This is my skin that I've never fit in

I was born the king of nowhere

This is how it begins

I wonder is this your life

Were you raised in deep water

Are they pushing you down

Are you gonna push harder

Mary Lambert-Sum of Our Parts

Yes, I understand you. Was typed into a blank, white document on the medium sized tablet that Tia carried with her. Eggsy had never been so happy to see something written on a tablet in all his life. They had never had a stroke of luck quite as wide as when one of the recruits from America was deaf, and knew six different forms of sign language to boot. Not only was she able to communicate through sign language, but she also could read lips and keep up with conversations that they had around her (as long as they remembered to look at her and not mumble too much).

Eggsy was pleased with himself that he had remembered Tia and her abilities when he had seen Harry wave, able to say hello with his hands when he couldn't with his mouth. It had become clear pretty quickly that Harry had no idea what they were saying when they spoke to him. He could hear perfectly fine, as shown by his reaction to the organ music, but some disconnect happened between the words being spoken and his brain comprehending them.

"The left side of the brain, where Harry has sustained the worst of the damage, is in the language processing center. He's going to have a hard time making connections with language and the meanings. It doesn't mean he won't recognize anything. The left side of the brain processes visual information, which he will be able to understand, but the analytical side of things will be garbled. He might look around and see a chair, know it's name but is unable to make the connection as to why there is a chair in the room. The same thing is happening when he hears us speak. He might know the words, but not be able to discern the meaning." Dr. Hannigan explained as Tia and Harry spoke to each other.

"Is it permanent?" Eggsy asked, dreading the answer.

"Most likely not...but I don't want to get your hopes up. He's sustained a massive amount of damage. By all means he shouldn't have survived at all. The ball is in his court now. The sad fact of the matter is that all instances of brain damage are vastly different from patient to patient. Some patients with severe wounds recover in a few months. Others, with relatively minor trauma never fully recover."

It was not the reassuring answer that Eggsy wanted to hear, however, this was the reality of the situation and he'd make peace with it. Harry would need him to.

Eggsy looked over Tia's shoulder at her document but was confused, since she was only recording Harry's answers. He tapped her on the arm and she looked up at him, eyebrows high on her face. Realization dawning she quickly typed her segments down onto the tablet so he could understand the whole conversation.

I am Tia. Can you understand me?

Yes, I understand you.

Are you in pain?

A little.

Where?

Forehead. Throat. Head.

How bad? 1-10.

6, 2, 7.

Honesty, please.

8.

I can help. We have medicine.

Later.

Do you know where you are?

Infirmary.

What is your name?

Eggsy read up to where she had stopped writing and then scowled and looked up at her, question in his eyes. She wrote again, looking a bit concerned, adding greater than signs to show she wasn't translating, but talking to him instead.

He hasn't answered me yet.

"What do you mean he hasn't answered you yet?" he asked, confused, then looked at Harry. The expression on the man's face broke his heart. Harry wore a haunted look, filled with confusion and a tinge of anger. Eggsy watched his expression flicker between the different emotions as he thought. This was a far cry from the calm, put together expression that Harry usually wore.

"He can't remember his name Eggsy," Merlin replied a moment later after observing Tia's tablet. His voice was as tight as Eggsy's chest felt. Merlin put a hand on Tia's arm, and she gave him her attention.

"Tia, don't push him any more. He might just need more time," Merlin spoke slowly, pronouncing his words a little more than normal. Tia nodded her understanding. Eggsy thought she would have understood without the extra effort, but was glad that Merlin had been so thoughtful.

"Fucking hell Merlin, we have to tell him," Eggsy breathed, looking at Harry's broken expression. "It's killing him. Can't you see that?" Eggsy pleaded with the older Kingsman, wishing he could read his expression as easily as he could read Harry's. Merlin was saved from speaking as Tia tapped out an answer on her tablet and held it up for them to see.

He hasn't answered me yet.

Blank Space. Sorry. I tried.

Should I tell him?

The last sentence was a question to them. It was Dr. Hannigan who answered.

"I don't see the harm in it. Go ahead," he relented and Tia nodded and then looked sheepishly at them before typing.

What is his name?

Eggsy motioned for the table and spelled the name, then hesitated and looked at Merlin feeling like a complete failure. "Uhh, does he have a middle name?"

"He does," Merlin shifted his weight from foot to foot then sighed. "I can't tell you though. I made a promise to him that I'd never tell anyone."

