She turns on the television.
"Now, Mr. Zsasz, some concerns have been expressed over the validity of your vice presidential candidate. Some say your eyebrows just aren't qualified. What is your response?"
"That is simply too preposterous for me to answer."
"Moving on, then. How do you plan to revive the economy?"
"I will do something, rest assured. It's a complex plan, with an incredible seven steps."
"And what exactly do these steps entail?"
"Don't worry about it."
"Fantastic. But what are your views on the military budget?"
"It's definitely not high enough."
"Good point. And what of hostile nations, any message for them?"
"No. I do intend, however, to keep up this country's proud tradition of invading and destroying tiny countries."
"Any idea as to which tiny country should be laid to waste next?"
"No, I plan to choose one at random when the time comes. But trust me, it will further our agenda of making the world a nicer place."
She turns it off.
"Good afternoon, professor. I am… kawaii… desu…chibi...am I not?"
She takes in the startlingly handsome student's body, admiring in particular the short skirt.
"How clumsy of me. I seem to have dropped… my Pokemon."
The student bends over slowly, revealing ample armor-clad buttocks, and she can practically feel her blood boiling.
"Hubba-hubba!"
Before she can further articulate, countless tentacles sprout from her body.
She turns on the television.
"This just in: The pope was slain earlier today in what was reportedly a drive-by orchestrated by the Swiss Guard, who report that they were simply fed up with his holiness' stupid sense of humor. Catholic bishops will now gather for a week-long festival of demonic activities and debauchery, after which the least hung over bishop will elect a new pope. Rumor has it an American is considered a contender: Waylon Jones, who according to our sources on the street is better known as The Stinkin' Prophet, Man. More as it happens."
"The votes are coming in now and it seems we have a winner. And…this is incredible! It looks like Victor Zsasz is the first man in history to win an election with a clear 100 percent!"
She switches to cartoons.
"Mommy, he's been in there way too long!"
She looks up from her magazine and gazes over the swimming pool.
"Who has?"
Suddenly an old man with silly hair bursts from the water, raising his hands dramatically.
"I live! My blood pumps once more and my arms regain their strength!"
"Chill, grandpa. You're scaring the kids."
"What? I am old and fatherless!"
"Okay?"
"Wait, who are you? Why are you in my pit? Guards! Intruders in the pit!"
"Look, I think you're a bit lost."
"My eyes have seen countless wonders over the years. But never have I witnessed anything as ridiculous as that bathing suit!"
"Hey, shut it! I like this thing."
A stunningly beautiful assassin appears on the bank of the pool.
"Father, you have suffered head trauma. You must come with me."
The old man glares at her.
"I! Am! Alive!"
He raises his hands skyward with every exclamation.
"Yes, Father. Now come out of the pool."
He turns away and points an accusing finger at the people around him.
"Fools! Fools! You know not what harm you inflict! You fools!"
The assassin frowns.
"Father, please."
"You are not my mother!"
He attacks, splashing water at her wildly. She shakes with anger. He leans back on the bank, relaxing.
"I am the most…the most dangerous man alive."
He dozes off. The assassin grabs his arm and they disappear in a cloud of smoke.
The Joker sits in his cell, a dark shawl covering his head. His bony fingers hover above a crystal ball and he hums.
"I see…many unborn children…and they're…they're refusing to enter this world!"
Batman hangs upside down from the ceiling.
"Bullshit."
The Joker frowns, his fingers still moving.
"Hang on, I see something else…Yes! The spirits are telling me something! What's that? Batman's a giant douchebag? Bah!"
He smashes the crystal on the floor.
"I don't need a stinking crystal ball to tell me that."
Batman sighs.
"Whatever. I'm calling Zatanna."
She turns on the television.
"This was the scene today as President Zsasz was sworn into office, to the jubilation of his supporters. A rash of unexplained killings during the ceremony put a slight dampener on the festivities, however. The police have no leads whatsoever."
She turns it off.
Killer Moth enters the bank with guns blazing. Cocoon! Cocoon! The cocoon gun fires wildly. The guards are left helpless and terrified. He strides forward with purpose, all gleaming metal and striking color. The people cower and flee.
"Run! It's Killer Moth, the most wanted criminal in the world!"
"Hot damn, he's confident and dangerous!"
"I bet he's really handsome under that mask!"
"I've never been so scared in my life!"
"AAAAAAH!"
A little boy tugs on his mother's arm.
"Mommy, why are all the people screaming?"
Killer Moth deflates just a little.
"Because that's Killer Moth, Tim."
He inflates once more and leaves the bank with loads of cash, strutting fashionably onto the street before taking to the air with his magnificent wings. He lets out a mighty war cry.
"I don't know if moths really make any sound!"
He feels pleased with himself. Immediately he is knocked to the ground as something crashes into him. As he hurtles to the ground he sees a man flying away with an umbrella.
"Out of the way, peasant! The king of go-go dancing rules the sky!"
Drury Walker feels a bit saddened, but he feels great honor at having met a real king for once.
"This is how most people see me."
Killer Moth sits in a grey armchair, his bright colors clashing with it as his bug eyes stare blindly.
"But it's not who I am."
The antennae on his head move slowly, mesmerizingly. The whole room is gray, the walls flaking.
"I am more…underneath."
He takes off the helmet and his bug eyes stare blindly.
"I am alone. Tomorrow is far away."
A giant centipede crawls out of the wall and slithers onto the floor.
"Every morning I wake with a new thought."
The centipede stops.
"Mine is the wisdom of the dead dogs."
The centipede rises into the air, standing on only two legs, shivering madly.
"I can't be alone. Tomorrow is so far away."
The centipede dies.
"There's a deep hole in front of me. I think I will go."
The centipede is slowly dragged back into the wall by an unseen predator.
"I will be with you tomorrow."
His bug eyes stare blindly at you.
"You will wake up. And I will be there."
The sound of feasting comes from inside the wall.
Stephanie Brown wakes with a start. She rubs her weary eyes and yawns.
"That was one messed up dream."
She opens her eyes to see a little child in a Robin costume at the foot of her bed. She leans over with a confused air, but as she draws closer she is filled with excitement over hearing its first words. The child smiles and fills its lungs.
"Jus-tice!"