you pardon?"
"Never mind" Seth sighed, trying to re-focus on where he had left of. A shadow crept over Seth's face, his eyes darkening, pain flashing up.
"In the fifth month, Mum lost the baby-girl…"
"I'm so sorry…." the barmaid gasped, covering her mouth with her hand.
"It was hard on all of us, but especially on my mum and Ryan. My mum blamed herself for the miscarriage and started drinking. Ryan has had an alcoholic mother once and of course blamed himself for her turning to the bottle. Also it was hard on her, as his ex-girlfriend had lost a child, which he had accepted as his, by miscarriage a few months earlier."
The boy with the black curls sighed, the sorrow and pain obvious in his face now, the hurt cutting deep into Stephanie's heart.
"Ryan cares a lot about my mum and he hid the fact that she was an alcoholic from us for a few weeks, cleaning and looking after her when she was drunk. I guess they had an argument one, she must have hurt him pretty bad, we are not sure what she said, but they hardly talk to each other anymore."
Stephanie swallowed slightly. She had guessed that Seth was depressed, but had certainly not expected such a story behind the dull eyes of the drunken boy.
"My mum's clean now, but we were walking on eggshells around each other for the past few weeks, nobody dared to really touch the subject, express our own feelings to each other. My Dad suggested a therapist, but wanted to give my mum time to readjust to the family after coming back from rehab."
"What happened today?"
"My Dad… he's more concerned about his relationship with my mum that he seems to forget we're still here. All he does is to throw commands, tells us what to do, but we never had the time to really talk to him about the whole thing. So I once again relied on Ryan today. We have been taking care of each other, although he's more the brooding one, so he never actually told me how he felt and what had happened between himself and my mum, but he helped me stay sane through all these times."
Guiltily looking at the girl next to him, Seth sighed and continued with a cracking voice:
"I hurt him today… I told him he was just a project for my parents…"
Stephanie flinched and sent him a horrified glance, beginning to understand the situation all members of the family were in.
"I'm really sorry, believe me, I didn't mean to say this, I just… it hurts so much to loose my baby sister and my parents at once…"
Stephanie reached out and wordlessly pulled the now sobbing boy into her arms, whispering soothing words to calm him down.
meanwhile in a café down the street….
Sandy was desperate. He had always thought that his family was strong, built to survive any drama happening, that's how it was supposed to be, after all, they were living in Newport Beach. Never had he imagined that faith in his marriage could be unsettled, never wanted he to believe that himself and Kirsten could drift away this far.
After she had miscarried and lost their baby girl a few months ago and he had grieved with his family, it still didn't stop bothering him. So he had talked to the doctor, trying to understand how this could have happened and if they had the chance to ever have a baby again.
The visit at the doctor had been one of the weirdest hours he had ever experienced. The fact that Kirsten was not able to carry out another baby was not what threw him off course. But learning, that she had had an abortion a few months before he had met her made him lose his ground completely.
Sandy knew that the only other sexual partner Kirsten ever had before him was Jimmy Cooper. Knowing that if she had not made this grave decision to have an abortion then, they may have never met nor had there been a chance of ever coming together. He could also not understand why she had never told him about it. They were married for over 20 years now and he really thought they shared everything, every little secret, every mistake they had made in their lives.
Realising that the fate of his family depended on the relationship between himself and Kirsten, Sandy was determined to close the rift between them, restore the faith into their marriage and their future together as husband and wife.
When Kirsten drifted into alcoholism Sandy took whatever steps necessary to get her to rehab, to help her overcome her grief over the loss of the baby, the problems between themselves.
Only weeks after Kirsten came back cured, Sandy had to learn the hard way that his family would not get back to normal. During the time he needed to take care of his wife, the boys had been completely on their own, had only had themselves to rely on, to talk to, and obviously they were far from ok.
Sandy had really hoped that during this holidays they would be able to mend the fences, the anger and resignation the boys were feeling and they could start working on becoming family again.
Sitting in a small café vis-à-vis of Kirsten and sipping on his coffee he thought about how to subtle inform his wife of what was going on with the boys, why they were hurting and how he believed they were able to help. He was sure Kirsten had sensed the problems at home, but was keeping herself busy with work in order to not fall back into addiction again, that she did not dig further when the boys avoided her polite questions.
"What the hell is going on Sandy?"
The concerned voice of Kirsten brought him back to reality and he locked eyes with her, searching for any clues as to find out what she was talking about.
"What's wrong with the boys, with our family?" she continued, a stern expression on her face.
"I've let them down… I was so occupied with us, our relationship, that I forgot about the boys, that they also were grieving…. I was not there for them…."
"It's the fault of both of us, Sandy. I just never realised that the loss of a baby could have such an impact on the boys, I mean, the baby was not even born. And with rehab and everything I was too busy to heal myself that I forgot to be a good mother…"
"Kirsten" he gently replied. "It's not the place to bathe in self-criticism. It is time to talk to the boys, respond to their feelings and show them, that we are here for them and that we care…"
Forcefully getting up, Kirsten threw him a glance and told him:
"What are we waiting for then?"
Sandy stunned observed how his wife got the check, paid and walked to the exit, waiting for him to follow. He offered her a small smile and kissed her gently before he whispered:
"Welcome back honey!"
back at the hotel
Stephanie was still holding Seth close, comforting him, when they were interrupted by sudden vibrations from the floor, followed by the shaking of the ceiling lamp over their heads, glasses shattering at the bar.
The two young people bolted up from their seats, threw scared looks around and reached for the next stable stack close to them, gripping into the wooden material, trying to steady themselves.
"Earthquake?" Seth asked panicked.
"I doubt so, probably an avalanche, quite a large one…" Stephanie answered, fear audible in her voice.
"Let's get upstairs, it's safer!"
Halfway up the stairs the vibrations stopped and they quickly run fully upwards to join the other scared guests in the lobby. Searching for any familiar faces Seth called his Dad's name when he spotted him near the reception, holding Kirsten close to his body.
"Seth! Thank God you're alright!" Kirsten screamed when she reached the shaking boy, pulling him into his arms.
"What is going on mum?"
"An avalanche, quite near the village, therefore the vibrations" Kirsten explained, forcing her voice to sound smooth and calm.
"I thought you were out there snowboarding!" Sandy exclaimed, relieved that his son had changed plans this morning.
Looking around, Kirsten realised that someone was missing.
"Where is Ryan?"