Chapter Four

"Do you really want to know why I am here, Anders? Why my Father thinks this is the best thing for me?" I ask as we wind our way through the beds and apprentices. Some notice me. Others don't seem to care and that is fine by me.

"I am curious, Marian. No Father or Mother willingly brings their child to the Circle… Well, excluding Solona," he replies.

"Yes, I know all about what her parents did, Anders. They didn't even bring her here. They packed her bag and placed her in the care of some carriage driver and that is how she arrived here. The Amells don't think highly about mages. They feel it is a stain on the family name and to make matters worse, they are nobility, so yes, you can imagine the scandal it would have caused… And I feel it is wrong. As if we are to blame for our gift of magic."

He grins at me, "True, but you still haven't answered my question. Why are you here, Marian?"

"Because I messed up, Anders. I caused a fire in a field not far from our family home in Lothering about two weeks ago," I blurt out before losing my nerve and absolute silence falls around me. I dare not look at him or anyone else.

"Really?" he asks, amusement apparent in his voice and I meet his intense gaze head on. His eyes are sparkling with admiration and I smile.

"Yes, really. I caused a fire, showing off in front of the villagers. Most of them were children and teenagers. The fire went out of control and I had to use a huge amount of mana to bring it back under control before it spread further into the field. Needless to say, I was not thanked. Instead a group of boys pelted me with stones and told me I was cursed. That I was a demon and that the only place for someone like me, was the Circle."

"And you let them get the better of you, didn't you? Why? Marian? What do they know? Everyone in Thedas is under the impression we are dangerous, when that is furthest from the truth. They have been fed countless lies and stories and most of them are just that, lies and stories. I refuse to believe every mage out there is dangerous…" he says softly and I don't miss the passion in his eyes. This is something that is very close to his heart.

"What about blood mages, Anders? I've heard stories about them. About how they summon demons to enhance their magic. I've heard of demonic rituals… Do they really cut themselves?"

"That is the common theory, Marian…" he replies as he deposits my bag onto the only vacant bed.

I move my bag further onto the bed and I sit down, "But why would someone do that? I've never understood it, Anders. My Dad doesn't say much about it…" I ask as I look up into his earnest and highly intelligent face.

"Perhaps it is because he feels it's a risky topic to discuss with you… Blood magic is dangerous and I would advise against attempting it," he says as he sits next to me.

"I would like to learn more about so that I can understand it better," I inform him as I start unpacking my bag.

"Why?" he asks.

"It's always fascinated me…" I reply and he places a firm hand on my wrist.

"Marian, it's treading dangerous waters if you want to study the subject. There are books and tomes in the Great Library, but please," he trails off.

"Hey, I have no intention of becoming a blood mage, Anders. The topic has always fascinated me and in order for me to understand it better, I need to learn more about it."

"Mmm, fair point well made. Okay, I will show you where they are, but can we do that later?" he asks.

"Whenever, I don't mind, unless you have something else in mind," I murmur, warily lifting my hand to his cheek and his eyes darken considerably and I am drawn to his golden-brown eyes. They are so warm and inviting and they seem to penetrate my soul.

"Marian," he says softly, gently removing my hand from his cheek and placing it on his thigh where he laces his fingers with my own.

"Call me, Mari," I whisper, studying our joined hands. He is as fair as I am, except I am lightly tanned from the amount of time I have spent roaming the fields around my home with my siblings.

"Mari… It's a pretty name," he says softly as he lifts his hand to gently tuck a lose strand of hair behind my ear, "Would you mind telling me more about yourself?" he asks and just like that, our moment or whatever it is is gone and in its place, my heart won't stop racing.

I withdraw my hand and move myself away from him, until I feel the headboard pressing against my back, "What do you want to know?" I ask, not missing the frown on his face.

"Well, first of all, what is your favourite school of magic? Is there anything you specialise in?" he asks, quickly recovering himself.

I roll my eyes, "How can any form of magic be my favourite, Anders?"

"I enjoy the Primal School of Magic, Mari. I enjoy lightening bolts. You should see how powerful the Tempest spell is. Perhaps I will show you one day," he chuckles.