"Are you havin' a laugh?" Eggsy snapped.

"I made a promise Eggsy," Merlin looked apologetic, but not as apologetic as he should have been.

"He don't know his own bleeding name, and you care about a promise he probably can't remember? It's his name for christ's sake! Give him his name back, yeah?" Eggsy growled, accent thickening in his irritation.

Merlin sighed and relented, then took the tablet and typed out Harry's middle name, held it out to Tia, blocking Eggsy's view of the tablet. Eggsy saw Tia nod, and then Merlin erased the line from the tablet so Eggsy wouldn't see the name.

"Really, Merlin?" Eggsy glared at the Scot.

"It's on a need to know basis, and you're right. Harry needs to know. Tia needs to know to tell Harry...and you don't need to know," Merlin gave a small triumphant smile at Eggsy's disgusted look.

Tia went about spelling Harry's name as he watched. She did it several times at his prompting. His expression was perplexed. She gave a small nod and shrug, hiding a grin behind a hand before typing in his reply and showing it to the men behind her.

Harry - Hart

Awful.

For the first time that day, Eggsy laughed.

He had never been through such a roller coaster of emotion in his life, not even when Harry had been shot. That had been one big blow and a long recovery from it. This was like being put on the end of a string and jerked back and forth until his head ached.

Eggsy couldn't predict what was going to happen with Harry's recovery. He didn't know what to expect, and he didn't know what he could to do help. What he did know was that above all else Harry was alive, and if Harry was alive, he wasn't going to give up on him. If their roles were reversed he knew that Harry would stop at nothing until he was fully recovered.

"Eggsy, you're going to burn yourself out," Roxy's voice floated by his left ear, breaking his concentration. She wasn't wrong. He had been studying the sign language book for hours, but felt no closer to understanding anything other than the most basic signs. He rubbed his eyes and put the book down, then met her concerned gaze.

"He can understand this stuff Rox. I have to try," he hated the pleading sound in his voice. He hoped it didn't sound as desperate as he thought.

"You can get Ohio to translate if you want to talk to him. I'm sure she won't mind," Roxy reasoned. Eggsy looked back to the book in his lap. She was right. Tia, codename Ohio, was very willing to help translate anything back and forth from Harry when she wasn't on a mission.

"I just...wanna tell him my name. By myself. In the only language he can understand," he swallowed the lump forming in his throat. From Tia's last session they had found that Harry hadn't remembered any of them. His gaze dropped to the book in his hands. The pictures were swimming. He was exhausted.

"It's fucked, innit?" Eggsy snapped the book shut in sudden frustration. Roxy took a seat next to him and put a hand on his knee.

"Dr. Hannigan said these things can take some time to sort themselves out," her voice was all reassurance and confidence but he didn't feel the same.

"Dr. Hannigan can go bugger himself," he gave a disgusted sigh, "For a brain-surgeon he's not very sure of anything. If I hear him say 'these things take time' one more bloody time I'm going to put him into a coma and see how long it takes him to come out of it."

"Harry's not like to get better faster if you take his doctor out," Roxy grinned at his outburst and he sighed. She was right, as usual.

"I just hate this. He's finally awake, but he's as unreachable as he was when he was in Kentucky. Can't understand a damn thing we say, can't write anything down, can't read anything…" Eggsy trailed off. He knew his frustration with Harry was misplaced. As hard as it was for him to see his mentor reduced to hand signals, he knew what Harry was going through was a thousand times worse.

"When's the last time you got any sleep?" she asked, not responding to his outburst.

"I can't fuckin' remember," he snapped rudely, rubbing his eyes.

"Do everyone a favor mate, go take eight. Hell, take ten, or twelve if it helps. You need the rest, and honestly we're tired of you biting our heads off at the slightest word in your direction. Merlin and I, hell, even the Doctor...we're on your side Eggsy. We're on Harry's side too. You're doing no one any good in this condition. Harry least of all," Roxy retorted and he sighed, unable to meet her gaze.

"I've been a right prick, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"Sorry Roxy. I really am," he apologized, finally meeting her eyes. She gave him a tired smile and then playfully punched him in the arm.

"You're forgiven...as long as you get some sleep!" she pulled him up from his chair and pushed him in the direction of one of the spare rooms set up for the Kingsmen who needed to stay the night.

"Thanks Rox," he managed as he stumbled out of the door and made his way to the cot that he had been using for the past three days.

