I do not own these characters. They belong to the WB series Supernatural, with the exception of Becca, Bo, Carol and Harry Terlou and Jackson Dean Winchester. Those are mine. Sorry if this has been a little on the chick flick side. There are some sharp edges coming.

Chapter 4

What I Never Knew I Always Wanted

The tears continued to roll down Becca's cheeks. I didn't say anything; I just smiled at her, trying to let her know it was okay. She blinked twice and took a ragged breath.

"What are you doing here?" She quickly looked from me to Bo and he took a step back. Becca had a temper and Bo knew it. He also knew that he was going to be in the middle of a shit storm if he didn't keep her calm and make her see this was for the best.

"Becs, I'm worried about you and about Jack. You can't do this alone. I can't do it alone." When Bo said Jack's name, Becca looked at me and then looked at her shoes. The tears came faster and I pulled her into my arms. She rested her head on my chest and I could feel her tears starting to soak through my shirt. I tried to calm her, but I think all the pressure and worry she had carried with her for the past eight years was getting released.

She just kept saying over and over, "I sorry."

Finally when she had calmed some I lead her over the one of the patio chairs and had her sit. I angled another so that our knees were touching and I grabbed one of her hands.

"Becca, look at me." She raised her eyes to mine. "I need you to know something. I am not happy about the fact that you lied to me. I am really pissed at myself that I believed you. But what I don't understand is how could you not tell me I have a son? Didn't you think I had a right to know?"

The pain in her eyes sent a shot to my heart. "I have written you probably a hundred letters over the years. At first I didn't send them because I wanted to keep you safe. Then John and Granddad thought it would be dangerous for both you and Jack. Finally, after they were gone, I just didn't know how to tell you. I don't know what I was more afraid of, you not believing me, or you hating me." A lone tear rolled down her cheek. "I will understand if you hate me. What I've done, keeping Jackson from you, is inexcusable. I only wanted to keep you both safe."

At that moment I realized that if I had been in the same position, I wouldn't have done anything differently. I put my hand on her cheek and she leaned into it.

"I've never stopped loving you Dean." She closed her eyes.

Before I could answer, I heard a guttural growl come from behind me. Becca's whole body was lifted into the air and then slammed down hard on the porch. Her tank top was torn to shreds and a set of claw marks appeared on her stomach.

"NO." I launched myself at her and covered her. As soon as my body was over her, the growl disappeared, and whatever it was that attacked her seemed to be gone. I lifted myself up to look at her. Once again I could feel something soaking through my shirt, but instead of tears, this time it was blood. She seemed to be awake, but she was gasping. Suddenly her eyes focused on Bo who was knelt beside us.

"Bo, go check on Jackson. Now!" She then looked at me, "Did you see it? What is it? God it hurts." She let out a sob then and I got a good look at the wounds on her stomach. There were four long gashes, two of which were deeper than others. Bobby had run into the house and came back with towels. I pressed them to the wounds and she was taking ragged breathes.

"We need to get you to the hospital. I'm going to call an ambulance." Sam pulled out his cell phone, but Becca stopped him.

"No, I was just there for an unexplained wound. If I come back with more, they will start to think I'm unfit to take care of Jackson. I can't do that. This is a small town. Everyone will start talking and Jackson shouldn't have to deal with that."

Just then Bo emerged from the house. "Jack is fine. Still sound asleep." He walked over and looked at his sister. "What do you want me to do?"

"Get Granddad's medical bag from the office. You're going to have to stitch me up." He put his head down and walked back into the house. She looked at Bobby then. "Bobby, I need you to get the bottle of whiskey from the bar. Hell grab the tequila too." She kind of chuckled.

"Becca these wounds are deep. I'm not sure this is a good idea." Sam knelt down now and took the spot that Bo had vacated. She smiled at him weakly.

"You have got to be Sam Winchester. Boy did your father and brother peg you right. The logical, responsible one. I will be fine. Trust me I have had worse." She then looked at me. "See I still know how to show the fellas a good time."

I bent down and kissed her forehead. "Not the kind of fun I was hoping for Becs."

She smiled up at me weakly, but with a wicked edge. "Here I am, likely bleeding to death, and there you are, still with only one thing on your mind." She closed her eyes then as pain took over her face.

Bobby and Bo came out of the house together. Bobby handed me a bottle of Southern Comfort and I slightly lifted Becca's head, giving her a drink. She looked at me and silently asked for another and I complied.

"We need to take her into kitchen table. There is more light there and I have everything set up." Bo walked over and held the door open. I handed Sam the bottle, slid my arms under her and lifted her as gently as I could. She wrapped her arms around my neck and held her breath as I walked her into the house. On the kitchen table, Bo had set up alcohol, needles, thread, bandages and cotton swabs. I carefully placed Becca on the table and moved to position myself on the opposite side of Bo. She looked at me as Bobby handed me the whiskey bottle. I propped her up again and she took a long drink. I grabbed her hand as Bo threaded the needle. He looked up at her and sighed, "Ready?"

