I Thought You Were Mine Chapter 4

I do not own Hamilton: An American Musical or any of its characters

As the eldest child and son, Philip Hamilton always thought that it was his duty to protect his family. Being born into a political family meant that he had many enemies because of their influence and position. There were many people out there who would do anything to hurt his family and him, and sometimes they had the means to do so.

However, never in his wildest dreams did he imagine his father becoming one of those enemies. In the end, he had to protect his family from his own father. And he wasn't sure how he could do that. After all, the man was living with them at the moment!

But Philip stopped right there, and his heart started to ache with that thought. He realized that it might not be that way for long. He didn't know what his mother planned on doing now that the affair had been made public. The logical part of him wanted her to leave. But the emotional part of him wanted her to stay. But if she did, then what? Nothing would be solved no matter what choice his mother made. In the end, all came down to his father's infidelity and his inability to put others before himself.

Philip shivered a little once he remembered that there was more to the story than just that. There was the whole illegitimate child matter as well. His father had conceived a child with a woman that wasn't his mother. A younger brother or sister would be born to him and his siblings.

Once again Philip had to stop himself. He shook his head several times. He shouldn't refer to the baby in such a matter. It wouldn't be his sibling, Maria Reynolds was not his mother! The baby would only share half his blood, the very same blood that had been tainted throughout the years.

A half-sibling… a woman who was his father's mistress… and a father who didn't have the courage to say no.

It was too much for the young adult. He couldn't deal with any of this. He didn't want to! He shouldn't have to! Why should the rest of his family suffer for his father's mistakes? It wasn't fair! They had done nothing wrong, they remained loyal to him throughout the years. And this was how he repaid them? By stabbing them in the back?

Philip started to breathe heavily as the stress and the bad thoughts clouded his mind. He couldn't stay in this house! He had to get out! He had to leave! He had to escape! Even if it was only for a little while, he had to go somewhere else. He needed to clear his head, he needed someone to talk to. And he refused to burden his family any more than they already were. There was only one person he could go to in situations like this.

Theodosia Burr. His beloved.

And so, Philip changed into proper attire before making his way to his mother's office. She had been staying there ever since her fight with his father. It didn't bother him in the slightest. Ever since he was young he held the belief that only a husband and wife should share the same room and bed. But his father had destroyed that liberty. And so, he couldn't blame his mother for taking sanctuary in a place that belonged to her alone. He spotted her gazing softy at her abdomen as she sat in her lounge chair, for what reason he couldn't think of. But he didn't have time to dwell on it as she turned her attention to him. A small smile graced her features as she stared at her oldest child, it was one of the rare times he saw his mother in such a state. And he was grateful that there was some form of happiness still inside her.

He told her of his plans, and she agreed to it. She wanted him home at a certain time and asked him to be careful. He nodded his head before making his way over to her and placing a gentle kiss on her brow. He told her how much he loved her before hugging her, she returned the embrace and placed a similar kiss to his forehead. With that, he headed out.

He made his way downstairs and passed each of his sibling's rooms as he did so. They too were assigned to their fate as they chose to stay hidden from the world. It was as if they were trying to guard any dignity they still had after the whole scandal. Or maybe they were trying to hide the shame of bearing the surname Hamilton.

He found it so ironic how his father tried so hard to bring honor to the Hamilton name. And yet in the end he only added to the humiliation it was associated with. Anything he ever accomplished would be overshadowed by his foolish pride. And in that moment, Philip felt ashamed for being born a Hamilton. For the first time in his life, he wished he wasn't his father's son.

Just when he was about to walk out the door, he heard a familiar voice call out to him.

"Philip?"

He stopped in his tracks and slowly turned around. He saw the last person he wanted to see, his father. The man was sitting on the couch of the living room, a book was in his hands as he turned to look at his son. There was a gentle look on the man's face as he did so, but it did nothing to deter Philip's mixed feelings about him. This was the man he had come to look up to over the years, and yet he was the same man who single handily ruined his family. He didn't want to be in the same room as him, but he wanted to run to him and cry out all of his emotions. He knew he should hate him, although memories of the past prevented him from completely doing so.

