It's been pretty here the last couple of weeks, with two puppies we've been on near constant vigilance to get them housebroken and to keep the Border Collie from eating every pair of shoes we have.
This chapter was beta'd by the lovely MeredithBrody who was super helpful in getting Jon right, I don't write him very often and she's written him a ton and really well so go check her work out!
Tears for the Vulnerable
Chapter 4
Fault Lines
Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house.
But I put it out of my mind
Long enough to call it courage
To live without a lifeline.
- "Earth" Sleeping At Last
When Trip wakes the next morning there is one blissful second of piece, one second where he rolls over to pick up Elizabeth and slide closer to T'Pol to try and convince her to stay in bed just five more minutes. It's as he rolls over and nearly falls off the bed that the bliss is broken. He opens his eyes and feels the sadness settle back onto his chest, Malcolm is looking over at him nervously.
"What?" He mutters, pushing himself back onto the center of the bed and trying to sit up.
"Nothing," Malcolm says unconvincingly. "You just looked… comfortable."
"I was asleep Malcolm, I was probably comfortable." He grumbles.
"You were sedated." Malcolm says.
Right, sedated, after Elizabeth and Hoshi had left and he'd heard Phlox start talking to Malcolm he'd gone a little… off the rails. From the way his eyes and sinus' felt it was safe to say he'd been sobbing a good deal. "Where's Elizabeth?" He asks
"You sent her with Hoshi." Malcolm mutters, Trip presses the button to call Phlox.
The doctor appears carrying a bio scanner, and looking over him sternly. "Lay back down commander, I need to look at this leg, then we'll get you some breakfast." He says with forced cheerfulness.
"I don't want breakfast." Trip grumbles, laying back down on the bed. "I want to see my daughter, I need to see my daughter."
"You need to eat something, and the Starfleet Investigation team wants so speak with you, then we shall see about getting Elizabeth here." Phlox says, Trip glares at him, not fond of the chastising tone the Doctor has taken on.
"I don't want to talk to them, they can talk to Malcolm." Trip mutters, sitting back up as soon as the scan is over.
"They're going to speak with him as well but they need to speak to you too and you will eat before you do so. Now Crewman Cutler went to all the trouble to get you and Lieutenant Reed some food, so you will eat it." Phlox says firmly, Elizabeth Cutler sets a tray of food and some water on the small side table. Trip picks up the bowl of grits and looks down into it.
How was it that yesterday morning he'd been sitting with T'Pol at breakfast and trying to coax Elizabeth into eating this exact food. He remembers what T'Pol had said to him 'She'll be fine, she eats plenty of other things.', it was true, she did eat plenty of other things, sweet potato, mashed carrots, thickened plomeek broth and she was still nursed by T'Pol several times a day. He'd wanted her to eat grits. They'd been one of his favorite foods as a baby, and he wanted his daughter to like them, which was admittedly a ridiculous reason to try to convince a child to eat anything.
"You're Commander Tucker?" A female voice pulls him from his thoughts, she had dark hair pulled back into a tight bun and her uniform said Lieutenant Lathom, Starfleet Investigation.
"Yes Ma'am." He mutters, not taking the hand she's holding out. He sets the grits back on the table and sits back against the pillows.
"I'm Lieutenant Lathom, I'm here to talk to you about what happened on Eckankar." She says politely.
"Great." He says dryly, he doesn't want to talk to them and he's hoping if he makes that very clear that she'll leave him alone and ask Malcolm instead. He spares a glance over in Malcolm's direction and sees another Lieutenant talking to him. "So what do you want to know Lieutenant?"
"Well, I'd like to start at the beginning." Lieutenant Lathom starts. "What happened when you arrived on Eckankar?"
"Nothin' too unusual." He grumbles.
"Would you care to elaborate Commander?"
No. He wouldn't care to elaborate and he ensures it's present in his tone when he says: "We walked into the city hall to meet their president or whatever they were and everything went fine until we left."
"Did you notice anything unusual about the behavior of the Eckankarans?" She asks.
"Nope. Not a damn thing, we'd been told there was nothin' to worry about and it didn't seem like there was until we left." He grumbles.
"Okay, so what happened when you left?"
"T'Pol asked for permission to return the next day with a team of scientists to scan the plants in the botanical garden." He mutters.