"Mmm… I guess I prefer the Elemental School of Magic. Fire and Ice is my forte," I chuckle, "My Dad is good with fire and I guess I inherited that from him as well as his gift of healing," I continue and his face lights up completely

"You can heal?" he asks.

"Yes and I am apparently very good at healing others. I have helped my Dad many times with difficult cases, such as a difficult birth where there is a small chance of either the Mom or baby surviving or when someone has a severe broken arm or leg. My Dad and I work extremely well together and we have pulled many people from the inches of death by combining our skills. In short we are well-loved by the villagers for our healing talents. Him more so than me. Why are you so interested?" I ask.

"I can heal to, Mari. I am the best they have, next to Wynne in the Circle. I have spent hours training with her and learning everything I can about healing… From reading great big books and tomes. I think you should meet her, however I must warn that she is a stern woman who takes no nonsense from anyone, including me," he chuckles.

"Mmm… Maybe… Maybe it won't be so bad being here after all… The main reason about why I am here for two years is because my Dad feels I need to learn to appreciate my gift of magic… He has a motto. It goes like this: Magic must serve that which is best in me, not that which is most base. I hope to learn the meaning behind that… I don't really understand what it means though."

"Hey, I am sure you will figure it out, however, I would like to show you around what is going to be your home for the next two years," and he frowns, "Why two years?"

"My Dad and Irving go way back, Anders. My Dad was an apprentice here before they transferred him to Kirkwall when they required someone with great healing ability. In fact, he told me that Irving was his mentor."

"Really? I've know him since I was twelve… He was and still is like a father to me," he trails off and again, there is vulnerability in his eyes and I don't understand why. What happened to him? What were his circumstances when he first joined the Circle? I am about to ask him, when Solona ducks her head beneath the bunk-bed.

"My, you look rather cosy," she mutters and when she sees our joined hands, her face turns red and her eyes smolder with hidden fire and she glares at him.

"What's this, Andy? Quick to move onto someone else, are you?" she bites out, but he doesn't flinch. In fact he is mildly amused by her reaction.

"You know your jealousy is getting tiresome. Since when am I not allowed to make other friends, Solona?" he asks, "And besides wasn't it about a week ago, I saw you walking around the courtyard with Cullen?"

She blushes, "We… There is…" she trails off.

"Don't lie to me, Solona. How often have you spoken about him? Even when we spend time together and you don't see me go all jealous on you."

Spend time together? I look from one to the other. It is clear she is attracted to Anders and I realise I am no match for her and I snatch my hand away from his warm one.

"If this is a lover's quarrel, then take it somewhere else. I need to pack my things away and I will find my way around the Circle, Anders," I mutter, standing up and moving a discreet distance away from them and I don't miss the triumphant gleam in Solona's cyan blue-eyes.

"No… Wait… Marian… Solona, just bug off will you? For the Maker' sake, it is her first day here and you are ruining everything. Just go and bug someone else, alright? And besides, it was you who told me how important it is to make young apprentices feel welcome especially knowing that most of them will never see their parents again or have you conveniently forgotten that? Have you forgotten the circumstances under which you were brought here?" he asks, folding his arms across his chest. I would smile, but the sadness and pain in my cousin's eyes is too much. I make a move towards her and I reach for her hands.

"We are cousins, Solona… My Mom told me about you and how you came to be at the Circle. I can't imagine the pain you must have felt… And please can we not try to friends or civil at least?" I ask softly as I look into the older girl's eyes and my heart beats painfully upon seeing the pain and deep, deep sadness in them.

"No… Get away from me, Marian. You know nothing about me… Just stay away from me and Anders," she bites out as she roughly pushes me away from her.

"Are you coming with me, Anders?" she asks.

"No… I don't like the way you are treating her and I will be damned if I am going to allow it to continue… Now apologise, Solona. Do you really think she deserved that?" he asks as he places his hand on the small of my back, "She is only trying to be friendly or is that asking too much?"