Never in his life had Philip felt so torn. That's when the familiar voice broke through his barriers once again.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked.

Philip couldn't help but snort over the concern in his voice. This man didn't have the right to talk to him in such a way. He didn't give him any reason to believe that he actually cared. If he did, he wouldn't have made such a selfish error. Instead of answering the question, he brought up the very thing that had been bothering him this entire time.

"I don't understand you Dad," he said. "I thought you said that you hoped to start anew here in New York, you wanted to achieve the American dream. And you did… but that still wasn't enough for you?"

Alexander winched a little at the assumption his son made. He couldn't blame his oldest child for thinking such a thing. After all, he would constantly ask himself the same thing every now and again. Especially during his visits to Maria. But he never gave himself an answer. However, this recent turn of events seemed to clarify that for him.

What a terrible and self-centered person he was, that's all he could think about now. And now his own children thought the same thing about him. The people who held him so high on a pedestal were now seeing how flawed he really was. In his quest to make those around him proud, he ended up being a disappointment. And he had no one else to blame but himself for such a positon.

But despite everything that had happened, he was determined to keep his family together. Somehow he had to find a way to pick up the pieces. Unlike his father, he would stay and do whatever he could to fix the brokenness he caused. But he knew that despite that, he was still no better than the elder Hamilton. At least the man never attempted to hide that he knew he was hurting his family. He on the other hand, hid behind a wall of pride and false security. His wife and sister-in-law had been right about him, how could he have flown too close to the sun?

He was now feeling the scorching burns obtained from that foolish pride. And his son was not afraid to remind him of that.

"Were we not good enough for you?" Philip asked.

That's what bothered the eldest Hamilton child most of all. The idea that his mother, his siblings and him weren't enough. He thought that having a family such as theirs was something most envied. And now he couldn't understand why it ended up like this. He knew they weren't perfect, but he never thought that their imperfections would lead them to this. His own father, the man who did everything in his power to put on a show, ending up being the one to drop the curtain before it ended.

And now he wondered, what would be enough for him? What would it take to make him realize that he had everything he could ever want? For him to see that he had done all that he could, and that he should be satisfied with that? Apparently not them, at least that's how Philip felt. How could he not feel that way after all that had happened?

But Alexander was desperate to prove his eldest child wrong. He knew he screwed up big time, but he never wanted his children to feel as if they were unwanted. That's how his father had made him feel all throughout his life, and he never wanted someone else to feel that way. Especially not his own children. His infidelity had nothing to do with his family. He wasn't pushed into another's arms because they weren't what he wanted. He didn't lose interest in Eliza or embracing her in any manner. He didn't grow tired of fatherhood or the joys of having a family.

But if that's the case, then why did he do it? Most people always cited petty things such as this as their reasons for having an affair. If that wasn't true for him, then why did he have one in the first place? Once again, Alexander couldn't give himself an answer. However, nothing would make him happier at the moment than for his family to know that he still loved them. He wanted them to know that his transgressions had nothing to do with them, it was nothing but his own foolish pride to blame.

"Of course not!" Alexander cried. "Philip, that's not true. This family was the best thing that could ever happen to me."

Philip didn't buy that. That couldn't have been true. And so he shook his head and let out a pained laugh.

"How can you say that and yet still do what you did?" he asked.

That was true. How could someone claim they loved another if they had done something as terrible as Alexander did? Everything he claimed was contradicted by his actions, and it made Philip sick to his stomach.

His mother had always been declared a saint for allowing herself to put up his father's reckless personality and actions. She had always done things for others before she did anything for herself. That's the whole reason why she was a proud supporter of charities and other helpful organizations. She always been the pillar of their family, she held it all together whenever Alexander couldn't. But now that pillar had been broken, as their family came tumbling down. All was in ruins because Alexander's couldn't say no. All because he couldn't do what his mother did, place others before himself.

"You hurt Mom," he simply stated.

His beloved mother, she would always be a saint to him. It was something Philip made sure that he would take to heart. He wouldn't allow himself to fall as far as his grandfather or his father. However, he also realized that maybe he shouldn't make a promise such as this. After all, he his father had done so and look what happened.

