Chapter 3: Official Decision
Concrete goal. Concrete goal. What should be my concrete goal? I had asked myself that question repeatedly since Al suggested it yesterday. Yet, I couldn't come up with an answer. Everything seemed either pointless or physically impossible with my condition. And the fact that it couldn't be something that took all of five minutes to complete. I was stumped.
I tapped my pencil harder against my notebook. The pages were filled with my various failed ideas for a concrete goal. I scanned over the contents of my latest page again before letting out a frustrated sigh. Nothing. Absolutely nothing. I would be dead by the time I figured out a possible goal.
I really hadn't thought coming up with a concrete goal would be this complicated. Really, I thought I could easily slap something together and be done, but I guess not.
Unzipping my backpack, I unceremoniously shoved my notebook in between my biology and English book and proceeded to stand up from the floor where I had been sitting. I glanced around the empty halls briefly before realizing I was late for Math class.
I mentally cursed myself for not paying more attention, as I hurriedly gathered my belongings, and began to speed walk down the halls. Midway through the hallway, I caught sight of her, and the strangest thing happened. It was only for a moment, but that one moment seemed to last for an eternity. Our eyes locked, almost glued to each other in a what I can only describe as an unnerving cosmic stare. I felt almost transparent in that moment, like every secret I possessed was lying out in the open for her to see. But-Then it stopped, our eyes broke apart and time started again.
I noticed her slightly dazed expression, as she coolly walked down the rest of the hallway before disappearing around the corner. I stood there for just a moment more, listening to the feint sound of her heels clacking against the linoleum floor, silently wondering to myself-What the hell just happened?
KHKHKHKKHKHKH
Math class had gone pretty quick, surprisingly. Ms. Morioka, our young overly emotional teacher, had been far too upset from her latest break up with her newest boyfriend to bother giving us any homework today. Instead, we were allowed to merely work on other homework or listen to her retell her sob story as entertainment. Neither was all that appealing to me, but I opted for doing my homework.
Once the bell rang, everyone made a mad dash out of the classroom, as Ms. Morioka started to choke up again. Because, quite frankly, there was only so long I could handle seeing a teacher in hysteria. It reminded me way too much of my own mother crying, something I heard her do nearly every night since we found out I had cancer. It was also something, I did my best to block out.
I hated making her cry so much, my mother was a gentle person. She shouldn't be hurting so much because of me. It's not like it was Sora that was approaching his death bed at an accelerated rate. She shouldn't be crying over me. I was a nobody after all. I shouldn't be so important to make her hurt so much.
My fists clenched around the handle of my backpack, tightening the more I thought. It just didn't seem fair that my mom was suffering so much. She wasn't dying. Dad wasn't dying. Sora wasn't dying. It was just-
"WATCH OUT!"
"Huh?" I didn't have enough time to turn around before I was involved in a head on collision with my brother. The very brother who for whatever bizarre reason was sprinting down the halls like a madman, or at least he had been before crashing into me.
Sora gave his signature cheesy smile, as he rubbed the back of his head apologetically, "Heh, heh, sorry about that bro."
I rolled my eyes in response, lifting myself off the ground with less ease than I had wished for, nearly falling down the stairs had it not been for a well placed railing that caught my hand.
Unfortunately, Sora noticed instantly, and came over to my aid. Glaring, I swatted his hand away, hissing almost silently, " I don't need your help!"
Sora shook his head, holding up his hands, as he backed away. "Fine, fine, but you should just be more careful."
I arched an eyebrow, and scoffed, "Says he who caused the collision."
"Oh, uh...right heh, heh," Sora gave another apologetic grin, "Sorry 'bout that again."
"It's fine, but...what were you doing?"
""Hmm? Oh! I was just handing out flyers!" Sora grinned, fishing out a very crinkled sheet of pink colored paper from his pocket, before nearly shoving it in my face.
My head reeled back slightly, my eyes scanning over the contents; "Winter Ball! December 15. 7:00pm-Midnite"
"Winter Ball?"
"Mmhm!" Sora nodded his head eagerly, "Yep! Kairi asked me to hand these out so..."
"Ah, Kairi. That's explains everything," I nodded my head, doing my best not to smile, but so far was failing miserably.
"W-What do you mean?" Sora stuttered, his face turning crimson.
I shrugged my shoulders, smirking slyly, "Oh nothing."
Sora pouted childishly, "Roxas!"
Pause.
"Say, so..Uh.. How are things...erm...going?" Sora scratched his head, his gaze I noted was not entirely on me. Not that this was anything new. That was his normal way of asking me how I'm doing with the whole dying thing.
"Same as always," I replied, examining the sloppy handiwork of my brother with amusement.
"Oh, uh...well that's..erm..good...I...guess." Was my brother's award winning response.
"Tch, oh yeah real good," I muttered sarcastically, resisting the incessant urge to roll my eyes.