Eggsy had been at this for the past two days, hardly sleeping or eating in order to give as much of his time as he could. Even Merlin, notorious for skipping nights of sleep had mentioned something. He had ignored it, of course. There were things to be done and he was determined to be able to communicate with Harry again. A little sleep loss never killed anyone..but Roxy was right. He was turning into a jerk from the lack of sleep. He'd have to rest sometime. Getting irritated at Harry's condition should have been a good indicator that he needed to rest.

He changed into his night clothes, a simple pair of pants and a thin white t-shirt and collapsed onto the cot. The room was quieter than he liked, but he was worn out and looked forward to resting his fatigued eyes. Sleep, however, had other plans...and those plans didn't seem to involve him. Tossing and turning, he tried desperately to relax.

After an hour of restless tossing he reached over to his phone and pulled up the files that Tia had sent to him of her time with Harry.

Do you know anyone in the room?

No.

God that answer hurt. He had fully expected Harry to wake up from his brain injury with some sort of adverse effects, but he never imagined that Harry simply would not know him. He wouldn't know how much Eggsy owed him, or how much he mattered. How much Eggsy depended on him.

Even Merlin had looked stricken at the news that Harry didn't know him either. They had known each other a hell of a lot longer than he had. So much history just wiped away with one squeeze of the trigger. Not just their history, but his own as well. Harry had known his father. Had mentored him once as well. Harry knew his father in a way even his mother hadn't. Now he'd never get the opportunity to ask.

Do you know why you are here?

I got hurt.

Do you remember how?

No, but it was bad.

Yes, it was. You are safe here though.

Did you know me? Before?

No.

Did the others?

Yes.

Are they my family?

Yes and no.

That is not an answer.

It is complicated.

Friends?

Yes.

Tell them I am sorry I do not remember.

Eggsy turned the phone off and put it down. He flipped his pillow over to the cool side with a sigh. Even after everything he had been through, he was still Harry. Polite and to the point. Sorry for causing them pain, even though it was totally not his fault and 100% out of his control. It was then that Eggsy had decided that he wasn't going to talk to Harry himself, no matter how hard he had to study. So he had checked out the books and looked up the best sites online, trying to absorb as much as he could in the shortest amount of time.

A half hour later Eggsy crawled out of bed, shoulders slumped. He wasn't going to be able to get to sleep, no matter how tired he was. His mind wouldn't shut off. So, instead of staring at the insides of his eyelids he went for a walk. He wasn't terribly surprised when his feet led him to Harry's room. The room was dark, but his eyes had adjusted to the darkness of his own room so he could see fairly well. He slipped in as quietly as he could, not wanting to wake Harry. His plans were foiled when the light clicked on and Harry was already looking at him.

"Sorry I woke you Harry," he apologized guiltily, and then realized that Harry didn't understand him. Frantically thinking of the right hand signal he settled on one that seemed right, and made the motion. Apparently it was right because Harry gave the okay sign with his hand, and then pointed to the seat. Harry didn't look particularly bleary eyed, so Eggsy figured he probably couldn't sleep either. Well, the only way to learn a language was to throw yourself in it, so he threw himself in.

No. Sleep?

No. You?

No.

Well, at least he had no down. That was a start. He didn't know how to ask how Harry was feeling so he pointed to his head and grimaced and pointed to Harry. Harry put his thumb and forefinger close together, then pointed to his head. A little. His head hurt a little.

Eggsy pointed to his own eye socket, the same one that Harry had bandaged, then pointed to Harry again. He felt like he was playing the world's worst game of charades. A small grin twitched the corner of Harry's mouth up as he saw the motion, then he made the sign for no again. So that didn't hurt, which was good.

Two days prior Harry had his last bit of reconstructive surgery done. The bandage around his head was new, and smaller. The cosmetic surgeon, Dr. Banner, had come with Dr. Hannigan from the states, and while she wasn't around nearly as much as Dr. Hannigan, she had done a serious amount of work reconstructing the damage to Harry's face where the bullet had entered. This had been her only surgery after Harry had woken up, the rest had been while he was in his coma. Eggsy still hadn't been able to see the damage beneath the bandage, but Dr. Banner assured him that this was her best work yet and that Harry was healing much faster than she expected. Leave it to Harry Hart to surprise everyone.

What is your name?

Eggsy caught the signs from Harry. This was a pretty basic one. Most of the books he had seen started out with a variant of this. Hadn't he just told Roxy how he wanted to do this part by himself? Now or never.