But he had to remind himself that he wasn't his father. He would be better than this man, he wouldn't allow himself to follow in his footsteps. He would create a legacy that he could be proud of. And most importantly, he would learn and accept when enough was enough.

"That's something I don't think I can ever forgive you for."

Forgiveness. That was a concept his mother had also taught him. But he wasn't sure that word could be applied to this situation. At least, that's what he felt at the moment. It was so ironic because Philip always been one to forgive and forget… except when it came to his family. And now he wasn't sure if he could consider his own father to be a part of said family. So why should he forgive him if that was the case?

Alexander couldn't anything to that, not even if he wanted to. He had hurt his children. But he knew the person he had hurt the most was his wife. His Eliza, the woman whom he had sworn his heart to all those years ago. The very same woman whom he had shared a bed with and had borne his first children, was hurting the most of all. And he was sure that he would never forgive himself for that either.

Philip saw no reason to continue this conversation any further, it was getting him nowhere. And he had said all that he needed to say. He knew when enough was enough.

"I'm going to go see Theodosia," he stated. "Mom already knows."

He remembered the reason why he was there, he need to get out. He had to see Theodosia. And nothing was going to stand in his way: not the paparazzi, not the press and most certainly not his father. And Alexander knew this as well. But he didn't want to do such a thing to begin with. He didn't want to hurt his family any more than he already had. Instead, he wished him the best.

"Be careful son," he said.

Philip snorted a little, but he didn't turn to face him as he walked to the door.

"Unlike you, I am."

And with that the son walked away from his father. He didn't even look back as picked up his keys and exited the confines of the Hamilton household. This man hadn't spared his family and him a second glance when he started having an affair, so why should he do him any favors?

He headed to the Burr family house, the Hermitage.

Eliza became a Hamilton upon her marriage, but she would always be a Schuyler. That's something her family had made clear during her nuptials. Her parents had always supported her in her decisions over the years, no matter how much they should be against it. Her marriage to Alexander Hamilton was a fine example of that. But Eliza needed them now more than ever.

She needed to know that she still had their support, especially now that she was carrying another child. As soon as she was alone, she had made a call to her father and mother and she told them everything. Once again, they proved how much they loved her as they gave her permission to come back to the Pastures. They were now awaiting her arrival, including her children's as well. Now it was all a matter of waiting.

She wasn't planning on telling the children until the time came. As much as she loved them, she didn't want Alexander to find out early on and try to stop her. She didn't want to deal with him anymore than she already was. She had made her decision and she was sticking to it… even if it did hurt Alexander in the process. But why should she care about that? After all, he clearly didn't care about her if he allowed himself to be caught up in an affair.

And so, Eliza slowly started to pack for her departure. She would do a little here and there, so she wouldn't arouse any suspicion. She would also do the same for the children. They would pack only what they could carry. The rest could stay here and gather dust with her former husband. The home she had worked so hard to sustain over the years would become a part of the ashes she was discarding. And she couldn't find it in her heart to care. That's when her phone started to ring, she was more than quick to answer it as soon as she saw who it was.

It was none other than her dear older sister, her rock throughout all the hardships.

"Angelica, she quietly greeted.

That was all she was able to say when the eldest Schuyler sister announced her intentions.

"I'm heading to New York," Angelica stated.

Angelica was never one to beat around the bush, she made everything she did loud and clear. She did want she wanted whenever she wanted. Maybe that was one of the reasons why Alexander was so attracted to her. She was so much like him, she was his equal compared to her. She had been the one to capture Alexander's attention all those years ago, even before her. Despite Angelica's denials, Eliza knew how she felt about Alexander. How could she not? Their expressions spoke louder than words whenever they were together.

She could only imagine how Angelica felt when she discovered her infatuation with the young general at the time. Out of all the people in the room, she had to have fallen in love with the same man as her. It must have hurt her, she knew her sister all too well to know that. But despite all that had happened, she didn't hate her sister. How could she? Despite her ideal perfection, Angelica was still human. It was only natural to feel such things. And so, she didn't hate her. But she couldn't say the same for Alexander.

