In The Shadow of The Flame

Chapter 4

Matt stood on the balcony looking at the same pond Kitty frequently gazed upon. The sun was just setting and it put off a gorgeous purple haze.

"Pretty isn't it?" Kitty stepped up behind him and slipped her hands around his waist. "Everyone's gone."

He raised his arm and pulled her around in front of him where he could look into her eyes. "I love you. You know that."

"I do."

"You and the kids.." He felt a powerful sadness in his heart. "He was just a boy. I ..I just couldn't get him to change his mind." He leaned down and buried his face in the small of her neck "He was just a boy" he murmured again. Kitty remained quiet as she held him. She knew he didn't need any fancy platitudes or sympathetic words. He just needed to feel the connection between them.

When he pulled back, he had a haunted look that she had not seen for a long, long time. "I need to ride."

Kitty nodded, "Bucks ready."

He placed his arm around her and quickly led her outside. Without a word, he lifted her up onto Buck, and pulled himself up behind her. Matt pulled her close, tucking her into the crook of his arm. "Hold on." with that he was off, down the long road and out into the prairie. Kitty wrapped her arms around him, pressing her head to his chest, she could hear his heart beating wildly. He held the reins in one hand and with the other he held her close, pressed tight against his body.

When the world started closing in on him, he would ride, full out, feeling the night air in his face and the freedom of the prairie. But then Kitty Russell came into his life he was torn when he needed to get away. Matt had trouble understanding the complexities of his dilemma but he found an answer. He needed to feel free but he also needed to feel her close. She was never afraid. Kitty always knew she was safe with him but the first time he took her with him, she was uncertain as to what was happening. They had ridden for miles, without a word, without a sound except for the wind rushing by. As the years went by, he found this release to be less and less necessary. It had been a long time since he had felt the need to outrun his demons. But the killing of Case Nubbins had revived the beast with a roaring vengeance.

Kitty knew when she looked in his eyes that he needed to revive the old habit and she had asked Calleigh to saddle Buck before going home. If it was like all the other times, and there was no reason for him to stray from his ritual, he would end up back at home. Just as she expected, when they arrived in town, he didn't stop until he reached their house.

Matt was done with his ride but he wasn't done with the demon that drove him. He reached up, pulled Kitty into his arms and climbed the steps into the house, finally stopping in the bedroom. Still having no need for words he let her down until she stood in front of him. There was a shaft of moonlight piercing the darkness and Kitty could see his eyes dark almost black with need. She remained motionless while he undressed her, layer by layer, until she stood before him naked. For a moment, he let his eyes travel over the body that he cherished and let his fingers lightly trail down the delicate curves. She was amazed at how quickly he was able to shed his clothing. Once again, he swept her up into his arms and laid her on the bed. Kitty knew what to expect, she had no fear from him. She stretched out beneath him, freely offering herself for his needs. Matt took her with nothing less than desperation. This was not the time for his playful lovemaking or even the sweet side of him. He needed to feel her body closing around him, consuming him, burying himself so deep inside of her that they literally became one. Each stroke powerful, determined in its purpose. Each one bringing them closer together, building up to voracious climax that would leave them breathless and him at peace. It was after that he would lay spent, with his head on her breasts. Kitty would tenderly stroke his hair and lay kisses in the mass of unruly curls.

"Better?" she whispered in a kiss

There was an almost imperceptible nod of his head. He wanted to tell her how much he loved her, how much he needed her and how she was the only person on earth that could get his world back on track but the words didn't come easy for him. "Kitty...I..."

"Shhhh." she run her hand down his back possessively. She knew. "Hush, it's all right now." she felt his arm tighten around her waist and felt his warm tears roll onto her stomach. "I'll always be here for you." the words came from her heart, her lips set them free.