"And did they agree?"
"Yep, they said we could return the next day and scan all the plants we liked." He reaches for the coffee on the side table and takes a sip of it to try to help the dryness in his throat.
"And as you left?" Her tone has changed slightly as she must realize they're approaching the inevitable question.
"We just said our goodbyes and left, T-T'Pol was taking some scans of some bush or something." He mumbles, his voice shaky and his throat dry as ever.
"Why would she have done that? She was going to come back tomorrow and scan plants." The Lieutenant prods further.
"Th-the bush had these real pretty dark purple flowers, k-kinda big, like a hibiscus or somethin'." He mumbles. "B-but they only bloomed right at sunset, sh-she wanted to scan them an-and I think she took a photo."
"A photo?"
"Th-thought they were pretty, she likes the color purple." He mutters.
"And right before the explosion, where were you and Lieutenant Reed?" She asks.
"B-By these big decorative rocks, th-they had the history of the capital c-carved into em or somethin'." Tears are welling in his eyes now.
"Did you have any indication that anything was about to happen?"
"No. W-we weren't payin' attention, I was tellin' Malcolm about Elizabeth. Sh-she's been doin' so well lately that T-T'Pol and I were thinkin' we might have another." He's crying again now that he's shared this arbitrary bit of information with her.
"Okay now –"
"Leave me alone." He snaps. "I did see anything and we both know it ain't your business to keep pokin' around!" He doesn't really care that it is her business, Starfleet Investigation are just about the only people he hates as much as the press.
"Lieutenant," Phlox says coming out from the office hurriedly. "Lieutenant I'm going to have to ask you to leave, I won't have you upsetting my patient."
"I'm sorry doctor, I just have a few more questions." Lieutenant Lathom says.
"Well they can wait, now get out of my sick bay. You can return in a few hours." Phlox snaps, Trip is for once relieved at Phlox's pushiness, it's spared him from even more upset. "Deep breaths Commander."
Trip gives him a glare too, deep breaths won't help him here. "Leave me alone. When can I get out of here and see my daughter?"
"I'd like to keep you another night, to ensure you're healing properly from your surgery, but if Ensign Sato will stay with you Elizabeth may spend the night here if you wish." Phlox says firmly. "Now eat something and I can get you something for any pain."
Hoshi wakes up sticky and wet, pushing the light back on she sits up and groans. The sloppy job of diapering Elizabeth she'd done last night as Trip woke up has come back to bite, the diaper didn't stay on and there was urine everywhere. Looking at the clock she's relieved to see she has time to strip the bed and shower, Elizabeth is still sleeping so she lifts her gently out of the bed, fixes another diaper on her and sets her in the play pen.
She decides it's best to just wash everything, even the pillow cases, though they were on the floor and are still dry. Pushing everything down the laundry shoot she checks to make sure Elizabeth is still sleeping before she goes to turn on the shower.
As soon as she's undressed and is about to step under the water she hears a cry, putting her robe on she quickly goes into the other room, Elizabeth is stood up against the play pen and is screaming loudly. She lifts her out of the pen and onto her hip.
"Shh, it's okay, you're not alone." She whispers, kissing Elizabeth's hair. The 11 month old clings tightly to Hoshi and cries for another few minutes. After she's calm she puts her fingers in her mouth and Hoshi sets her back in the playpen, now she can shower.
Or not, as soon as she's back in the bathroom the crying starts up again. "Did T'Pol ever leave you alone?" she mutters as she picks Elizabeth up again and sets her on the bed, maybe she can push the playpen into the bathroom. She tries this and it doesn't fit, but Elizabeth is calm again so Hoshi tries for a third time, with the failure of the third attempt she gives up and picks up the laundry basket. She sets it on the floor of the bathroom and puts Elizabeth in it.
This time Elizabeth doesn't make a peep as she steps into the shower and begins to wash, she's grateful for the smell of urine to be off of her but is still mildly annoyed that she can't even shower alone. She'd known Vulcans had taken attachment parenting very seriously but even T'Pol had to bathe didn't she? She tries to reassure herself that this is just a side effect of losing her mother, she's clingy, that's normal right? Surely she wasn't like this all the time.