And now Eliza couldn't help but wonder if he would have cheated on Angelica if she had been the one to marry him. Would he have been content with his life? Would she put him in his place whenever he thought otherwise? Would that have been enough? Would Angelica have been enough?

She supposed that she would never know. In the end, Alexander had chosen her and he had cheated on her. She was the one he had chosen to hurt. And now Eliza wondered if her sister had dodged a bullet by not continuing her relationship with Alexander any further.

"Angelica that's not necessary."

"Yes it is, I'm going to give that bastard a piece of my mind," she growled. "I'll make him regret ever stepping into that whore's arms."

She could hear the frustration in her sister's voice, but Eliza had to explain her reason. As her rock, Angelica had the right to know.

"No, I mean that I don't plan on staying here for long," she stated clearly.

That's when all went silent. She couldn't see her face, but she could picture the shock it held. That was the million dollar question floating around nowadays. And so far, Eliza had kept the answer to herself. Until now that is, and she was firm in her decision too. Nothing at this point was going to change her mind. She had put up with a lot of heartbreak from Alexander Hamilton over the years, but this was the straw that broke the camel's back. She may have been considered to be a saint amongst the general public, but saints were human. And Elizabeth Hamilton was a human.

"I'm leaving him Angelica," she said. "I've made my decision. As soon as that girl gives birth to his child, I will leave. And I will take the children with me. I'm heading to the Pastures, Father and Mother already know and are awaiting our arrival."

Angelica finally found her voice as she spoke to her younger sister.

"Are you sure about this Eliza?" she asked.

Pain and heartache didn't even begin to describe what she was feeling towards the younger Schuyler. She had known that Alexander was a man capable of many foolish and erratic things, but she never thought that he would stoop this low. She had always said that he would never satisfied, she even warned Eliza of such a trait.

However, she thought that he had enough decency to respect the sanctity between a husband and wife. Angelica thought that he loved Eliza, so much so that he wouldn't lust for another. How could he? Eliza was the embodiment of perfection. She was everything every man wanted in a wife.

But much like everything else, Alexander Hamilton had to prove her wrong. He proved that to the whole world. And now, her darling Eliza was left to deal with the consequences of his actions. Now, she was going back to New York City to console her sister and her nephews and niece in their time of need. However, she would be lying if she said she had expected this. Angelica didn't know if she wanted Eliza to stay with Alexander or not, that was a decision that belonged to the middle Schuyler sister alone. And now it seems like it had been name.

"It's for the best, for my children and me," Eliza stated.

She caressed her growing abdomen when she said that. She wasn't just talking about the children she already had, she was also thinking about the child that she would give birth to in the future. The child that she didn't want Alexander to know about, or be a part of. He had caused enough damage to their other children, what would stop him from doing the same with this one? She couldn't trust him anymore… then again she shouldn't have trusted him from the beginning. That was her fatal mistake.

"I'm pregnant Angelica," she confessed.

Once again, Angelica had been startled into silence. She couldn't believe what she had just heard. Not only was Alexander's mistress pregnant, but his wife as well! The press would have a field day if they knew! And that made her anger towards the Hamilton man boil even more. She couldn't believe he had gotten so careless. This was the worst possible situation to bring a child into the world. But knowing her sister, she would keep it. And it looks like she was also planning on taking it away from him as well.

"Oh my God," Angelica sighed. "And let me guess, you're not going to tell him are you?"

"Of course not!" Eliza exclaimed. "That man has lost all rights to my children! If he wants to be a father, he can go to that whore and her child. I refuse to allow him to hurt anymore of my children that he already has."

Angelica wanted to argue, but she couldn't find it in her heart to do so. As much as she despised Alexander now, he was still the father of Eliza's baby. But how could she defend him when he had given her nothing to work with? And if she did, she would be betraying Eliza. She refused to pick a man over her dearly beloved sister. Suddenly, Angelica found herself reliving the day she first came across the young Hamilton. It was also the same day her Eliza was swept off her feet, he had made her feel so helpless and he reminded Angelica that she could never be satisfied.

