Chapter 4

I opened the door and walked into the familiar apartment. Everything was the same as normal. Sparse furniture, no pictures, and of course his wonderful collection of Icha Icha novels. If I hadn't seem it before I probably would have spared but as it was it looked like he got rid of a few. Now he only had an obsessive amount instead of a freaky amount.

Nah still freaky.

Damn hentai, I thought. I mean if. Have to bother showing up then the least he could do is show up on time. We separated an hour ago. How long does it take to grab some ramen and walk down the street to get home.

"He really is hopeless", I said to myself.

"Who's hopeless"

"Agh Sensei warn a girl would you", I griped at him. I tried to slow down my heart from the sudden shock. Wow, I am way too distracted if I didn't even notice Kakashi had entered. Copy-nin or not I am way to zoned out.

"Sorry, next time I walk into my own house I'll be sure to warn you", he said sarcastically.

"Shut up", I ordered. I snatched a bag from his hand and preceded to the kitchen. I could tel, his eyes were on me and I didn't even have to turn around to know that he was smirking. That asshole.

I grabbed some chopsticks and dug into the ramen. As I was slurping it down Kakashi plopped down next to me and slowly began to eat his own food. I raised an eyebrow at the slow manner of eating he was performing. I had seen his face years ago but he still usually ate fast out of habit.

"You know it's not polite to stare", he chided me.

I blushed before responding,"Well normally you eat like it's your last meal what's the occasion that you have to eat like a human being."

He seemed to chew over this thought for a bit before saying,"Well I guess I'm trying to be civil so as not to scare you off for the...time you'll be here."

"I've known you for almost ten years, trust me nothing you could do can scare me now", I said with a small smile. It was like it had been for the past 5 years, just easy banter like always. Lately we hadn't been able to just hang out like this since we hadn't got a team mission for a few months. I knew they needed me in the hospital and Tsuanade was on Kakashi's back about taking a break. She thought he needed a break that he was working too hard. She had a point since our last mission resulted in Kakashi collapsing right outside the gates. Though to be fair he did fight 4 s-class ninjas by himself since me and Gemna had been preoccupied with other ninjas and couldn't find him.

After that Tsuanade placed him on mandatory rest and told the rest of the team to take it easy as well. I didn't mind I liked solo missions, you could concentrate on the mission without worrying about your teammates although I did miss the conservation, I even missed Gemna's apparent goal to sleep with woman in every village we passed foe or not.

I looked up at Kakashi and despite how many times I've seen it I still couldn't help paying extra attention to his face. He was really good looking. Not like a pretty boy but more like an adult. He has a more rugged look and despite his reasons for wearing the mask another good reason is if he didn't wear it he would never be able to go anywhere unless he wanted to be trampled by fan girls.

I finished my ramen and went to put it in the trash before I could I felt a hand grab my elbow. I looked up and saw Kakashi looking at me.

He seemed to hesitate before saying," You know if you ever have any problems or just want to talk you always...you always have me." Had I not sensed his chakra I would have never known that Kakashi would ever say something like that. I considered us close but that just wasn't his personality. To be so open, I realized he was really concerned.

I felt tears come to my eyes but I pushed them back down. Everyone was already worried enough I didn't need to show anymore weakness. I took a deep breath before responding,"Thank-you Kakashi"

I turned and threw out the noodles before nearly running into the bathroom. I felt memories press against me. It felt like my mind was being overwhelmed by emotions.

Frustration

The first match with him when we aimed for the bells. The day I met him and he was the only Sensei that showed up late. All the times he trained the boys and forgot about me. The countless times he's fought opponents when he knew he would lose and he barely made it out alive.

Fear

After the first meeting with Zabuza when I thought he was going to die. At the chunnin exams when the foreign ninjas attacked and he was vastly outnumbered. When Itachi Uchiha put him in a coma for a week. When he fought Deidara. When he fought Hidan and Kakazu and I wasn't there.

Pride

When I was the first one to climb the tree and he said good job. Every time we ran into a foreign-nin and they knew his name just by looking at him. When he recommended me for the chunnin exams. When Naruto and I won the bell test and I could see the pride in his eyes the whole fight.

Anger

When he chose Sasuke as his favorite and left me behind. When he practically abandoned me as his student. When even after my training he didn't fully acknowledge my power. When I made jounin and I received my first S-class mission and he wouldn't let me go without him. When he protested me joining ANBU.

Love

When he saved me from the attackers during the attack during the chunnin exams. When he helped save me from Sasuke when I couldn't think for myself. When during my first jounin mission he told me how sorry he was that he failed me as a teacher and said that's why he wanted to protect me. After I yelled at him for not believing in me for the ANBU he showed up to my practice grounds and offered to spar with me. The many times he's protected me during our missions.

I felt everything flowing through me and I thought back to this morning. I couldn't believe that, that had only happened this morning. It felt like a lifetime ago. This man was the last straw in a lifetime of problems. I felt sorrow that he didn't feel the same way about me but after nearly dying of the pain of my last love I realized that this couldn't wouldn't make me weak. I felt pain but there was to much going on for me to let my emotions only hang on him.

I took a look in the mirror and I promised myself that I would get over this, I wouldn't let him and her crush me. I took a deep breath and attempted a smile but it looked pathetic even to me. I just put a neutral expression on my face and walked out.

Kakashi was still sitting at the table lost in thought. He looked up as I entered and attempted a smile. Without his mask these were normally breathtaking but I could see it didn't reach his eyes which made it not hold the same charm as normal. I wondered what he was thinking. Knowing him it could be anything from the meaning of life to when the newest Icha Icha novel was coming out. Ever since Jirayai died Naruto had taken over for writing them. I didn't approve but from what Naruto said he based his books off real life.

Explains the kids I guess.

I was about to ask him what was wrong when I heard a knock on the door. Kakashi's head jerked up and looked at the door a second before walking over and swinging it open. Standing there was the woman I least desired to see.

Anko Mitarashi