She puts her bathrobe back on and returns to the main room with Lizzie, after first dressing herself she gives Elizabeth another bottle and dresses her in the dress she'd grabbed last night. It's apparent she was in a hurry because the dress is one of the ugliest things she's ever laid eyes on. It's a blue smock dress with puffed shoulders and a ridiculous strawberry print on it.
"Your daddy picked this out didn't he?" She mutters, running her fingers through Elizabeth's tuft of curly brown hair. She puts a pillow in the bottom of the laundry basket as well as a stuffed puppy that had been in the bag and sets Elizabeth in it to go to breakfast.
By now most of the crew has heard about what happened on Eckankar and many of them stare as she tries to eat breakfast and manage Elizabeth at the same time, though no one offers to help. Elizabeth seems more intent on climbing onto her lap then she does staying in the basket and playing with her puppy so Hoshi resorts to holding her in one arm and trying to finish her eggs with the other. By the time she's headed to the bridge she'd consumed barely half of it but at least it's something.
As she steps on the bridge she stops for a moment Lieutenant Markovna is at T'Pol's station. "What are you doing here?" Hoshi asks, trying to disguise her shock.
"I'm taking over the science controls until we return to earth." The Lieutenant says in a heavy Russian accent.
"Oh, right, well um if you need anything, just ask." Hoshi says politely, setting the basket containing Elizabeth next to her station. "Where's the Captain?"
"He is in the ready room." Lieutenant Markovna says absently. "Has been there all morning."
A seed of worry settles in Hoshi's stomach, he must still be really upset if he hasn't even come onto the bridge yet. She looks at the comm lines and raises her eyebrows, the Captain has one open but it isn't to Starfleet, it's too Enterprise's sister ship, Columbia.
Jonathan Archer hadn't slept at all that night, he'd laid awake to the sound of Porthos' snoring, and turned the events over and over in his mind, crying on and off and finally, at around 5 in the morning getting up and ordering the helmsman to turn the ship to Vulcan. He'd spoken to Starfleet the night before and had received permission to reroute to Vulcan for a funeral after receiving word that there was nothing left at the scene.
Finally deciding that there was only one person who could help him he'd put in a transmission to the Columbia at 7 o'clock.
"Jonathan," The smiling face of Erika Hernandez says to him. "This is a surprise." She quickly realizes it's not a very pleasant one as her smile fades and is replaced with a look of concern. "Is everything alright?"
"H-have you spoken to Admiral Gardner this morning?" Jonathan says shakily, sipping his coffee.
"No, we just got a transmission telling us to return to earth, I expect he will call though. Why? Has something happened?" Erika's voice is gentle, and her brown eyes study him with worry. He's always been able to trust her, even though it had been a long time since the two of them had dated, they'd always
remained friends and she always knew what to say.
"Th-there was an accident on Eckankar." He breathes. "An ex-explosion. T-T'Pol's dead."
"Oh Jonathan…" Erika breathes, her dark eyes saddening. "I'm so sorry."
"I-It was my fault." He says shakily. "I-I was assured b-by their government that it was safe s-so I made her go on the away mission."
"Jon," Erika says. "What happened?"
"Eckankar has been in a state of political unrest, but I was assured by their government it was resolved, th-that the terror threat was low. T-T'Pol wanted to stay behind, she said Trip and Malcolm could handle it just fine without her b-but I made her go, I wanted her to talk to the Eckankarans about getting a research team to the surface. Sh-she was walking behind Trip and Malcolm wh-when a bomb went off. I-If her last biosign was correct she was 2 feet from the explosion when it happened. Th-there isn't a body." He explains. "It's my fault she's dead."
"Jonathan." Erika says, softly but firmly. "It isn't your fault. Are Trip and Malcolm okay?"
"TH-they're alive, Phlox says Malcolm should fully recover within 6 weeks b-but Trip's leg was pretty badly broken. H-he'll likely have a limp for the rest of his life." He says.
"How's he taking it?" Erika asks.
"As expected, h-he blames me." He mutters. "And I don't blame him, I think he's right, that it's entirely my fault."
"It's not your fault, you were given information that was incorrect, Trip is just mad, he'll come round." Erika assures. "Are you okay?"
"No." He admits. "My XO is dead, she has a baby who will never remember her mom and I don't know that Trip will come back from this one."
"He will, Trip's a strong guy and he loves his daughter." Erika says. "Are you returning to Earth?"