E-G-G-S-Y he signed. Harry frowned and made the sign to repeat it.

E-G-G-S-Y he signed again, now concerned that he had done it wrong. It felt right, he had been practicing, after all. Harry didn't ask him to repeat it but he had a thoughtful expression on his face, then signed something that Eggsy actually recognized.

Breakfast?

Eggsy gaped at the sly, half smile that crept onto Harry's face.

"Cheeky bastard," Eggsy laughed, not caring that Harry didn't know what he said (and grateful for it too). If Harry still had his sense of humor, or some sense of humor, he couldn't be that bad.

Harry then signed his name back, and he spelled it correctly, which made Eggsy very happy. So he had been understood. They were both making progress. Eggsy signed a 'yes' back to him when he got it right. Harry gave a nod back at him. They looked at each other for a few more moments. It was then that Eggsy realized he had absolutely no idea what else to talk about with Harry. The name had been the most important thing, but now he wished he had studied a bit harder, a bit longer, for something else that he could have used. Thankfully, Harry filled the gap.

The man?

Eggsy didn't understand the question. What man? Harry noticed his confusion, then motioned to his head, the good side, and pulled at some of the hair that was slowly growing back. He then made the sign for no. Eggsy pieced it together.

M-E-R-L-I-N

Harry quirked an eyebrow and made a motion as if he had a long beard. The laugh burst from Eggsy in a rush. So maybe it wasn't the worst game of charades in the world. Harry spelled a name, motioning slowly. Eggsy had a feeling that Harry knew he wasn't good at this yet.

Tia.

Harry made a speaking motion, then he pointed at Eggsy, and made the beard motion again.

Tia, Eggsy, Merlin.

The next motion took Eggsy a bit to figure out, but he remembered Tia using something that had looked similar. He thought that it was the word for "friendship".

Tia, spoke Eggsy Merlin friendship…

"Tia told you that me and Merlin were friends! Yeah, we are." He nodded earnestly. Harry's face fell a little, and that was weird.

Sorry, Eggsy.

No.

Yes. For this. (Harry motioned to his head wound)

Stop.

Eggsy didn't have the motions to convey how wrong it was for Harry to be apologizing. It wasn't his fault that he was in that church. It was Eggsy's fault. He had failed to shoot JB, and had failed his Kingsman test. He had never seen Harry really cross before, but he had seen the anger that day, and it had been terrifying. Harry had stormed out of his house with a heated promise that they'd sort out the mess when he got back...but Eggsy had a feeling that if he hadn't failed his test, someone else would have gone to Kentucky.

"Christ, Harry, it's not your fault," he swallowed hard, wishing for all the world that he could articulate more than "no" and "stop". He felt frustrated tears spring to his eyes and he looked away from Harry, trying to force them back. The last thing he wanted Harry to see was him crying like a baby over a misplaced apology.

Harry's warm hand fell heavily on his arm and remained there. The weight was reassuring. Eggsy thought how absurd this must be. The man who had been shot in the head was comforting the boy who could barely hold it together. He looked back at Harry after he was sure no tears would fall, and he hesitantly put his hand on top of the older mans.

They sat in silence, not signing to each other for a long time. Eggsy just enjoyed the comfort of Harry's hand and the warmth spreading from it. Warmth that meant he was alive, no matter what shape he was in. Some part of him still couldn't believe that Harry had come back from a gunshot to the head.

Eggsy chanced a look at Harry's face, but the older man had his eyes closed. A little late, Eggsy realized that he had fallen asleep. His face was relaxed, the lines in his forehead had smoothed and he was breathing deeply, hand still on Eggsy's arm. Not wanting to disturb Harry by getting up, he just slumped forward onto the side of the bed, putting his head into the crook of his unburdened arm. He was asleep in minutes, exhausting finally winning out.

Merlin yawned deeply as he made he was down the hall. It was early. Too early for him to be awake, but Percival was on a mission, and he had to be ready to provide support if the Kingsman needed it. He was making a customary morning check-in with Harry to see if he needed anything before going to work. Peeking into the room he saw Eggsy slumped awkwardly, half on the bed, half sitting in the chair. Both Eggsy and Harry were asleep.

Merlin quietly entered the room and shut the light off, leaving them to sleep with a whimsical smile. It seemed that not even brain damage could totally erase Harry's affection for the boy. Harry had always had a soft spot for Eggsy, that was obvious, be he hadn't been so sure that Eggsy had the same soft spot for his mentor.

Now he was certain of it.