Chapter 3
I wake up to the sound of my own scream piercing the air. I gasp and clutch my chest as images of my nightmare rush back to me. I try pushing them away, but tears only come to my eyes. I hear Mom and Dad running up the steps.
When they run in I jump at the sight of Mom. She runs to my side and reaches for me, but I pull away quickly.
"No! Just don't touch me!" The end of my sentence fades into a whisper as tears roll down my cheeks. Mom looks at me in complete confusion. She looks at Dad who stands next to her at the edge of my bed.
"Prim, what's wrong?" Dad asks. I hide my face behind my knees.
"Prim," Mom says as she reaches for me again. I push her hand away and scoot away from her. Mom looks at Dad in complete shock. Dad sits on the bed and puts his hand on my shoulder. I look at him with teary eyes and he smiles.
"It's okay," he says. I lean into him and Mom watches with an expression of confusion and pain. I bury my face into Dad's chest and sniff. He holds me in his big arms just like he did when I was little.
"Prim, what's wrong?" he asks gently. My lip quavers as I open my mouth.
"I-I had a nightmare," I whisper. Mom and Dad look at me and I know what they're thinking: What nightmare could make her this upset?
"I was being chased by people with spears and swords," I explain. "I ran for what felt like forever. Then I fell down this ravine and I ended up in a meadow. Our meadow." Mom and Dad listen intently.
"Then what?" Dad asks.
"I thought they were gone. The Car-the people chasing me, I mean. Then Mom came from behind me... I was happy to see her. Then the people came back. One was going to throw his spear at me and I asked Mom to stop him." Tears come to my eyes.
"Did he hurt you?" Mom asks softly. I shake my head and a tear rolls down my cheek. Mom knits her eyebrows.
"No," I whisper. "You shot me." I hide my face in Dad's shoulder and he holds me tight. There is silence and I look up to see Mom's horrified expression. Her eyes glisten with tears. She reaches out for me and bites her lip. Dad lets me go and I go to Mom.
"Prim," she gasps as she takes me into her arms. I can tell she is trying not to have a breakdown. I feel selfish for acting the way I did. I never considered the effect it would have on Mom.
"I'm sorry," I say. Mom holds me and shakes her head.
"No...don't be," Mom whispers. Tears roll down my cheeks and onto Mom's shoulder. I lean my head against her as she rocks me back and forth and hums our lullaby. Her humming soon turns into soft singing.
"Deep in the meadow,
Under the willow.
A bed of grass,
A soft green pillow..." I listen to Mom's voice and try to take my focus away from my nightmare.
"Here it's safe,
And here it's warm.
Here the daisies guard you from every harm.
Here your dreams are sweet,
And tomorrow brings them true.
Here is the place,
Where I love you." I lean against her and close my eyes.
I open my eyes and I see the warm morning light peeking into my room through the window. Mom's arms are still wrapped around me and my head is resting on her shoulder. She had stayed with me all through the night.
I lift my head and look around the room. My eyelids are heavy from lack of sleep. No matter how hard I tried I couldn't fall asleep after my nightmare. Whenever I was on the verge of sleep I would hear the sound of a bowstring being drawn back and I would be shocked back to reality.
"Good morning," Mom says quietly. I look at her and she smiles slightly, I smile back. We go out into the hallway and cold chills run over my body when I see the attic door.
Downstairs the floor feels cold on my bare feet. I follow Mom into the kitchen and she gets out things for breakfast.
"Where's Dad?" I ask.
"He must've gone to work," Mom answers. I nod and look at her as she makes us breakfast. I stray into deep thought. Mom notices me staring.
"What?" she questions. I snap out of my trance.
"Oh, uh, nothing," I dismiss. "I'm just tired." Mom looks at me in concern.
"I'm okay, Mom...really," I assure her. Mom looks down and serves me breakfast. I take a bite and my appetite just dissapears. Mom watches as I push the food around with my fork. Finally, I push my plate away.
"I'm not hungry," I say as I get up from the table. I start to walk out of the room.
"Prim," Mom calls. I stop in the doorway and she walks towards me. I turn and face her.
"Yes?" I ask. Mom's eyes look over me, searching for any physical signs of anything that could be wrong. She feels my forehead for my temperature. When she sees that it's normal I can tell she becomes even more concerned.
"Are you sure you're-?"
"I'm fine, Mom. Really, I'm fine. I'm just tired," I tell her. Mom nods and I take a step away from her.
