Disclaimer: Still don't own any of the characters.
Author's notes: I really enjoyed writing this chapter, I'm just saying. R&R as usual.
The amount of confusion Finn Hudson was experiencing was almost sad. First Santana Lopez had smiled at him, then she said that she wanted to have sex with him, and he was pretty sure that he hadn't imagined the words hot and dirty in there either. What the fuck kind of parallel universe was he living in? And of course, true to form, he had stood there doe-eyed with his mouth hanging open most of the time. No wonder chicks don't want to sleep with me. Whatever. The kiss had been totally hot, at least. He could tell that he had caught Santana off-guard with the way that he had pulled her but this had to look real, right? The only way that people would believe there was something to talk about was if they made it seem that way. Santana's lips felt different than he thought they would, though. First of all, he was pretty sure that they tasted like Skittles, which was, like, totally awesome. Seriously. Quinn's lips had always tasted like her cherry chapstick and he had only kissed Rachel twice, and he had never quite been able to place the flavor. It was some kind of berry (typical) but Santana's lips had tasted the best so far of all the girls he'd kissed. Seriously, who in their right mind wouldn't like a kiss that tasted like Skittles? Finn was stupid, but he wasn't that stupid, either.
However, the thing that had come off the most shocking was that her lips were unusually soft. Given how hard her personality was (honestly, he was terrified of her), he had always expected her lips to have that same kind of hard edge to them. Instead, it was almost like her lips had melted against his, as weird of a description as it was. When she pulled back, his lips had felt all tingly. It was nice. And what the hell? When had he become such a girl about something like this? Pull yourself together, Finn. It was just one kiss. Still though, it was a pretty hot kiss. When Santana had turned the corner, meaning that he could no longer stare at her ass, his glance had drifted to Puck, who looked like he was resisting the urge to come over and kill him. Finn had just thrown him a satisfied smile and shut his locker, walking off in the opposite direction. Even he had to admit, that had been well played.
Now though, he was fucking nervous. Since the shooting pain in his arm had felt very real the three times he had pinched himself, he knew that it had actually happened and his mind now had to wrap around the very daunting reality that was his life: He was going to have sex. With a girl. A hot girl. Dirty and hot sex. With a girl. A hot girl. Finn wasn't sure that he was really ready for that. He wasn't sure he was even ready for sex. After this whole pregnancy scare with Quinn (which, okay, not being a dad was like the best and worst thing that had ever happened to him), the thought of having sex and maybe actually fathering a baby this time, although again by accident, scared him. But seriously though, what were the chances of that happening twice? And it was Santana...she had to be on the pill, right? It wasn't like he was ignorant when it came to her reputation. She had slept with Puck, at the very least, which meant that she had to be on the pill... because Puck and condom were terms that did not mix together. That was how Quinn had ended up pregnant. That and, according to rumors he had been hearing, wine coolers. And while he didn't know that wine coolers could actually increase your chances of getting pregnant, he had decided to stay away from them the rest of his life. Besides, they were totally a chick drink anyways.
But the point was that Finn Hudson was officially freaking out. Like completely and totally freaking out. This was a terrible idea. Why had he agreed to it? He knew that people were going to talk about that kiss and the way his eyes had been glued to Santana's ass as she walked down the hall. He was such an idiot. There was no way that this whole jealousy plot was going to work. Plus, this was Santana. He was pretty sure that she was like...failing everything and that was worse than him. At least he was only failing math, Spanish, and biology. Well, he was close to passing biology but he had to get over his phobia of learning the intimate details of the female anatomy. Seriously, Puck had talked about seeing Santana's ovaries, but Finn had looked at the picture in his book. It looked like they were pretty far up...what did Puck have to do to look at them? And it just looked...gross. He could understand why girls complained about their time of the month. It was gross just to look at the pictures in his biology book of girl parts, he couldn't imagine having things coming out of them. And okay, he had to stop thinking about this. He would figure out how to pass his test...somehow, but homework was his last priority right then and there. He just had to figure out how to turn Santana down in the most polite way possible and he had to do in a way that wouldn't involve her beating the crap out of him. Because Finn Hudson would never hit a girl, and he suspected that Santana could hit, kick, and bite pretty damned hard when she wanted to and there would be nothing more mortifying than having a girl kick the crap out of him. Not even the pregnancy fiasco. His reputation would be permanently ruined and he'd probably have to switch schools just to deal with the... what was that thing Rachel had said to him that one time? Emotional devastation. Right.
Sighing as he drew footballs absentmindedly on his paper, Finn's attention shifted suddenly to his phone vibrating on his desk. Instantly, Miss Castle's eyes darted to it and despite his best efforts to put it away, she was next to his desk with her phone out. She had a strict policy that any phone that went off in her class was hers to mock people with, by reading whatever text message came in or answering their phone. Shit. His eyes flickered to the name on his screen. Santana Lopez. Fuckfuckfuck. He started praying that maybe Miss Castle would show him some mercy since it was the first time that this had ever happened and he actually did okay in her class. He was rocking a solid B+ for reasons he didn't understand. However, apparently, God was not on his side. I knew I shouldn't have taken that Swiss Roll from the 7/11 when I was five. Watching as she flipped open the phone, the arch on her eyebrow told him that whatever Santana had sent him, it wasn't good.
"313 Pine avenue. Seven o'clock. I don't like to be kept waiting, Finnocence. Bring condoms. Wouldn't want you accidentally fathering any kids," Miss Castle read. "Oh look, she even added a smiley face after it. I'd say you're a lucky boy, Mr. Hudson. Someone's going to be getting some action from his girlfriend tonight. I'm sure Jacob Ben Israel will be around to ask questions in the morning."
Finn wanted to melt into a puddle. And die.
He was red in the face and nearly dropped his phone as Miss Castle handed it back to him with a reminder to turn it off. People were cooing and cat calling all around him. It was like his worst nightmare. Worse than the time he'd been performing at Sectionals naked. Way worse. "She's not my girlfriend!" Finn protested, which was probably the stupidest thing ever to say.
"Even better," Miss Castle sneered, moving back to the front of class to continue her lecture. Finn Hudson was fucked. And not in the good way. Again.