Sora didn't say anything only fidgeted with his hands, leaving the two of us in an awkward silence-Of which I was already bored of. Normally I wouldn't care, but considering every second I waste, I take one step closer to my death bed-I did care.
"I gotta get going," I jerked my thumb towards the clock above our heads which read 10:20 am. Class didn't start for another five minutes, but I needed some sort of excuse to escape my brother.
Sora's blue eye' s widened, "Oh...um yeah..sorry about that I totally spaced back there."
I smirked, "Surprise, surprise."
Sora flashed me a goofy smile, "Heh heh, what can I say?"
"Not much," I retorted dryly.
"Gee thanks," Sora muttered with a childish pout.
"Always here, for ya bro," I grinned, hoping that maybe. Maybe I had gotten my old happy-go-lucky brother back.
"Yeah...," Was his distant, suddenly saddened reply.
I could instantly tell where his train of thought was going, and inwardly cringed. Of course I couldn't have my old, happy-go-lucky brother back. It was simply impossible.
"Uhh..so, see ya!" Gripping the strap of my messenger bag tightly, I lugged it over shoulder and nearly sprinted down the sunset hallway. The vivid oranges and blinding yellows seemed to blur as I came up to the end of the hall. My mind felt as if a sudden veil of haze had been pulled over it, and I my legs started to shake and buckle, as I fought the black abyss that wished to swallow me whole.
Groaning, I slowly slumped to the floor. The hall colors once so obnoxious and bright were now becoming nothing more than dimmed blotches in my mind. Dimmer and dimmer. My mind feeling heavier and heavier until I blacked out.
The first thing I awoke to were white hot blaring lights, so bright that at first I thought I actually had died. But once I caught sight of the three hovering figures by my bed-I kinda assumed I hadn't quite reached that destination yet.
The three figures faces began to form, slowly the obscure planes that made up their faces were as clear as daylight to me. I grimaced. I knew all three of those faces well, very well. Those faces now marred with concern and oddly enough were also laced with suspicion. Axel, Xion and Zexion. It just had to them didn't it? Out of all of my friends they were the toughest to fool. To lie to.
I'd always been able to fool everyone else, but never them. Xion's stormy blue eyes, I could feel them trace my face repeatedly. As if she was searching for something. Zexion had almost a mirrored expression, except for the usual dour hint in his face that always seemed to bring a gloomy atmosphere about him. And Axel-Axel green eyes were practically burning holes through me. It was obvious that he was thinking about our spat yesterday. The one I regretfully, never had the chance to resolve.
I mentally cringed at sight, and wished that the black abyss would come back to swallow me just so I didn't have to meet their disapproving gazes.
"I take it he's woke up now, right?" Mrs. Yamada, the schools nurse abruptly her pudgy arms swinging at her sides, as she plodded over to the bed.
Everyone's eyes snapped back, meeting Mrs. Yamada's pale green eyes as though just woken from a trance.
Zexion predictably regained his composure first, answering in his usual monotone, "Looks like it."
Mrs. Yamada clasped her hands together, and beamed at me from the end of the bed, "I'm glad to see you up! How are you feeling dearie?"
"Um..." I mumbled, inaudibly.
Mrs. Yamada craned her head toward me, and smiled gently, revealing several smile lines and wrinkles the farther her face stretched. "What was that sweetie?"
I gulped, licking my now dry lips, "I-I um...feel fine now...thank you."
Mrs. Yamada tucked a loose strand of mousy brown hair from her face, before placing a pudgy hand over my head, "Hmm well you don't feel warm, but would you rather go home anyway? You look awful pale."
I did my best to flash a reassuring smile, to everyone, "I'm okay...really. I must have just forgotten to eat breakfast...that's all." Liar. Liar. Liar. My mind chanted, and I gave an inward cringe, wishing for my mind to shut up.
"Well, alright dearie," Mrs. Yamada gave one final genial smile before going off to the opposite side of the room to assist some other sick student.
"Uh...So, I guess it's off to class then?" I offered with a hesitant smile, but of course not one of them bought it.
"Roxas, we know you're hiding something," Xion's words coming out not as an assumption but a simple fact.
"Something big," Axel added, my eyes darting from Xion to Axel in instant panic.
"H-Hiding something? M-Me? You're being ridiculous!" I could feel my fists clenching the bed's fabric as I did my best to maintain the convincing smile that stretched across my face, but my stuttering didn't assist me much in that department.
"Don't try to give us a bunch of crappy excuses Roxas, we know something's up," Zexion's arms were crossed tightly, his dark steel grey eyes burning invisible holes through my face. I was beginning to feel like Swiss cheese.
Biting my lip, my eyes darted across the room, seeking some rational solution. An escape. Yet, were met with nothing but bland grayish-blue walls, various medical posters, but no easy way out. Even if I tried to jump out of bed and make a mad dash to the exit Axel would only grab me from behind or I'd get too light headed again and faint.