"I'm going to lay down," I say. I exit the kitchen and go upstairs. I walk quickly past the attic and close the door when I get to my room. I sigh and run my hand through my hair. I look out the window and see the forest. I can hear a bird singing and a mockingjay mimicing it's song.
I close the curtains and stand in the darkness. I see my aunt's blouse peeking out from under my bed. I pick it up and rub the soft fabric between my fingers. I sit down.
The blouse and skirt look so perfect in my lap. I stare at them and wonder why I feel this way about them considering they're only clothes. I try to imagine what my aunt looked like in this outfit. I wonder where she wore it and where she got it.
My necklace sits on my nightstand and I grab it. The silver feels cool in my palm and I close my fingers around it. Tears well up in my eyes as I suddenly long for the aunt I never knew. I latch the necklace around my neck and stare down at it.
Suddenly, I feel the urge to put on the blouse and skirt. I take off my pajamas and slip into the outfit. To my pleasure, they fit. I inspect myself in front of the mirror. I tuck in the blouse and turn. The blouse comes untucked in the back. I smile a little because it resembles a duck tail.
I take off the outfit and lay it over a chair in the corner. I put my pajamas back on and sit down in bed. I lay on my side and pull the blankets over me. Warmth spreads over me and I draw my knees up closer to my chest.
Thoughts scatter in my head. Downstairs, I can hear Mom moving around. I wonder about her past...the past she had kept hidden from me. Suddenly, I am angry at her and Dad for keeping such an important part of their lives a mystery. Maybe if they had told me before I wouldn't be so upset now. I'm sure my aunt would've told me if she could.
I lay there for what feels like hours in the dark. Eventually, my eyelids grow heavy. As hard as I try to keep them open they close and I drift off into sleep.
I sit upright in bed as a scream escapes my mouth. I gasp as the events of my dream come back to me. Muttations were chasing me through the forest and ran me right into the Careers. The boy from District 2 took his sword and slashed it across my torso, then they left me for the Mutts.
Mom runs into my room and takes me into her arms. She strokes the back of my head and shushes me.
"They got me," I gasp.
"No...they didn't. It's okay. You were only dreaming. You were dreaming," Mom assures me. I look up at her and see the concern on her face.
"What's wrong, Prim? I'm worried sick about you." I look down and bite my lip.
"I-I don't know," I look up at Mom who's gaze is fixed on the corner. My eyes follow hers and they fall on the blouse and skirt. My heart leaps.
"Mom-"
"How did you-?" Mom mumbles.
"I, uh, I got it from-"
"Where did you find that?" Mom asks angrily. I open my mouth and try to think of a lie to answer her, but I can't. There's no way around it. She knows what I've done.
"I found it in the attic," I confess. Mom looks at me in anger.
"We told you to never go up there!" she shouts. I hang my head.
"I know," I say. "I'm sorry." Mom lets go off me.
"Why did you go into the attic?" she questions.
"It doesn't matter," I tell her.
"Doesn't matter?!" Mom says in disbelief. "We told you not to go up there, and you did it anyways! That matters, Prim!" Without even looking at her I can tell Mom is completely outraged.
"If I told you why...it would ruin everything," I confess.
"What do you mean?" Mom asks in confusion. I sigh and look out the window.
"Prim?" Mom asks. All anger is gone from her voice. Now she is concerned. I look at her with teary eyes.
"I was so selfish..." I whisper. Mom looks at me with knit eyebrows.
"I should've left when he gave me the chance...I should've thought about what you would think. How it would effect you," I say. Mom's eyes widen.
"What did you do?" she questions.
"I lied to you," I confess. "Mr. Swan's lesson yesterday wasn't about economy. Not even close." Mom knits her eyebrows.
"What was it?" Mom asks. I take a shakey breath.
"The 74th Hunger Games," I whisper. Mom's eyes widen and she gets pale. Her lips part slightly in shock. She looks away from me.
"I should've left when Mr. Swan offered. I just wanted to know what you and Dad never told me...but I never thought it would be like that. Seeing you and Dad in so much pain, I-" I stop my sentence. Mom still doesn't look at me.
"I went into the attic because I was curious. You kept that much from me...I just wanted to see what else there was," I confess. "I found a box of Aunt Primrose's things. And I saw Dad's paintings." I look at Mom who seems devastated.
"Don't you think there was a reason we didn't tell you?" Mom questions. "We wanted to protect you...you weren't ready to know yet." There are tears in her eyes. My own tears roll down my cheeks.
"I'm so sorry," I whisper through tears.