Becca just nodded her head.

"Look at me Becs. Tell me about Jackson. What is he like? What was he like as a baby?" I was trying to kill two birds with one stone. I knew she would do better if she was concentrating on something other than the pain, and I wanted to know about my son. I gave her another drink and she winced as the needle entered the deepest gash.

"He has a great sense of humor. He loves to make me laugh." I gave her another drink and I could see from her eyes the whiskey was doing its job. "He loves to eat. His favorite thing is peach pie with vanilla ice cream. He plays baseball. He is the first baseman." Her speech started to slur slightly. Bo was almost was done with the first gash. I was watching him out of my peripheral vision. He worked quickly, and I knew from experience, this wasn't the first time he had done this.

"What grade is he Becca?" She was starting to waver, but I wanted her to stay awake until Bo was done.

"He just started second grade. He has been reading since he was two. He is really smart." She stopped for a minute and just looked at me, then she smile. "I've told him all about you. He has a picture of you in his room. And his favorite thing he got for Christmas last year was a model kit for an Impala. He put it together the same day, with Bo's help. It sets next to his bed." Her voice started to drift off.

"Becca, you need to stay awake. Bo's almost done." The tone of my voice brought her back. She looked at me and started to cry again.

"You hate me don't you? How could you not after what I've done. I just love you so much. I've missed you so much. I've tried to raise Jackson so when you did get to meet him you would be proud. Dean please don't hate me." She started to sob and Bo looked at me, silently telling me to calm her down. He had finished three of the four cuts and was working on the smallest. He was almost done.

I doubted she would remember what I said with the amount of whiskey she had drank. I really didn't want an audience, but I had to say it. "I love Rebecca. I never stopped. I don't hate you. I was mad at you, and I am pissed about all the time I've missed with Jackson and you, but I don't hate you." I leaned forward and kissed her. That familiar hunger that I had hidden for so many years came awake in a flash. She returned the kiss and it wasn't until Sam cleared his throat that I pulled away.

"I'm done. Let's get her upstairs and in bed." I picked her up and soon as she was wrapped in my arms she fell asleep. I carried her to her bedroom and Bo pulled out some pajamas. I quickly undressed her and slid the nightgown over her head. Out of instinct she pushed her arms through the holes and I laid her back on the pillow. I tucked the covers around her. I leaned in and kissed her forehead.

"Sleep Becca. I'll be here when you wake up. I'm not going anywhere." I whispered.

Bo was waiting for me in the hall when I left Becca's bedroom. He was opening his mouth to say something when he suddenly whispered, "Oh shit." He was looking over my shoulder, so I slowly turned. As I did I heard his voice before I saw his face.

"Uncle Bo, what's going on?" When I saw him, a feeling came over me like I'd never experienced before. All I could think when I looked at this mini version of myself was you are going to have so much of a better life than I've had. I'll see to it.

I smiled at him and his eyes got wide. "Hi Jackson." I said. He ran to me, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head in my stomach.

"Daddy, you're really here. I told Mommy you'd be back." I picked him up and he wrapped his arms and legs around me. "Where's Mommy?"

I walked him back to his room, "Mommy is really tired tonight Jackson. I kind of surprised her. But I think she would be mad at your Uncle Bo and me if she found out you were awake." I put him back in his bed. The way he smiled at me, I felt the weight of his entire future on my shoulders, but it felt really fucking good. "You need to go to sleep. I'll be here in the morning. Plus Bobby and your Uncle Sam are here too. We all need to get to know each other." I tucked the covers around him and he looked up at me.

"Daddy do you promise you'll be here when I wake up?"

"Jackson, I can guarantee it. Now sleep." He closed his eyes and I slowly stood. I looked around his room. There was the Impala model on his night stand. The picture of Becca and I behind it. There was a picture of my Dad and him, when Jackson looked to be about three. There were action figures and legos. A typical boy's room except for the Devil's Traps around all the doors and windows.

I walked back into the hall, feeling completely overwhelmed. I needed to figure out what the hell attacked Becca tonight. But at the same time, all I wanted to do was go and climb back into bed with Becca and fall asleep with her in my arms. I looked back in a Jackson and then checked on Becca. Both were sound asleep. As I walked down the stairs I realized I wanted this. I wanted to check in on them every night and I wanted to see my son grow and help him to be a man. I wanted to make love to Becca as often as possible and grow old with her in this house. Crap, I was having my own personal chick flick moment. Somehow I had blindly stumbled into what I never knew I always wanted. And I would fight to my last breath to keep it.