After getting dressed, washing our faces and brushing our teeth in complete silence, we crawled into bed. I've always thought Santana's king size bed was enormous, but tonight it seemed as though we couldn't get far enough away from each other without falling onto the floor. I laid there on my side—my back to hers—and stared at the wall.

I made a huge mistake. I should have never told Santana I thought she was hitting on me. Now, if she was, she's going to be super embarrassed. And if she wasn't, then I look like a conceited fool.

I laid there for what seemed like an eternity, but in reality, only fourteen minutes had ticked off the clock on the table next to the bed.

This is going to be a long night.

I could feel Santana tossing and turning in the bed.

She's as miserable as I am.

But a few seconds later, I felt it again: a warm slender hand sliding over my waist, just above my hip bone. My shirt had come up a bit when I laid down, so she was touching bare skin. My skin tingled and burned at her touch, and all the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I gasped slightly when I felt her warm breath on my ear, but I didn't dare move.

"Britt…" Santana whispered, "are… are you still awake?"

I slowly turned around to face her, not really sure what to make of the situation. As I turned she didn't move her hand, so as I rolled it slid onto my stomach, where it now rested. Our eyes connected with the same intensity they had the night before. It took me a moment to realize it, but there was an added twinkle in her eye; she had been crying. This jolted me to the core, and I sat up a bit, putting one hand on the side of her shoulder. I felt the same fire on my hand that was burning on my stomach where her hand lay.

"Yes, Santana. Yes. I'm awake. I haven't been able to sleep. Listen, I am sorry about what I said earlier, it was completely out of line. I don't know what came over me but I can see that it upset you, and…"

"Brittany, stop. It's ok." She took a deep breath and propped herself up with both arms. She blushed as she moved her hand off my stomach, as if she wasn't even aware it was there before. "I'm sorry it took me so long to say this to you…"

"San, my word vomit was only an hour or so ago. It's fine," I said, trying to lighten the mood with my description of the one-sided conversation in the car.

"No, Britt, I don't think you understand. I should have said what I'm about to say to you months ago." She stopped talking and buried her face in her hands, shaking her head as if she didn't believe what was happening. Instinctively and unconsciously, I put a hand on the closest part of her body I could reach, just wanting to touch her to give her encouragement and reassurance. I felt her shiver.

"Britt…" she faltered, "…please don't."

Santana said it so softly I barely heard it. I looked down and realized my hand was on her thigh. I quickly moved my hand, but I felt heat rise up to my cheeks and I instantly understood. We sat there in silence for another minute or two. The silence was deafening. Tension was filling the air and practically smothering me. Finally, Santana began to speak.

"Brittany, since the first day I met you, on the first day of middle school, I have felt a connection to you that I have never felt with anyone in my entire life. And as time has gone by, that connection has only grown, and our relationship has only become stronger. Over the past few years, I've thought I understood what life was about. I thought I knew who I was and who I wanted to be. But then, recently, you've brought out a side of me that I never knew existed. You're so kind, and so open, and so loving of everyone around you. And it's made me realize how guarded and angry I am. So I've been doing some thinking over the past few months. And what I realized is why I'm such a bitch all the time." She took a huge breath and paused for what seemed like an eternity. "I'm a bitch because I'm angry. I'm angry because I have all these feelings… feelings for you, that I'm afraid of dealing with, because I'm afraid of dealing with the consequences."

"San, I…"

"Britt, please wait. Please let me finish." I nodded. "So I've been thinking about all these feelings, and I've realized that when I'm with you, I'm not angry. When I'm with you, I feel real happiness, and understand what real relationships with other people are like. You make me want to be a better student, a better singer, a better friend… you make me want to be a better person."

"Oh San…"

"No, Brittany. You have to let me keep talking, please."

She sounded desperate, hurting. I nodded. I had never seen her feeling so vulnerable.

"You're so amazing. And I still have no idea what these feelings mean, or what I want them to mean, or if I even want them to mean anything, but they've just kind of boiled up. Every time you tilt your head to the side and smile at me with that captivating smile you have, I melt. Every time my skin touches yours, my heart starts racing and I feel like I'm on fire. I have been drinking you in every chance I get. But I've always tried to do it with subtlety, never wanting to make you uncomfortable, or risk messing up the friendship that we have."

She stopped and took a big breath, holding up one finger as if to signal that she isn't done.

"Tonight though, Britt, I don't know what came over me. You got into my car, and you just took my breath away. You have never looked so beautiful to me, so perfect. I was overwhelmed, and everything I had been bottling up for so long just came rushing to the surface. I messed up by getting you drunk, and then drinking so much myself. Somehow, in my fucked up head, I thought that being drunk would make things easier on me, on you… oh I don't know…" Her voice faded away. "I understand if you're freaked out, or if you hate me for really trying to take advantage of you or if you never want to talk to me again. Honestly, after tonight, I don't know if I'll be able to be around you as much anymore…"

The last sentence stung. I didn't know what to think, or how to react to everything Santana was saying to me, but I knew that I didn't want the result of this night to be that we would spend less time together.

"Is it ok, if I say something now?" I smiled meekly at her, but she didn't raise her head. I could see her shoulders rising and falling quickly, and I heard a faint squeak from her. She was crying again. I scooted across the bed and positioned myself next to her. I sat there for a moment, not quite sure of what I should or shouldn't do. We were sitting right next to each other, facing in opposite directions. Her crying intensified, and I realized that no matter what else was going on, this girl was my best friend, and I couldn't bear to watch her suffer anymore. I wrapped my left arm around her front and pulled her closer to me in an embrace. With my right hand, I tilted her head up from under her chin and started wiping the tears from her cheeks. I tried to force a smile, but I knew she wouldn't return it.

Finally, her crying started to subside and I wrapped my right arm the rest of the way around her. She rested her head on my shoulder, and after a few moments, I could sense her beginning to understand that I simply wanted to give her the comfort she needed. She returned the embrace, sliding her arms around my waist as well. After a while, I spoke very softly.

"Thank you, San. Thank you so much for being brave enough to be honest with me. I think we've both done enough talking for one night, but I will say that I promise you that everything will be okay. We'll figure this all out. Please, just don't shut me out. I don't know what I would do without you. You're my best friend, San."

I felt her head move on my shoulder and interpreted it as a nod.

"I don't know about you, but I'm exhausted now."

She lifted her head off my shoulder and looked up at me. I could tell by her expression, she agreed. We climbed under the covers, and I tried to fall asleep. Something was keeping me awake, though. Something didn't feel quite right.

I rolled over and looked at Santana. She had her back to me, and while we were lying a lot closer to each other than we had been earlier that evening, I still felt like she was miles away. I thought to myself for a moment, once again hesitating to do what I impulsively wanted to.

This is silly, Brittany. What are you doing? Why are you hesitating?

I moved myself closer to her on the bed, and I saw her stir as I moved. She was still awake. I laid down right behind her and pressed my body against hers, spooning her. I slid my left hand under her head and wrapped my right one around her stomach and settled my head into the pillow while embracing her. I had felt her freeze up when she sensed me behind her. I didn't let that stop me, and I knew it was all okay when I felt her put her own right hand over mine and interlock our fingers. She fell asleep almost immediately afterwards, because she started lightly snoring.

I couldn't help but smile.

This felt right. Now I can sleep.

And we did, with me holding her.