-CHAPTER FOUR-

"I Don't Know How To Love Him"

The city was waking up, and so was Sam. It was dawn. The pink light entered from the window, lighting the bed on which Sam and Kurt was laying.

Kurt was still asleep and he didn't want to wake him. He was too beautiful to be true.

He could feel in the warm hug of Kurt's the love he felt for him.

'He must have been so miserable all these years,' thought Sam. 'And, so have I...'

It sure wasn't a dream. He reached Kurt's home last night, confessed him his love, and they made love to each other.

'It was the first time I made love to anyone,' thought again he.

With his free hand, he was stroking Kurt's hair, those beautiful hazel hair, always in perfect place, even at morning.

'I love you.'

Yes, he loved him. But, how could he tell Quinn about that?

He didn't want to marry her, that was sure, and in ten hours he was bound to marry her.

'That's crazy. I'm not marrying her. I'll man up and tell her, today. It's gonna be mean, but I have to. "Quinn, I don't want to marry you." No, "Quinn, I can't marry you. I'm gay." Straight to the point. She's going to hate me for the rest of her life, though.'

And he needed to tell his parents too. And they were catholics, so it was going to be hard.

He could still remember the sermons at church.

They usually seated near the Fabrays. 'Homosexuality is sin. The Scriptures say it clearly. It's men's job to marry women, and to build a family together. That's what the Lord wants.'

' "Men's job"... As if love was an occupation...,' thought Sam.

He never really cared about what the priest said during services. He didn't fear Hell. What he feared was his parents reaction to his coming out.

There weren't any out of the closet gay boys at the school he attended before McKinley High School. It was a only boys school. There had to be more than one gay boy. Sam was, of course, one of them.

But, when he joined McKinley, there were rumours about this gay boy at school. Bad rumours, actually. His name was Kurt Hummel.

He had seen him many times in the corridors, but never spoke to him. He didn't know him, yet.

When he joined Glee club, he finally saw him. A perfect creature. His eyes were amazing. Those had struck him the most. And he wanted to sing with him.

He didn't think he had been creepy, when he immediately found out about his hair.

He actually appreciated his confidence.

'Hello, I'm a total stranger. I know you're gay because of your hair, and I think it's dyed too. My name is Kurt Hummel, do you want to sing with me?' That was a boy. No. That was a man. And he was in love.

When he later that week "released" him, he felt sad at first. But when Kurt said 'You've been honourable', he understood why he wouldn't have sung with him that week.

And then, he had uncovered his plan to be cool... He was in love, indeed.

Sam reached his home later that day. It was very late when the training finished. He opened the door, greeted the big face of Jesus who was waiting for him as usual at the entrance room, and entered the house.

His mother was waiting for him in the living room, seated on the couch reading a book.

'Hi Sammy! How was your day at school today?' asked she.

'Tough, but quite normal,' replied Sam. He couldn't tell her he had met one of the nicest and bravest boys on Earth.

'I'm happy you acquainted the new school environment so well! Remember, tomorrow we'll be dining with your father's boss. He said he's in line for a promotion!'

'That's great, mom. Do you mind if I go up to my room?'

'I sure don't Sam. I'm sure you've had an hard day. Dinner's ready.'

She smiled at him, and Sam went upstairs, where his room was.

He put his shoulder bag on the floor, and checked his email. The email Kurt previously sent him was still there, full of proofs he had the sweetest and grandest voice Sam had ever heard.

He went down to dinner. They prayed the Lord for what they were about to eat, and those were the only words the family spoke that night, except for some "How was your day, honey?"s and "Oh, very hard, indeed"s.

Sam finished his meal, wished his family good night, and went up to his room.

That was, and had been, an hot day indeed, and, as usual in those cases, he took his t-shirt and jeans off.

He liked to feel the soft wind coming from the near window on his skin.

The slight chill of the breeze gave him an intense sensation that sent shivers down his spine.

He looked at his shoulder bag. He had that Spanish class homework that Mr. Shuester assigned him to do, but it was too hot, so he declined.

Life at home was terribly boring. Since he had moved to Lima from Tennessee nothing had changed. School during the week, church and Sunday school on Sunday, and so on...

The only thing that gave him something to wish for during the week was Glee club.

Its members were the first friends he had got to know there.

They were nice, funny, and they had always treated him as if he were an old friend. They were special.

And then, there was Kurt...

He went on the balcony. It was the only balcony on that side of his house.

It was dark outside. Strangely, the moon was nowhere to be seen, but a large amount of stars were gleaming in the sky.

The chill of night was coming and he could feel it. He thought of Kurt.

'What could he be doing?'. The picture of Kurt in his bed appeared in front of him.

He was so delicate. He could see his torso was naked, and he was hugging a pillow.

Goose bump was all over his skin. Maybe it was the wind, maybe Kurt. He didn't know.