"Fine, I get the message, Anders…" she snaps, first glaring at me and then at him and then there is a collective gasp from our small audience as a woman with silver-grey hair comes towards us with a disapproving look on her face and I instinctively recoil away from her. She commands respect that much is clear and I don't know where to look, so I settle for looking at the wooden floor.

"What is going on her, Anders? Solona?" she asks and I am very surprised by how softly-spoken she is. It is in stark contrast to her commanding presence and I look at her. Her eyes are light grey with blue flecks in them. They are unlike any eyes I have ever seen and they are beautiful. She has a heart-shaped face with laugh lines around her mouth and despite her commanding presence, I relax and extend my hand towards her.

"Ah, you must be Marian Hawke… I knew your father when he was here. In fact we were very good friends," she says softly, "I am Wynne, by the way," she says as an afterthought.

"Oh… Anders mentioned you a while ago," I murmur, shaking her hand.

"Did he, now? He is my protégé," she chuckles.

"No, I am not, Wynne. I give you more trouble than I am worth," he chuckles and I don't miss the fondness in his eyes as he smiles at her.

"True, but you are an excellent healer, nevertheless, but, what is going on here?" she asks, first looking at me, then our joined hands and then she looks at Solona who is staring resolutely at something she can only see.

"Nothing I can't handle, Wynne," he replies.

"Mmm… Really?" she asks pointing to our hands, "You know our laws, Anders."

"What about them, Wynne? We are people just like everyone else and we are entitled to the same treatment as everyone else. Just because we are mages doesn't mean we can't have friends, or show physical affection," he explains.

"Physical affection? Hardly," scoffs Solona.

"Here we go again… I need some air… Come with me, Mari. I can show you the rest of the Circle and the Great Library. Do you read?" he asks as we stroll away from them leaving Wynne to speak to my cousin.

"All the time. We have an extensive, however small, library at home. Books my parents have collected over the years," I reply.

"Excellent, then I am sure you will find the Great Library to your pleasing," he says, no doubt pleased with himself and I glance at him.

"I take it you read a lot?" I ask.

"I love books, Mari. I always have. I have spent hours in the library. They have so many books on the Circle's history. The history of the Chantry. There are even books about the blights, Ferelden has had to overcome in the past."

"Blight? What's that?" I ask, genuinely interested in what he has to say.

"Darkspawn, Mari. Have you heard about Darkspawn?" he asks.

"Mmm… I think I have. My Mom told me about Garahel, the Dalish elf and member of our family who defeated the First Archdemon," I reply.

"Well," he scoffs, "Most people feel mages are to blame for that to. Personally I think it is a load of nonsense."

"So, tell me about Wynne," I suggest, eager to move the subject away from mages and darkspawn.

"The first thing you should know is that she will more than likely mentor you, which means you and I will more than likely have several classes with her. Healer Mages are rare, Marian. Here they take extra care in honing our skills to be the best we can be," he explains and I want to do a little dance simply because that means we are going to spend a lot of time together.

"What about Solona?" I ask.

"Solona? She is more of a fire and ice mage. She's good and when I say she is good, I mean it. She might give you a run for your sovereigns, Mari… Now that would be something to see if you two duel out in the courtyard… As a demonstration to the other mages, of course," he chuckles.

"They allow that, Anders?" I ask, coming to a standstill and not quite believing what I have just heard.

"Of course they do. Here, mages train and hone their skills under the ever watchful eye of the Templar Order. You see those men over there?" he points towards the door leading to the main entrance and I look around. There are several Templars all over the place.

"They keep an eye on us, Anders?" I ask, shivering slightly about this realisation.

"Twenty-four hours a day, Mari. They do rounds at night as well to make sure that no-one misbehaves. Why do you think I want to leave this place? I hate feeling trapped, Marian. Yes, they are lenient here, in comparison to the other Circles, but that doesn't assuage my feelings of a trapped or caged bird. I want to be out there, helping others and fighting for what I believe in and another thing is that I hate the Templars," he informs me.

"Really? I find that difficult to believe considering the way you and Cullen were joking around last night at the Redcliffe Inn," I chuckle.