It seemed like the decisions had already been made. Eliza was taking the first steps she needed to escape Alexander. And Angelica couldn't help but wonder just how long it would be before she forgot about him completely. Either way, this didn't deter the elder Schuyler sister from her decision.

"I'm still coming Eliza," she said.

"Angelica you don't have to," Eliza responded. "What about Gilbert? The children?"

"It wouldn't hurt for Gil to take care of them for a while," Angelica said. "He gave me his blessing to come to New York and that's what I'm going to do."

She had intended to meet with her sister at the Hamilton household, the Grange. But now that Eliza was planning to leave, she saw no point in going there. Instead, she would wait for her at the Pastures, their childhood home. And so, that's where she would go and she would await for her sister and her children.

"Are you sure about this Eliza?" she questioned.

"I'm sure Angelica," Eliza answered. "I have stood by Alexander through thick and thin, and I have always defended him from his enemies and the public. So much so that I allowed myself to become blind to his faults. And I just can't do it anymore Angelica. I have to leave, I can't be with him anymore."

Angelica could hear the hurt in her sister's voice. Despite the front Eliza was putting on for her, she knew that this was probably the hardest decision she ever had to make. When she first got married to Alexander, she wouldn't have guessed that she would one day leave him. But then again, she wouldn't have guessed that he would have cheated on her either. In the end, nothing turned out the way it was supposed to be. That was unfair to Eliza, she had done nothing wrong and yet she was paying for it.

And that's why Angelica knew she had to stay. She had to protect her, even if it meant taking her away from Alexander Hamilton. She would support this decision.

"I'm heading to the Pastures then," Angelica said. "I have to take another flight, but I should be there within a few days. I'll see you there."

Despite the situation they were in, Eliza was thrilled that she was going to see her sister again. It had been a while since they visited each other. The travel to France from New York and New York to France was somewhat tedious, especially when there was so many children to keep an eye on. She was sure Peggy would be thrilled with the news as well, the Schuyler would finally be reunited. Eliza just wished that it was under better circumstances.

"Like I said, as soon I hear the news of the birth, I'm leaving. And the children and I will go to the Pastures," Eliza stated firmly. "I'll make sure that Alexander never has the chance to hurt them again. Neither of us."

"Very well, but in the meantime take care of yourself. You're not only just one person anymore, but you have to think about another as well."

"I know, and I will," Eliza replied. "I'll see you then Angelica, I love you."

"I love you too, both you and the children," Angelica said. "And remember Eliza, you are enough. You were and will always be enough. It's unfortunate that there are those who just can't see that. No matter what happens or what you decide to do, you are a good wife and mother."

Eliza clutched the phone tighter at those words, but she smiled. They were the same ones John It was a bittersweet smile, but it was still one.

"Thank you Angelica, you've always been my rock. And I can't wait to see you again. Goodbye."

"Goodbye Eliza."

And with that the Schuyler sisters ended their conversation. Eliza let out a pained sigh, but she was relieved nonetheless. It felt good to finally get her secret and her plans off her chest. Everything had been set into motion, and Alexander was none the wiser to it all. In a strange and ironic way, Eliza felt a sense of victory over that fact. After all, he had carried on an affair without her knowledge. And now this was her way of repaying him.

That's when her thoughts wandered to another person in her life. The very same man who had told her the sweet words Angelica had given her, John Laurens. After speaking with her sister, she felt that she still needed to talk with someone. And Laurens had given her permission to call him whenever she needed to do so. She looked at the phone for a minute before reaching out to it. But as soon as she was close, she hesitated. However, the thought of hearing his voice again was enough to soothe her.

She needed this. She needed to speak with him. There was so much more she needed to get off her chest. Things that she could never tell Angelica, Peggy or her parents. He had always been the one to listen to her before, and now he wanted to be that person again. And so, she picked up the phone and dialed the right numbers. It rang for several seconds before she was greeted by the sound of Laurens gentle voice.

"Eliza," he answered.

A smile appeared on her face as she leaned the phone close to her ear.

"John," she greeted. "I'm sorry to call on such short notice, but I need to talk to someone."

And he graced her ears with the very words she wanted to hear. They were words that Alexander had never spoken to her before.

"I'm listening."

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