"I'm calling your father," Mom says as she gets up and stomps out of the room.
"Mom, wait!" I call after her. "Mom!" Mom slams the door behind her and I bury my face in my pillow.
Dad gets home soon after Mom calls him. I listen to her explain the situation to him. He is silent after Mom is finished talking.
"I just don't understand why he would teach that to children!" Mom says loudly.
"She's fifteen, Katniss," Dad remarks.
"Children, Peeta! They're still kids!" Mom shouts. I listen in suspense, and Dad sighs. They whisper amongst themselves for a while. Suddenly, Dad calls my name.
"Prim! Come down here," he calls. I sigh and slowly walk downstairs. Mom and Dad are sitting at the kitchen table. Dad watches me walk in, but Mom doesn't even look my way.
"Yes, sir?" I ask quietly.
"Your mother and I would like to have a word with you...sit," he commands. I do what I am told and sit directly across the table from my parents. Mom looks at me out of the corner of her eye.
"I'm sorry," I say. "I never should have gone against what you told me and I never should have stayed for the lesson." Dad opens his mouth to speak, but Mom whips her head up at me.
"I really expected better of you, Prim!" she tells me. I look down.
"I know...I'm-"
"Don't you think that we would have told you if you needed to know? You weren't ready! None of you kids should know yet!" she shouts. I am suddenly angry at Mom for yelling.
"I'm ready! It happened to you when you were my age! And don't you think I should know what my own parents have been through?!" I snap. Mom is furious.
"No, you're not!" she shouts.
"Katniss, maybe she has a point," Dad says. Mom turns on him.
"How could you take her side?!" she questions. Dad raises his hands in surrender.
"I'm not! I'm just saying that maybe we should have told them before...I mean, it happened. There's no way of keeping it from them forever," Dad explains. Mom remains angry.
"But look at what it's done to her! She's a mess! She can't hardly sleep because she's having nightmares that I'm shooting her with an arrow!" Mom screams. Her voice echoes throughout the house. Mom huffs and lays her head down on the table.
"Mom," I start to say.
"Go to your room," she orders.
"But-" Mom snaps her head up.
"Just go to your damn room!" she lashes out. I feel the blood drain from my face from surprise. I get up and walk to the staircase, go to my room and close the door. I lay on my bed until dinner, which Mom is absent from. After dinner I go up to my room and lay down until I fall asleep.
Suddenly, I wake up to the sound of screaming. I sit upright in bed, thinking it's my own, but soon realize it is coming from downstairs. The hairs on my neck stand on end as I listen to Mom's screams pierce the air.
In my entire life I've never heard my mother scream like this. I've heard her scream in the night from nightmares caused by her past, but most of the time it is only a small, short yelp. This is entirely different. This scream makes me fear for my own wellbeing. Just listening to it makes me want to run and hide.
Mom's screams turn into loud uncontrollable sobbing. I sit in my bed listening, trying to imagine what is making her act this way. I debate going downstairs to see what's wrong, but I'm afraid I'll only make things worse. I lay down and try to block out the noise, but it's impossible.
Loud footsteps come up the stairs and towards my room. I suddenly fear that there may be an intruder and that's why Mom was screaming. My heart races as I think I may be their next victim.
"Prim!" Dad gasps as he runs into my room. "Come with me." I give him a confused look. He grabs my arm and pulls me out of bed. We walk down the hall and down the stairs. As we get closer Mom sobs grow louder. We enter Mom and Dad's room and I see Mom huddled up in their bed sobbing.
"Katniss. Katniss, look," Dad urges when we walk in. Mom doesn't move. Dad takes me to the edge of the bed.
"Katniss," Dad says again. He sighs and looks at me. I bite my lip.
"Mom?" I whisper. Mom's sobbing suddenly stops. She turns over and looks at me.
"Prim!" she gasps. "Prim!" She pulls me into her arms and sits me in her lap like she did when I was little. She cries and kisses my head several times.
"Mom?" I whisper in confusion. She brushes my hair back.
"I thought I lost you," she tells me. She pulls me back into her arms and rocks me back and forth. I feel tears in my eyes because I can't help but feel like this is my fault.
"I'm sorry," I whisper. "I'm sorry," I say as a sob escapes me. Mom holds me and Dad sits on the other side of the bed and looks at us.
I stay there for the rest of the night, laying between them. Mom holds my hand and I rest my head on her shoulder. Dad keeps his arm wrapped gently over our shoulders. The three of us fall asleep this way knowing that no matter what happens, we'll always be there for eachother.