His tight briefs started to feel even tighter. His cock grew bigger, and he felt uncomfortable being on his balcony, wearing only tight underwear, and with an erection.

Sam came back in his bedroom, switched off the light, and went under his bed sheets.

He started to touch himself, cupping his big bulge inside the briefs.

When he was ready, he lowered his underwear, and started to masturbate.

'I don't know how to love him.

What to do, how to move him.

I've been changed, yes really changed.

In these past few days, when I've seen myself,

I seem like someone else.'

He pictured himself in that very same bed, at that very same moment, with Kurt beside him.

They were both naked.

Kurt was smiling at Sam, and he smiled back. His smile was shining as his eyes were. He drew nearer and sweetly kissed Kurt.

Now he was on top of him. Kurt was stroking his hair, and that pleased him.

He kissed his neck.

'You complete me, Sam.'

'No, Kurt. You complete me.'

'Should I bring him down?

Should I scream and shout?

Should I speak of love,

Let my feelings out?

I never thought I'd come to this.

What's it all about?'

While kissing Sam, Kurt grabbed one of his pecs. Sam lowered his hand on Kurt cock.

'Sam, you don't need to do it.'

'But I want to. So badly.'

'Why don't we skip this part, then? I want it, too.'

'Don't you think it's rather funny,

I should be in this position.

I'm the one who's always been

So calm, so cool, no lover's fool,

Running every show.

He scares me so.'

While masturbating, Sam widened his legs, lowered his other hand on his entrance, and inserted a finger in it.

'Oh my God, it's so beautiful...' thought Sam.

Kurt was now on top of Sam. He widened his legs, and started to finger his anus.

'Kurt... Oh God...'

Sam started to wank.

'Do you like it?'

'Yes, I do... Deeper...'

Kurt inserted his finger deeper than before.

'Yes... More...'

Kurt had now two fingers inside of Sam.

'I think you're ready now.' Kurt smiled at him.

He picked up his cock, and slowly entered into Sam.

'I never thought I'd come to this.

What's it all about?'

His eyes was fixed on Kurt's, while he was gently swaying inside Sam.

He began to move faster. Sam was feeling the warmth of Kurt inside of him. It was beautiful.

He was there, sharing something with the boy he loved. Everything was perfect.

Kurt was about to cum. And so was Sam.

When he finally came inside Sam, the boy lied down, and kissed Sam.

'I love you.'

'Yet, if he said he loved me,

I'd be lost. I'd be frightened.'

'I love you, too,' replied Sam.

'I want him so.

I love him so.'

At that precise moment, Sam came. He didn't care about his sheets (it wasn't the first time), what he care about was that he had the most amazing fantasy. For the first time, he tried what it felt like to be penetrated.

And he liked it.

He went to the bathroom, cleaned himself, put his briefs back on, and went to bed.

He slowly fell asleep, for the thought of Kurt was still vivid in his mind.

The next day, in Glee club, Kurt and he were bound to sing.

He felt so terribly sorry because Kurt couldn't sing anymore. And he was so good...

But, when in class he raise his hand, Sam was sure something good was going to happen.

'Mr. Shue, if I may?' asked Kurt, raising his hand.

'You may.'

'As many of you know, I had a duet partner but, due to sensitivities I'd rather not going into at the moment, I have dissolved the partnership,' said Kurt, while standing in front of the big black piano.

'Samuel Evans, you were a total dick. Why did you let him go? Why?'

'Okay, so... Who you're going to sing a duet with?' asked Mr. Shuester.

'Only the most talented member of the Glee club...'

'Wait, he has already found another one to sing with?' thought Sam.

'... Myself.'

'I love him even more...' thought again.

Kurt wanted to sing. It was a duet competition, but he sang anyway. He didn't care. That's why Sam loved him.

When Kurt finished his performance, his eyes met Sam's.

'He's smiling at me...' thought Sam.

He smiled back.

'Don't worry, you were awesome. You know it,' said he in his head.

Sam came back in the New York bedroom. He was having an erection. Maybe it was the memory, maybe it was Kurt's hot arm around his chest. He didn't know.

'How can something be so beautiful? How the hell am I going to tell Quinn? Will I be able to look at myself in the mirror again?'

Sam's head was full of worries. But he was now watching Kurt's head, and everything seemed to be better.

Suddenly, the house door opened, and somebody walked in.

It took a while, but now the unknown person was making breakfast.

Sam's heart was pounding.

'Who is he?' thought he.

He was naked, with Kurt hugging him, and with his penis erected.

'I only hope he's not coming here…'

He heard the noise of a plate being put on a tray.

The strange figure was now drawing nearer.

Sam didn't know what to do. He didn't care. As long as Kurt was with him, nothing could have ever harmed him.

The figure stopped for a few seconds, and, then, the door opened.

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