She was quiet the whole way to lunch. Every once in a while, Hatori would notice a knee jiggle, or a quick nail bite, but she never broke her silence except for to cough once. Thinking that was the issue, he asked,
"Are you feeling ill?" She shook her head, a small tendril undoing itself from the ornate bun her hair had been twisted into.
"No, I feel fine. I think that I just swallowed wrong," she answered, turning a faint pink. Hatori bit his lip to keep from smiling; she blushed over the slightest thing.
"And you would tell me if you were feeling ill, correct?" His voice was firm, but not stern. Tohru looked over at him. His eyes held concern as he locked them with Tohru's and she had to look away from the intensity of the stare.
"Yes, Hatori-san," she murmured.
San, san, always san. Why did she always call him "Hatori-san?" She was their god. She was the one who ruled over them, and yet she spoke to people so politely that it was easy to forget that she was, in fact, their god. Not for the first time, he wondered to himself if Akito knew what she was doing when she made the mild girl the Sohma's god. If he was being honest with himself, he was worried for Tohru. Sure, she was still the same girl they knew and loved now, but being in a position like that, it could change a person. How long would it be before she burned out? Would she burn out?
Still mulling over these thoughts, he parked the car. As soon as he opened the door, the scent of sukiyaki hit him. He could tell the same happened for Tohru, because as she closed her door, she inhaled deeply, eyes closed.
"Hatori-san is smiling," Tohru said, smiling as well. "He has such a nice smile."
"I-I just really..let's go inside, hm?" he asked, internally cursing his lack of articulation. He held the door open for Tohru and then followed behind her. What has gotten into me lately? Smiling, trying to fight a smile..I don't smile.
"Table for two?" the hostess asked, smiling widely. Tohru nodded and the hostess led them to a small table in the back.
"Thank you!" Tohru said in unison with Hatori. She gave them one last smile and made her way up to the front of the restaurant, and Hatori and Tohru were left alone, their area deserted except for them.
"Order whatever you like, Tohru," Hatori said. "Remember, this is my treat. You don't often eat out."
"Thank you, Hatori-san!" she said, popping open her menu and searching it. Her brow knit together as she read, and finally, she said, "Uhm, Hatori-san? I don't..there are no prices in my menu. How am I supposed to know what to ord-why are you laughing?" Tohru's voice held apparent shock as she watched the dragon. He calmed himself and, still grinning, said,
"They think we're on a date. They gave you the menu with no prices." He watched as her face grew bright red, and his grin only grew wider. "You know, I've never seen you turn so red. Is it really so awful, for them to think that we are on a date?" He was teasing. Teasing. Hatori Sohma, resident brooder, was teasing. Perhaps he was the one who was ill.
"No, no, no!" she cried, shaking her head. "It's not awful. I'm sure that Hatori-san is a wonderful date! I just..we…I…," she trailed off, trying to figure out what she was saying. Why was it so embarrassing that they thought she and Hatori were on a date? Hadn't she secretly dreamed of it once or twice, herself? Oh, now is not the time to think about that, self!
Hatori watched her as she went through her thought process. Red, to pink, and back to red again. What was it that she was thinking about? And better yet, why was he so curious?
"I almost forgot the reason I came to you, Hatori-san," Tohru said as she gently dipped her sukiyaki into the bowl of raw egg in from of them. "I was wondering…well…why weren't you made god?" She nibbled on the beef between her chopsticks, staring at him curiously. "Everyone respects you so much, and you know seemingly everything there is to know about this family. Why me?"
Hatori paused, eyes narrowed as he regarded the girl before him. She looked at him earnestly, eyes wide as she waited for an answer. How could he answer this? He knew why Akito had chosen her. But how could he word it so that Tohru would not become overwhelmed by it?
"Please don't be afraid you'll scare me," she said softly, placing a small, cool hand over his large, warm one. "I need…I need to know. I can't just sit back and not do what Akito wanted me to do." He looked down at her hand on his, and she instantly drew it back, worried she had crossed a line.
"You worry too much, Tohru," he informed her, reading her emotions through her face. His hand was still cool where her hand had been. "I couldn't have been the god, even if Akito had wanted me to be. If you suffer the zodiac curse, you cannot be the god. The purpose of being the god, beside running the family and keeping things in order, is to find a way to break the curse. Those of us who are afflicted with the curse would have a much more difficult time finding a way to break it, and, as such, are unable to be god. I don't think there has ever been a record of any zodiac being the god. Although, then again, there has never been a record of an outsider being our god either," he added with a light tone, smiling slightly.
"So my purpose is to find the end of the curse? What if I fail?" she asked, her voice worried. "What if I make things worse? What if I—?"
"—Tohru," Hatori spoke over her. "Please, stop worrying so much. If you do not find the way to break it, you will be no different than the gods before you. This is a centuries-old curse. No one expects you to come in and know how to save us. As for making it worse…I don't much think you can." He looked down at his hands, eyes dark. A comma of hair dropped into his left eye, which he shook away.
"Is it horrible, Hatori-san?" Tohru asked quietly. "The curse?" Her voice was tentative as she spoke.
"There are days," he said, "when I want nothing more than to be free of this curse, to be able to interact the way those without the curse can. I have to be much more careful around people than the others do. I cannot get too close to my female patients, on the off chance that I transform, and going out can be a hassle. On the other hand, I've had this curse since the day I was born. It is what I know. I want it broken, but sometimes, I wonder, would I miss having this spirit in me?"
He picked up his chopsticks and fiddled with the sukiyaki before them, dunking it in the egg, pulling it out, and dunking it again. Tohru watched as he rest his chin in one hand. She had never heard him talk about himself so freely, especially about the curse. She mirrored his position, regarding him.
"May I ask one more question?"
"Mm," Hatori consented.
"Is there any reason in particular that your family goes to you before they come to me? I know that I am not close to your family, but I..I am the god and all, and I..well, I want to be the one they ask for help. Am I being terribly silly?" she asked, feeling it.
"You're not silly, Tohru," Hatori stated firmly. "I think that the family is unaccustomed to having an approachable head. I'll let you in on a little secret: they did it when Akito was god, too. Once they get used to it, they'll go to you. Please don't worry, Tohru." He mimicked her action from earlier, placing his hand on top of hers. "I promise not to lead you astray."
"I believe you," she said. "I believe you."
A way to break the curse. That was the point of being the god, was the find the curse-breaker. How on earth was she expected to break the curse? She didn't know the inner-workings of it. She didn't know where it originated from, or how it chose who it did. So why was Akito certain that Tohru was the right choice for the head, for finding a way to break the curse? It made no sense to Tohru, none at all.
It didn't help the fact that her mind was swimming with thoughts from earlier. It really wasn't so awful to be on a date with Hatori. Not that she knew what a date with him was like. This hadn't been a date. It had been a lunch between two friends, talking about responsibilities. But oh, how she wished it had been a date. Everyone had a secret, and this was hers. She loved the dragon. If only the dragon loved her back.
He was going to wear the carpet thin if he didn't stop pacing around. He couldn't help himself, though. The rest of the work, he'd been detached. Going through the motions, but not really caring. She didn't think it would be terrible to go on a date with her. He had opened up to her about the curse, something he never had done, not even to Shigure and Ayame. What was different about Tohru? Why was he at such ease?
Hatori ran his fingers through his hair one last time and got into his bed, turning off the small lamp beside him. He didn't expect to find sleep easily tonight.
A/N: So..this is super delayed, and I'm so sorry! I got swept up with this semester, and it was insane. I hope you all like this, it was kind of just a filler until I can really sit down and churn something out. Review!