"Well… I suppose he is okay… for a Templar," he says quietly.

"Whatever, Anders. I would say the two of you are good friends," I point out as a Templar comes towards us.

"Ah, speak of the devil and he shall appear," he chuckles.

"Is that? Yes, I recognise him from last night," I comment as Cullen stops a few feet in front of us. He eyes me up and down and then he smiles.

"You must be Marian Hawke. I have just spoken to Solona. She seems upset with you, Anders…" he says quietly and I step back to take in his height. He must be six foot tall. He has light brown hair and light brown eyes. He is very attractive in comparison to Anders. I assume by his heavy armour bearing a sword with flames that he must have well-developed muscles to wear it.

"I am Marian, and you are?" I ask, taking his proffered hand.

"Cullen…," he replies.

"And why should this be of concern to you?" he asks.

"I happen to care for her, Anders. And I don't like to see her upset. What did you do or say? Or is it what you didn't do?" he asks, releasing my hand.

"We are friends, Cullen, however is under the misconception we are more than friends and the more I tell her otherwise, the clingier she becomes and besides, who else is going to show Marian around? She doesn't want to do it…" he replies.

"Try convincing her otherwise… Just don't push her aside, Anders," he says softly.

"Cullen, I am not pushing her aside," he sighs, "I just don't want her to make Marian's adjustment to Circle life difficult. Talk to her. She seems to listen to you and besides that, I am sure she would welcome your company. Now if you will excuse me, I would like to show her the library," he says.

"As you wish, Anders. It was nice meeting you, Marian. I hope you will be happy here. We try to keep everyone happy, but even that, at times, proves difficult and I will speak to Solona to find out what is bothering her, however I don't think she will be willing to say too much to me. Have a good afternoon," he says, saluting us and then he marches past us and disappears through a door.

"Where does that lead?" I ask.

"Oh… Those stairs lead to the second floor and senior mage dormitories. Irving's quarters are also on the second floor. The third floor is home to the Templar quarters as well as the Chantry and finally, the fourth floor is home to the Harrowing Chamber," he replies.

"What's in the Harrowing Chamber, Anders?" I ask.

"Um… When apprentice mages such as yourself are competent enough, you undertake the Harrowing Ritual which determines your vulnerability to demon possession. If you are not successful, you have to undergo the Rite of Tranquility or you are executed… by the Templar residing over your Harrowing," he says quietly and I stare up into his face. He is being deadly serious and for the first time since I arrived, a real sense of unease settles over me. What have I got myself into?

"Is that what is going to happen to me should I fail?" I ask quietly, breaking our gaze to look at my hands

"You won't fail, Marian. It takes months before they decide when you are ready and if you really feel vulnerable to demon possession, it is your right to request the Rite of Tranquility, however I wouldn't recommend that because it severs your connection to the Fade along with your feelings and emotions. We have several tranquil mages here at the Circle. They are highly efficient at whatever task they are given, but they have absolutely no feelings whatsoever. They even speak monotonously. It's quite annoying, really," he explains.

"How do you know? How do I know if I am vulnerable to demon possession, Anders? Where's my guarantee about that?" I ask.

"Well, when you dream, what do you see and feel? Do you feel vulnerable while dreaming?" he asks.

"No, I don't dream that much, Anders. Well not that I am aware of. I don't get a sense of an evil presence if that is what you mean," I reply.

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Trust me," he chuckles.

"Really? I don't know you well enough to trust you," I chuckle.

"Is that so? You trusted me enough to respond to my kiss last night," he points out and heat floods my cheeks and for once I don't know where to look or what to say. I just want to find a hole and bury myself in it.

"And you have a thing with Solona, Anders. It's best to forget it ever happened," I murmur.

"Really? Would you like to remember?" he asks.

"We… Not here," I whisper.

"True… It's not the ideal place, however I do know of another place. If you will follow me," he says, grabbing my hand.

"Do I even have a choice in the matter?" I ask. I don't know what to feel. My body is trembling in anticipation and my heart is racing madly and my head feels ready to explode. I have no idea how I am going to react when we reach his destination.