A slight tremor wracked through my body, maybe I should have just gone home. Then, I wouldn't have to deal with all this right now. Not to say that it wasn't inevitable in the first place, but still...
"Just...Just stay out of it! It's none of your business anyway!" I hissed, not wanting the recapture the attention of Mrs. Yamada.
Xion glared at me, her tone filled with hurt and betrayal, "Roxas, I thought we were best friends!"
"W-We a-are be-best fr-friends Xion!" I sputtered, shock invading my system, just as quickly as my disease had.
Axel snorted, "Yeah well, don't best friends tell each other their problems?"
I didn't respond. I only wanted to cover my ears childishly and block them out. But, since I couldn't do that, and being the coward I am. I opted for a new solution.
"Class has already started."
Zexion gave me a shocked and disgruntled look, "What?"
"We have class now," I gave an affirmative nod towards the ticking clock hanging at the other end of the room. It read 11:35 am.
Zexion's eyes grew big; he had never in his whole life been late to class. Ever. It was like his kryptonite, his weak point. Xion and Axel shot Zexion a glare, and I could tell Zexion was cracking. His steel grey eyes darted frantically around the room, to the door. Xion and Axel's eyes hardened, but Zexion was still distraught.
He would crack in three...two...one.
"SorrybutIhavetogotoclass!" Zexion quickly blurted, shoot Axel and Xion a fleeting glance before racing out of the room. I took my friend's shocked expressions as my cue to leave and with as much stealth as possible I slunk out the door and into the hall.
I'll admit I felt bad for doing that to them. They're my best friends after all, right? Yet, there was still this part of me that couldn't tell them. The very annoying part of me that wouldn't surrender this little shred of normalcy I had left. But...I didn't care that I would be dead...so why was it so hard to say?
It time for English class now. One of the few classes I would actually miss. I spotted our teacher, Mr. Rowland shuffling papers at his desk. I wanted to discuss my current homework arrangements with him, but the intense expression on his face told me it might be best to wait.
Sighing, I heaved my book bag off the ground and started to move towards any open seat I could find. But I noticed something very...weird. Or maybe it was just weird to me, but it was Naminé. Not the fact that she's in another one of my classes (though I'll admit, I do find that a little strange) but the fact that she was sitting alone.
Naminé, the new, gorgeous transfer student. I would have thought everyone would want to sit by her. Yet, no one did. No one made any slight indirect notation that said they wanted to sit by her. She was alone; her white book bag slumped against her desk, as her eyes stared vacantly ahead at the wall.
To me she seemed lonely. Why wouldn't anyone want to befriend her? Was she that unapproachable? I didn't think so, but I guess that's because I'm not exactly a part of the High School food chain any more.
Then, a thought suddenly hits me. I could be her friend. I mean of course I would leave her soon, but it's not like we'd be best of buddies, right? And maybe if I became her friend everyone else would too? Another thought strikes me-This, this right here could be my concrete goal! Make friends with Naminé! It won't be the easiest task ever, but it's possible and will take more than five seconds to accomplish-All of Al's requirements!
I grinned triumphantly, and hauled my bag to the desk directly across from her. I could practically feel everyone's burning gaze on me, but ignored it and plunked my butt on the seat and turned to face her.
"Shouldn't you be staying away too?" Her tone was monotonous, but I could tell she was surprised.
I arched an eyebrow, smiling in amusement "Why would I do that?"
Naminé examines her fingernails, shrugging, "Everyone else seems too."
"Well, I didn't know I was everyone else,"
"You're really going to sit here, aren't you?" Naminé dead panned.
"Yep," I nodded making the popping the 'p.'
"..."
"What?" I looked at her, "We've sat together before. Remember biology?" I tapped my temple with me finger.
Naminé's eyes were a slightly glazed over ice, almost as if bored with the conversation, "I remember...It's just I didn't expect you to be so friendly again, I guess,"
This confused me, "Uhh, and why is that?"
Naminé shrugs again, "Nobody else really had been."
"No one?" I repeated incredulously. Again, who wouldn't want to befriend her?
"Well more pretend nice, than anything. I don't like fake people," Naminé's eyes shot to mine, and smiled-Her teeth a winter white.
"Are you saying I'm fake too, then?" I asked, averting my gaze to the ground. Suddenly feeling hurt. It didn't make sense considering we hardly knew one another, but it still hurt.
Naminé bit her lip, hesitating, "...No...But I'm not one who likes to make friends with strangers."
A small smile began to grow on my lips again, "I guess we'll just have to get to know each other better then,"
"I guess so."
Okay, it's official. I'm the worst at updating. EVER. But seriously, school has been hectic. I was sick last week, so I missed like two tests. Had to write multiple papers. I STILL have a project for Western Civ to do including a paper for said project along with a test in the subject and many more wonderful things!
So SORRY! I wanted this out sooner but hopefully the length makes up for it! And I hope it didn't suck too badly...
OH and PLZ STILL READ AND REVIEW!:D
Swanna-Thanx for the review by the way!:)