"WE're going to Vulcan first, I have to contact T'Pol's ex-husband about Vulcan funeral rites." He sighs, wiping his eyes and putting his head in his hands. "I should've known Erika, I should've listened, if T'Pol felt going was wrong I should've listen to her because she's rarely openly gone against my orders to send her on an away mission."
"Jon, you can't beat yourself up about this forever." Erika says firmly. "I'll reroute Columbia to Vulcan, we'll be there in a few days."
"You don't have to do that." Jon sighs, he knows Erika has never been overly fond of T'Pol.
"I don't but I want to." She insists. "I have to get to the bridge, but I'll call you when shift ends okay?"
"Sure." He mutters. "Archer out." He turns off the comm line and looks down at Porthos. Pressing the button to look at T'Pol's contact list he looks through them until he finds the frequency on which to contact Koss. Looking at the time in the Vulcan capital of ShiKhar he sighs, it's around noon, he doesn't even have the excuse to wait until Koss wakes up.
The call is almost immediately answered by the round faced Vulcan he'd seen only once previously, when he and T'Pol had gone to Vulcan to look for her mother. "Captain Archer?" If Jon didn't know Vulcan's he'd say Koss was confused. "Is there any reason you're contacting me?"
"It's about T'Pol." He sighs.
"T'Pol? Is everything alright? I haven't spoken to her in nearly 6 months." Koss says, putting his hands behind his back. For an ex-husband he doesn't seem upset by this fact, perhaps he'd wanted out of the marriage as much as she had.
"No sir everything is not all right." Jon says heavily. "There was an accident on a planet called Eckankar. T'Pol was involved."
"Is she alright?" Koss says, perhaps Jon has gotten better at reading Vulcans or maybe he's making it up but he almost senses concern in Koss' voice.
"No, T'Pol is dead."
"Dead? Is her child alright?" He notices that the male Vulcan makes no mention of Trip at all.
"There was an explosion, T'Pol was right next to it, they haven't found a body but there's no way she would've survived, she was much too close to the blast." He says. "Her daughter is fine yes, she was on Enterprise when it happened, her…" What was the word for Trip? "Trip was injured but he's fine too. I'm calling to ask if you would mind making funeral arrangements for her. I know you two are no longer married but she has no surviving family on Vulcan."
"I offer my condolences to both the child and to Commander Tucker." Koss says, well at least he sounds sincere, though in Jon's experience Vulcans are very good at sounding sincere. "I will certainly make funeral arrangements, when will you be arriving at Vulcan?"
"In about a week. Thank you, if there's anything we can do…" he trails off, he's not sure there is anything, Koss and T'Pol aren't married, they don't have any kids and from the sound of it they haven't even spoken since before Elizabeth was discovered.
"Just one thing, I would like to speak to Commander Tucker and if possible come to Enterprise to meet her daughter." Koss says.
"I'm sure we can arrange that, I can patch you through to Commander Tucker now if you like." Jon offers.
"It's fine, I do not wish to bother him if he's still in the hospital, I can wait until the funeral." Koss dismisses the idea.
"Alright, we'll see you in a week. Archer out." He turns off the transmission and takes a deep breath. "Come on Porthos, we should get to the bridge." He stands up and opens the door to the bridge. Instead of going to take the Captain's chair he goes over to Hoshi's station, Elizabeth is sucking on the foot of her stuffed puppy.
"Is everything alright sir?" Hoshi asks, frowning up at him slightly.
"As much as it can be." He sighs. "Can I hold her?"
"Certainly sir, she's a little clingy this morning but she'd probably like to be held." Hoshi says, Jon lifts Elizabeth out of the basket and looks at her, even though she's not quite a year old she looks just like T'Pol. A mop of dark curls that would likely straighten, and her face wears a serious expression he hasn't seen on most babies.
"I'll sit with her for a bit Ensign." He says, taking Elizabeth over to sit in the captain's chair. He hasn't held Elizabeth very much, T'Pol was very wary to let anyone aside from her or Trip hold her when she was around but he knows a thing or two about babies from helping Erika with her infant niece a few years ago. "I'm sorry Elizabeth." He says, setting her on his knee and watching her play with her stuffed puppy, he wonders if she knows. She sure seemed to know. "I'm so sorry."