"I'm right here and I'm not leaving you, not like this." Alison's vice like grip kept Beth against her, wound in the hug. Beth murmured, peaking her head out of Alison's warm embrace. "Can we just lay down?"
Something in the way they moved, how Alison held her as they walked up the stairs, fingers linked together inseparably. Beth's hollow stare never seemed to meet anything else beside Alison's perfect face. They shared a quick smile, but Beth's didn't stay when Alison tucked her into the bed and just stood there, her mind looking kind it was about to explode with all of the thoughts streaming through it.
"Both of us?"
"What?" Alison gasped, her hand on her jaw in puzzlement.
"Please..? It'll make me feel better. Something about being held.. Iunno, it's always made me feel like myself." Myself- something Beth had no idea what that was anymore. They were just words spilling out of her lips, anything to not be alone anymore. Even if the nightmares contained Alison beating her, Beth needed to be close to her. The younger woman gave her a spark, something more than hope, it made her want to live. Beth thought maybe it was just a rebound, someone she could love to flee from Paul, but would one last as long as this had? Sure, Beth had masked her blatant attraction for Alison the first time she met her, and acted as professional as she could, when inside the girl made her feel like jelly, but she was certain she had the same effect on Alison, judging by all of the lingered glances, her body language, and where Alison stared on her body sometimes. Alison never seemed to mind personal space, especially when Beth taught her how to shoot the gun. Hell, she didn't even pull away when Beth kissed her the other night.
Before Beth had finished thinking, Alison had settled into the bed, laying to her side, weaving their fingers together. Alison's grip always felt protective
"Thank you, I just don't want to be alone."
"I'm right here for you," Beth's eyes leaked out a few stray tears, which Alison wiped away. The hurt Beth was going through started acting up again as she felt guilty and remorseful over herself. Exhaustedly, Beth moved closer to Alison's small frame, her head on her chest as Alison's fingers stroked her hair comfortingly. The beat of her heart was all she heart, all she wanted to hear, completely mesmerized by the moment. Somehow she found it intimate. Christ, Beth needed to think straight, but every time she tried either Paul or Alison would appear in her mind; hate or love, and right now she was choosing love. She loved Alison, and kept convincing herself there was more to their friendship than being genetic identical.
Shaking with fear (for many reasons) Beth clung on tighter, being held just as tight until the tremors stopped, when their eyes met, Alison's soft gaze soothed her. Slowly drifting her gaze down, Beth couldn't help but stare at the perfect lips in front of her, not even inches away. A thought left her wondering just how those lips felt, how they tasted, like they were the forbidden fruit. Just one bite, that's all. To partake in her curiosity. Beth's lips closed the gap between them, brushing up against Alison's unresponsive lips. The kiss came nowhere near as satisfying as Beth had thought, needing more like her life depended on it. Beth hadn't noticed the fact Alison had been kissing her back, she just needed more. Beth's kiss was fervent- her hand snaked to Alison's hair, trying to deepen the kiss.
"Beth, no-" Alison was cut off by Beth's tongue as it dragged along her lip, trying to get past Alison's defenses as if on a mission. There was nothing Alison could really do to stop Beth, her head was being held firmly. A part of Alison enjoyed the kiss, which is why she didn't exactly pull away, but just laid there and accepted it. She hadn't been kissed that way since high school, and her hormones weren't reacting to calm down. Even as guilt flooded her system, she couldn't stop. Beth eventually separated their lips- eyes burning- and kissed down her neck.
"We shouldn't." The burning increased.
"I can't do this, it's wrong. I'm married, and I love Donnie wholeheartedly. I love you too, Beth, but not like that, not this way." The piousness in Alison's innocent voice shattered her heart.
"Please don't.." Hot tears streamed down Beth's cheeks, the disappointment etched into her voice as they dropped from her face to Alison's pillows.
"This isn't the solution. It'll just make more problems."
"Don't you want me, want this? I to love you, Alison, I want to make love with you."
Oh Christ, how had Alison let this happen? She sat up, still holding Beth. This was a nightmare happening not that she had meant for it to happen this way. Yes, she allowed Beth to kiss her, but she hadn't meant to. Darn her lack of self control. Her fingers pinched at her forehead to ease the instant headache that tumbled through her mind.
"Beth, you need to listen to me, this isn't you speaking."
"Then what is it? Why do I feel this way?" Beth lift Alison's hand to her chest, wondering why she didn't feel the imaginable connection that Beth had latched onto.
"You're upset because of Paul. You don't love me that way."
"You don't know that."
"I do." Beth was sobbing, and Alison suddenly felt conflicted about comforting her, because during all of this, Alison had only wanted to comfort her, not stir up this mess that was happening.
"Paul.. Paul just beat you, and you're searching for comfort in anyway. Maybe it's the medicine deceiving you, Beth, but there is nothing between us." Oh crap, wrong wording. "We're clones, not lovers."
Absolutely nothing said helped the situation. Beth's chest couldn't have gotten a tighter knot than it currently had. In all honesty, Beth felt- knew she was about to throw up. Bounding out of the bed too quickly, the pain in her ribs soared to new heights, making the quick journey to the bathroom down near impossible as she collapsed at the door.
"Shit, Ali..." Beth groaned before Alison's face of horror jumped out of the bed, trying to help her before there was too much of a mess to clean up.
Alison had managed to drive Beth to a hospital, having her admitted to the emergency room. Hours passed as she anxiously paced in the hallway, waiting for news, an update, anything. Alison mentioned that Beth was a cop, so they didn't ask too many questions about how she had gotten brutalized.
Beth was released, a few fractured ribs were bandaged tightly, and an IV to rehydrate her before she was cleared.
Alison loaded Beth into the car, only to meet a glare. "What?"
"I told you, no hospital. You know how damn dangerous that was?"
"The least you can do is thank me for saving your life." Rolling her tired and heavy eyes, Beth figured it was best if they didn't argue over an already uncomfortable situation. They hadn't even began discussing what happened earlier, and Beth found herself wanting to get as far away from Alison as possible. Somehow she knew that conversation was just waiting to happen.
"Just listen, okay? I know you don't want anything to do with me- call it mothers intuition- but I'm going to say my peace. Now," Alison inhaled a deep breath- Beth hating this exact moment in life- and continued on with her rant. "I want you to know my intentions. I didn't let you come over to lead you on, or anything of the sort. You were hurt, physically and emotionally. Paul is a bastard. Anyone who would lift a finger to hurt you is wrong, even him. I wanted you safe, protected from that demon, so I cancelled everything for you. I thought your life was in danger and it was. So yes, you can thank me for saving you, because what if you had stayed there with him, would he have stopped?the hospital.. Oh Murphy, that was because you passed out on my bathroom floor and I didn't have the slightest clue if you were going to survive."
"Ali, just stop.."
"No! Quiet. You scared the shit out of me. Not just the passing out, but the kissing."
"I misread the situation. I was confused."
"Well I'm confused now, Beth. The intensity and thrill you gave me, all while I-"
"I meant what I said." Beth quietly interjected, stopping Alison mid sentence. "My confession to you earlier."
"I want my marriage to work, that's why this is wrong, why I'm confused about this. I love him, Beth. It's a healthy love. An-"
"So you're going to shove that in my face? Thank you, Alison. Fucking thank you."
"That's not what I was trying to do.."
"Yeah? Well I don't care anymore. I'll find my way out." Beth started heading out of Alison's house, ignoring the fact she was being called from behind, leaving Alison a crying mess, much like herself.